Thursday, November 08, 2007

learnings from the Y

1) Just because there is a 3-foot gate in the nursery, don't expect this will be enough to hold back children who are adept at scaling things. If you're dropping your children off in the daycare center: stretch before you arrive, wear good shoes and be prepared to run.

2) Look in the mirror before you leave and think about where you are going. Although Crocs look great with my exercise gear, they are not the best shoes for scaling a 3-foot gate.

3) If the 78-year old man dressed in khakis with a long sleeve oxford shirt, belt, penny loafers and oxygen tank can spend 20 minutes on the StairMaster, you can, too.

4) Do an inventory on your exercise bag before you leave, or the night before - if you're working out first thing in the morning and will be bringing four small children with you. Otherwise, it is possible that what you *thought* was an exercise towel, will actually be a dust rag, and you will be blotting your sweaty face with something that reeks of Pledge.

5) If you happen to forget your iPod, a good mantra is "Before there were children, there was me. I love me! Me loves ice cream! Me eat ice cream if me work out. And 1, and 2, and 3, and 4. Again!"

6) Deodorant. It's a good thing. Even in a gym environment, something to combat offensive body odor is essential. If you don't do it for yourself, please do it for the people around you who must breathe to survive. Otherwise, you might wonder why everyone's face is turning purple and some lady is fanning a rag that smells like ... wood polish? ... in your general direction.

7) If you are a nursing mother: invest in a really good sports bra. Or some duct tape. Maybe both. You'll also want to avoid the ab crunch machine. Unless, your sports bra happens to be waterproof.

8) Relative to a house with four small children: locker rooms are extremely peaceful. Make room in your gym bag for a pillow. And a good book.

9) Don't over do it. Lifting too much weight or doing too many repetitions because "it doesn't feel all that heavy" and you are anxious to have "cut arms", may render your arms completely useless and you may need to request the assistance of a 78-year old man dressed in khakis with a long sleeve oxford shirt, belt, penny loafers and oxygen tank to heft your 20-pound baby in his 8-pound carseat in to your vehicle.

10) Dishwashing is a great activity to keep young children, who might otherwise cause trouble, entertained. It's especially great if you can't lift your arms up and over the sink.


  1. You are hilariously funny- and a genius at blogging! Thanks for the laughs!

  2. That is a riot! It sounds like your membership to the Y is a major success so far!

  3. Wow--it sounds like you are off to the GYM. Good for you. Keep it up.

  4. Weird - I just signed up at the Y this very morning. It is getting cold here in NE and as you know with multiple toddlers, although I only have two, getting out every AM is a must. Two hours of free childcare with my membership. I'm there!

  5. Too funny, Jen! I'm so glad you are getting out and getting some "me" time. Although my idea of "me" time is not working out. :) You are crazy girl! You did realize that now that the kids are three, all those classes you signed them up for aren't Mommy and Me classes. You get to drop them off and sit nicely and sanely in a chair while they suddenly morph into unrecognizable children that LISTEN and PAY ATTENTION to the teacher. You are going to love it there. Our Y has a ABCs preschool class 2 days a week for 2 hours. It's only a 100 bucks a month too! You should see if yours has that! You could bring your pillow!

  6. the ipod is a must. i even found a waterproof case for swimming laps. there's nothing worse than being in your own head for 30 minutes at a time.

    as for your gate-scaling progeny, oh, i'm sorry, i'm still laughing (WITH you, jen, WITH you!)

  7. Jen,

    I've been lurking on your blog for awhile and really enjoy your wit!

    A little tip from another big breasted girl - trying wearing two sports bras. It sounds (and looks) a little crazy but it definitely helps keep those puppies in place.

    Good luck!!


  8. i was giggling to myself, until i got to #7 and then burst out in a full fledged guffaw. it went downhill from there.