Wednesday, November 28, 2007

i'm in it up to my eyeballs

Gymnastics classes started today.

The class is only three miles from our house. The class began at 10:15, so at 9:15, I started the process of loading everyone in the car. I figured an hour gave us a plenty good buffer to get there and get acclimated before class began.

Some mornings ... actually, all mornings ... are extremely hectic. Once the kids have breakfast they are completely wired. They'll start pulling out random toys for the sake of pulling them out ... they'll fight over the random toys that they pulled out and that someone is actually playing with ... they'll try and unload dirty dishes from the dishwasher ... beeline to the ice dispenser on the fridge if they notice that I've left it unlocked for an "ice" tea party ... and pull every blanket, pillow and stuffed animal out of their rooms and scatter them around the kitchen ... while I'm trying to put dirty dishes back in the dishwasher, pick up ice from the floor and toss random toys back in to the appropriate baskets.

Then, sometimes, they'll take off the clothes that I've dressed them in and pull off the shoes that I worked so hard to get on their feet.

Once I got everyone dressed this morning and started walking out the door, Elizabeth and Carolyn both informed me they had to go potty. I corralled everyone back inside the house so the girls could do their business.

Then Henry had a blow out poop that required a complete outfit change.

Then William was really, really, really thirsty.

Then Elizabeth had partially disrobed because she wanted to wear the PINK shirt. And, her FLOWAH shoes. And Carolyn had disrobed because she wanted to wear something other than what I had her dressed in. I can't even remember anymore. I just know I looked down and she was standing before me in her Nemo underwear and a pair of purple socks.

I got the kids dressed again and put their shoes on.

I got everyone outside and loaded them in the car.

Then, I had to run in to the house at least three times to get things that I forgot.

My sunglasses.

My water.

The registration for the class.

I pulled out of the driveway, drove to the gymnastics class and as I was pulling in to the parking lot, remembered that I had forgotten the Baby Bjorn - which is a critical piece of equipment. I turned around and drove home. The kids are crying because I had been talking up their class with great enthusiasm, and now, they thought I was backing out.

By the time I get back to the class, it is 10:00 AM.

Elizabeth and Carolyn have to go potty. I let them use the potty in the back of the car. As I'm unloading William, Carolyn tells me that she has to go poo-poo in the potty. But Carolyn has never gone poo-poo in the potty. Not ever once in her life ... intentionally.

Since I promised the children brand new bicycles once they go poo-poo in the potty, it happens at least once a day that they will go poop in their underwear (or diaper) and then quickly try and dump it in the potty, themselves. Then they'll tell me "LOOK MOMMY. I go poo-poo in da POTTY!"

They don't quite grasp that going poo-poo in the potty means actually SITTING on the potty and going poo-poo from that position. Until they get that concept and take heed of my shrill shrill screams "No!! You don't take off a poo-poo diaper!! Only MOMMY takes off a poo-poo diaper!!", I have resigned myself to cleaning up some of the most awful messes you can possibly imagine.

Fortunately, this morning, I had a change of underwear for Carolyn. And an extra for Elizabeth who also went poo-poo. But not in the potty.

We get inside the gym at exactly 10:15. I'm feeling grateful that I gave myself a full hour to get there - when it should have only taken me eight minutes.

There is only one other student in the class. We are sitting around in a circle and the teacher is handing out little colored squares for the children to use as part of their warm-up routine. She asks William "What color would you like?" And William who is hunched over with a bright red faced replies "I go poo-poo." She gives me an unsure smile and looking back at William says "You want Pupu... Is that purple?" William shakes his head and says "NO! I GO POO-POO!"

While the teacher is trying to conceal her laughter, William straightens up and declares "I feel bettah now. I'll take ... uh ... bwue!"

But before he can take the blue square and rejoin his pint-sized gymnast class mates, I have to chase him down, pin him and change his diaper because he has taken off running away from me while yelling "You NO touch my poo-poo!!"

The rest of the class went fine. The kids take turns running through various obstacle courses. They are tumbling over padded blocks, jumping on a trampoline, swinging on a bar, walking on a beam, vaulting over small horses. Meanwhile, I am running in multiple directions - trying to keep them in line and deter them from wandering on to the basketball court.

After 45 minutes, the class is over. I have broken in to a full sweat and am already feeling sore from all the climbing, bending, spotting and running. But the class was a good thing. The kids took a 2.5-hour nap this afternoon and were in bed, sound asleep by 7:45 tonight. Which makes me happy. Because yesterday, they slept barely an hour and were still bouncing off the walls at 10 PM last night.

Tonight, as Charlie was filling the tub to give the kids their nightly bath ... and I was sitting on the couch nursing Henry ... Elizabeth ran out to see me. While she was standing in front of me, with her pants around her ankles she exclaimed "I go poo-poo on da potty!" I started frantically yelling for Charlie because I knew that she didn't go poo-poo in da potty.

I'm her mother and I just know these things.

Charlie comes running from the bathroom and scoops up Elizabeth. He quickly checks each of the toilets in the house and confirms that indeed, she has not gone poo-poo in da potty. He then returns to the bathroom and I can hear him groaning "Oh no. OH NO!! These children are like animals!!"

He then yells out to me "Jen, we have a problem. William has pooped in the tub, Carolyn has pooped on the floor and Elizabeth's poop is missing. I don't know where the heck the poop is, but I know that she went. Can you please go find the poop?"

I couldn't at the moment - because I was feeding Henry. But I yelled back to my husband that once he got the kids out of the tub and we put everyone to bed, we could pour ourselves a nice glass of wine and go on a poop scouting mission, together.

And well ... that pretty much sums up how we keep our romance alive these days.


  1. elizabeth's poop is missing? omigod, jen, i just spit diet coke EVERYWHERE...

    it's amazing how much trouble three little kids can cause.

  2. Jen,
    I don't think I ever commented on your blog before. I am however, a faithfull reader.

    This one (as have others) had me in stitches. The way you describe your 'adventures' is great.

    I always have to be careful not too laugh too loud for fear of waking my own little ones.

    Thank you for sharing your life with others.

  3. "Elizabeth's poop is missing..."
    That's the greatest line yet.

    "A poop scouting mission...?" How romantic. Might we expect another baby announcement soon?

  4. Please let us know where you find it...both for comedic value and future reference so us mamas who have yet to embark in potty training know what the good hiding places are for poop!

  5. Poop finding is awfully romantic. And I have to agree - I want to know where the missing poop was discovered!

    We love going to gym class - it might be hard work for me, but the naps it brings are TOTALLY worth it!

  6. This story is exactly why I am in NO hurry to potty-train my triplets. I hope you found the missing poop!


  7. Are you still convinced potty-training is happening at the right time? I'm thinking diapers are perfectly fine for now!!!

    Save your sanity!

  8. Jen- HYSTERICAL! I have no idea what is with the poop at your house. You know I've always thrown out their underwear if mine had an accident because I HATE poop. If I would have had your kids and not my own, they wouldn't have any clothes left!!!! :0

    I'm so glad you got the kids in a gym class. That was a very, very good move. I once had all four of mine in a Kids In Action class together. I renamed it, Mommy In Action. It's a hell of a work-out, ain't it?

    I can't believe your kids won't go for the new bikes! MAN, that's a heck of a prize!

  9. Synchronized pooping, it is just pure chaos. Charlie saying, "Oh no. OH NO!! These children are like animals!!" I'm still laughing. Oh thank you. I feel like I should be paying you, or taking a babysitting shift for you.

  10. Lately, I've had a real problem with seeing words and reading them as something else, entirely.

    For example, when MamaDB wrote that she should take a "babysitting shift" for me ... well ... I had to read it at least three times because I couldn't imagine anyone taking a "babysh*tting shift" for me.

    Must be the lack of sleep causing words to get all mixed up in my head.

  11. I just recently started reading your blog, and I absolutely LOVE it! You have me laughing so hard! The post office post was hilarious.

    I have BBB triplets that are nearly 16 months old, so I love reading your blog to see what is in store for me!

    - Kelli

  12. LMAO. I love your writing. Keep it up!

  13. Was it one of those mystery poops that disappear down the toilet; I hope that was the case.

    You have me in stitches!

  14. Oh man, I love you. Can I say that and it not be weird? Because I certainly don't mean it in any other way, but "you are great" and I love reading your blog. Glad you are back in full force...or your kids are...
    What is it with the blowouts EVERYTIME I get them all dressed and ready to walk out the door...its like they know!
    I hope the wine tasted yummy and that you found the missing poop....My Jackson does the same thing (and I didn't even promise a bike!) but pooping on the potty is a NO GO for some dreadful reason!

  15. Did you find it? Try the closet. That's where our older kid used to hide to poop.
    Wine and poop serching. That's a whole new form of intimacy.

  16. it probably wasn't, but it sounded like charlie was relatively calm when he said that the poop was missing and could you go find it.

    hilarious. my 8 month old started to poop in the bath yesterday and in my haste to grab her and dump it in the toilet, i tipped her upside down and bonked her head on the bowl. yikes.

    you can yell while nursing? if i did that she would whipe her head around and rip off my nipple.

  17. uuuugghhh...I know exactly what you mean about being exhausted and sweating after the gymnastics class. Gymnastics studios are designed for...well...people doing gymnastics as I discovered. I met a friend of mine at the local gymnastics studio for the "toddler open gym." We each had a two year old in hand and an infant strapped to our chests. We didn't get to say TWO WORDS to each other the whole time we were there. The gyms are BIG and our kids always were in different trouble. They had neat a six foot tall foam-block "staircase" that led to a two-foot wide bridge with NO RAILINGS that you walked across to go down a slide. How am I supposed to let a two year old climb that alone? Some of the mats cover OPEN CONCRETE HOLES IN THE FLOOR. The mats changed height every four feet. I felt like a mountain goat chasing him around as he tried to kill himself on one piece of dangerous toddler equipment after another. And he RAN from object to object...such as the 30 foot trampoline runway that leads to a foam wedge you can climb up to a six foot drop at the end. I chased after him to get him off a trampoline that had a "two kid at a time" rule and stepped on a mat that was over a gaping hole and sunk in up to my hip with THE BABY STRAPPED TO MY CHEST. I was exhausted and sweating after one hour. I have NEVER seen my two year old have such fun in my life. It was an amazing place...but in the future my agile HUSBAND can take him with NO baby.

    I was really confused by the 8-10 moms sitting on the floor in the corner completely unconcerned as their two year olds ran around this death trap of joy until my friend ran past me and pointed and said "nannies."

  18. OMG Jen, this is the funniest post yet.
    Romantic poop hunting! lol

  19. I don't think I've laughed this hard in a loooong time

    Thank You.

  20. The poop is missing. Where do you come up with this stuff? As my former co-worker said, you can't make this stuff up.

    OMG, I am still laughing.

  21. You are a riot. You take after my Father I think. Great story! How about taking the kids to Gymnastics in their PJ'S?

  22. OMG, this is hysterical!!! I can't quit laughing.


    It reminds me of the time that my twin brothers (at 9 or 10 months) pulled off their diapers to play and then ended up eating the undigested raisins in said diapers.


    We like to share those stories with their wives today. :-S

  23. But where WAS it? I'm dying to know. God saved my husband and I by letting us have ceramic tile while potty training both girls. SO easy to clean up.

    Saw a woman with GBG triplets at Costco today, and after recently stumbling on your blog through mamadb, I now appreciate the giant boxes of diapers, four containers of milk and determined, focused expression she had on her face.

    Thanks for the laughs!

  24. Um, please tell me you are going to share where the poop was. I am dying to hear this one.

  25. We didn't find the poop until I was putting clothes in the wash an hour later. The poop had been squashed on the inside of her pant legs, down by the knees.

    It was nothing that a little Tide couldn't handle. I should try using that on our rugs...

  26. That was hysterical. I know you're life is chaotic and tiring... but after a long day do you have the energy to laugh at all that's transpired? I hope you can because truly, your stories are comedy at it's finest!

  27. Precious and hilarious at the same time. Hooray for you that you can laugh about the merry mayhem and missing poops!

  28. Dear Jenn:
    I think I read through "most" of the comments so I am kinda gonna comment on getting out the door. I am a busy person so I set things next to or close to the door prior to leaving... i.e. the night before. Maybe a hook that you can put the baby bourne on the last time you use it the next before, same with water bottle or keys or whatever you need. I know it can't be in cute basket on the floor as that would last maybe 3 minutes? That has helped me when I am usually overwhelmed just getting everyone and thing OUT the door in the AM.

  29. I have to know if you found the poop. The other day Clara took off her diaper so she could have a peepee on da potty (yeah right) and we never found the diaper! My husband swears it had to have been clean and we just put it away... I think we'll find it when we move in three or four years...

  30. I am laughing so hard at this post! You are hilarious!

  31. Jen, That is really funny. My kids have all done the same. It is crazy but fun having triplets. Our trips are turning 6 in just a few months and life does get a little easier.