with a quick detour to pukeville

Having only made my theatrical debut today, I proudly present an unplanned encore.

With a re-reappearance of Participants:
Father
Mother
Child 1
Child 2
Child 3
Child 4
... with guest appearances by The Dog and Two Crazy Geese.

Scene is at the kitchen table. It is now dinnertime. The family has reunited after a rather rocky afternoon, following nap time. Father had taken Child 1 and 2 to Costco, while Mother remained at home with Child 3 and 4.

While Father was out shopping, Mother decided to take Child 3 and 4 and The Dog on a walk to feed the ducks. Mother grabbed the bread heels that had been put aside, a couple bottles of water, and The Dog's collapsible water bowl.

On the half-mile walk to duck pond, Child 3 ate two of the four bread heels and drank one bottle of water. When The Dog stopped to take a poop, Child 3 ran over and was in the process of picking the poop up, bare handed, before Mother swooped in with a bag narrowly averting a horrible disaster that would have put a prompt end to the outing.

Arriving at the duck pond, Mother ties The Dog to Child 4's baby carriage, before handing bread heels to Child 3.

Child 3 excitedly waves the heels of bread in the air, attracting the attention of several ducks and Two Crazy Geese. The Geese weren't crazy at first glance, but became crazy when they saw a small Child 3 with food and decided to charge.

Child 3 screams and runs the other way - Two Crazy Geese begin to follow - but suddenly, spot The Dog and take low flight in to the pond.

The Dog, who is securely fastened to Child 4's baby carriage, starts to run in to the pond after Two Crazy Geese, before Mother screams a few expletives and steps on The Dog's front right paw, effectively stopping The Dog.

After comforting Child 3 for several minutes, the Mother puts Child 3 down with the heels of bread and they proceed to feed the ducks and Two Crazy Geese, together.

On the walk home, Child 3 wants to *help* push Child 4's baby carriage. Child 3 is weaving in and out in front of Mother, and although Mother tells Child 3 to "Pick a side of the carriage and stay there" Child 3 does not listen. Eventually, Child 3 walks in front of a wheel and although Mother tries to stop the carriage, does not do so in time, and Child 3 falls knees first on the sidewalk. Screaming ensues once Child 3 sees tiny drops of blood.

Mother takes Child 4 out of the carriage and puts them in a baby carrier and puts Child 3 in the carriage for the rest of the walk home. Moments later, Father pulls up alongside and offers to drive Child 3 the rest of the way home. The transfer is made. As Father proceeds home, with Child 1, 2 and 3 and a car full of groceries, Mother can hear Child 2 screaming for "MOMMY."

The car stops. The doors open. Father climbs out, and releases Child 2 who runs over and climbs in the baby carriage. Child 2 seems happy, but seconds later is crying for "BUNNY." As Father is driving away, a stuffed bunny comes flying out the window and directly in to the hands of a now smiling, Child 2.

Arriving home, Child 1, 2 and 3 hack in to the box of dog cookies and feed The Dog at least five cookies, each, before Mother realizes what they are doing.

After a long, long, long time, everyone is finally herded in to the house. While Father is putting away groceries, he draws the conclusion that the freezer on the inside refrigerator is failing. All of the frozen goods are transferred to the outside freezer, while Mother sets about feeding Children 1, 2 and 3 ... and nursing Child 4.

But not before Child 1 does something (who knows what??) to Child 3 that makes Child 3 cry and makes Mother yell at Child 1, because Child 1 is now dancing around like a clown and acting very naughty.

Dinner is concluded and Father decides to make a strawberry and banana ice cream shake.

Everyone is happy.

Before the shake is fully consumed, Child 3 coughs once and then throws up all over the table, chair and floor. Mother and Father look at each other and say "oh no!"

Mother and Father have a lot of experience with throw up. They are both openly praying that this throw up is not the kind that will spread through the whole family and last for two weeks.

Father gets Children 1, 2 and 3 down from the table and ushers them in to the bathroom. He fills up the tub with water and then hollers to Mother, who is cleaning the kitchen, that Child 3 has thrown up, again. Meanwhile, Child 1, who hasn't pooped in two days because they are on a self-imposed poop strike (not to be confused with constipation), cannot hold it any longer and poops in the tub.

The tub is throughly cleaned.

Children 1, 2 and 3 are reloaded and scrubbed from head to feet.

Children 1, 2 and 3 are released from the tub. Their teeth are brushed, stories are read, sippy cups of ice water are handed out ... and Mother places waterproof pads all around Child 3 and hands them a bowl, just in case they were to throw up, again.

Mother realizes that Child 3 has a better chance of hitting a home run than throwing up in a bowl, but this doesn't stop her from hoping.

Mother is concerned for Child 3's health, but is equally concerned for the welfare of the new linen set she just sent a small fortune on.

Once Children 1, 2 and 3 are in bed, Mother and Father sit down, look at the shambles that is their home, and discuss how it seems life sometimes appears to be unraveling before them.

They question if it wouldn't be a good idea to fork out the small fortune necessary for daycare. They could both go back to work, make lots of money, and not watch their hair fall out and their possessions be destroyed, right before their very eyes. But then they remind each other that they LOVE this life they have chosen for themselves.

While they are trying to remember why on God's Green Earth they haven't brought in a team of trained professionals to help with the savages children, they eat a bowl of ice cream and watch TV, which is partially hidden behind ten loads of laundry.

Soon, they'll forget they had this conversation.

Until tomorrow night.