Friday, August 31, 2007

on the road to insanity

Because I have nothing better to do today, I am thrilled to present this sequel to my debut "the demise of patience."

With a reappearance of Participants:
Child 1
Child 2
Child 3
Child 4

Scene is at the kitchen table. It is lunch time. Mother is still wearing her pajamas, Father is wearing a bathing suit and his feet are caked with mud. Probably due to the HUGE mud puddle in the back yard that his children created.

Child 1, 2 and 3 are dressed and looking adorable. Child 4 is asleep in his bouncy chair.

Lunch of peanut butter and jelly is served.

Child 1 and 3 eat their sandwiches while Child 2 makes a choo-choo train out of raisins. When Child 3 is still hungry and Mother realizes that they have no bread, because although she bought one of everything in the new health food store yesterday - she completely forgot bread - she distracts Child 2 and swipes one of their PB&J squares.

This does not go unnoticed. Child 2 screams for their sandwich - although that Child never had any intention of eating said sandwich. Mother is in a dilemma because Child 3 will never give the sandwich square back and quickly licks it, to lay claim.

Mother instead makes a PB&J treat for Child 2 using blue tortilla chips which seems to appease the Child.

Although not a culinary genius, Mother is very resourceful.

Lunch is concluded. But not before Child 1, 2 and 3 have covered themselves with peanut butter. Mother gets a wash cloth to clean them up before nap time, and notices that Child 4 is just starting to stir from a brief nap and appears hungry.

Mother picks up Child 4 and becomes aware that they are soaking wet. And then, notices that the wetness is due to a blow out poop that is now covering them and the bouncy chair.

And Mother.

Father, meanwhile, changed his clothes and is on hold in the dining room with the electronics department trying to troubleshoot the fancy entertainment system he purchased last month. He whispers to Mother that he hasn't told them he has 2-year old triplets for fear it will void his warranty.

Mother wipes Child 1, 2 and 3's face and hands and puts them to bed.

Mother then bathes Child 4.

Mother repeatedly tells Child 1, 2 and 3 to go to sleep. PLEASE.

Mother finishes bathing Child 4 and sits to feed them.

After 25 minutes, Mother in her sing-song voice, softly inquires why Father is still on hold when his children are bouncing off the walls.

Father says something, but all Mother hears is buzzing, like her head is about to pop. Mother puts down Child 4 and goes to investigate.

Child 1 is asleep in their bed along with every single stuffed animal they own.

Child 2 is jumping up and down on their bed.

Child 3 is jumping up and down on their bed.

Mother threatens Child 2 and 3 that if they don't go to sleep, they will go in to the crib. The children laugh.

Because Mother doesn't like being laughed at, she picks up Child 2 and walks in to Child 1's room where the crib is located, but then decides that because she doesn't want to lower the mattress which has been raised to the top, nor risk waking up Child 1, she is in a predicament.

She remembers that she has a very small convertible bassinet for Child 4 in her bedroom.

She brings Child 2 in to the bedroom and rips removes the bassinet conversion, before depositing Child 2 in to the tiny crib.

Mother then tells Child 2 "GO TO SLEEP!!!"

Mother leaves the room and prays that Child 2 doesn't get back in to her make-up drawer, again. Not that it would really matter since Child 2 has already inflicted irreparable damage on Mother's makeup last week - when she used Mother's lip liner as a crayon all over the wall.

The same wall that Child 2 scribbled all over, today, with a dry erase marker.

Mother ponders where to put Child 4, who has been temporarily strapped to the changing table while she sorted out her other three children. She then decides to leave them where they are because the bouncy chair is covered with poop - and their sibling is in their bassinet.

Mother also doesn't want to put Child 4 in the crib in the same room with Child 1 because if Child 4 were to wake up - it would most likely wake up Child 1.

Who would then, wake up Child 2 and 3. And Mother would be very sad, indeed.

Mother retreats to the dining room and finds Father has finished his customer service call and is now asleep on the couch.

Mother realizes that every room in the house, minus her bathroom, is taken up with someone sleeping.

Mother asks aloud why she isn't sleeping and why she is still wearing her pajamas that are covered with poop.

Mother quickly gets dressed and then grabs her laptop to complete the conclusion of this theatrical production while hiding sitting in an empty tub and eating another chocolate covered biscotti.


  1. I have a great theme song for this production...
    "Mutual of Omaha's Wild Kingdom theme song!"

  2. When I am praying for my sanity tonight, I will also pray for yours!

  3. This and the previous one are SO SO FUNNY.