She wanted to know if we realized there was a beehive on one of our palm trees?
(Can you see it - on the far left stump?)
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A rather HUGE hive.
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A few years ago, when Charlie and I were visiting my father in Massachusetts for the Fourth of July, he told Charlie - over dinner one night - that he had a hive in his pool house that he was hoping his son-in-law could help him knock down. My father's grand plan was that they would wait until night, when all the wasps were sleeping. And then, they'd tip toe out to the pool house and hit the nest with some high potency Wasp Killer spray. But first, they'd dress from head-to-toe in winter gear so they wouldn't get stung.
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I wish I had been blogging at that point in my life, because I absolutely would have taken a picture of my husband, who was tasked with carrying the flashlight, which had been strapped to his head in the form of a headlamp. Charlie's job was to stand closest to the nest and shine his light so that my father could see where to spray.
None of this seemed very safe to me, but they were men.
And there were bugs.
And they had Wasp Killer Spray.
And it was night.
And they had just had a beer and they were feeling very confident.
And it would have taken a lot of duct tape to stop them.
As they descended to the pool area, I could hear the guys talking. "Look at 'em. There must be a thousand, sleeping peacefully. Those buggers aren't going to know what the hell hit 'em. Ready? Let's take out those bastards!!"
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(The light, which may I remind you - was strapped to my husband's head.)
I could see the headlamp go bounding across the yard, while my father stood in the pitch black pool house yelling, "Charlie! CHARLIE!! Come back! You've got the light!!"
The wrought-iron pool furniture which had been staged all around the pool house was knocked out of the way and two warmly dressed grown men were tripping and stumbling and trying their best not to fall in the pool while shouting obscenities as they tried to outrun the angry wasps that were now chasing after them. From the deck I screamed, "Charlie! Throw the lamp!! Get the light OFF your head!!"
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The next day, the men inspected their handiwork, and since the nest was saturated in Wasp Killer Spray and there were dead wasps all over the ground, they deemed that this operation had been a raging success. But, they both decided that the next time a huge nest of wasps settled on my father's property, it might be worth it to call a professional.
Hence, this past Sunday morning, Charlie and I made the unanimous decision that we weren't going to attempt knocking down this hive. And besides, if these were in fact honey bees - which we believed they were - we'd rather have them moved someplace instead of killed, if that was an option.
So we spent the next hour on the phone calling around to various bee removal specialists. We were quoted rates ranging from $150.00 to $500.00. Ultimately, we settled on the least expensive company that told us they would capture all the bees in a vacuum and move them to their honey bee farm.
Charlie and I imagined a high technology system with a low flow vacuum that would safely capture all of the bees in a system at the back of a truck. We imagined that the Bee Removal Specialist would be wearing a bee keeper suit and protective hat.
An hour later, Russ arrived on our doorstep.
Wearing short sleeves.
And carrying his altered shop vac.
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FIFTY THOUSAND.
He then set about removing bees with his shop vac, which was stuffed with rags so the bees couldn't fly out, once caught. He said he would bring the bees back to his farm and release them in to big white boxes so they could reestablish the hive.
He told me that when you are afraid of bees, your body puts off a scent and the bees will sting. But if you just stay relaxed, the bees will just fly around and not bite you.
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Which is why when Charlie and I did a run a few weeks ago on a country road and we could hear what sounded like a helicopter hovering over head ... and we looked up to see a black cloud of bees swarming five feet above us ... I remained perfectly calm while my husband took off running as fast as his legs could carry him.
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And seeing as my husband was in the house with the baby, I'd probably be the one to rescue him.
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Do you?
Since you never know when you might need it, whether at a pool or perhaps when a 79-year old bee technician shows up at your house, if you haven't yet left a comment on this post, you have until Monday.
OMG. Greg could totally do that for a profession. He's got a shop vac and short sleeves. We're gonna be rich!
ReplyDeleteHaha, that story was the best laugh I've had today!
ReplyDeleteOMG! Thank you for the hilarious story about Charlie and your Dad! When I started reading and saw the number of bees you had I got a little queezy just thinking about it (so glad you found someone to get the bees so they would not be killed). But then reading about the 'wasp removal' made me laugh harder than I have in a very long time. Just too funny!
ReplyDeleteI would have loved to see the wasp removal. I bet it was a hoot.
ReplyDeleteMy laughter at the wasp tale has left my kids convinced that I'm crazy.
ReplyDeleteYou've inspired me to take the next CPR class offered at the university where I work. I haven't taken a CPR class in three years and could use the refresher.
Holy Cow! That's a lot of bees! I don't think I would have been able to hang around taking pictures while he was getting rid of them - you're brave!
ReplyDeleteToo funny! You always have the craziest things going on! We've spent the WHOLE day sanding our deck so it can be stained. I keep hoping we do something FUN tomorrow :)BTW-you've definitely got me thinking about pool safety-thank you!
ReplyDeleteKate
Good for you not spraying the heck out of them. Ben and Jerry's keeps telling me that honey bees are endangered.
ReplyDeleteHere is a link to a picture of my husband in what he wears to go attack any wasps nest, also after a couple beers and also at night. For some reason he always takes a tennis racket with him when he does it.
http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_PV9zBUfRRFs/SeU0r5pE8AI/AAAAAAAAAl4/T2QEdNl7LTY/s200/Dec08Christmas+005.jpg
Wow. The crazy things men do sometimes. That is awesome. I'm glad that you had them rescued and didn't kill them all.
ReplyDeleteWe had a swarm hit out garage one Sunday afternoon. They were trying to swarm into the ski gear box that had a cut-out for lifting. I saw one random bee and about a 1/2 hr. later when I went back out to go to the grocery store there were hundreds. I jumped in my car; backed it out; closed the garage to trap them and headed out to retrieve spray. When I returned home it looked like a horror movie with bees lining the garage door windows. My dh sprayed them while I held door to the house open. He didn't don any ski gear though, lol!
ReplyDeleteInteresting --- my neighbor had a swarm the next week. She hired someone.
Glad the bees are gone and glad the guy completed the job safely.
Oh! Too bad you didn't call a beekeeper! Some of them will pay YOU (instead of the other way around!) to let them come and remove a swarming colony (the mass of bees) from your property, to put in a hive (the structure) at their place. I'm so glad you didn't kill them! Bees are this planet's "canary in a coal mine" and things aren't looking so hot these days!
ReplyDeleteThank you for the story of Charlie and your Dad and the wasp nest...I was laughing aloud! I love reading your blog, and I've gotten my mom hooked as well!
Gosh, that is a lot of bees. When we were living in San Diego, we had bees in our water meter (the one that is in the front yard covered w/a concrete cover). Luckily, someone told me that the county will come out and take them for free. Next time you have a nest, give them a call.
ReplyDeleteLoved the story about Charlie! Too funny!
This was so funny!
ReplyDeleteJen, that story was a riot!
ReplyDeleteXOXO AM
I was seriously wondering yesterday afternoon where bees live. I mean, I know they live in hives, but I had never seen a "natural" hive, only the man made ones. Thanks to your wonderful pictures I now have answers. :)
ReplyDelete