charles in charge

My husband was pretty wound up when I arrived home from work tonight at 6:30. I had planned to be home much earlier in the day, but was unable to leave a meeting as soon as I had anticipated. The triplets were literally bouncing off the walls when I walked in, and moments before I arrived, in the split second Charlie had taken a pizza out of the oven and turned to put it on the counter, Henry quickly crawled over and stuck his hand on a hot oven door.

The baby was crying.

The triplets were brawling.

The poor guy was frazzled.

Together, we put the children to bed and just as we finished a glass of wine to unwind from the day, we heard William call out that he had wet his pajamas, Elizabeth call out that she needed her TWO bunnies, and Carolyn call out that there was a big poop in her bed. When I went to investigate, I discovered that she had TAKEN IT OUT of her diaper and lost it somewhere under the sheets. While I searched and searched for the elusive poop, all I could think was thank heavens for wine because I might not have been able to handle that situation very well if I hadn't been a tiny bit intoxicated.

Later, I convinced my husband to sit with me tonight and tell me the details of his day. Perhaps he would find that by putting his day in to "words" it would help him see that things really aren't as bad as they might seem when you're in the thick of it.

So, he did.

These are his words.

I took the kids to the YMCA to go swimming today. The swimming part was fine, but it's the locker room that gives me trouble because men are pigs.

While trying to get Elizabeth dressed, I noticed an old, damp multi-colored pair of underwear in the corner and before anything even happened, I knew there would be trouble. Before I could stop it, Elizabeth picked them up, smelled them and yelled "EWW! PEE-PEE!" And I'm yelling "AAAARGH!!! DON'T TOUCH ANYTHING!!!"

This is just what I say whenever we go in to use a public restroom because men.are.pigs.

I mean, we don't need to sit on the things, so who cares if our aim isn't perfect?

I'll tell you who cares! Fathers who have to bring their little children in to use these bathrooms. What do you do when you have a kid marching in place and saying they have to pee? You've got to put them on something. It's not like you can just hold them up. I tried it once and it didn't work.

You know, I really notice differences in people. For instance, when I have the kids women will turn and say "Oh, how cute! Can I help you?" But I don't get the same reaction from men. Old men in the locker room have NO qualms about disrobing and walking by - totally naked - mumbling under their breath "What are these kids doing in here?" while my precious daughters stare unblinking and wide-eyed and all I can think is "Oh GOD please let me just get them dressed and OUT OF HERE."

I truly feel that being a stay at home parent is the hardest job in the world. You've got to keep your head on straight. You've got to be able to roll with the ups and downs and not go completely off the deep end when your child unrolls an ENTIRE roll of toilet paper in the toilet. I mean, come on! WHY do they do that stuff?

It's the small things that add up and you find yourself pulling your hair out over something that if someone saw from the outside, they might not think it is a big deal, but it IS. When you're IN IT, it IS a big deal. Then, I've got these kids that are looking at me to be even keeled and man, that's hard. You can't just shove them outside in the back yard and lock the door.

I tried that once too and it didn't work, either.

All I can say is I'm really looking forward to going in to work tomorrow.