potty training boot camp

Potty training boot camp (PTBC) started last weekend.

We went cold-turkey on diapers. Essentially, putting them completely away except for when the children took a nap or went to bed for the night.

Very soon - pretty much immediately - we could see that potty training our trio, with the possible exception of Elizabeth, was going to be no easy task. I suspected that there were going to be problems when after pumping fluids in to them for an entire morning ... they would throw a fit if I so much as suggested they sit down on the potty for a few minutes.

There have been a load (no pun intended) of people tell me that they had their child potty trained over the course of a weekend. Other people have told me that one day, their little child no longer wanted to wear diapers - and that was that.

Since potty training wasn't entirely successful during the time my mother was here, and since none of our children have come out and told me that they are ready to bid farewell to their diapers ... I thought I'd give it a little more time.

Because I've heard that (most) children will embrace potty training at around three years old (which we almost are), I had really high expectations that our trio would be through with diapers - once we went cold turkey - in a matter of hours. That was before I fully understood the attachment that our children have to their Pampers.

Although there was once a time that our children's digestive systems were totally synchronized and they would all have dirty diapers at about the same time every day - in the past year, that synchronization has gone the way of the Dodo bird.

It always seems to happen that someone will have a dirty diaper during our morning walk to the park. And then, I would just be ready to load them in to the car and drive somewhere, when I would notice that someone else had a dirty diaper. And then, just as soon as I'd put them to bed for the night someone else would need to be changed. So instead of having three dirty diapers once a day - it seems like they are scattered throughout the day.

I am constantly changing diapers.

CONSTANTLY.

However, since we've started PTBC, all three of them will go at precisely the same time. Because, as it turns out, they're holding on until I put them in a diaper for bed. And then, they have the audacity to lie about it.

When I ask them "Did you go poo-poo in your diaper?" They'll shake their head vehemently and point to everyone else in the room. They'll thoroughly deny that they dirtied their diaper, even though visible fumes are emanating from their back side. These children are oh, so smart. They might have some people fooled in to believing that they are totally naive, but NOT ME.

They know darn well when they need to go, when they are going, and where they went.

As for yours truly, ever since PTBC has begun, it's a guessing game once I see dripping underwear to figure out where and when they went. Usually, I find the spot once I start slipping across the floor. It's a darn good thing we no longer have carpeting because I would have ditched this whole potty training effort the day it began.

But I am steadfast and determined.

Which is another way of saying stupidly stubborn.

Yesterday, while Charlie was at home sick in bed battling a fierce head cold, I loaded up all four children and took them to out. The purpose of the outing was to purchase a third, matching potty chair ... because although we had three potty chairs ... they weren't all exactly the same ... and unbeknownest to me it is impossible to sit on a chair that is not completely white with a little bear on the front.

I also purchased a much smaller, completely white potty chair with a little bear on the front, to put in our car so I would always have one available.

Assuming we ever get to that point where our children go in a potty.

We then headed over to another store where I purchased $56.00 worth of character underwear. My logic is that if the children had some say in their underwear selection, and if they had a specific character that they like all over them, they would be less likely to get them dirty.

So, with these goals in mind, and with mounting desperation for the sake of our new hardwood floors, I took all four children shopping.

Although I remembered to grab my camera, I completely forgot to grab the straps for the safety harnesses. In case you didn't know, safety harnesses do absolutely NO good without a strap attached.

It's like trying to fly a kite without a string.

Or, being 20 feet underwater and having a scuba tank without a regulator.

But I had my camera. How's that for priorities?? Don't think for a minute I don't care about you people in blog world.

Once William picked out his Shrek underwear ... Elizabeth had her Dory & Nemo underwear ... and Carolyn had her princess underwear - they all were so, so very happy. They told me over and over and over again just how happy they were. We weren't in the house for two minutes, and they were trying to pull their new underwear up and over the clothes that they had on.

When I asked them if they would keep their new underwear clean and dry, they all nodded in agreement. Of course they would!! How could they possibly dirty their favorite character?!

That would be sacrilege!!

But apparently, it is acceptable to pee all over the floor and then deny that the puddle they are stomping around in, came from them. Or their sibling.

William repeatedly told me "No poo poo on da ogre!" So I'm guessing one of two things are going to happen. Either the kids will embrace their new potties and learn to "let go" in a parental approved location ... or, they'll hold it from the time they wake up until the time they go back to sleep.

I think the fact that I took all four of the children to two separate stores by myself to get the proper equipment, shows just how desperate I am for this to be a success. With one week of PTBC behind us, the one piece of equipment I really could have used is a pair of boots with no-slip soles for myself.