Monday, July 02, 2007

on the brink

"Things" are definitely starting to happen, but whether or not the baby will come before Thursday remains to be seen.

The greater question is whether or not the baby will arrive before or after my family commits me to an asylum.

I had an ultrasound and non-stress test this morning. The baby looks great, my fluid levels are fantastic and I'm contracting like a mad woman.

Which is only appropriate, because every one thinks I'm going mad.

Like the guy at the grocery store who cut me off in line. Even though I was walking extremely slow and 25 feet away - it should have been blatantly obvious that I was aiming toward the checkout line. I loudly exclaimed "What kind of yoo-hoo cuts off a 9-month pregnant woman?!!" Unfortunately, he didn't hear me and was already checked through when I waddled up with my cart five minutes later.

Or the guy at the post office, who I criticized when I watched him hastily walk 20 paces in front of his young daughter and not once turn around to make sure she was still there - or hold the door open for her. My comment to that chump was "People these days are like a school in the summer. No class!!"

Or the people at Kitchen Aid who I blasted on the phone this afternoon, when the service representative, who was suppose to be here "first thing in the morning" to repair our dishwasher, had not shown up by 2 PM. I'm not even going to tell you what I told them. But it wasn't nice. And from my last calculation, I owe the curse cup my next two paychecks.

Last night, my mother prepared a wonderful turkey dinner.

I took one look at the 11 pound bird and had a panick attack.

It then dawned on me that in the event I am successful with a VBAC, we haven't had any birth training.

We haven't taken a single lamaze class and I have absolutely no idea where any of my books on pregnancy and child birth are located.

After ripping apart our library yesterday ... I fear I gave them all away.

Which is a problem considering I don't think you can actually give birth if you don't know what to expect.

I don't know how to breathe.

I certainly don't know how to relax.

And one look at that turkey makes me wobble.

If only this baby could apparate out of me, life would be swell.

When Charlie tried to reassure me by saying that I could opt for a c-section at any point, I told him "I'm fairly certain that the term 'caesarean' comes from Julius Caesar. And although there is no concrete evidence that Caesar was born by a c-section, I think they have dubbed it that because Caesar was cut up. I don't want to be cut up. I don't want to have this baby cut out of me!!"

Charlie rolled his eyes and told me that I was over reacting. To which I responded, "I am not over reacting. Et tu Charlie. ET TU!!"

I think I need an epidural.

Right about now.


  1. Only thing you need to know about breathing, is to remember to do it (uh, in and out?) while you are giving birth! In my experience, all the Lamaze class breathing stuff goes out the window ... along with most of the other stuff you "plan" for your labor or delivery. So you have a head start on most, not having to tear up a three-page birth plan ;-) Go along for the ride and have fun! The details are, well, just the details and don't matter once that babe arrives.
    On the practical side, at the peak of labor, I found breathing to be the hardest part, and it helped to have my husband count (loudly) in my ear ... "In, 2, 3, 4 ..... out, 2,3,4" so that I could focus just on getting enough air in my lungs.
    And while we would all love to do it without an epidural, I ended up having to have one (after 16 hrs of labor). So glad I did: I got to participate more fully in Tau's birth (and watch him be born!) because I wasn't paralyzed by, and focussed on, the pain. I'm sure others will have other experiences, but that was the best thing about the epidural. I'd do it all over again (the epi) just for the joy of watching his head crown.

  2. I didn't know how to give birth - to be honest, I didn't know how to push. No one knows how to do that the first time around! Mark & I even went to 6 weeks of childbirth class. Just remember one thing... "TACO" - If your water breaks at home please note, so you can tell the L&D people over the phone:
    T - Time
    A - Amount
    C - Color (it should be clear as gin)
    O - Odor (it should have none)

    That was on our final exam for the so-called class. Good luck, as we are thinking about you every second of the day!


  3. This baby is going to be a Yankee Doodle Dandy.

    Don't worry about birth training...I never had any and my twins and my singleton were born with no problems. THe nurses will help you.

    Good luck!

  4. Ohhhh you're so close! Definately get the epidural, breath & let everyone there help you :) I'm so excited for you ~ I'm checking your site everyday. Best wishes on a healthy & speedy delivery! Tam

  5. babies are long, thin and slippery, very unlike a turkey.

    I took Lamaze, it didn't help, you'll be fine. You have toddlers, surely you know how to patiently count to ten, backwards, in chinese, so you don't go balistic. That will help :)

    Sam would be a great name, born on the 4th ???

    you'll do great, I can't wait to hear all about it {{{{HUGS}}}}

  6. Really, those birth classes didn't help at all, I forgot it all as soon as I was in labor. If you are having trouble breathing ask a nurse to help coach you. And they didn't tell me how to push in those classes either so my first I was pushing all wrong (probably part of the reason I ended in a c/s) but my second someone gave me the tip that you push just like you are having a large bowel movement. Silly, but works and easy to remember, I was able to push so much better the second time (my vbac). Oh and I had an epi the first time, but not the second. Epi's are wonderful at getting rid of the pain, but it was nice not to have it the second so that I could move and push better, although it was the worst pain of my life lol.

  7. Jen- If I ever would have tried to tell Greg I didn't want a baby CUT out of me he would of said, "Uhmmmm... you've already had THREE cut out of YOU!"

    I don't get away with much.

    I'm going to go Google Kitchen Aid and see if your blog is coming up now. How are they going to like that PR?

    Good going on the contractions. I'm sure cavewomen didn't have birthing classes. Yet, they gave birth, right?

  8. Women have been giving birth since the dawn of time, so there is no way to actually learn to do it. you just need to listen to your body as much as possible. Try to tune in to what your body says. I know when I was in labor with my second baby, it really helped to move around and be in lots of different positions. And taking a hot shower helped, too. Making lots of noise (low, moaning sounds) really helped me cope with contractions without freaking out. And just remember to breathe and deeply and slowly as you can. Don't be afraid to ask for what you need. My midwife had to press my hips together with every contraction, and it really helped. You'll be fine, just remind yourself that you CAN do this!

  9. Funny geologychic, I craved taco's BADLY when I was in labor, and I hadn't eaten in 14 hours, and they wouldnt let me eat anything but yucky jello. Damn rats!!!!

    Epidurals ROCK - GET ONE!!!!! You'll spit that little booger out in no time, and you wont even feel a thing! And if the nurse/doc says push, you push. If they say stop and breathe, you just stop and breathe. As long as you have an epidural, its a walk in the long as you dont vimit from it. :)
    Oh, and pooping on the table??? happens to the best of us. They just clean it up and whisk it away like nothing ever happened. :D

    Feel better yet?

  10. LOL! This post sounds brings back such fond memories of my last days of pregoness! I did not take a single class, the nurse was a wonderful coach! And the world will be kinder when that baby is breathing O2!

  11. I took zero birth preparation classes, not that I hadn't wanted to but I was scheduled to be induced 3 weeks early (the classes were to start the next day!) I think it actually made my birthing experience easier because I wasn't trying to remember what I had been told to do and instead was able to go with the flow of my body. I only had to push 5 times and there was Natalie!

  12. I agree with sweetpea 100%! Your mind may no know how to have a baby -- but your body does! You don't have to decide about an epidural now -- you may surprise yourself. And for what it's worth, if you are able to move around and be upright, your VBAC chances are increased!

    I'm have been reading your blog for a while and I'm so glad you are going for the vbac! When I had my vbac it was the most joyful and empowering experience of my life. And even if I'd ended up with a c/s, I would have been so glad that I tried!!!

  13. Agree with sweetpea, too. Your body knows what to do...listen to it! And I'm pretty confident Lamaze never worked for anyone. It can even make you hyperventilate! I've been practicing closing my eyes and breathing steady deep breaths while picturing the air going into my lungs and the oxygen out to all the parts that need it. That's how I plan on relaxing during labor...closing my eyes and picturing all the things going on inside my body, things that thank God it knows how to do instinctually.

    Good luck! So excited...hope your little firecracker gets here soon!

  14. vety the nuts mom7/3/07, 9:35 AM

    Seriously. EDGE.OF.MY.SEAT.

    You're in my prayers and thoughts and you'll be fine. You're such a strong cookie you'll be a pro when the time comes.

    You know, I started to panic too and then I remembered that episode of the Cosby show with John Ritter and his real life wife. She does this hilarious breathing that I still remember! I did that breathing when I thought I was having a contraction and the nurse just about peed laughing at me.

    "Hee Hee Hoooooo....Hee Hee Hooooo"\

    Mind you, she only laughed because that was one of her favorite episodes....or so she said.

  15. vety the nuts mom- LOL, that's actually the breathing my nurse had me do in transition when I started getting out of control and it worked for me!

  16. I think what you are doing is amazing.

    While they sat me on the table in the operating room, about to deliver my second child by scheduled c-section, I just felt that this was deeply wrong.

    I have deep regrets about not giving VBAC a try. I wish I'd had the courage to do what you are doing. Good luck to you, and happy birthing!

  17. Oh, girl. I hear you! Hang in there! (or out there, or whatever!) You can do it!

    Hope you have an Independence Day baby!!!

    Contractions starting is a really good sign - mine were going on at the nonstress test, too - they didn't get particularly regular or painful until about 36 hours later, but the baby's birth was imminent. And wanting to kick everyone you meet, see, talk to, or who otherwise gets in your way - also a good sign! :)

    You are awesome for seeing this through!

  18. It's me, your due date sister! :)

    I have felt like I have been on the brink of labor for about 2 weeks now. NO LUCK SO FAR! As for the nipple stimulation....if you have a breast pump, I heard that works the best. Believe me, I have no need for sex right now either. However, each night (although few) that we have had sex within the last couple of weeks, I have woken up with contractions. Coincidence??? I don't know.

    Although I don't have the time constraint you do, my heart doesn't know it. I WANT THIS BABY TONIGHT!!!!! I pray that your labor starts ASAP! (and mine as well)

  19. I am sure you are going to have a 4th of July baby (to commemorate your independence from this pregnancy!) LOL.
    Good luck Jen-
    Linda (Chicago)

  20. Have faith hun - apparently your body knows what to do - well, that is what people are telling me anyhow. breathing is out of fashion according to our parenting class intructor and all they care about now is what position you are comfortable in (I said I would be more comfortable on a beach in Bali while my husband has the baby but apparently that is not an option).

    I am hoping by the time my bub is due they will have perfected the star trek "beam me out of there" method. Let me know how the apparate method goes for you!

    Wishing you all the very best. Can't wait for your good news.