eyes on the horizon

I went to my first gymnastics class tonight. Which was more like an open gym for adults who wanted to come and play on the various equipment. Coach Jack, who coaches the boys team - and happens to be William's instructor - coordinates the Friday night work out and recognized me when I first walked in. He introduced me to the one other "mom" that was there, a woman by the name of Deborah, who has a daughter on the gymnastics team.

Within seconds, it occurred to me that I was the least-in-shape person there.

On one side of the gym, there were women in their 20's doing front flips over a vault. On the other side of the gym, there were men in their 30's doing tumbling passes that defied the law of gravity. Coach Jack jumped up on the pommel horse and my new friend Deborah was doing back walkovers on the beam.

And then there was me.

Thirty six inches off the ground, clutching the beam with my toes, and cautiously doing a dip step. Coach Jack kept repeating, "Keep your eyes HIGH. Don't look down or you'll lose your balance and fall."

(Notice the purple toenails that have yet to fall off.)

I tried the bars.

With the baby ramp on the bottom.

And yet, I still couldn't get myself over without assistance.

I definitely have work to do. But Coach Jack says I'm close. Although, that could be, "Close to throwing your entire body out of alignment and breaking a limb."

But next Friday night?

I'll be back.

******

Totally unrelated, this is a picture of William wearing his new uniform which consists of a baseball hat, sunglasses and a lone strand of beads. He'll randomly give the peace sign and tell people, "I'm a ROCK STAR."

This has been a hectic week for us, with busy work schedules and me trying to wrap up loose ends before I depart on a business trip, next week. So today, when Charlie and I were arranging our schedules - and I was feeling (very) flustered with our lack of time - I overheard William whisper to my husband, "Dad, it sounds like Mom is getting a little fwustwated. Whatever you do, don't look her in the eyes."

It really cracked me up to hear him say that, but it also bummed me out.

It feels like I've been under a lot of pressure and I've had less patience than I had before. This could be a function of work. Or, it could be a function of having three four-year-olds and a two-year-old. Who are very adorable. And also, at times, very challenging. Perhaps it's a combination of everything at varying proportions.

But whatever the case, this week - in particular - has been tough.

I feel like I've been looking down a lot. I've been getting bogged in the minutiae and losing my balance. As a result, I've taken a few hard falls off the beam of life. Sure, I'll get up and keep going, but the image that I had of myself as a patient and compassionate parent (and spouse) is feeling pretty bruised.

Why, I like to think that the reason Carolyn has added a string of Rosary Beads to her everyday attire, is because she wants to be closer to God.

And not because she's looking for heavenly protection from her crazy mother.

(Who is so, so, so thankful she didn't wear her leotard to gymnastics, tonight. Maybe next week. Or never.)