Monday, October 06, 2008

the best thing to ever happen to me

I wasn't going to post tonight. I was planning to go straight to bed. But then I was thinking about the date - and I'm nothing if not nostalgic - so I decided I'd do a tiny post.

Now, I could wax some serious poetic on this topic, but it seems that the bug I've had for the past two weeks, that I thought was on it's way out over the weekend, has come back swinging and landed me in the doctor's office this morning. Since then, I've made all kinds of promises about trying harder to get at least eight seven hours of sleep at night and I must stick to my word. But before I slip in to a healing slumber, I feel it is necessary to reflect on how my life is so different than five years ago on this very date.

Five years ago, Charlie and I were gearing up for our first round of IVF.

That cycle didn't work out.

Nor did the next one.

We were crushed.

I was crushed.

Our bank account was crushed.

I didn't think it would ever happen. I didn't think that I would ever become a mother. I didn't think that we would ever have a family. I didn't think that I'd ever know the joy of waking up on Christmas morning and have a child to share the magic. All around me, people were having babies and we remained heartbroken and childless. Year after year. After year. After year.

(After year).

I certainly didn't think that there would ever come a day where we would fill up every child's seat at the local hair salon.

One out of six couples is struggling with infertility. If there is a child in your heart, don't give up. However bumpy and pit holed that path to your dream may be, don't give up. When you are laying on the couch - unable to move - and your much longed after child leans over and gently kisses your forehead and rubs your hair while whispering that they hope you feel better, and then points out that you have a big boogie in your nose, all of the pain and suffering and tears shed to bring that child in to your family will be well worth it.

I mean that with all sincerity. And although it may not seem possible, you'll love them a smidge more when they run and get you a box of Kleenex.


  1. so sweet. Great post (sniff sniff). :)

  2. Thanks for that! I needed to hear something positive as we gear up for another IVF (for our second child) in November. The last BFN was so so so hard to deal with, and I'm struggling with the idea that we may not get to increase our family. I love your blog and rarely comment, but I think that you are an amazing mother and I wanted to say thanks for sharing your life with total strangers!

  3. Sounds like you have some very loving nurses helping you. Hope you feel better soon.

  4. Karen in Buffalo10/7/08, 7:50 AM


  5. You are so so right. We did have a hard time getting pregnant, but not nearly as long as you did. I feel blessed that I have one beautiful son, through the good and bad.

  6. Thank you for this post Jen. Infertility is a heartbreaker. We struggled for a very long time with IF. Now that we have our little Monkey, would I go back through the 11 years of heartache, psycho-inducing IF drugs, miscarriages and money that it took to get our little one? In a heartbeat. If God has ordained us to be parents to only this one little guy, is it enough? Yes, for me it is. Does our baby erase the years and years of heartache built up with our IF journey? No. THAT will never go away. But he does ease the pain until I go Home.

    Bottom line: I have more than I deserve...and I am so grateful for every little moment with my son, good and bad.

  7. I suffered from secondary infertility which sometimes made me feel like a complete outsider in the "infertility club". We eventually chose adoption... or rather adoption chose us! God blessed our family in ways we could never have imagined through the gift of adoption.

  8. I hear you. My little boy (that came to us via adoption) just called me by my first name while I was reading this and said, "Michelle. You're my best!"

    They turn the agony of IF into so much joy. But it's so terrible in the meantime. I ache for all those still waiting.

  9. Thanks for sharing.

    I think the haircut place is so cool!

    And what is a Z pack? Is that what they call Zithromax where you are? Or another drug?

  10. Who would have thought with all that IVF--that you would have 3--count em--healthy babies. What a miracle.
    I have to say that I had my doubts when I first saw them and was afraid to pick them up. In this case. The child and child in law--taught the Mom. What a nice ride to see them doing so well. Enjoy every day.

  11. what a beautiful post! i've only dealt with minor glitches in the system (both primary and secondary infertility) but it leads me to only begin to guess what it's like for those who deal with so much more. i believe that because of my minor struggles, i appreciate both of my children more, and i try to share that with others as often as i can. don't take this baby-making thing for's a beautiful thing!

  12. Going through infertility and the fertility treatments is so rough. I think it's fantastic that you had a great outcome (times 3). The kids are definitely worth all that we suffer through for them.

    We are currently back to the fertility treatments (medicated IUIs) to try for our second child. I have high hopes, since it worked for us before. It's not easy, but really is worth it!