Wednesday, June 24, 2009

what's in you wednesday

Charlie had to run to the office for a few hours today, so I took the children to our local park.

They rode their bikes there. Which they often do, because although it's dangerous to ride around our neighborhood - what with undulating sidewalks and driveways spaced every 10 feet - there is a nice path, about six feet wide, that goes the entire way around our park where the kids can practice their cycling skills.

Typical for a midweek morning, when we arrived, the park was nearly empty.

We played for a while on the playground. We ran around and took turns throwing a football. We took a drink of water from the water fountain and then, we started to make our way home.

Everyone was happy. Including me. I was chipper, almost.

Because we were on the far side of the park, we needed to wind around the pathway back to the entrance. I had already started to walk - and push Henry who was in the stroller - and the kids were riding behind me, in a single file line.

As we were walking out of the park, and I was glancing over my shoulder every so often to make sure that my little riders were all OK, I happened to notice that there was a 50'ish year old man running, almost sprinting, around the path. He was wearing headphones and looked like he was in pretty good shape. Which was obvious to me, because he wasn't wearing a shirt.

So he's running towards us - and I'm looking back at the kids to make sure that they are in single file line, out of his way, and not hogging up the pathway.

They are riding perfectly.

In a nice neat row, just to the right of center.

There is plenty of room for Mr. No Shirt to run by.

But as he runs past my three little children on their training-wheeled-bicycles, he holds his hand down, like he is swatting at a fly, and yells out, "GET OUT OF THE WAY!"

Then to my next child he swats and yells, "PAY ATTENTION!"

Then to the third child he swatted and yelled something, I don't know what, because at this point William caught up to me and said, "Mommy, that man was mean to me!" and the blood was boiling so loudly in my ears all I could hear was a low thunder beginning to rumble.

I stopped in my tracks and stood there for a moment, watching the guy running and thinking, hoping - praying - he didn't pass us again. Because if he did and if he said ONE WORD to my children, or attempted to SWAT at them again ... he might die.

At the hands of me.

So we keep walking. And already I'm talking out loud, rehearsing what I am going to say if Mr. No Shirt passes us again. The kids are looking at me, a little scared, because they can tell that I'm very angry and yet, they have no idea why.

I tell the kids to go ahead of me, because if he passes us and if he swats at them or so much OPENS HIS MOUTH, I am going to pounce like a ravenous bear on a fat seal.

We are only about 100 yards from the exit of the park, but just then, I see Mr. No Shirt is barreling down on our side of the path. I shout that the kids need to stay in a single file line and to the far RIGHT so he can pass on the left. The kids know exactly what this mean and they oblige. They scoot to the far side so Mr. No Shirt has ample room to run past.

But guess what that bastard Mr. No Shirt did?


He put his hand down and shooed at them, while loudly growling, "PAY ATTENTION!" and "STAY OUT OF THE WAY!"

And guess what I did?


Mr. No Shirt stops running and throws his arms up in the air before he starts yelling at me.


This guy was infuriated. Totally furious. I could tell that whatever anger issues I might be harboring, he was harboring more. He was spitting and started cursing that he had his headphones on and the music is loud and he yelled out, "WHAT THE $%@* IS WRONG WITH YOU?!"

He was trying to intimidate me. But he didn't. Because although I wish I could run away from conflict, I totally lack that ability. There are times when I feel possessed by doing Goodwill for my fellow man and want to blow kisses to the Universe, and there are other times, I feel like I could kill my fellow man with my own two hands and launch their corpses in to outer space.

Especially this guy, who was probably a woman beater.


He started screaming something about me being stupid and an idiot. "LADY, YOU ARE A STUPID IDIOT! YOU ARE STUPID!! I WAS DOING YOU A FAVOR!!" Then, just before he took off running again, he yelled, "YOU SHOULDN'T START SOMETHING YOU AREN'T GOING TO FINISH!!!"

Seriously?? This is what Mr. No Shirt says to a woman with four small children under her direct supervision?? Wow. What a stud. What a stand up, honorable man.

I shouldn't start something I'm not going to finish.

Well, it's too bad he took off running like a pansy, because I'm pretty sure that I could have finished him off pretty well. My strategy consisted of poking out his eyeballs and shoving them in his ears. After I kicked his gems up to his larynx and coated him with pepper spray.

I was pumped.


I had four little
cubs children to protect and I was hungry for blood.

Once he ran away like a skunk and we exited the park, I could tell the kids were shaken and I felt like dirt. Why couldn't I have just left and not said anything?? I'm not sure how to explain it, except to say some other being took over.


(And ... I clearly lack sense.)

When we were out of the park, I pulled all the children close and told them that I'm very sorry they saw me get so upset. I really love them and I don't want any one to hurt them. Then I told them that the word of the day is JERK. "That man running around the park is a JERK."

The moral of this story is I may not be able to do a pull-over on the bar, but I'm pretty sure I could take anyone who threatens me or my children ... singlehandedly. And, I'm really glad that it was me at the park and not Charlie, because after discussing the incident with my husband, he assures me that he too would have spoken up - a fight most likely would have ensued - and I'd be looking for a good defense attorney.

Or, at least, some way to dispose Mr. No Shirt's body.

Isn't it great that I've been going to a Christian Church?

Yes. I know!!

It's really been doing WONDERS for me.


  1. Hey Jen,

    You rock - what an A**! I had a guy whiz right by my friend and I on a bike path without a word - scared the crap out of us both - I yelled up something I can't type here because your Mom and mine read this blog - but let's just say it wasn't very lady like - but it surely WAS warrented!

    What a jerk yelling a little one's!

    You Rock! :)


  2. First... "Start something you couldn't finish" and as he jogs away? What a tool.

    Second... that mama bear instinct is killer (as is the papa bear!). So sorry you had to go through that with the kids but at least they know you will protect them! There are 4 safe warm arms always waiting for them!

  3. I don't blame you at all. And frankly, he was lucky to have gotten away. What a douchenozzle.

  4. YOU GO!

    I had left the kids in the car w/the mommy's helper (age 14) today while i ran inside to get jessie's Lovey. When i came back, they said a woman in a flowered dress pressed her face against the window and looked in (the car was parked in my mom's driveway near the house, not on the street).

    WHAT?! you can bet they watched me walk up the street and find and confront this woman. You don't get near my kids with out a reason and YOU WILL TALK TO ME if you do.

    Next time, I bet that guy is collecting his teeth off the path! What a JERK!! Why did he feel like he needed so much room or was he just offended that you were there? What an ass. Good thing you were watching though - i'd be ready for next time.

  5. OMG. MY blood is boiling. I actually feel faint and although I almost never cuss in front of my kids, I feel the F word almost pouring out of my mouth and my nails growing to scratch the ever living shit out of that moron. WHAT AN ASSHOLE. Can you imagine how pissed he would have been with me and Greggers riding our electric scooters around the sidewalk? Can't say I blame you ONE BIT here.

    #$%@@ @&*&@#

  6. Awesome. I only wish I were so bold. Of course, maybe I would be if faced with a big meany.

  7. I was boiling when I read that!!! I can't imagine actually being there. Wow. I think it's okay to let your kids know to stand up for themselves and you did.


  8. OMG! What a J-E-R-K! He was not only a bully, but clearly in the thros of a mid-life crisis as well. Charlie is's just as well that he wasn't there or the next time we see you will be on the cover of People Magazine.


  9. Oh my gosh...I was so ready to just pop over here with a quick answer to the "what's in you wednesday": NOTHING. Then, I read about how obnoxious men with adrenaline and testasterone are. I give you mad props for not tackling him. Mad. Props. Jen!!!

    But seriously, there's nothing in me today...maybe tomorrow...if I can get my fat behind out of bed so I can run off the ridiculous amount of fattening food I've been popping in my mouth every 5 minutes since the kids have gotten out of school. (Reason #301 why I don't home school, sorry! All I'd do was eat! Can I home CULINARY school my 7 year old?)

  10. What a (cover your ears, Mom)dickwad or fuckstick, you pick! I would not have even thought twice about speaking up; if it involves my kids I am Momma Bear Extraordinare. This guy REALLY needs some help.

  11. OMG Jen, I would have loved to been there to see you take MR. no shirt down to the ground!

    I swear the older the 4 of them get the more adorable they are.
    The second picture of William is TCFW!
    I'm amazed that you didn't wrestle the running man to the ground. I'm not sure I would have had your restraint. Better yet let the Trips and Henry go after him, I bet that would have but the fear of God in him.


  12. GO GET EM!!

    The tighter you hold your fist the harder the punch... and don't forget to pivot((just so you know)) :-)

  13. What ridiculous behavior on his part. Did he ever think about stepping off the path and running on the grass? Some people just need to be locked up. Too bad we don't get to dart them like rogue bears, trundle them up and drop them somewhere far, far from civilization. And I'm with you, sister! He's LUCKY you didn't finish it. :)

  14. It's very upsetting to read about people like this. I know they're out there and have no control over their temper, but I've kind of lived in a small-town bubble during my children's younger years and so it's easy to forget about. I'm just so glad he didn't get violent with you in an attempt to prove his stud-ness. Because I'm sure it would have been even more of a shock to see you pounce like a "ravenous bear on a fat seal." LOL

  15. Dang. I can't believe the nerve of some people... You did what any person would do. I did love you description of what you wanted to do to him though.

  16. Wow, I believe you did the right thing in confronting the B--tard!

    It's too bad you didn't take a picture of this gem as he swatted at your children. Then, he could have been on the cover of People!

    Nasty bully man!


  17. I would have done the same thing, that's instinct. What a Jerk, although I think that's kinda of a nice word to call him. Obviously he had issues!

  18. He was a jerk! Why do people have to be like that? You go girl!

  19. Oh how I wish you had lined your kids up side-by-side and blocked the whole path for his second time around (I know a Mother would never put her children in harms way, but it would have been fun!). What a jerk!

  20. It's a PARK, what did he think would be in his way - dogs that he could KICK out of his way. OMG I don't know how you kept your cool because you did, I would have been up in his fn face. FN ASSHOLE.

  21. I have had THREE of these kind of senseless encounters the last few month. Its like the general public is going crazy. At a redlight my newborn sounded like he was choking in the back seat so I wave the lady in front of me to pull forward (possibly frantically) so I could pull of the road. She immediately went into a rage which truly made not one lick of sense to me. I just slammed my car into park and got out to check on my son in the middle of the road. After doing so I got back in to catch that she too had put her car into park. What the heck, if a road rage fight (that didnt even exist really) more important than just pulling forward two feet?! That is only one of three. I am kinda getting worried now. Is it time to carry weapons?! (ok just kidding about that)

  22. S: I don't know what's going on, but Charlie and I had the same conversation last night regarding the demise of common decency in the general public.

    Regarding the woman in the car behind you, wow - I almost WISH that she had come storming up to your car so that she could SEE you had a newborn. And then, maybe she'd feel like the absolute DUMB ASS she clearly was acting like.

    I still can't believe a man would flip out at a woman with four small children. What I forgot to add to my post yesterday is that when he screamed that he was trying to do me a favor, I yelled that the best favor he could do for me and SOCIETY is to put his body six feet down in dirt.

    It really bothers me the kids witnessed all that. I am trying to teach them one thing - and yet - this is how I act. UGH. Must work on restraint. Or ... stop leaving the house.

  23. Oy. I was so mad reading this. I've been in countless situations like this. Makes my blood boil.

    Jerks suck.

  24. That was awesome. I love having fights with stupid people.

    But, you should have said, "like a Hungry Eskimo pouncing on a baby seal..." hehe, that would have been more PC, since only Polar Bears eat seals. :) And according to Noah Wylie, the Polar Bears aren't gonna be around for a while.

  25. Question? Guess you didn't read that little post-it-note on your computer before sitting down to write this one? Hmm.

    It says: Be Nice. ;-)

    Remember: "he was doing you a favor". :-) "word of the day...Jerk". (good thing you didn't teach them the French word for Jerk!) ;-) Marg.

  26. Margaret: HA!! If this same incident had played out before I'd been going to church regularly - I doubt I would have used any words except those that are grossly profane.

    Can you believe I didn't curse ONCE, yesterday?? Those Rosary Beads you left for me are magic!!! :)

  27. I can't believe that! I would have been so frustrated. Sometimes it just isn't even worth it to try to talk to people because they just don't care to understand where you are coming from. How sad!

  28. So glad I wasen't there when that happened, I know you can handle yourself, but...thoes children are so well behaved and obiedent, that no one has to tell them to get over or get out of the way. I saw this for myself, hopefully, next time he will be riding a bike and you can shove a stick into his wheels. love aunt Grace

  29. Some people ... Oh, I would have ... jerk doesn't even begin to cover it. Hmmm ... striking children without provocation seems like something a concerned citizen could press charges for, right?

  30. Perhaps he did see you doing your "Push ups" on the bar and thought you were a whimp.
    Oh well, we learn all the time from these little things and when we do not, they will happen again and again. The only one we can control is ourselves and sometimes that is tough to do.
    Remember we are always teaching our children by our actions.

  31. Well, I can certainly tell you've been attending church. You showed a tremendous amount of restraint.

  32. What an asshat. Who could dare treat those gorgeous children that way.

    Meh, don't feel too bad that the kids saw it though. You showed them that NO MATTER WHAT their mama will defend them. They will remember (and probably brag about) this for years to come!


  33. I would have lost it, by the way. Totally lost it.