Do-It-Yourself! (Bath Night)

Tonight Charlie was busy constructing a lattice cube that we intend to put around our air conditioning unit. The reason he had undertaken this manly multiple-tool-involved task is because I am scared silly that one of our children will stick their curious little fingers – or object – in to said air conditioning unit and we will have a major injury on our hands.

Considering a large part of my "other" job involves analyzing situations and assessing the potential safety risks of what could go wrong ... babies and a steel air condition blade, positioned 30-inches above grade (i.e. at their eye level) and spinning at 4000 RPM - no surprise, raised a flag. A BIG HUGE FLAG.

It was prudent that this lattice structure be constructed as soon as possible since I 've been losing days off my life every time the babies step foot outside while the air conditioning is running. Couple that with the fact everyone is a sweaty mess whenever we turn the air conditioning off and the temperature in the house quickly climbs to 150 degrees.

Something had to be done. Quickly.

Because I didn't want to interrupt Charlie as he was completing this important task, I took it entirely upon myself to simultaneoulsy bathe the babies … by myself.

Now for all those other triplet mother’s out there that bathe all three of their babies simultaneously, by themselves … and are wondering “What’s the big deal?” … kudos to you. I am not one of “those” mother’s. Ever since we've started bathing all three babies at the same time (without their bath rings), bath time has evolved in to a two-person job around these parts.

But since there might be a handful of people out there who wonder how in the world to bathe 3 21-month old children by yourself … I have condensed the process in to 50-easy steps.

1) Get all the items that you will need before going in to the bathroom. Towel, diapers, clean pajamas, baby soap, baby lotion.

2) Chase all the babies in to the bathroom.

3) Close the door if you have a door. If not, put up a baby gate to keep everyone in one area.

4) Undress one baby at a time. Realize that you need to remember to add “baby wipes” to Step #1 … in the off chance that you have a poopy diaper that was not detected before Step #2.

5) While one partially clad baby and two siblings run around closing themselves in the closet … RUN to the nursery and grab baby wipes.

6) Remove the diaper of the first baby, wipe their little bum, deposit them in the bathtub.

7) Turn the water in the tub on at a slow trickle to keep the baby in the tub occupied.

8) Call out “Come here, come here, come here, come here, come here, come here” before finally chasing down and undressing baby #2.

9) Be glad that you have diaper wipes handy for a second poopy cleanup. (How did I not detect two poopy diapers?!?)

10) Remove the diaper of the second baby, wipe their little bum, deposit them in the bathtub.

11) Call out “Come here, come here, come here, come here, come here, come here” before finally chasing down and undressing baby #3.

12) Remove the diaper of the third baby, be happily surprised that there is no poop to clean up, and deposit them in the tub.

13) Lather up one baby at a time.

14) Recognize that the debris floating around the tub is not ravioli from dinner and most likely baby #3 has finally contributed their fare share of poop.

15) Groan loudly.

16) Drain the tub, entirely, while three soap-covered babies try to stand up and climb out of the tub.

17) Refill the tub with warm water.

18) Rinse off all three babies.

19) Remove the drain from the tub, so it slowly empties of water.

20) Take out the first baby from the tub, towel them off.

21) Give yourself an “attaboy” for knowing how to put a diaper on a baby … while they are standing up.

22) Set the first baby loose to run about the bathroom while you remove the second baby from the tub and towel them off.

23) Give yourself another “attaboy” for knowing how to put a diaper on a baby … while they are standing up.

24) Pluck the first baby off the rim of the tub before they climb back in to join the lone baby in the tub.

25) Set the second baby loose to run about the bathroom while you remove the third baby.

26) With one hand on the third soaking wet baby, pluck the first and second babies off the rim of the tub before they climb back in to the now vacant and devoid of water, tub.

27) Towel off the third baby.

28) Give yourself another “attaboy” for knowing how to put a diaper on a baby … while they are standing up.

29) Now that they are all diapered … set about getting the three babies in their pajamas.

30) Realize that pajamas with snaps along the legs are not a good choice. Slip on pants or a zipper would have been a better decision.

31) Take down the baby gate and chase two babies in to the nursery.

32) Realize that there should be three babies.

33) Go back to the bathroom looking for the third baby.

34) Find third baby hiding in the closet.

35) Go back to the nursery and find no babies.

36) Find other two babies hiding beneath kitchen table.

37) Eating raviolis that were still on the floor.

38) Covered in marinara sauce.

39) Pluck two babies up and deposit them in their cribs.

40) Chase down third baby, who is now sitting on the floor eating ravioli.

41) Covered in marinara sauce.

42) Wash the marinara sauce off all three babies hands and face.

43) Brush their hair.

44) Brush their teeth.

45) Read a bedtime story.

46) Say our evening prayers. Include an extra vigilant prayer that diapers put on while babies were standing up – were put on correctly and don’t spring a leak at 2 AM.

47) Give out hugs and kisses.

48) Say good night.

49) Go to refrigerator. Open beer.

50) Update blog so that the world is informed on the simplicity of bathing toddler triplets. On your own.

See, it's simple.

Any questions?