there is only a dash of whining in this post

There are two reasons I have added comment moderation to my blog.

The first reason is because I get a ton of spam, which I'd prefer to delete.

The second reason is because several times a week, I get some real zinger comments.

Every so often, I think about publishing them anyway, but then I opt against it because what good would come from publishing comments on my blog about how rotten I am?

I've had people write to tell me that I make their skin crawl because clearly I have no idea how to cherish my husband. I'm not really sure what that means. Or, how they would know? Clearly they didn't see me get Charlie a beer from the refrigerator one day last month. Or maybe it was last year? Whatever. I'm fairly certain I did something nice for him at least once in our 15 years of marriage.

I've had people leave me comments that I'm unappreciative of what I have and I'm going to burn in hell because I haven't taken the right steps on my path of Christianity. Perhaps I never should have written that I support gay rights and I have a difficult time accepting everything I read in the Bible? Jeepers, sometimes I'm convinced there are voices coming through my computer that hiss, "Heathen! Burn the witch!"

I've been told on countless occasions that I complain too much and dramatize everything and I don't enjoy my children and they never should have born to me. I've been told by several people how bad my blog has become. Apparently, it isn't as good as it once was and now that I'm asking for money repeatedly, people have lost interest and wow thank you so much for writing to tell me your thoughts. Although I'm not sure what I should do with that information?

Please. Tell me what I can do to make this blog a more enjoyable experience for you?

(No. Not really.)

See, I knew that I was losing readers because as I mentioned back in March, my statistics have really dropped. But you know what? I'm genuinely sorry if this sounds harsh, but I honestly don't care if you feel guilty when you come here and I honestly don't care if my blog disappoints you. Because this blog isn't about you. While I'm happy if you enjoy it, this blog is about my family and how we are navigating the amazing trip of life.

At some point - probably in January when I saw my friend Deana in the hospital and she told me that she had a 50% chance of surviving this year and I held her hand when she cried at the thought of leaving her two little boys without a mother - my priorities shifted a bit. And apparently, that's when my blog has turned in to ONE BIG AD for donations. Or so some people seem to think. (Go check out the comments on my last post if you don't believe me.)

Am I really asking for money repeatedly?

Is it that bad?

Tell me. I can handle the truth. Sometimes. If you say it really, really nicely.

For those that seem to think so, I guess it's a good thing that I couldn't find a FLASHING banner for my 3-Day walk because I would have put that up, instead. Who remembers when I turned my entire blog hot pink? That was fun. Until I started getting e-mails from people who told me how much they HATED it.

I'm (still) feeling rather passionate about this whole cancer thing because it is everywhere. And the thing that makes ME feel guilty is when I blow a fuse with the children for something childish that they did (the nerve!) and then I'll read a story about a family who just lost their preschooler to neuroblastoma. And although my children might be in bed asleep and the house is peacefully still, I will go in to their rooms and tightly hug their little bodies while crying my thanks to God that they are not only here, but that they are healthy.

I don't know why it's important for me to publicly share stories about the ups and downs (but mostly ups) of our parenthood and life and religion-seeking adventures. Maybe because it gives me great joy and a sense of satisfaction to write about something that I think will help people, whether by making them laugh ... think ... or perhaps be moved in to action.

But despite my best intentions, criticism can be really tough to handle and it seems that recently, I've been getting too much of it. Probably because I've been putting myself out there, way too much. Hence the reason I started a new blog. But the only post that is over there is the "very merry rant" post that I originally published here on Saturday.

Although, this one should probably be over there, too.

Oh, oh. Quick! Look!

An adorable child!

Whew, that was close.

This post was starting to sound a little too whiny.