better than my dreams

We're coming up on the five year anniversary of our third in-vitro attempt.

That third in-vitro attempt that yielded our rapid immersion in to parenthood via triplets.

I can't help but wonder if I'll always become so nostalgic around this time of year? I certainly hope that I do. I hope that the sheer awesomeness of our blessings never fades away.

Last night, I found myself standing in the children's bedroom, several hours after they had gone to sleep. I was gazing at their peaceful little bodies in a deep and restful slumber. I listened to their breathing and was swept away in just how strikingly beautiful they are.

I glanced over at the one closet that holds clothes for all four of the kids and the sight of tiny shirts, pants and dresses caught my eye.

There are so many times I look at these clothes in haste.

Taking things out - putting things away - moving things in to storage - moving things in to the donation pile. Often, pulling my hair out because the children will change their clothes twelve times a day and it seems I'm forever hanging things up or pulling clean items out of the hamper that the children wore for five minutes, and then flipped in to the dirty pile.

For several minutes, I caressed their small clothes. I marveled at the little sleeves on button-down shirts. The tiny little pant legs. The cardigan sweaters. I looked at Henry's outfits that are still small enough that they could fit on a doll. Too soon, he will outgrow these baby clothes. The adorable overalls and onesies will be replaced with t-shirts that have dinosaurs gracing the front and pants that will rapidly develop holes in the knees.

These children are growing so fast.

But to think... five years ago, none of them were here.

That was a very dark place in my life. That time when I wanted nothing more than to have children, and yet didn't. That time in my life when it seemed everyone around me was pregnant and having baby after baby after baby.

That time in my life when I didn't know if I ever could or ever would become a mom. I can remember that time so clearly. In an instant, I can transport my mind back to our existence before children and I can feel the aching void.

To see my life now...

To see these children...

To know that they are happy and healthy.

And oh, so loved.

This, all of it, is so much better than I ever dreamed possible.

Almost five years have passed.

But every day, I don't know how it is that I got so lucky.