the easy and the not so ...

If I was calm, I doubt I would have been awake at 3:03 AM this morning.

I doubt I would have stared at the clock for an hour with a million thoughts running through my mind.

I doubt I would have tossed and turned for another hour, frustrated that I wasn't asleep, when every other person in the house - and the dog - were snoring.

I was tired. Really tired.

Our bed was comfortable. Really comfortable.

But still, sleep eluded me - until 5:30 AM when I finally dozed off.

Carolyn woke up within moments. By 6:00 AM, she was in our bed - with her leaking sippy cup of orange juice rested on my head and an elbow dug in to my rib cage. The next think I know - there were two more toddlers in my bed. Their leaking sippy cups were also, situated on my head and their small elbows were digging in to my rib cage. Through the fog of exhaustion, I could make out three beautiful little faces, peering down at me and loudly whispering "Mommy! Wake?!"

For a moment, I was wondering if I had died - and this was my wake. But then it dawned on me if I was really gone - I probably wouldn't be bothered by six small elbows, three leaking sippy cups, and one husband who was trying desperately to go back to sleep and clearly excited that the kids weren't climbing all over him.

What kept me awake half the night, was wondering if the old adage "The answer was right before my eyes" couldn't have been accurate. Or, at least the catalyst for us to make a decision regarding the next stage our lives.

It turns out that the 5 bedroom, 3 bathroom house - directly across the street from our home ... in full view from our kitchen window ... is about to go on the market. The family that currently lives there, with 4-year old twin boys, will be moving to New York later this week. We have first dibs to purchase the house, before it is listed. If we so chose.

We've been approached by two highly interested families - out of the blue - within the past month to purchase our house. It's a desirable one-story, on a corner lot with incredible views. We could quickly sell our wonderful little home and walk away with a good portion of equity, in a very short period of time. If we so chose.

Potentially, we could save a bundle on the sale of our home - and the purchase of this new home - if we don't hire a realtor. The new house would provide us an additional 600 square feet of living space. Come to think of it ... that's not really a lot more space when you consider the property tax on this new home would rival the mortgage payment.

Upside to purchase: we'd have two additional bedrooms, a bathroom and a 3-car garage. The floor plan is wonderful. We already know all the neighbors and like the neighborhood.

Downside to purchase: the backyard is small. Even though it's across the street - there's more traffic then in front of our house. The view is not nearly as magnificent as what we have, now.

In the past 24-hours, we have oscillated from keeping our house and renting it, to selling our house - immediately - and purchasing this new house.

In the past 12-hours, we have oscillated from keeping our house and renting it, to selling our house - immediately - and moving out of state.

In the past 6-hours, we have been pre-approved for a loan to purchase the new house and have organized all of our finances to make it work. In my mind - I have thoroughly decorated the inside of the house and know where the majority of our furniture will be placed.

In the past 3-hours, we have identified two ideal properties in Massachusetts - close to my family, where we could see ourselves living for the next 20 years.

But what do we want?

Honestly, I have no idea.

Upside to staying in California: We have awesome jobs. The weather is great. We have a lot of friends and networks. We have 2-months remaining on our season pass to the Museums in Balboa Park, 4-months remaining on our season pass to the Zoo, and 7-months remaining on our season pass to SeaWorld. I wonder if I would have the patience and fortitude to load four small children - clad in snowsuits - in to their carseats.

Downside to staying in California: We have no family in the area. There is one season ... sunny. I cannot imagine us remaining in this location for the next 20 years because it makes more sense to settle down someplace where you actually stand a chance of owning a home in less than 30, 40, 50 60 years. I miss the seasons. I think....

As of right now (this very instant), our dominant plan involves selling our house and moving back to Massachusetts. I don't know what we'll do for work - or where we'll live. We should probably line up jobs and/or let my dad know that we'll be bunking with him, indefinitely.

These are some really tough decisions to make - and as much as possible, we're trying to rely on our parental instinct to do what is right.

I had my 20-week ultrasound today. Going in to the appointment, it was not my intention to find out the gender of our baby - because I thought it would be nice to be surprised. But then, I reconsidered. Our lives are almost devoid of any certainty at the moment ... and it would be really nice to have one nugget of information regarding our future family development.

Thus, I learned that another tough decision in our future, will involve picking out a name for William, Elizabeth & Carolyn's baby brother ... who weighed in at exactly 1.0 pound, today. With 10 little fingers and 10 little toes, he looks incredibly perfect and is measuring a full week ahead of schedule.

Absolutely everyone that I've spoken to, said that they knew we were going to have a another boy. Interestingly enough, Charlie and I were completely convinced that we were having a girl. Considering we both missed this, I think our parental instincts are severely challenged.

It is for this reason, that from now on, we are going to rely on a Magic 8-Ball for all of our big decisions.