Chugga, Chugga ... Choo!! Choo!!

Thankfully, the children have rebounded and are doing great. They are eating everything in sight and are drinking constantly. Whereas I use to spend a large portion of time cleaning the table of crumbs and niblets that the kids didn't consume and would throw off their plate with great passion ... within the past day, they will pick every last morsel off the table and shove it in their mouths. My after meal cleanup has all but disappeared.

Yesterday, I made approximately 4-dozen banana muffins.

Today, they are gone. I ate two of them. Charlie had a half of one.

Since the kids appetites returned on Monday, off the top of my head - they have consumed over a gallon of orange juice ... two pineapples ... a loaf of bread ... a box of Wheat Thins ... 45.5 banana muffins ... french toast, bacon, waffles ... three ears of corn ... six peanut butter and jelly sandwiches ... a half a chicken ... three grilled cheese sandwiches ... and a 12-inch pizza.

When we went to feed the ducks yesterday, the kids ate the majority of - what I thought were - stale croissants. Usually, when I give the kids food to throw to the ducks - they throw it. Yesterday, they couldn't shovel it in to their mouths fast enough.

I could have sworn the ducks were giving our ravenousness children dirty looks.

Normally, I limit the amount of ice cream our kids eat. But, because they lost so much weight last week, I've been giving them second and third helpings at night, without blinking.

I'm not entirely sure, but I think they love me for it.


But, that light at the end of the tunnel? It was an oncoming train.

I KNEW IT.

Charlie was feeling better and finally able to stumble out of bed yesterday, just in time to turn off the water supply to our 40-gallon water heater that sprung a leak all over our garage - but not before it damaged a large portion of drywall.

Forty gallons of water. In our garage.

Thank heavens the water heater didn't decide to fail on us last week - when we had an average of seven loads of laundry each and every day to wash along with three vomit covered children and two vomit covered parents to bathe, each and every night.

This experience has convinced me: Somewhere in my youth or childhood - I must have done something good.

This morning, while I was preparing a 12-egg omelet for our children's breakfast ... our childproof cabinet door - that holds dangerous and expensive appliances (and several bags of flour) - fell completely off the hinges. While I stared in horror wondering how I was going to keep the kids OUT of said formerly childproof cabinet full of dangerous and expensive appliances (and several bags of flour) ... the children began laughing at their good fortune.

Not only did they have a garage full of water that they could stomp around in ... they had a cabinet, previously off limits, that they were going to ambush at their earliest opportunity.

I could tell they were thinking: Somewhere in my fetal stage or infancy - I must have done something good.

Tonight, as soon as I finish watching the greatest freak show ever to hit television American Idol ... I am going to take a nice hot bubble bath, with the aid of our brand new water heater that cost us $985.15. Installed.

Calgon ... take me away.

It's a good thing Charlie and I have been able to hardly work for the past two weeks. Large appliances ain't cheap. But neither is replacing our couch, cabinets, or feeding a pack of toddlers with voracious appetites.

Too bad this was just a joke.