the fourth quarter rundown

So where were we?  Oh yes ... I'd start updating my blog with increased frequency!  The fact is, I do think about this blog nearly every day, even if I've been positively dismal about keeping it current. 

Life is so different around our house these days, most notably - cleaner and much more organized.  Although when I went upstairs to drop something off in Henry's room for the first time in several weeks, I quickly recognized that more random and routine inspections might be warranted.  I'm not as strict nor as disciplined with "just one" child at home, because it doesn't feel like the house is perpetually teetering on the edge of a hoarder's dream. Turns out the abysmal mess is just limited to the upstairs where that just one child predominantly resides.

Not only did I find several of our dishes which if I didn't know better, might have thought were part of some biology experiment cultivating multi-cellular life forms, the dirty laundry pile on the floor moved before my very eyes.  As I quickly shut the door before whatever it was in the pile came after me, I thought it's really a good thing he sleeps with his window open, even in the dead of winter.  I am quite certain, if the stale air in my teenager's son room had hit me, I might have passed out with a smile on my face before I could summon the exterminator.  Smile on my face because these are all such precious times for me.  I'm savoring all of it - even the messy stuff - because that rapid reduction from a headcount of six to three, has shaken me to just how fleeting this time all is. 

Henry does miss his siblings, but they connect quite often. As in, every day.  Thanks to modern technology, he is able to play video games with his brother in Germany, and the kids have a group chat that is always lighting up.  This recent screenshot of a telephone call they had and shared with me, made my heart so happy. I pray that they are always so close and William never loses the ability to make all of his siblings (and himself) crack up. 

It also helps that we have a standing date with the girls where once a month, we will drive down the street, pick them up from school, and make the less than 10-minute drive back to our house for a home cooked meal.  Last month, Elizabeth called and said that a few kids from the cross-country team were craving fajitas. If they brought the supplies, could they come over and use our kitchen?  I'd been at a campout with our scouts, and arrived home to find the UVM freshman cross-country team in our kitchen.  

As in, the entire UVM freshman cross-country team, minus I believe only two.

So glad we picked out that table that could expand to seat 3X our immediate family size. Never realized just how handy it would come in, but it is indeed the perfect furniture piece if your dining room ever needs to be transformed to a cafeteria. 

 

Last week, we had all three girls home, Elizabeth, Carolyn, and Lucy - our "honorary" daughter that moved to Vermont from Texas and is studying nursing at UVM.  Lucy is a good friend of the girls, and was in our Texas scout troop.  It's been so much fun having her here, even if she did finish all the puzzles in our house over Thanksgiving break.  

She also introduced us to an incredibly good Jack Daniel's chocolate pecan pie, hailing from her grandmother's Mississippi, the likes of which we've never experienced.  Absolutely yes: Lucy can stay.

 

Carolyn has been having a blast on the UVM rowing team and with all of her classes, and although both she and her sister have each changed their college major no less than 12 times since the start of the semester - it definitely feels like she is headed in the right direction.  

Over the summer, I happened to notice that Carolyn's hair was looking a little thin because as the kids can all attest: nothing gets past my eyes.  Unless I'm not wearing my readers and then I'm blind as a bat. 

When it didn't appear that her hair was getting any thicker despite all the fancy conditioners that claim to increase volume - during her recent visit to the doctor, I asked that they run a blood panel. A few days later, when the results came back and I learned that her calcium levels were above the average range, and TSH an order of magnitude below the average range, it took less than 30 seconds of me Googling her lab results to determine she was terminal.  

To say that my mind went to the worst case scenario is a gross understatement. I don't know why the mind does that to us, or my mind does that to me specifically (does no one else have this affliction??), but I honestly could not function for nearly three days.  Thank goodness Carolyn was off living her best life in college - still getting up every morning at 5:30 AM to row - and didn't witness the spectacle that her mother had become as she summoned all of her prayer warrior friends, while tearily slumping about the house, despairing a life without her.   

The happy news, we went back to the doctor last week and although all of her numbers are not yet back - the preliminary results are extremely positive.  Also, she stopped taking biotin, which it turns out can make the TSH levels go completely wacky.  I've since STOPPED THINKING ABOUT IT and am doing my best to direct my energy to our upcoming Christmas vacation to Europe. 

We're taking our first family trip across the pond and are really looking forward to seeing all of the sights. The most important of which will be our William.

Of course THIS ONE hasn't been keeping me up at night.  

Oh, meine nerven.  To think I was ever skittish about when they were little. 

the phenomenon of free "me" time

This morning, I woke up at 4:40 AM to take Charlie to the airport for a 6:00 flight. The beauty of living in a small town, with a small airport, is we left the house by 4:53 and were at the airport by 5:01. By the time I returned home, he had already checked through security, purchased a cup of coffee, and was sitting at his gate.   

When I arrived home, Henry was awake preparing his breakfast, which consisted of a chocolate protein shake. Henry's been on a major health kick and in addition to being scrupulous about his diet, works out for at least 2-3 hours, every single day.  Seeing the transformation in his physique over the past few months has been incredible; but seeing his devotion and discipline to following this regimented program he has established for himself is even more awe-inspiring.  I've always known he was incredibly headstrong. Now he has the chest, shoulders, arms, back and legs to go with it. 

After trying his hand working at the local grocery store last year, Henry decided that rather than sell food, he wanted to cook food, so is now working at a nearby restaurant; posturing himself for a team lead position.  Quite ambitious for a 16-year old, but he feels he's ready.   The only catch is that he works the morning shift, so has to be there by 6:00 AM on Saturday and Sunday morning to fire up the oven. Thankfully, we live along the Champlain Bike Trail, and the restaurant is also along the Trail - so he can easily ride his bike to and fro.  He can actually get there faster than if I drive him, and, since his gym is across the street from the restaurant - he can pop over for his work out, then ride his bike home. 

All this to say, after Henry left this morning at 5:55, I realized that I have the entire house to myself for the next 11 hours with nothing scheduled.  All the laundry is done. The house is clean. The yard is in good shape. The plants are watered, bills are paid.  The fridge is stocked. I'm racking my brain and cannot remember the last time I had the house all to myself for that span of time with nothing pressing to do?  It might have been early October 2004, before I was admitted to the hospital? 

I poured myself a cup of hot tea, lit the fire - because the sensation of autumn is in the glorious Vermont air - and snuggled up with my day planner to contemplate what in the world I wanted to achieve, today. 

If anything at all!  

Two sips in, my phone rang. It was Elizabeth calling to alert me that she was on her way to a 7:00 AM appointment for an MRI on her knee which has been bothering her for the past several months. When the appointment was first scheduled, she had asked if I wanted to go with her.  Since her appointment was scheduled before I knew that Charlie would be flying out of town at O'dark thirty, and I would thereby, already be awake .... I cringed at the idea of waking up early to sit in a hospital waiting room for an extended period of time on a Sunday morning.  

Rather than dwell on whether my lack of desire to attend an MRI appointment with my 18-year old makes me a bad mother, I considered that perhaps this was a unique opportunity for her to navigate a specialist appointment, all on her own?  It's really all in the perspective we take:  I'm not a bad mother, I'm a great mother who wants her children to be independent.  While I enjoy a cup of tea at home on a Sunday morning.

Elizabeth called me while she was still in her dorm, and because her building abuts the UVM hospital, within three minutes of leaving her room - she was in the Radiology department.  

Her check-in was supposed to be at 7:15, her scan at 8:00, and she arrived a whole 25 minutes early because she abhors being late to things.  We chatted for 25 minutes, and then another 50 more, when no one had arrived to check her in.  The conversation we had in those 75 minutes was so awesome, nearer and dearer to my heart than any conversation I've possibly had with her in the past 75 months. 

(OK, that's an exaggeration, but it's been a long time since we've had such a heart-to-heart.) 

We talked about school. Roommates. Parties. People drinking too much. What they were drinking. How it's important to know your limits. How she used her first aid skills to help people who didn't know their limits and blacked out. She said she had a drink, but then consumed 32 ounces of water (a full Nalgene bottle) and was passing out granola bars so people had food on their stomach. That night she made a batch of Ramen noodles before she went to sleep.  She loves the cross-country team and is so grateful to be on it; especially because of the camaraderie with all of her teammates. They're good, good kids, not really "in to" the party scene, which is a perfect fit for her.  She is very aware of her surroundings, and while at an outing last week, felt the tiniest twinge of uncomfortableness when a few guys got too close; so she grabbed her buddy and left. Her intuition is on high alert, but next time I come to campus, can I please bring her taser?  She has taken the bus all around town and is keen on knowing the routes.  Last week, she got off at the wrong stop so had to walk a mile... pretty sure that won't happen again.  She joined the Red Bull ski and snowboard racing team for winter, and is excited at the prospect of riding out west.  She loves her geology class, much more than she thought she would, and spends hours rewriting her notes from each lecture.  Although she's All-In at college, she still wants to help me with the Scout troop and plans on attending our Court of Honor, tomorrow night.   Next Sunday, she is coming home for dinner and bringing a few friends.  How many is too many???  

If we were sitting next to each other, I doubt we would have spoken so openly and freely, and laughed so heartily. What is it about talking on the phone with your mom that is just so good for the soul?  No distractions. No scrolling on the phone because you're on it.  No unintentional body language, or inadvertent eye rolling, that might set someone off.  It was just MAGIC.  

Elizabeth and I have a very good relationship, but I feel like it has gotten even better since she has been away at school. She was desperate for more freedom, we were desperate for less drama; and she now has the space and opportunity to figure things out... as she SHOULD at this age.  The education that happens when kids move away to college, occurs across so many levels that young adults desperately need.  And parents need to let them experience.  On their own.  

We wrapped up our call when she realized that no one was there to check her in and she had to go sort things out.  She texted me a few minutes later to say she's all set and was on her way to the MRI.  

See, it was really good that I didn't go!  She figured things out and feels empowered; we had a wonderful talk in the midst of it, AND I never had to leave the comfort of my living room.  Win-win-win!  

I've since poured my third cup of tea, updated my blog and am refocusing on what I want to do next with the next EIGHT hours of free time before me.  

Oops. Gotta go. Carolyn's calling. 

What a wonderful, happy stage of life we have entered! :) 

if only I'd had a crystal ball...

For those who remember, about two years ago at this time, I was lamenting that one of my children was failing school. The thought had crossed my mind at least a dozen times that she might not be promoted to the next grade. She might not graduate.  The potential of her attending college was looking more and more slim. From my extremely limited and fear-rooted perspective, her whole future was unraveling before my very eyes. 

But then, we went away on vacation - never went back - I resigned from my career, had a nervous breakdown (that some days I think is still going on?), sold a house, bought a house, enrolled the kids in a new school, and suddenly found ourselves residents of Vermont.   

Within the first week of attending her new school, Carolyn said she was going to turn a new leaf, and wow - DID SHE EVER.   She ran for and won a position on Student Council, which she maintained until she graduated.  She immersed herself in choir, theater, and alpine skiing.  She joined the track and field team, and won second place in the state for shot put.  She did equally well in discus. 

She helped found a second girls-BSA Scout troop, and became the second female Eagle Scout in the State of Vermont.  She easily could have been first, but I'm certain she delayed just to annoy me. 

"It's not a rush, MOM." 

Throughout her 11th and 12th grade years, she maintained nearly straight A's and her GPA skyrocketed.  When she graduated this past June, to everyone's surprise, we learned during commencement that she had received an academic scholarship. The announcement made me want to cry, and also, stand up and scream while punching my fists in the air, "YES! YOU DID THIS!!" 

While Elizabeth's high school experience had been a little smoother on the academic front than Carolyn's, it is important to remember the struggles that she, too, has overcome.  Speech impediment and therapy through fourth grade, diagnosis for dyslexia in second grade that led to extensive classroom support through middle school.  The intensity of the support would have continued through high school, if Elizabeth hadn't wanted to shake her special ed teachers like a bad habit, and also, COVID hadn't hit.  

During her final IEP meeting with her teachers this past spring, her AP English teacher said that she has never, and I repeat never, met a student that perseveres like Elizabeth.  

She explained to me, "We read 'The Illiad' in class this year.  Elizabeth was having a difficult time with the version that was assigned, so she asked if she could go to the library and see if there was a different version that she could read.  Of course I agreed.  So Elizabeth checked out and read one, and then another version. Then she read a third version.  Then, she went back and read the version that I had assigned the class, because she wanted to be able to read what everyone else was reading."  

The teacher's jaw dropped open and she shook her head.  "I've never met a student, in my 30 years of teaching, that read not one - not two - not three - but FOUR versions of The Illiad.  It is NOT an easy piece to read without dyslexia!  Not only has she earned an A+ AP English, I'd wager she has the best grasp of the story from anyone in the class!"  

Today, both Carolyn and Elizabeth started their freshman year at the University of Vermont.  These were the pictures they sent me earlier this morning.  

It takes me only ten minutes (seven if the lights are all green ... my previous estimate was off by two!) to drive from our house to their dorms. As happy as that makes me, it makes me happier yet that they are THRIVING. 

Carolyn is on the rowing team. Elizabeth is running cross-country. They are both living on campus, in separate dorms, and are having the time of their lives. 

Although I helped them move in last week, yesterday, I zipped over to campus for a couple hours and took a car full of their new college buddies to Trader Joe's so they could stock up on snacks.  As we were driving around, I had to pinch myself at how fortunate we are to be HERE.   We've already started discussing some of the out-of-state students that might come home with them for Thanksgiving.... I'm expecting we may actually have 10 in the house.  

So, it's probably a good thing William is in Europe. We're going to need his room! 

the chain

It is July of 2017.  Our family of six had just landed in Denver, rented a big red GMC Yukon, and are making our way west from Colorado in to Utah.  Because we'd been up at 3:30 AM to catch our 6:00 flight out of Houston, the kids were exhausted and fell asleep in the car for the first part of the drive. 

When they wake up, we turn on the stereo - synch it with our phone - and play music. My memory of this exact moment is so crystal clear, a time in my life I will never forget.  I'd switched seats with William so he could sit in the front next to his Dad who was driving.  I'm in the backseat, wedged in with Henry, Carolyn, Elizabeth, and all the camping gear we'd need over the next four weeks as we traveled across the US and Canadian Rockies.  

Fleetwood Mac's "The Chain" comes on.  

Charlie and I love Fleetwood Mac, base case. It was especially awesome that the kids loved them that summer of 2017 because their song was on the soundtrack for their favorite movie, Guardians of the Galaxy II, that had come out two months earlier. 

We turned the volume up as loud as it would go. The speakers were pounding.  The windows were all the way down. The hot air was blowing in to the car, and cooling us off, and sending the hair atop our crazy excited heads, in a million directions. We were singing in unison as loud as we could, "CHAIN KEEP US TOGETHER ... running in the shadows... CHAIN KEEP US TOGETHER ... running in the shadows." 

As I was just cleaning the kitchen, that song came on the radio and I was instantly transported back to that time - that incredibly awesome moment which has been seared in to my memory; the first day of an epic camping vacation that took us over nearly 3,000-miles of gorgeous terrain in four weeks.  That trip that spurred us to take our colossal 10,000-mile road trip in 2020, and subsequent 4,000+ mile road trip in 2021, that would have rivaled the 2020 trip in distance - if we'd ever actually made it back to Texas.  

That song. 

That memory. 

Those feelings. 

(UPDATE: I'M SO GRATEFUL FOR THIS BLOG!! HERE ARE PHOTOS FROM THAT DRIVE!!!)

That series of events which undeniably sowed the seeds of travel and adventure, in to our 12- and 10-year old children's hearts and souls.   

Two weeks ago, we dropped an 18-year old William off at the airport for what will be an 11-month exchange program to Germany.  We were initially told that because this is an intensive US Department of State fellowship, we should not expect to visit him during his exchange. The goal is that at the conclusion of the program, he will be 100% fluent in German and fully immersed in the German culture; any visits might set him back with language, and homesickness.  I've since heard that maybe (maybe) we might be able to go visit in the new year.  My fingers are tightly crossed. 

William has yet to call me, although we have texted.  Thankfully, I can follow photos of his adventures on Instagram. This weekend he went camping and canoeing.  I hope he cheers up, he looks quite sad.  

Because of Google Translate, I can communicate important information with him in German. Like, how to make pancakes to enjoy with the 1-gallon of Vermont maple syrup he toted across the Atlantic for his host family, the Berenstains.  Yep, just like the bears.  I told him he'll need to do the conversion to metric since he left his measuring cups at home. 

Until yesterday, our girls were gone to two separate summer camps: Elizabeth at a Scout camp as a counselor; Carolyn at a traditional camp where she was a rowing instructor for nine weeks.  The girls are now home for a few days, before Elizabeth moves to the University of Vermont on Saturday, where she'll be joining the D1 Cross-County team for their first practice on Sunday.  Carolyn will move to the other side of campus at the University of Vermont next Wednesday.  

Elizabeth wants to pursue environmental sustainability, and maybe architecture. When she graduates, she wants to take a year and travel around the country visiting all the National Parks we missed. (There aren't very many.)  Carolyn wants to pursue education. Her plan includes traveling internationally and teaching. Charlie reminds me that they are like kites in the wind right now, all of this could change.  Our job is to smile and nod and give encouragement. And hugs, lots and lots of hugs. 

Their roommates, who they have yet to meet in person, are named Anna and Hannah. Their dorms colors are greens and blues; maroons and grays.  We went shopping earlier, today.  

Here's a fun memory from our first mother-daughter "only" shopping excursion. Those harnesses sure would have been handy, today, to reel them in for more hugs. Or because no, even though we're just down the road and transport isn't difficult, the 8-foot ficus might be too big for your dorm. 

The kids are ready to leave the nest - they are itching to spread their wings and fly. 

Charlie and I are very excited for them to go, but after the completely unexpected maternal guttural sobs that I endured at the airport when bidding auf weidersehen to William ... I am extremely grateful that the girls will only be eight minutes away.  Five if all the lights are green.  

Henry will very soon be the focus of our undivided attention, and once again, I am so grateful that we opted to start him a year later in school.  I'm also grateful that he has Ollie - and Ollie has him.  

They play and tumble around together like a bunch of lion cubs. 

This is a huge season of transition.  This is a huge season of reflection. 

Chain, keep us together.  

It is impossible to believe that trip was six years ago.  

It could have been six seconds.

Hail Mary, Full of Grace

When I think of the people who I admire and love the most in this world, my mother, Mary, and her sister, Grace (Auntie), are among those at the top of my list.  Both my mother and my aunt attended and graduated from parochial schools, and have stories - upon stories - of encounters with nuns when they were growing up. Because of their devout Catholic background, my mother, whenever she introduces herself, or my aunt, will tell them with a wink, "Just remember Hail Mary ... Full of Grace." 

I adore them both, and am so grateful for the privilege of being related to them, and for the relationship that I have with these two incredible women.  In my book, they're both Saints. 

While they don't typically like to discuss age, I think it is inspirational how healthy and mentally awake they both are; my Aunt Grace turned 92 in May, and my mom, will be 90 on July 7th.  My Aunt Grace just returned from a trip to Europe.  And my mother, although she has had her share of health challenges over the past year, has told me she is making plans to visit us in Vermont this coming fall. (I so hope she does!) 

As I grow older, the thing that has struck me the most about our relationship, is how often they have told me how wonderful I am and how proud of me they are; they constantly build me up and are so positive. Everyone should be so lucky to have such incredible cheerleaders. 

While the three of us know very well that I certainly have my flaws, it's not something that they bring up.  They don't try to fix or refine me, or try and help me see things from a different angle; they just welcome me with open arms and huge smiles, listen, and astound me with their generosity of time and resources. Whenever the subject of parenthood comes up, the only advice they will offer is to ENJOY these kids while we have them at home: the years are precious and so quickly fleeting. 

As I grow older, I aspire so much to be more like them. With four teenagers, I will certainly confess it isn't always easy to just accept people as they are.  Make no mistake: WE CHERISH THESE KIDS and their frequent moments of amazing, knock our socks off.  But it sometimes takes a lot of discipline and constraint to look beyond the mountains of never-ending dirty laundry, dishes, piles of who knows what; sleeping in, faces glued to cell phones, and doses of teen attitude that have nearly sent me in to AFib.  

A few weeks ago, I was diagnosed with a torn rotator cuff. The culprit was when I attempted to flip a teenager's cell phone in to the far back seat of our Yukon.  The pain was so intense, I had to pull over to the side of the road, climb out of the car, and immediately kneel on the ground.  The teenager didn't know I had hurt myself, and thought I was just taking this extremely unusual moment and location to pray.  Which I did, while I was waiting for the black out stars and searing pain to pass. 

I've been trying so hard to just embrace this period of growth and change.  Celebrating these rapidly evolving humans as they are; not attempting try to fix or refine them, or try and help them see things from a different angle. They are who they are; navigating their own paths and figuring things out in their own time and space.  They are so, so good and we are so proud of them.  We just need to be keep being kind role models that welcome them with open arms and huge smiles, listen, and astound them with our generosity of time and resources. As Charlie says, we cannot let them make us batty - they are the batty ones.  Just got to keep an even keel, navigating the ups and downs of teenage angst. 

Hail Mary, Full of Grace. 

******

Wait a minute!!!  Just before I hit "publish" I remembered when I was a teenager and my Aunt Grace almost drove me over with her Cadillac when I was talking back and jumped out of the car to run away.  I made the mistake of dashing in front of the car and looked in to her eyes as she clutched that big steering wheel. For a moment, I don't think either of us was entirely sure if she was going to hit the brake or the gas.  For fun, I googled 1980's Cadillac, and behold, this is the exact car.  Color and everything! 

Perhaps this post is simply a good reminder that all of us parents of teenagers should have a little more grace with ourselves?  Remember: our children's brains are still connecting and growing until they reach 25.  In contrast, ours are fully formed and probably starting to shrink. 

Hopefully, within the next 40 years, our children will have elevated us to sainthood, too. 

we're here, we're there, we're every ..... where

This morning I made a concerted effort to get on the floor and stretch. As I attempted touching my toes, with outstretched legs, and felt all the muscles in my legs and back seize up ... I pondered how long it has been since I've really devoted myself to being limber and flexible.  I'd guess 1985? 

It doesn't seem that long ago that I could contort myself in to a pretzel with zero pain.  It also doesn't seem like that long ago that I met the love of my life during what was supposed to be a brief exchange from South Carolina to California (1991); we brought home three babies from the hospital (2004) and a little surprise a few years later (2007). Nor does it seem so long ago that we moved with four preschoolers from California to Virginia (2010); then packed up four pre-teens and moved from Virginia to Texas (2015).  

In all honesty, it seems like just last month we took what was supposed to be a six-week road trip to check out colleges.  Alas, time goes by at a dizzying clip, and a week ago today, the triplets graduated from high school.   The transformation in these three kids over the past 20 months has been nothing short of a miracle.  Remember, a pivotal decision in our move surrounded the struggles Carolyn in particular was facing at her school in Texas.  In Vermont, she wound up graduating with multiple honors and unbeknownst to anyone until the commencement ceremony, received a Memorial Scholarship to boot.  

(Albeit gut-wrench fear inducing, did we make the correct decision to move?  HECK YES.) 

Charlie's three siblings - and their spouses - flew in from California for the festivities.  My sisters Eileen and Beth traveled in from Michigan and Massachusetts, respectively.  My dad's youngest sister, Peggy, also drove up from Boston. My great-nephew, Ryan, who is the same age as the triplets (and is slated to join the Marines in September), was here from Massachusetts, too.  A good friend that we met through my mother when she lived in Florida, but who resides in Connecticut, Flavia, made the trip north. And then there were so many wonderful friends that we've made since we've moved to Vermont, less than two years ago, that descended on our beloved "Butternut House" for a graduation party that lasted late in to the evening and over the next few days. 

The Butternut House, that within the past three months has endured more construction than I can fathom. Not sure that it's more improbable that we got it all done in time ... or, that we successful in wrangling qualified contractors in a severely depleted market to:  

Construct a new bedroom and bathroom in our basement along with new floors, doors and windows, paint and heating.  Ceilings replaced in the main level due to water damage - recessed lights installed - interior repainted.  Exterior has been painted once (25% of the house before we determined the color was wrong) - twice (50% of the house before we determined this color was also wrong) - three times (was the charm!)... 

A new roof installed - exterior lighting added - new gutters installed - epoxy garage floor - more doors and windows - and a massive landscaping project that is still going on to this day.  

What better time to rip your house and yard COMPLETELY apart than a few months before a big party?  

What better time to undertake SUBSTANTIAL home improvement than before triplets start college? 

Hahahahahaha!! We've always been a little insane. It gives life ZEST!! 

On the upside: the house looks fantastic and it was all done in time. (Not perfect, but well enough.) 

The day after graduation, Carolyn packed up and moved to summer camp in the northeast kingdom, where she will be a rowing instructor for the next nine weeks.  

William and Elizabeth are working together at an outdoor camping store for the next six weeks - before William ships off to Germany for a year on a US Congressional Scholarship.  Elizabeth and Carolyn will be moving out of the house and on to the campus at the University of Vermont in less than 10 weeks.  Next year, when William returns from Germany, the plan is that he will join his sisters as a Catamount at UVM.  

It really seems like the past couple of decades have been dizzying times indeed. 

In the months ahead, Charlie and I are very excited to turn more attention to Henry. And, increase our flexibility.  Maybe I can sign the three of us up for a gymnastics class? 

I bet Henry would really love that!  

those tiny little glasses can pack a big punch

William left a week ago, today, for his exchange program to Germany.  We dropped him off at school, he loaded a charter bus with fellow students - and they drove down to Boston.  Half the students boarded a flight to Madrid, the other half to Frankfurt.  

I pulled up his flight, and tracked it - while it crossed the Atlantic and flew across Europe.  

Only when he had safely landed and I reminded him to turn his phone to "Airplane Mode" (so we wouldn't get a $1500 roaming phone bill) until we could get him on an international calling plan the next day, did I peacefully go to sleep.  

Not surprisingly, we haven't heard much from him over the past week.  He's sent the family a few photos, and has dropped me a couple texts, but most of my knowledge comes from seeing pictures that his teachers are posting on Facebook.   

On Saturday night, our girls were all aflutter.  You see, they have Instagram - and when the German students were in the US, this past October, all the kids became fast friends - and as kids these days are prone to do - they swapped "Insta" info.  Suffice it to say, on Saturday night, our girls were checking their social media pages when they spotted the German students accounts, and I heard them say, "OH MY GOSH! WILLIAM IS AT A PARTY AND HE IS HAVING A BEER!!!" 

The drinking age in Germany is 16.  We knew this and we told William that he would likely have the opportunity to have an alcoholic beverage while he was on this trip, and we fully trust that he will make good choices.  He's had sips of beer and wine, and champagne with us, on rare occasion.  Charlie and I love a good double IPA (especially now that we're in Vermont) and a glass of wine every so often, but we aren't big drinkers and thankfully, William hasn't been in the social circles of kids who drink anything beyond copious amounts of Capri Sun.  

On Sunday morning, Charlie and I were up with the sun to take Henry - who has become a serious exercise aficionado - to the gym.  While Charlie and I were on ellipse machines, William texted me (in response to my text re: how was he doing) that he wasn't feeling so great.  He wrote, "I have a weird headache." So I suggested that perhaps, just maybe, he might be a *little* hungover.  To which he quickly replied, "I don't think I'm hungover." Followed by, "Ich habe nur zwei biers und ein shot." 

Translation: It was only two beers and one shot. 

On our way home from the gym, William called his little brother.  They chatted for a few minutes, before Henry handed the phone to me.  William explained how he had a beer with dinner, then went out with the German students and met this "really nice" Russian guy who was walking around with a bottle of vodka.  (Danger! Danger, William Charles!!) 

He told the guy he didn't want any vodka, and instead opted for another beer.  But then the Russian came back and offered him a shot, again, and all the other kids were taking one - so he took it - followed by several glasses of water, because why in the world would people drink that stuff?!  

I told him, "Yep, two beers and a shot will do it!"  To which he tried to explain, "But Mom! It was such a TINY glass!" So I reminded him when he had his wisdom teeth out over the summer, and they hooked him up to an IV and in a matter of seconds, he was in la-la-land?  Or when I give him a dose of NyQuil when he has a cold and he'll be knocked out cold for the night?   Alcohol is a drug, and it doesn't take much to alter your state of consciousness, tweak your blood chemistry, and make you feel bad. 

Alas, he now knows what a hangover feels like, he doesn't like it, and has decided that he'd rather stick to Gerolsteiner (sparkling water) and soft drinks for the rest of his trip. If my prayers are answered, for the rest of his life. 

In his words, "I've waited way too long to experience this, the last thing I want is to miss a moment of it because of something I intentionally ingested!"  Some things you just have to learn on your own, and this is one of them.  I'm just extremely grateful that he had the experience - wasn't (too) adversely effected by it, and knows that it isn't his cup of tea.  Literally! 

That small situation aside: He's been having a wonderful trip - touring Munich, Berlin, Hameln, and an American McDonalds. He's also expecting that he might be provided an opportunity to move to Germany later this summer, for a full year abroad. 

Charlie and I just had our passports renewed, yesterday, because I suspect overseas travel will be in our very near future.  If we're not in Europe, we may be in Asia since a week after William arrives home from Germany, our family is hosting a student from Japan!

Jinsei wa tanoshi! 

(Translation: Life is fun!) 

parting wisdoms from the soapbox

It wasn't very long ago, I could not imagine our children ever leaving the nest and going out in to the world on their own.  And I couldn't imagine that I would ever want them to leave.  The mere thought of it was traumatizing to my mama's heart. 

But nature has an amazingly beautiful way of surprising us.  Our little babies are growing up, becoming a lot more independent as they capably (and confidently) figure their way out in the world. In parallel, Charlie and I are becoming more accepting of their eventual nest departure.  In some cases, we're actually nudging them. 

Fly little birdie, fly!! 

Their maturity and independence has accelerated since we moved to Vermont where they are nonstop busy with school, sports, work, and friends.  As they have become more mature (on the run and driving everywhere), Charlie and I have found ourselves consciously stepping back - holding on a little less tightly - and giving them more freedom and space to figure things out.  It has been a whole bag of emotions with lots of deep breaths - tongue biting - and resignation / acceptance that comes from letting THEM figure things out. 

Sometimes, there is a fuzzy line between what they should figure out on their own, and what we must insist upon, in the spirit of setting healthy boundaries and expectations for people on the brink of adulthood. 

For example, their bedrooms are all on a different floor from our primary living space - and for the past few months, I've consciously turned a blind eye to the environment that has evolved.  My mindset has been that perhaps after a certain period of time living in a mess - they will come to the conclusion that life is better when there isn't mold actively growing out of your communal trashcan.   This decision to avoid the kids' living space has also been a physical and mental one: it thoroughly exhausts me to a cellular and existential level cleaning up after four abled body humans. 

But I seem to forget that every so often. 

Last Friday, was their Winter Ball dance, and I suspected a large number of kids, who would come by our house after the dance for cards and snacks, would likely spend the night. Especially since a snowstorm would be rolling in to town around the same time and I don't like them driving in those conditions.  So Friday morning, I thought I'd take my day off of work to go upstairs and tidy up.   Ten hours later, as I was hauling down the last bag of trash / donations - I loudly swore to myself - Charlie - the kids - and all of their friends/witnesses who by this time, had gathered at our home to get ready for the dance - it would never get this bad again. 

There might have been just a tad bit of soapboxing to everyone who had gathered, regarding how hard parents work for their kids, and how as those kids grow - they really need to pull their own weight.  I never "correct / discipline" our kids when other kids are around, but I felt like this was an excellent teaching moment. 

LOOK AROUND YOU! 

Take an inventory of what needs to be done and recognize that even though it isn't all going to benefit you, it is a good thing to do, anyway.  Maybe it isn't *all* your trash in the trash can, but what a nice gesture to just bring the trash out.  Ditto to recycling the empty bottles of shampoo and conditioner in the shower, wiping down the nasty bathroom countertop and replenishing the toilet paper roll.   Towels have a ton of amazing qualities, but unfortunately, none of them possess the ability to hang themselves up.  The kitchen is where food belongs. Not in a closet with half of our cutlery.   

Let's not live like swine, okay? 

The snow was falling at a steady pace by the time the kids, dressed in their finest, departed for the dance in multiple cars.   I literally held my hands up and prayed over each one of them as they walked out the front door.  "Be safe you guys, no speeding, take your time.  Have fun! BE SAFE!" 

On their way home from the dance, Carolyn snapped off a picture of Henry with his friends in the backseat of our old truck, and texted it to me with the caption, "A car full of freshman!" My happy smile was quickly replaced with a frown when my eagle eyes picked up that there were four kids ... with only three seatbelts ...  which none of them were wearing. 

My fury was so great, because I'd *just* read the story to our kids about the UGA football player that was ejected from the car and died, a few hours following the championship party.  

It often happens that I'll read a story from the news to the kids, and they'll collectively gasp and say, "Here we go again ... they did something stupid and they allll died." (insert eye roll)  My mother used to tell me stories all the time when I was a kid - to reinforce how the simplest things, can lead to the deadliest consequences if you don't think through what's the worst that could happen. The fact that I've been fortunate enough to avoid tragedy at 51-years of age suggests that I have navigated some precarious situations because I've used my head. And, also, because I must have a guardian angel and have been very lucky.  (I started to digress and write stories about guardian angels, who intercede on our behalf, but I'll save that for some other time.) 

Suffice to say, when all the kids (and their friends) returned to our house that evening we had a "talk".  Despite their efforts of trying to convey how slowly they were traveling, and there were no other cars on the road, and how the kids were packed so tightly they couldn't have moved in the car, I explained that THE LAW OF PHYSICS doesn't make exceptions.  If they hit a patch of ice and slid ... if another car hit them ... if something unexpected happened - like a deer running out on the road -  those who were not buckled could potentially be catapulted from the vehicle.  Not only are they putting their younger brother at risk - they are putting his friends at risk.  AND, their behavior is being observed by the younger kids. If these "older teens" are so cool and willing to take risks / not follow the law, maybe they can do that, too?  THEY ARE ALWAYS BEING OBSERVED, let their behavior be a positive example for others! 

How would they like to have a conversation with someone's parents that, "I'm so sorry your child died because I didn't make them do something as simple as buckle up?"  Furthermore, aside from the intense tragedy of an accident - their lives would forever be altered - possible jail time, and significant financial repercussions that could extend beyond them - to us. 

I told all the kids gathered that they should never - never ever - drive a vehicle without making sure everyone is buckled. If they don't want to buckle up, don't drive.  My parting words, before I beat them all in Uno, was that if they take anything away from my rants tonight, let it be to: 1) clean up after yourself and always take out the trash and 2) never drive without making sure every one is buckled up, including them.   My kids visibly squirmed as I told them - and their friends - I love them all so much and don't ever want to see something bad that is totally preventable, happen to them.  

Teenagers know a lot, but they definitely don't know everything - I often remind them, their brains are not fully formed until 25. So as they do more nest swooping, they better do it with seatbelts securely fastened. Or, well, mama might eat them alive.