Hail Mary, Full of Grace

When I think of the people who I admire and love the most in this world, my mother, Mary, and her sister, Grace (Auntie), are among those at the top of my list.  Both my mother and my aunt attended and graduated from parochial schools, and have stories - upon stories - of encounters with nuns when they were growing up. Because of their devout Catholic background, my mother, whenever she introduces herself, or my aunt, will tell them with a wink, "Just remember Hail Mary ... Full of Grace." 

I adore them both, and am so grateful for the privilege of being related to them, and for the relationship that I have with these two incredible women.  In my book, they're both Saints. 

While they don't typically like to discuss age, I think it is inspirational how healthy and mentally awake they both are; my Aunt Grace turned 92 in May, and my mom, will be 90 on July 7th.  My Aunt Grace just returned from a trip to Europe.  And my mother, although she has had her share of health challenges over the past year, has told me she is making plans to visit us in Vermont this coming fall. (I so hope she does!) 

As I grow older, the thing that has struck me the most about our relationship, is how often they have told me how wonderful I am and how proud of me they are; they constantly build me up and are so positive. Everyone should be so lucky to have such incredible cheerleaders. 

While the three of us know very well that I certainly have my flaws, it's not something that they bring up.  They don't try to fix or refine me, or try and help me see things from a different angle; they just welcome me with open arms and huge smiles, listen, and astound me with their generosity of time and resources. Whenever the subject of parenthood comes up, the only advice they will offer is to ENJOY these kids while we have them at home: the years are precious and so quickly fleeting. 

As I grow older, I aspire so much to be more like them. With four teenagers, I will certainly confess it isn't always easy to just accept people as they are.  Make no mistake: WE CHERISH THESE KIDS and their frequent moments of amazing, knock our socks off.  But it sometimes takes a lot of discipline and constraint to look beyond the mountains of never-ending dirty laundry, dishes, piles of who knows what; sleeping in, faces glued to cell phones, and doses of teen attitude that have nearly sent me in to AFib.  

A few weeks ago, I was diagnosed with a torn rotator cuff. The culprit was when I attempted to flip a teenager's cell phone in to the far back seat of our Yukon.  The pain was so intense, I had to pull over to the side of the road, climb out of the car, and immediately kneel on the ground.  The teenager didn't know I had hurt myself, and thought I was just taking this extremely unusual moment and location to pray.  Which I did, while I was waiting for the black out stars and searing pain to pass. 

I've been trying so hard to just embrace this period of growth and change.  Celebrating these rapidly evolving humans as they are; not attempting try to fix or refine them, or try and help them see things from a different angle. They are who they are; navigating their own paths and figuring things out in their own time and space.  They are so, so good and we are so proud of them.  We just need to be keep being kind role models that welcome them with open arms and huge smiles, listen, and astound them with our generosity of time and resources. As Charlie says, we cannot let them make us batty - they are the batty ones.  Just got to keep an even keel, navigating the ups and downs of teenage angst. 

Hail Mary, Full of Grace. 

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Wait a minute!!!  Just before I hit "publish" I remembered when I was a teenager and my Aunt Grace almost drove me over with her Cadillac when I was talking back and jumped out of the car to run away.  I made the mistake of dashing in front of the car and looked in to her eyes as she clutched that big steering wheel. For a moment, I don't think either of us was entirely sure if she was going to hit the brake or the gas.  For fun, I googled 1980's Cadillac, and behold, this is the exact car.  Color and everything! 

Perhaps this post is simply a good reminder that all of us parents of teenagers should have a little more grace with ourselves?  Remember: our children's brains are still connecting and growing until they reach 25.  In contrast, ours are fully formed and probably starting to shrink. 

Hopefully, within the next 40 years, our children will have elevated us to sainthood, too.