We put an offer in on a house this past weekend.
It was a rather stress inducing process in and of itself, because the inventory is so slim around here, when things come on the market, they're typically snatched up fast, and way over the asking price. Surprisingly, this particular house had been on the market for a few weeks and needed some work. Charlie loved it, and embraced the funkiness. I was appalled at the cost and amount of work needed to get it to a condition that would justify the sales price.
But, we have been feeling so anxious to get in to our own place, that I just closed my eyes and jumped on it. I've had this terrible gnawing on my heart that the clock is ticking fast with these kids at home before they launch. More than just about anything, I want them to feel the security of a home, their home, that they can decorate and live in and not feel like they're in some temporary grimy rental. These days are so incredibly precious and fleeting to me: in less than two years, the triplets will graduate from high school and potentially be moving out to college.
HOLD ME!
Not to mention, how lovely would it be to be in our own Vermont home by the holidays?! We potentially only have two more Halloweens, Thanksgivings and Christmases with 3/4 of our children living under our roof full-time: I want to bring out our decorations and do these holidays well. I have memory expectations and visions of what this time is supposed to look like ... and EVERY MOMENT COUNTS. And yet - this situation we are in is so counter to those expectations and visions.
I'd actually thought when we moved from California to Virginia - that would be our forever home. It was so difficult for us to move to Texas, but at that point - I didn't feel like we had many options. On the upside, Henry was only in second grade, the triplets in fifth, so they had plenty of time to connect with new friends they'd hopefully have for life. So we set about making the Texas home as homey as we could. We spent a small fortune renovating it: new kitchen and floors - air conditioning units, furnaces; landscaping, upgrades to the pool and jacuzzi; room expansions and lots of painting. The house really was lovely. But we quickly came to realize that the area we were living was so transient. Friends came and went - and while they did make connections, they weren't deep enough to convince any of us: the kids most of all, to return to Texas this summer.
As I wrote about previously, the worst thing that could have ever happened to me in my career at ExxonMobil, happened when I received the NSI rank. One of the worst things that I thought could have ever happened to my children at this point in their young lives, was to be ripped from their lovely home and friends and community and be plopped in to a totally new environment, in a rental house.
But here we are, and remarkably, the sun is still shining. (Well, actually, it's not shining today. It turns out the weather is often pretty gray in Vermont.) The point is - the worst things that I thought to ever happen, are giving way to some pretty good things and I'm in constant awe of our children. Even from a grimy temporary rental where they're still in sleeping bags after 17 long weeks, the kids are the ones that are encouraging and inspiring me - every day - that this was the right thing to do.
(You might be surprised, I've had a few second thoughts.)
So, we put the offer in on Sunday morning, and almost immediately, I was filled with regret which kept me up half the night, praying that they wouldn't accept it. Not only do we not have jobs yet (eh, minor detail!) the house is big and needs work. After living in a camper and tent for 12 weeks, it's extremely convicting just how little we actually need to live. Moreover, since 4/6 of our family will likely be moving out of the house within the next 5-10 years, I see no reason to go buy another big house like the one we just had. When we sold our 6-bedroom, 6-bathroom Texas house, we conveyed a lot of furniture - and all of the televisions (4!) - with the sale. We also donated at least 50% of our things to charity because we realized we do not need them and they just weigh us down.
These circumstances - this complete flip of our lives - is giving us such an incredible opportunity to take an inventory of everything from our material possessions, to where our energies and resources are spent, and wisely recalibrate.
In the words of Thoreau: Simplify. Simplify.
When we'd walked through the house last week, I immediately recognized that the family that lived there had young children. Toys were everywhere. Crayon scribbles on the wall. Little shoes and coats. My heart was tender remembering those days - it seems like only yesterday.
The offer that we put in on Sunday, expired yesterday which is good for me, because it reaffirmed that I really don't want to rush in to a purchase, and would rather take our time to get the right house. (And, confirm we can handle a Vermont winter!) Their realtor has since been communicating with our realtor that communication has been extremely difficult because the couple that lives in the house, are going through a divorce. While I know that there are circumstances in every situation, and sometimes divorce really is the right answer, it can be devastating and my thoughts are with the entire family.
While it's none of our business, in human fashion, Charlie and I surmised what could possibly be happening that led to the demise of the relationship. Parenting little people can be extremely taxing on a marriage. Add a big house that requires a lot of work, and the financial implications can be exhaustingly stressful. People likely have needs, or expectations that aren't fulfilled, and very soon - frustration, resentment and bitterness set in. Communication falters and things can unravel pretty quickly - a small split leads to a gaping chasm.
My mind then shifted to our own circumstances.
While the house that we're in right now isn't quite the vision that I had, the family that lives beneath this roof is everything and more than I could have ever imagined and I feel completely overwhelmed with gratitude. So long as we have our health - and each other - we have everything that we could ever possibly need. Charlie and I have been through some extremely difficult and trying times in our 30 year relationship, but there's no one I'd rather have by my side, in the trenches - praying - crying - sampling craft brew - and laughing with. Thank goodness, mostly laughing.
As I told our realtor, Claire, that is exactly how we've managed the past several months.
When I'm with my husband and our children, regardless of where we are ... I'm at home. And more than any kind of brick and mortar memories, these feelings of love, good food, blessed abundance, and laughter, are what I hope our children will tuck away in their hearts and carry with them throughout their own lives.
The house will come with time, of that I am certain.
As for now, we are so excited that the moving truck is supposed to arrive from Texas, tomorrow. It will be very nice to move off the floor and in to an actual bed, but the thing that I'm most looking forward to receiving is our table. While we've certainly made our camping gear work - I cannot wait to sit at an actual table with my family again! Ah, to think of the things we once took for granted.
#Perspective
