Charlie never reads my blog, but he read it last night before we went to sleep and he exclaimed, "JEN, that post [that I published yesterday] is so sad and depressing. Good Lord, I had no idea you felt that way!"
I just looked at him.
You had no idea?
So I asked, "Do you not hear the words coming out of my mouth when I talk? Did you not sense all of my anxiety, or hear me saying over - and over - and over again how overwhelmed I felt; that something was broken inside and that eventually something had to give? Did you not hear my pleas for the past couple of years that I wanted off the crazy train - wanted to do something different - needed to get out of that psychotic over-achiever environment with our kids?"
He laughed and said, "Yeah, but I didn't know you were serious. Geez woman. You say a lot of things."
Ah, yes. I do say a lot of things. But even though Charlie didn't hear me ....
GOD DID AND NOW WE'RE IN VERMONT, HALLELUJAH!
And for a significantly less depressing update, which makes me feel that ALL of the trials and tribulations we've endured over the past few years, and especially the past three months, has not been in vain: despite the horrific year that Carolyn had last year in math, and failing her summer school class over the summer .... today her mid-semester grades came out and she has straight A's (and one B).
In fact, all four of the kids are crushing it in school.
Even though she didn't pass her summer school class - it turns out that in Vermont, it doesn't matter. Not one iota. The entire academic philosophy at their high school - which is ranked #1 in the state and even surpasses their high school in Texas, is so refreshingly different. Her counselors are not at all plussed about her grade in geometry and are confident that she will not only graduate on time, but have the option of college: if she so chooses. High school isn't life or death here. Kids aren't measured on how many AP classes they are taking - but how well rounded and kind they are.
And this just feels right.
When we lived in Fairfax, Virginia, we read story after story about teenagers that were so stressed out at school and in life expectations, that they opted to end their young lives by laying on the tracks of the Metro. Soon after we moved to Texas, I read the story of a young woman who had committed suicide because she was afraid she wouldn't graduate in the top 10% of her class - and miss the opportunity to attend UT (The University of Texas).
At some cellular level, I think I've known that we had to get away from those big city environments, with the incredible stress of win-win-win ... perform-perform-perform that not only permeates the adults and drives them to the brink of exhaustion - but infiltrates the kids, too. While it's great to see kids succeed, the pressure is just too intense. My heart absolutely breaks at the thought of it, and the kids who would leave suicide notes confessing that if this is how difficult life is as a teenager - they don't want to live to be an adult. Yes, something is broken in our society, indeed.
Aside from academics, Carolyn is thriving in this environment. Despite being an incredible introvert, she decided that she was going to turn a new leaf in her new school. Much to our amazement, she opted to run for a position on student council. And that is how, the second week of school she stood up in front of a room full of people she didn't know - let them know how she was going to bring her leadership skills from scouting to the school - and asked that they please consider voting for her.
They did.
And, she won.
The second week of school, she scored a coveted spot on student council. And the fourth week of school, she landed a spot in the school play. This past week, she was out rowing with an outstanding coach, and collegiate rower, who has connections all over the globe and wants to work with Carolyn to form a youth program in northern Vermont: for fun!
OUR GIRL!!!
To see her (and her siblings!) THRIVING here makes everything worthwhile.
Because in my book, that's what it's all about.
