Sunday, December 26, 2010

make way, hot mama coming through

Charlie and I agreed that this would be a "quiet" Christmas for the two of us. Sure, we would buy presents for the children, but we wouldn't go overboard with gift giving between ourselves since we're saving up for a new kitchen, bathrooms, roof and lawn.

I think Charlie's exact words were, "I really don't need anything" and in his mind, that meant he would get nothing for Christmas. But seeing as I'm his wife and I love him very much and we've been together for 20 years, I knew that he needed a few things, so I picked them out, wrapped them up and stuck them under the tree with a bow.

Namely, I bought him some winter socks, woolen mittens, flannel lined jeans, flannel pajamas, cozy slippers, snow boots, a warm jacket that wasn't neon yellow and intended strictly for the ski slopes, a small wallet since his was falling apart, a digital watch and a 2011 Day Planner. I also bought him some deodorant, toothpaste, razors, lotion and a 1-pound bag of Starbucks coffee for his stocking.

See? Very simple and yet very practical gifts.

On Christmas morning, as we sat down with our stockings, I opened my first gift. It was a delightful box of 3-pack underwear. The next gift was a dishtowel. The next gift was Aveeno facial soap and SPF-15 lotion.

Facial soap and lotion that I had actually bought for myself earlier in the week, and had put in the bathroom. Charlie spotted them in their boxes, snatched them, wrapped them up, and put them in my stocking. This totally cracks me up because I had been LOOKING for these things and had no clue my husband was gifting them to me. I thought maybe I had lost my mind and hadn't purchased them, after all?

Seriously. Isn't there a rule against that?

It's very important to interject here that Charlie surprised me by having professionally framed a priceless piece of art that had recently been found in my father's house, by my sister, Beth.


This picture had been painted more than 30 years ago, for me, by my pediatrician, whose practice was in the building next to "My Daddy's Store."


(AKA: My father's pharmacy in downtown Concord, Massachusetts.)

This is a very special painting to me.

I love it and I love that my husband was so thoughtful to have it framed.


Now, fortunately for Charlie, my Love Language isn't Receiving Gifts.

Because later, as we were opening presents from beneath the tree, the children handed me a small package that their father had also given to me. I opened the gift and there was another 3-pack of underwear. The next small package yielded more dishtowels. Then, there were two more boxes of 3-pack underwear. In addition to the beautiful framed picture, I received lotion and soap that I had purchased for myself, 12 pairs of underwear and four new dishtowels.

Granted, I needed new underwear. And dishtowels. So, I'm very thankful that my husband bought me these highly necessary gifts. For Christmas.

It's important to note that Charlie believes I broke the terms of our agreement by purchasing him anything. Which, in my opinion were his terms - not mine.

Nonetheless, last night, as I was carefully opening my four new boxes of underwear (!), I held them up for Charlie to see. My poor husband was feeling very badly that he hadn't bought me anything else for Christmas, so when I held up the first pair his eyes nearly bugged out of his head when I said, "Wow, Honey, these are awesome. They'll totally keep my back warm!"


Where and how did he come up with the size, I do not know.

But oh, how I laughed.

I laughed so hard and am still laughing just as hard, today.

Let's just say it's a good thing I have 12 new pairs of all cotton underwear that will probably fit me for the rest of my life.


  1. Hint, hint! He wants to make you pregnant again :P

  2. OMG my Mister and I are hysterically laughing here. His first comment was "that would be something I would do"!!!! Omg did he think you were expecting triplets again!! HYSTERICAL!!! Such a good laugh Jen!!

  3. Hahaha! I got all excited when I found a wrapped gift in my husbands wardrobe. In November. Had he really gone out and not only bought something for me, but early? And wrapped? Completely out of character for him but I was so excited.

    It was a coffee maker. The type that he wanted. That I had repeatedly said I didn't like and wouldn't use. Sigh. And it was wrapped for free at the store. Why did I ever think he had changed?

    My love language isn't gifts either but given this was my only gift (we don't do adult gifts in either his or my family, and my husband didn't think to buy gifts from the kids to me either) I will admit to feeling a bit Grinchy right now.

  4. I think cotton underwear is the BEST gift. No matter what size!!!


  5. OH MY DEAR. I will be laughing about it for the rest of the day for sure! What a dear husband... LOL!!

  6. Wow- Underwear that can also serve as a bra too! Thank you for the laughs!

  7. Sweet Mercy!!!

    Does he think your pant size is the same as your underwear size? That is a common mistake with men.

    My mom used to work retail and it was a very common return: a frustrated wife would walk in and slam her new underwear on the counter and say "My husband think since my jeans are a size ten my underwear should be too....."

    One year my husband bought my gifts at his company gift shop - a mistake he made only once. We were just laughing about that the other day.

  8. Those are LOVELY. OMG, I just wrote nearly the same post on my blog. My SIL got binoculars and I got a TOASTER. Those S brothers sure know how to woo their women.

    Perhaps he expects you to grow into those panties? Thinking ahead, Charlie?


    At least you got the painting. My other gift was the velour pink track suit. Or maybe they were pajamas. Can I wear them to Walmart? It's such a fine line between sweat suit and pajamas, it's hard for me to know.

  9. I know you were worried about survival during an ice storm or winter weather that knocks out the power. Think of the versatile uses for those GIANT old lady panties - your children can wear them as a layer, you could use them to insulate leaky windows, you could use them as a head covering, you could even use them in the spring to let the kids camp out in. What CAN'T these panties do?!?! Charlie is a genius!

  10. I am laughing loudly in my office. Shhh...haha. Hhahah ahah.... ahhh.

    I got three new fleece sweaters for Christmas and three pairs of fleece pajama bottoms. Apparently I was cold and needed PJ's! :)

    Merry Christmas. Its not too cold today, only about ten below.

  11. This made me laugh so hard I almsot had to change my own underware! That is so awesome!

  12. alright, so I have to come out of the closet with this post. I have been reading your blog for years, and I don't even remember how I got to it in the first place. I am awful at posting comments on blogs, cause I usually read them from my Google Reader on my phone and it's a pain to comment.

    Last night I was catching up on some blogs, and read yours. I was nearly crying I was laughing so hard! To the point that my hubby wanted to know what I was laughing at. I proceeded to read it to him and then show him the picture of you with your underwear! He even got a giggle out of it! :)

    anyway, I just had to let you know that i love reading your blog!

  13. alright, so I have to come out of the closet with this post. I have been reading your blog for a while...not even sure how I started reading it, but your writing is great and I enjoy reading it, so I do. I'm not so good at leaving comments, cause I usually read blogs from my Google Reader on my phone, and it's a pain to comment. anyway, this post had me crying it was so funny, and totally something my husband would do. In fact, I was laughing so hard I had to read it to my hubby, and show him the picture of you with your underwear! Ha! His reply? "Do underwear have sizes?" Ummm, YES!!! :) Love your blog! :)

  14. That is a very cool painting! What is your father's store now? I live just outside of Concord, so I visit there often. There is a very cute toy store there on the corner. Was your father's store near that?

    We got 18 inches of snow, and we have high winds right now. Brrrr. What was your snow total?

  15. I almost peed in my pants when I saw the picture of you with your underwear. When I was pregnant I decided that I needed grandma underwear for after delivery. I knew I was having a section so I didn't want anything that would rub against my incision. So I actually bought myself some of those... about that size. And while I did it purposefully, I had no idea just how huge they really were. I have the most awesome picture of my in those underwear (mine were pink) with my deflated balloon post partum belly with the pink undies hiked up to just above my belly button and to about my bra strap in the back... sexy! Thanks for the good monday laugh.

  16. When I was younger and at the age where I had a job and was expected to buy some necessities for myself, I bought some cotton underwear that looked quite similar to those you have pictured. Why the %$^& don't underwear sizes follow pants sizes?

  17. H-y-s-t-e-r-i-c-a-l!! ;-) Marg.

  18. I've been there (pharmacy)!!!! I asked for directions when I drove into town for your wedding - ooops, I mean your rehearsal dinner (WHOOOPS! LOL)
    Love, Love, Love the grannie panties!!

  19. The painting is so totally precious! :D

    ~Cindy! :)

  20. I have to keep coming back to post because it is the funniest thing ever!less

  21. Hi Jenn, Happy Holidays!

    I always learn so much from you blog, its one of my favorite reads. I especially like the informative posts, like the ones on water safety, etc. So, with those posts in mind, please take this assvice with a grain of salt. I follow you on Twitter, too and saw the pic of Henry after sledding. I wasn't sure, since you moved from a warmer climate, if you knew about car seat safety and winter coats? This link has some info about it.

    Of course, if the pic of Henry on Twitter was an extenuating circumstance (already asleep in his coat!) or one time thing...just ignore this and carry on...I think you do a great job as a mom! You're an inspiration to me! (just "moderate" this comment out, I don't want to seem preachy)

  22. Jen, You should check out the tassimo coffee maker for Charlie! I got one for Christmas and it is a coffee lover's dream! Like owning your own personal starbucks! -Karen

  23. Perhaps Charlie's swiping of your toiletries was just to give you blog fodder?

    I received chocolates in the mail around Christmas. I assumed they were from my husband, since he's overseas this holiday season. His response, "Oh, you wanted chocolates?" About a week later a Ghirardelli gift basket appeared in the mailbox.

    It turns out that the first gift was from a blog friend who knew I was really missing hubby.

    Fortunately for my husband, he's stocked up many "perfect gift" points, and I'm a total chocaholic.

  24. Anon: My Dad's pharmacy is now the Toy Store. He closed shop in circa 1998 and the Toy Store has been there ever since. I love that corner!