I had to be to the hospital at 1 PM for check-in.
It's a 45-minute drive from our house.
My bags were packed.
My pre-op papers were filled out.
I hadn't anything to eat or drink since midnight.
I was totally ready.
But, not ready at all.
So, I sat in the bathroom and cried from 11:30 AM until 12:15 PM and prayed for wisdom.
I can't explain it.
I know the baby is ready.
Having had three babies born nine weeks prematurely - that are thriving today - I fully anticipate that a baby arriving a week early will have no problems.
But, I couldn't do it.
Everyone expected me to be at the hospital.
And I really hate to be an inconvenience.
But I imagined myself laying on the operating table - regretting to my very core - that I didn't at least go to my due date and see if perhaps I would go in to labor on my own.
I worried about the health of our baby. I worried about me. I worried about dying on the table and leaving four children behind. I worried about Charlie.
At 12:20 PM, I called and canceled my surgery.
My doctor insisted that if I wasn't delivering today, that I come in for an ultrasound.
When I arrived at his office, in place of the nice pants, shirt and tie he normally wears, he was donning his scrubs.
He was fully prepared to be in the operating room.
With me.
But there I was, in his office.
Feeling like I should have a But also feeling proud of myself that I followed my heart and didn't succumb to pressure.
(Keep in mind - this is a BRAND NEW doctor. My previous OB retired and I've only had this new doctor for a couple weeks. My previous OB never really discussed with me how our new baby would arrive and because I'm so "on it" I didn't really think of it, either. It just kind of snuck up on me. You know?)
Even if I said I would .... I never really wanted the c-section today.
My doctor said he knew that.
Now, I've got until next Thursday - July 5 - to have this baby.
If he doesn't come by then - and because I can't be induced - I will have to have a repeat c-section at 11:00 AM.
This afternoon, I talked with one of my friends who told me about her experience delivering vaginally. She said that when it was time to push, she felt this tremendous pressure, followed by a tremendous relief.
She looked to her doctor and asked "Is it a girl or a boy?!" and the doctor replied "It's a bowel movement."
Right there. On. The. Table.
Great.
That'll be something new for me to worry about.
Bless your heart Jen. I have been thinking about you periodically throughout the day, wondering what your decision was. I hope that this baby's birth will be all that you hope for, whether it is a c-section or VBAC.
ReplyDeleteLet me clarify....I hope this baby's birth is all that you hope for, minus the bowel movement on the delivery table:)
ReplyDelete((((Jen)))) How'd the u/s go???
ReplyDeleteIt sounds to me like you are more at peace with waiting one more week. I wish you continued good healthy and LABOR VIBES........
I'm proud of you for following your heart. And bless your doctor's heart for being there with you, not forcing the issue...
ReplyDeleteIt's really a fun experience to go into labor on your own (I've only done that one time out of three!) - and I totally relate to just not feeling good about going forward with an appointed delivery.
One week may be all you (and the baby) need to be ready to go!
Also, I'll be the first to admit that I'm crazy, but pushing is a tremendously difficult but immensely amazing process and the feeling when that baby is born is one of the most fabulous things in life.
I hope everything goes well for you - I'm thinking of you every day!
I've followed your blog for the last year or so but never posted till today.
ReplyDeleteYou did EXACTLY the right thing. Going into surgery when you are so unsure cannot be a good thing, physically or emotionally. Little Nemo will be ready soon and he'll let everyone know it. Even if you still need a C section, you'll have also "let nature take its course" so you'll probably be okay with it.
And as for the BM thing---don't worry about it. That's why docs wear gloves. lol! You will not die of embarrassment if it happens to you. Let's just say I KNOW this for a fact and let it go at that. lol!
Kim
Wow Jenna- you really don't trust Charlie with your blog, do you! ;)
ReplyDeleteI hope the next week goes quickly for you, and that you can enjoy the last little bit of your pregnancy. I think the VBAC/repeat section issue stole much of the joy in my second pregnancy- its so hard when you have to choose! I guess because one feels that one is to blame if anything goes wrong with either method of delivery.
After your big cry today, and your decision, I hope you can get some joy.
I followed you here from a comment you left on alittlepregnant about your surprise pregnancy (I think you were only 7 weeks along). Its so exciting that you are almost at the end! Looking forward to Nemo's arrival and seeing what he is finally called.
Rebecca D
Good for you for following your heart.
ReplyDeleteYour post sounds less angst-ridden than it has in a long time. We're here for you if you need us. Honestly, don't hesitate to call.
ReplyDelete-Debbie
I am happy that you followed your heart. Only YOU know whats best for YOU.
ReplyDeleteLinda (Chicago)
PS-the bowel movement story made me burst out laughing. :)
thougth I didn't have preemie triplets, my guy was born 22 days early and was growth restricted so only weighed 4 1/2 lbs...I don't think I could do a scheduled c- section either (although it is a very personal decision) Having spent the last month of my pregnancy praying and trying to get my son bigger, if I am lucky enough to experience pregnancy again, there is no way I could have him delievereed early unless it was medically necessary....I hear you....we'll pray that he comes this week!!!!
ReplyDeleteAnd as a side not my cousin's baby will be born today (most likely)- I think you guys had the same due date, so maybe the vibes will come your way:)
I woke up this morning wondering what was going to be on this blog!
ReplyDeleteI have to tell you, having a "BM" on the delivery table was my biggest concern!!!
Thanks for the laugh!
I will continue to pray for you that you will gain comfort during this time. Either way this baby will arrive and all will be well with the world :)
(Tomorrow is a full moon!)
I was so excited for you when I read your comment on my blog!!! If you don't mind, I just linked to you so that others could share your excitement with you.
ReplyDeleteBy-the-way, I too am afraid of pooping. hahahha, oh well. My doula says she's seen EVERYTHING and when she was in labor she pooped the worst of everyone. :)
Good for you for following your heart. However this baby comes out, extra time in utero is a good thing.
ReplyDeleteIm sure you've heard all of the old wives tales about how to induce labor, but here you go anyway -
castor oil - gives your major diarrohea so might not be a goo dthing
acupuncture - didn't get my labor going but did help me dilate and efface
reflexology - there are key pressure points on the feet that can really get things going
sex - not sure how people manage this in late pregnancy but good for them if they do
hard walking - uphill or rough terrain.
Best of luck to you!
You sound very relieved and at peace with your decision, which is great. You can't worry about what other people thing - it's your body and your baby, and ultimately, your decision.
ReplyDeleteHowever this baby ends up being brought into this world is simply the way it's meant to be.
Jane, P&B Girls
I'm glad you made the decision that felt right to you, regardless of the pressure around you. He will be here soon enough and 100% healthy.
ReplyDeleteI thought I was pushing out a BM during labor, and it turned out to be the baby descending!!!
ReplyDeleteGood luck to you! I had a very positive VBAC last year and would gladly share my birthstory with you if you want. I'm glad you stood up for what you want instead of giving in. And don't worry about pooping in labor. By the time I was pushing out my baby I could've cared less about anything else lol. And honestly, to push effectively you want to push like you are pooping really hard lol.
ReplyDeleteYou are one of the funniest people I've never met!!!
ReplyDeleteJenna, I am so happy for you that you followed your heart, and what a great doctor not to pressure you - so many in SoCal won't even let women attempt a VBAC.
ReplyDeleteI'm now praying that you go into labor on your own within the next week so you can attempt a VBAC. No one mentioned fresh pineapple, or nipple stimulation to get things moving... there are plenty of sites that have the when and how, but nothing will make Nemo come unless he's ready! Wishing you easy, speedy labor vibes!
p.s. the BM thing is the last thing you'll be worrying about when you're pushing ;)
Good for you! At least, no matter what, you'll make it to 40 weeks and will have zero concerns that the baby isn't 100% ready. Now you just need your body to be ready. Rest, drink water, relax, eat healthy, let your mom do the lion's share for the triplets, and wait for your body to start the beautiful process of labor.
ReplyDeleteIs Charlie up for that time-honored activity that can ripen your cervix? My hubby refused but, luckily, my water always breaks by itself and starts my labor!
Don't worry about pooping...I did with my first but with my second, I had no bodily fluids left after spending the better part of early labor in the bathroom. So, see, fun stuff to look forward to - will you be an early or late pooper?!
Awww. It's great that you made the decision not to give in to something you weren't sure about. Regret sucks. Maybe now you can relax (well, as much as one can with toddling triplets running around)and the baby will decide to come all by himself like he's supposed to. Good luck! I'll definitely be thinking about you and praying for you.
ReplyDeleteOh, and you could always do an enema when your labor begins! Supposedly it not only clears everything out but helps you practice for pushing...which is sooo much having a bowel movement! I think lots and lots of women do that though so don't worry. It might be a nice way to break in the new OB anyway.
Jen, you are so strong and amazing! Most women would have gone ahead with the c-section. I know it must have been a very hard decision. It's especially hard when you know someone is giving you a time limit. (I had a date scheduled for a repeat c/s with twins but did not show up and had them later that day.) I will be praying for a gentle labor that starts very soon! If you need encouragement or want to talk or read my birth story or anything like that, I'm here for you. I wish you the very best with this birth, no matter how you give birth.
ReplyDeleteDear Jen and Guy and family,
ReplyDeleteWe love you and trust in your judgement. Poppa flys home this Sunday so we may be in the States for the birth.
Kisses and hugs to all on Avondale Way.
Kathleen
I have been reading your blog for a few months or so. I had twins 2 years ago at 27 6/7 weeks gestation. The pregnancy was horrid, I was constantly sick, in the hospital 3 times for IV fluids, and then the premature birth. I knew this would probably be my only pregnancy and at times I feel cheated. Cheated out of enjoying the pregnancy, experiencing labor and childbirth, bringing home my babies when I was released from the hospital, etc. I practically stood up and cheered when I read your post today. Good for you for making the decision with your heart AND head.
ReplyDeleteGO JEN! I had a VERY positive VBAC experience 3 months ago. Your situation was the same as mine, and I am sooooo glad that I waited to have the VBAC. I ended up delivering a 9lb 7 oz boy without a problem,(except a long labor) and it was the best decision that I ever made! It is so empowering!!!!
ReplyDeleteHere is something else to consider... you say you have until July 5, but if you remain healthy than try to push the dr to let you go further or let you be induced with just a bit of pitocin to see what happens. I convinced my dr to let me go past 41 wks. At 41wks I had to be induced, and I ended up having NO problem delivering my VBAC big boy.
The dr thought that my uterus was not allowing itself to contract to initiate spontaneous labor because my first pregnancy was full-term twins and I had 13lbs of baby in me. Therefore, she thought my uterus was stretched out, and I needed pitocin to get things going. She was right because I responded well to the pitocin.
My point in telling you this is 1) that your uterus may be stretched from your triplet pregnancy (that is good news bc there is even less than the 1% chance of uterine rupture 2) because it is stretched than your body may not go into labor on its own 3) you made it this far so discuss the induction option if you go past July 5 4) so what if you have a big baby in there! You can do it!!! 5) my vajajay is just fine after delivering the big baby. it goes back to normal and i dont pee when i laugh! 6) did i mention that you can do this?????!!!!!!
GO JEN!!!!! I am ROOTING FOR YOU!!!
Jen- you totally crack me up! Really. My husband can't make a decision to save his life. He is the most indecisive person I've ever met. Next to you. But I still love even if I could wring his neck at times. Oh well, it will all work out. He's coming out one way or another, even if "shit happens"!
ReplyDeleteI thought about you all day yesterday. Now you have plenty of time to train Charlie on the blog! Have him do a test run to tell everyone hello!
ReplyDeleteBy the way, I was concerned about the BM thing, and it happened to me, Oh did it happen to me!
No big deal, it will be the least of your worries.
Good for you for following your gut and doing what feels right to you!
ReplyDeleteI hope this week goes well and that you go into labor on your own. Do it for me!
i don't think it's that you don't want Nemo to be born before he's ready - I think it's that you want the full-on normal pregnancy experience. I went thru the same thing - I had a horrible twin pg, and I was induced at 37w4d. I had a surprisingly normal delivery, but I had to spend over 15 hours waiting for it to happen. With my singleton, I was bound and determined to go into labor on my own - even when my doc offered to induce me since he would be on vacation the week of my due date. Of course I got the same warning - one week past my due date and my induction would commence. I ended up delivering at 39w6d.
ReplyDeleteHang in there!
Hang in there Jen!
ReplyDeleteI was wondering how it went, I'm glad you followed your heart. I hope that he decides to come on his own and it's everything you are hoping for (unfortunately that whole BM is another story, good news is you will be so focused on other stuff, you won't even care... or maybe you will).
ReplyDeleteLove it! I can totally relate after everything you've been through! I hope you go into labor naturally & have a wonderful birth experience. Take care, Tam
ReplyDeleteJen, I'm so glad. I know this sounds crazy, and that you'd have been happy with a healthy baby no matter how he arrived, but I just couldn't shake that feeling of "Oh, no..." when I read that you were going along with the C-section plan despite your reservations. Not because I think there's something wrong with having a C-section, but because there was such a strong message in your post that having one right then would be wrong for *you*.
ReplyDeleteGood luck. I hope everything goes the way you want it to - but you know now that you've done what you can to make things go the way that is right for you.
Oh, and BTW - if you do feel it would help at all to hear the stories of women who've had a VBAC and *not* regretted it, give me a shout and I'll rustle you some up from the pregnancy group I read. Including one who successfully birthed a 13lb baby vaginally after 3 caesareans. Since she then went on to have her fifth baby vaginally as well, I'm guessing she was happy with her decision there. ;-)
Oh, one other thing - Why does your doctor say you'll need a C-section by 40 weeks if you haven't delivered then? Are there any problems with the current pregnancy? If not, then the current evidence is to wait until *41 weeks* before induction, not 40 - this is because several randomised trials have shown that waiting the extra week makes *no* difference in outcome, so Cochrane now recommend going to at least 41 weeks before inducing unless there are specific problems. (After 41 weeks, the evidence gets more conflicting.)
ReplyDeleteI was so excited to be directed to this blog and read your story. I had a vbac seven months ago, and it was the most incredible experience. You are such a strong woman, you can DO THIS! I have no doubt about it. If you can mother triplets, this should be a piece of cake! Just take one moment at at time, and before you know it will be over. When it starts to become too much, that means babe is ready to arrive. I had a 9 lb 7 0z baby and I'm 5 2 1/2 so don't let anyone scare you with talks of "babe is too big" Your pelvis will open just right for whatever size your babe is. Congrats and can't wait to hear about when the babe arrives.
ReplyDeleteI don't know you but you are my hero. way to go~
Erica
You are so brave and right to follow your heart!
ReplyDeleteGetting a birth doula to help you is a great idea - especially if you have your baby in a hospital. I had help from a birth doula with my first birth, in a hospital, and I swear that it was her help that allowed me to deliver vaginally rather than by c-section. Good luck! May the labor fairy visit you soon!
Dear Jen
ReplyDeleteI have SO wanted to leave my opinion here for the last few days, but as this is such a big decision for you and Charlie I thought you needed support not conflicting advise....LOL
I think you have made the right choice, BUT no matter how Nemo gets here I can't wait to "meet" him.
Pushing a big baby out (9lb9oz) is much easier than pushing out a littly. I also found that tears heal MUCH faster than episiotomies, and get in quick for your epidural as if you progress too fast you miss out......It might be nice to look back and say I did it without drugs (2out of 3 for me) BUT at the times I would of killed for drugs.
I have you on priority setting on my Google reader and am checking constantly to hear the news. I am so pleased that you have given Charlie blogging instructions.
Oh and don't worry about the potty, the kids WILL NOT being wearing diapers to school; they will figure it out when they are ready.
Good for you. Following your "gut" and heart on this one. Bear with me as I tell you my tale. I was scheduled to graduate a very intense nursing program. (Right after high school I married, had a baby and never went to college. 10yrs later finding myself single,and raising a boy. I was more than proud of myself for finally going to college.) BUT as you know God has a seriously not so funny sense of humor sometimes.(I remarriage after freshman semester) I found myself prego,and due two weeks before the BIG graduation. No big deal get the thing out and go back to class? Right! OH no, day after day the baby wouldn't not come, not one single contraction. I was begin to get so angry, anger i have never felt before. I wanted that baby to come and not mess up MY big plans. I found myself in tears several times bargaining with GOD over the whole deal. Needless to say I passed finals, attended the last day of class, walked across the stage, celebrated my 13 years old birthday. Then and only then I had the most beautiful (9lb14.5oz)baby girl, all in God's timing. SO as you can imagen my new motto in life is "you can't make the baby come" that is until its time for the baby to come. This actually applys to many topics in life more then one would think. I am now a homemaker taking care of my family never having worked one single day as a registered nurse that I worked so hard to get. But my daughter (& son) is spoiled with her momma's love and all is better then I could have ever planned it to be.
ReplyDeleteSO needless to say I do not know you but I am proud of you for standing up and following your gut. Each day the baby gets even stronger to be able to handle all those hands ready to help. I just know all is going to be well for you.
I have been following your story since your resolve days and it is a pleasure to watch your children grow! As I was walking through the mall today I saw a new triplet mommy and told her all about you.
ReplyDeleteI loved my c-sections and the rest required after them. I think that had I not have had 2nd c-section I would have been chasing my twins up and down the stairs. What ever you decide take the time you need to heal, ask for help and take it!