Whatta Croc

"A few random complaints thoughts."

- By Jen

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My Dear Fellow American Citizens:

Whoever is voting for Sanjaya Malakar on American Idol ... please stop.

I honestly cannot stand the torture anymore.

If he makes it through again next week, I will surely drown myself in a bowl of curry.

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Recently, our City built an awesome park a mile or so from our house.

But to get to the park, you have to cross a very busy (i.e. 45 MPH speed zone) street.

We noticed that when the park was being constructed, they put ramps on the sidewalks immediately adjacent to the entrance, so we were under the impression that eventually, the City was planning to paint cross walks to the opposite side of the street, so that people (and children) visiting the park would have a safe place to cross.

After weeks turned in to months and still no cross-walks appeared ... and the only way we could access the park was to scramble across the 5-foot planter filled with various bushes and seasonal flora ... and dart across the 45 MPH speed zone - with our bulky triplet stroller and dog - we decided that a call was in order to the City Planning Department.

We left a message for the Traffic Control Engineer and when he returned our call, two weeks later, I was shocked when he informed us that there were "most definitely NO plans to put in a cross-walk."

Apparently, cross-walks create a "false sense of security for pedestrians" and they thought it was in the best interest of public safety to forego said cross walks in front of this park. Infact, any place they are resurfacing - except in front of schools - they are not restoring cross walks.

Can you believe that?!?!

According to the Traffic Control Engineer, it's a lot safer to have pedestrians (including children) dart like George Costanza in a game of Frogger across a 45 MPH speed zone - where cars have NO obligation to stop.

I'm appalled that cars on this speedway don't even slow down for people (ME) crossing the street - with a BABY CARRIAGE and a dog. Despite my best efforts at being a good role model for our children - you can often hear me yelling at these cars and shaking my fist. I know that's not enough. So, I'm planning to contact our State Representative and Congressman to complain.

Right after we finish our wills.

If it's the last thing I do ... I WILL GET A CROSS WALK.

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Charlie took the children to a different park today, while I was at work. When I came home this evening, he recapped his morning. It went something like this:

Fed the kids breakfast.

Cleaned up the kitchen after breakfast.

Got the kids dressed.

Packed a picnic lunch.

Got himself dressed, while the kids undressed themselves, destroyed the kitchen and tried to hack in to the lunch boxes and eat their picnic lunch.

Loaded the kids in to the car.

Drove to the park.

Chased three toddlers all around the park.

Picked up two young straggler children (aged 24-months and 36-months, respectively), whose mother was totally oblivious to their whereabouts as she sat leisurely flipping through an interior design catalogue in her designer sunglasses and wide-brimmed hat.

Called over to aforementioned oblivious mother numerous times and asked if her young children could go in the tot swing - since they were hanging on to Charlie's hand and begging "Swing! Swing!"

When ignored by oblivious mother - proceeded to walk around the rest of the park to play on various equipment with our three toddlers - while followed by two young straggler children - and wondered what would happen if some nut job scooped these children up and took off?

How long would it take oblivious mother to notice??

Attracted other various children to the meandering triplet entourage - although none of the other children were being blatantly ignored by their caregivers.

Made lots of new friends.

After being followed around the park for 90-minutes by young straggler children - and their mothers who were amazed that a father was able to take care of three toddlers, by himself - loaded our three children back in to the car and drove home.

Speculated how going out with triplets, is like being a huge meandering-kid & awestruck-mother velcro patch. This is not so bad of a thing ... except for when parents totally ignore their meandering children and assume that you will not only watch your three - but theirs as well.

Like he doesn't have enough to do. Jeesh.

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When I was expecting the triplets, the only shoes that I could wear were flip flops and Crocs. Not even my adjustable Birkenstocks would fit on my gargantuan feet.

But in my unending quest to find the "perfect" shoe - I purchased a lot of them.

Our children love shoes. They absolutely adore them.

They'll raid our closets every day and prance around the house wearing various footwear.

William particularly loves the girls black patent leather shoes, which he enthusiastically refers to as "Whale Shoes." It took me a while to figure this out - but I realized they are shiny and black ... kind of like a Killer Whale. And since Sea World is one of our favorite spots in the world - it makes logical sense that these shoes remind our son of Shamu.

He's a smart little guy.

A few weeks ago, while I was at the park (the one sans cross walk), I was talking with a fellow dad who commented how adorable our children are and was inquiring how old they were. "Let's see ... I'll bet he's three and the girls are maybe two?"

To which I replied "Exactly how much did you want to bet? We're trying to buy a new house."

After I told him that they were infact triplets and I was expecting a fourth ... he staggered backwards and then cautiously inquired, "Two girls and a .... boy?"

The gender of Carolyn and Elizabeth, who were dressed from head to toe in pink and carrying their baby dolls, was easy enough to distinguish.

William, however, was wearing his denim overalls - his red flare skirt - and his infamous "Whale Shoes" that he absolutely insists on wearing pretty much every time we damn near step out of the house. Unless I want to deal with a full-body temper tantrum, screaming, and a child who is capable of going completely boneless ... I'll usually relent and let him wear his "Whale Shoes" and watch him giddily dance around.

After I responded that "Yes, two girls and a boy" I felt compelled to add, "Our son prefers to wear his sister's shoes."

The man laughed and told me that it wasn't uncommon for a 2-year old to wear unusual things and I really shouldn't worry. He then went on to add that a few weeks earlier, he had met another parent at the park whose little boy insisted on wearing a pair of girls shoes.

Oddly, this made me feel better. Like maybe our son wasn't the only one in the neighborhood with a crazy fashion sense. Because honestly - I've never seen another child at the park dressed nearly as outlandish as our boy.

When I went on to tell the guy that William refers to his shoes as "Whale Shoes" ... he paused and then blurted out "OH! I bet it was your husband I met!! Does he have a goatee and wear a Boston Red Sox hat?!?"

Yeah. That would be him. And if in 15-years our son still has an affinity for black patent leather shoes and wearing skirts over his pants - I might be prepared to drown myself in curry.

Anyway.

Due to my huge shoe collection, I recently noticed that William also favors my Crocs. Because everything has to do with animals in our household ... these shoes are referred to as "Alwygator Shoes."

Because - there is a picture of an alligator on the ankle strap.

During an outing last week at one of my all-time favorite stores ... I found "Alwygator Shoes" that were just about the right size for our children. Since I was also picking up a birthday present of Croc shoes for Poppa ... I decided it would be nice surprise to purchase the same kind of shoes for the kids, too.

Low and behold, the children absolutely love their new Crocs.

They can put them on all by themselves - albeit not always on the right feet - and they will gallantly trip gallop around the house chanting "ALWYGATOR!!! ROARRRRRR!!!!!"

So, so cute.

Not so cute is the price for these "Alwygator Shoes" that our children will probably outgrow by the time of the summer solstice.

I think it borders on criminal that a shoe 1/4 the size of Poppa's ... costs the exact same amount. Now that's a CROC.

It is my intention to write to the manufacturer to complain.

Immediately after I write to our State Representative and Congressman.

Right after I finish our wills.

If only Santa granted me the second item on my wish list...