Upgrades

We are seriously contemplating some major renovations to our house.

Pause.

Yes. We have toddlers. Three of them. Who are in the midst of destroying just about everything in this house.

What did we have on our mind (that we have apparently lost)? Well ... painting, possibly replacing our floors with hardwood, upgrading our bathroom. All the stuff that I've realized we can't live without since I was at Home Depot last month. We've had contractors showing up on our doorstep with their bids in hand, every day for the past week.

We're just gathering information. You know ... getting a flavor of what we'd be in for ... if we did decided to do a *little* work.

Glutton for punishment. Right here. That would be me.

I'm starting to question if a remodel is a good idea ... at this point in time.

Tonight, when I came home from work - Charlie was trying to feed the kids dinner. We've decided that although mashed peas are a good self-feed food for them ... peas of the non-mashed variety aren't. In the nine seconds it took for me to greet Charlie and turn to wash my hands ... I was pelted in the back of the head by handfuls of peas.

Welcome home, Mom.

I never would have believed that a little 22-month old child's hand could hold so many peas.

Molly doesn't like peas. Neither does our Animal.

Neither do I ... crawling around our hard tile floors and cleaning them up before they get squashed any further in to our grout.

Charlie tells me that this morning, he found Elizabeth standing in her crib ... wearing a smile. Apparently, that's ALL she had on. Her diaper and pajamas were thrown over the side. When he went in to the nursery following the afternoon nap, he found her wearing only her smile. Again.

Now that Elizabeth has mastered the art of removing all of her clothes and diaper ... I'm sure it's just a matter of time before she teaches her brother and sister. Which means, we probably should skip serving O'Henry bars for a while. Unless we want to clean up a mess that would make peas seem like peanuts.

Following dinner, we unloaded the kids from their booster chairs and tried to corral them in to the bathroom. That's when all three of them showed us their newest trick, which I have dubbed "Rubber Legs." Obviously, they were much more interested in picking up and continuing to throw the peas from the ground ... than they were in taking a bath.

Have you ever tried to walk with a child, who is fully capable of walking, but completely goes limp and slides to the ground? Have you ever tried walking with two ... make it three ... children that do this? And the ground is covered with peas?

It was a lovely sight. Take my word for it.

I get the kids upright and they start pulling everything off the counter.

Since when could they reach EVERYTHING on the counter???

I'm not entirely sure when this growth spurt occurred ... but heaps of stuff that I had tucked up there thinking was safe, was being pulled to the ground. Fruit. Cutting boards. Miscellaneous kitchen supplies that made a loud sound when crashing to the floor.

Fortunately, the ground was tile. Not brand new hardwood floors.

All three of the kids looked at me with huge eyes and in unison said "Oh, Oh." Usually I only reserve "Oh, Oh" for when something happens that was not planned. You know, you do something - unintentionally.

Our kids don't understand that yet.

They love to toss out "Oh, Oh" for each and every time they consciously drop, pull or throw something to the ground.

If I'm annoyed ... Gracie will chant "E-I-E-I-Oooo." And then look at me with a coy smile. She knows that she's in trouble. And I know - that she knows - how funny it is when she does this.

But there's NO laughing. At least not that they can see.

As far as the kids are concerned ... I'm annoyed tonight, because they continue to reach up with their grubby little pea-covered hands and pull everything else that they could reach, off our counter. All the while singing out, "Oh-Oh. Oh-Oh. E-I-E-I-Oooo. Oh-Oh."

Charlie told me that the fastest way to land both of us in a mental institution, is to take on a remodel job to upgrade our house, with three toddlers underfoot. The remodel will most likely drive us to the brink ... and three toddlers will push us right over the side and in to the abyss.

Three toddlers that I've determined, just today, have been upgraded to Hurricane Level III status. Gee ... that was fast. We were only upgraded to a Level II, on Thursday...