In short answer, I know because I've experienced far too many things that are otherwise unexplained, and, I genuinely feel it in my heart. Moreover, there is what I perceive to be not enough scientific evidence to disclaim it. Also, the alternative is rather bleak, so if given the choice of believing or not believing - I'll believe every day of the week and twice on Sunday. Amen.
Of course, this has been my own personal evolution and I cannot fool myself in to thinking that I can convince anyone to believe what I believe. So I encourage our kids to ask questions and look at this from every possible angle. In doing so - I'm certain they will come to their own conclusions and if their conclusions are aligned with mine, they too will have a faith that is immovable. (Most days.)
Up until two months ago, we'd been going to church, religiously. As in - every week - for the past ten years. As the children continue this undeterred process of growing older, having the solid foundation that an organized religion offers, has become extremely important to me. Not because I'm particularly distracted with eternal salvation - but because exposing children to religion and nurturing hope in young hearts that there is something greater than us in control, and we each have a truly divine purpose for existence, is a critical fact to remember when you are a child, and when you're raising children. (Especially teenagers.)
In our quest, we've visited a lot of churches over the past decade and our experience reminds me of "It's Not Easy Being a Bunny." With yours truly in the starring role of P.J. Funnybunny. But instead of assimilating with the bears, and the birds, and the beavers, and the moose ... I've attempted assimilation with the the Catholics, Unitarians, Presbyterians, Baptists and Quakers. (To name just a few.)
After a lot of searching, and moving across the country, two years ago we finally felt like we'd found our place. Our children were all dedicated in the Unitarian church when they were babies, but last year, all four of them were baptized in the United Methodist church and the triplets went through Confirmation. Around the same time, Charlie and I took a personality test that was designed to help us understand our spiritual gifts, and explore ways to serve in order to best use those gifts. Turns out, we are on the completely opposite ends of the spectrum for personality, but we both scored high in the service of hospitality.
Using that information, I took up a job as a Sunday morning greeter because it's not enough to just go to service each week, you also need to serve to be a genuine part of the CHURCH. But after several months, I found that I was becoming really discouraged by the number of people who would not acknowledge me, or my efforts of handing them a service program (fickle, right??) What started out as a simple observation grew until each week, I'd be overwhelmed by what I perceived to be incivility. It amazed me how many people would walk in and without making eye contact, take a program from the stack in my hands, and not utter a "thank you" or "good morning" or "hey" or "move it" or … anything. Why not just put a basket next to the door, so people can get their own programs?
I'm laughing at how trite this is, and realizing it is my own flaw, this feeling of being snubbed. But I'm human so can admit that what I perceived to be a lack of acknowledgement - - week after week - - from not all, but a significant percentage of parishioners, drastically diminished my enthusiasm for not only wanting to serve - but to worship beside them. I might have even thought to myself and said once or thrice to my husband, "How can these people call themselves Christians?! Pfft!"
"Judge not, lest ye be not judged." Yes, yes. I know. Thank you, Matthew.
Meanwhile, 2/3 of my teenagers didn't want to attend the teen's service, because they would tell me that they were the only ones that didn't have cell phones and they felt out of place. Thinking that this was the latest ploy to convince me that they all needed their own cell phones, I popped in one day and in my 60-second scan, identified that were two distinct groups of kids:
1) Those that were in clusters, holding their cell phones and laughing together as they stared at the cell phone screens; and
2) Those kids that were solitary but had on headphones that were plugged in to their phones to either demonstrate that:
A) They are busy listening to music, or
B) They want to appear busy listening to music so no one will notice that they are alone.
Either way, since our kids didn't have cell phones, they didn't fit in with either group. And, this just further justified my reasoning for not wanting to buy them their own. Please for the love of all that is holy - talk with people. Look them in their eyes and ENGAGE. And if you cannot understand that, my apologies children, your mother was born in the wrong millennium and cannot - for the life of her - get on board with what kids do in this modern era. Now go outside and jump rope while I hang the laundry to dry.
Anyway, that was two months ago, and we haven't really been back to church since. Even though I love the work we'd do with the outreach missions, and the music, and the message, my feelings were genuinely hurt. It felt like I was searching out people's eyes to smile and make human connection to let them know "I see you!" but didn't feel like I was getting that, or very much, in return.
After a lot of prayer and inward reflection, I've realized that this may be part of the divine lesson we're supposed to be learning in this moment. This is how I see it:
I) Everyone - everyone - not just wants, but actually needs to be seen and acknowledged. That includes the cashier at the grocery store, the pizza delivery man, the bus driver, the person handing out programs at the church, and the dog.
II) Everyone - everyone - is going through something. That includes the kids that have noses buried in their phones, or the people that are walking in to the church and don't make eye contact. Something tells me, they desperately need to feel important and a part of something, just as we all do.
III) We are all comprised of energy and how we use it can either be positive, negative, or neutral. Positive energy is far better for our hearts, souls, family, community, and world - than negative or neutral energy.
IV) When we're in a negative or neutral energy funk - and it will happen because we're human - give yourself a break. And then, go stand in the sun - allow it to warm you from the outside in. Marvel at the beauty of a leaf, or a bug, or the clouds overhead - and get over it.
V) Don't take other people's negative or neutral reactions to you personally. It's really not about you. Instead, we need to keep harnessing our positive energy and after warming ourselves, reflecting what we have remaining - outwards.
VI) No one said it would be easy, but the rewards of a life well lived and loved, are awesome. Dig deep and keep going.
Yesterday, we had the opportunity to see all of these lessons in action, as we cheered on athletes at the Texas IronMan competition. We didn't get down to the race until 12 hours after it had started, and set ourselves up on the marathon course, while participants made their way past.
While any one who participates in an IronMan is amazing - in my book - these people we were cheering on, weren't elite athletes who finished in under 10 hours. No, these were the folks who had been out on the course for the better part of the day, were at various stages of running a MARATHON and were exhausted to their cores.
We were there, specifically, to cheer on a good friend of ours, who we were following on the IronMan tracker and had seen that he was starting to drag hard. His transition between bike and run was nearly 20 minutes, and as we watched his run time creep from a 14-minute per mile pace, to nearly 20-minutes per mile, we decided to ride our bikes down to the course. As a former marathoner myself, I knew this wasn't looking good if he hoped to finish before midnight and/or not get picked up by the ambulance.
Initially, we were just ringing our cow bell, but I soon noticed that we could see the racer's names on their racing bibs. So I started shouting, "Good job, Amy!" or "Way to go Bob!" At first the kids were totally embarrassed, and tried to hide as I yelled out all the names. But very soon, when they saw the immediate effect it was having on the people who were racing - so they got on the front lines and were cheering on these racers, like nothing I could've imagined. Carolyn surpassed even me, and took home the top cheerleading award for the day. "WAY TO GO AL JAN DREW! YOU ARE DOING INCREDIBLE! KEEP IT UP!"
(OK, so I had to help with a few name pronunciations, like Alejandro.)
What the kids realized was that when people were individually seen, and recognized, and cheered - it had an immediate impact. While not everyone smiled or nodded or acknowledged that we were there (one poor guy immediately threw up his Gatorade in a nearby bush), the vast majority of people visibly brightened because of the positive energy they were receiving.
As the sun set, I had to drag the kids off the course, because they didn't want to leave. Carolyn pleaded, "Mom, we can't go! This race isn't over! They really need us out here cheering them on that they can do it!" In fact, as we rode our bikes home, she kept one hand on the cow bell and continued cheering people on, until we were out of sight.
In the end, isn't that what it's all about?
Showing up, acknowledging each other, lifting each other up with positive energy, and doing it for as long as you possibly can. Divine Lessons. At least that's the way I see it.
Also, we need to get back to church something fierce. Whenever I attend a service, it's like God Himself is telling us to persevere, "GOOD JOB JEN & CHARLIE! KEEP UP THE PACE! THERE ARE SOME BIG ROLLERS COMING UP, BUT YOU CAN DO THIS! YOU'VE GOT IT - AND I'VE GOT YOUR BACK!"
Somewhere, I'm absolutely sure, this is the Word of the Lord.
