tooth tales

Telling my husband that I knocked our son's tooth out of his mouth was/is almost as painful as the knowledge of what had happened.

When Charlie called me from the airport, inquiring why I wasn't there to pick him up, I recapped the events of the day. And he said, and I quote, "What do you mean you knocked out his tooth? You're kidding. RIGHT?"

No. I'm not kidding.

And hey, remember that time I was upset with you because you left the oven door open for a split second when you were taking out a pizza and the baby crawled over and put his hands on the 300+ degree door?

Three years later ... I forgive you.

Forgiveness is good.

(Although, I doubt I'll ever be able to forgive myself.)

When we sat down for breakfast on Sunday morning, and both my husband and I were choking back tears watching our little boy try to eat soft foods with his Nanny McPhee tooth jutting out of his mouth, William felt compelled to discuss his feelings surrounding The Incident.

So he said, "Mom, after you picked Henry up from the ground and you saw that his mouth was bleeding and his tooth was gone? You said, 'OH. THIS IS GREAT! LOOK WHAT I DID! THIS IS AWESOME. I KNOCKED MY BABY'S TOOTH OUT OF HIS MOUTH. GREAT JOB MOM! WELL DONE!'"

(It's true. That's exactly what I said, verbatim.)

William sighed before continuing, "Mom? I've been thinking about it and I really don't think you were being AWESOME and I don't think it was GREAT that you knocked my little brother's tooth out of his mouth."

So I explained what "sarcasm" means.

"William, the reason I removed Henry from beneath the table with such haste was not because I wanted to knock his tooth out of his mouth, it's because I was genuinely afraid he was going to get his teeth kicked in by his siblings who were wildly flailing their legs and kicking him in the face. Does that make sense?"

William considered this and then gave me a nod. "Yeah, it makes sense. But maybe you should have just left him there since if you hadn't pulled him out, he'd still have his tooth?"

So I then explained what "ironic" means.

I found the tooth on Saturday night when I was sweeping the kitchen. It surprised me to see how big it was, but according to the pediatric dentist the roots aren't "degraded" until the adult tooth grows in. So it's appropriate the root would be so long on a tooth that wasn't supposed to fall out for another four years.

The good news: the entire tooth fell out. So an extraction isn't necessary.

The bad news: The Entire Tooth Fell Out. And the fate of his fragile Nanny McPhee front tooth is currently unknown. I'm just thankful corn-on-the-cob is no longer in season since Henry really loves corn-on-the-cob.

*Sob!*

The Tooth Fairy came to visit this past Monday night. Henry carefully tucked his tooth in to the Tooth Fairy pillow before climbing in to bed and clenching his eyes closed to expedite the arrival of the winged bringer of monetary reward.

When he awoke on Tuesday morning, he found that the Tooth Fairy had left him a $1.00 bill in exchange for his tooth. In addition, he found a Toy Story 3 collector set that the Tooth Fairy had snagged from a small inventory Santa Clause was planning to distribute at Christmas.

The children were incredulous. "MOM. Why did Henry get TOYS for his tooth? Doesn't the Tooth Fairy only bring money?" And I explained, yes, except in those incredibly rare situations when a tooth falls out FOUR YEARS sooner than it's supposed to. AND it's 100% the mother's fault.

In which case, once could deduce the Tooth Fairy shares my guilt complex.