It would be so easy to blame Charlie. Because he is more relaxed with the children than I am and does not provide nor apply the same kind of structure, and dare I say, discipline that I do.
It would be so easy to blame myself. Because I am working full-time and I accepted a job that moved our family cross-country and now I'm in an office five days a week, when it feels in my heart like I should be home with our children.
It would be so easy to blame his birth order and fact that he has triplet siblings, 33-months older. It ain't easy being born the fourth child in to a family of triplets. It ain't easy never having someone the same age to play with. It ain't easy going to play dates only to have all the children - who are the same age as your siblings - run away from you, screaming.
It would be so easy to blame the people that seem judgmental and regimented. Since when has it become wrong for a child to grow at their own pace? Since when did it become standard to fret about a permanent record with a three year old? It sure seems like a lot of people do and I've met quite a few of them, recently.
Maybe I shouldn't have nursed him until he was two and a half years old.
Maybe I shouldn't have let him have a pacifier until he was three-years-old (and four months.)
Maybe I shouldn't have held him as much I did and made him cry it out, more.
Maybe I should have frequently spanked him when he disobeyed.
Maybe I should have put him in daycare from the time he was an infant.
Why in the world did we think it was a good idea to raise our children, OURSELVES?
My mother says to blame anyone or anything is playing the blame game and apparently, that's not a good thing to do.
Today was Henry's last day of preschool.
This morning, we were invited to school to talk about his progress. As Charlie and I sat at the tiny hexagon table, on tiny little preschooler chairs, his teachers gently concluded that they believe Henry has Sensory Integration issues and they are not equipped to handle him.
Yes, exactly ONE WEEK after he started preschool, he has been dismissed.
He's not running around and licking the walls. He's not fighting with the other children or screaming and throwing fits in class. He is, apparently, not talking as proficiently as the other three year olds, nor is he sitting down during circle time and following direction.
Henry requires more stimulation that the other children.
Apparently, he needs more than what the school can offer. He needs one-on-one interaction. We've been referred to Child Find and will be working with a counselor and I will gladly welcome whatever professional opinions we receive to confirm whether or not there is indeed a problem with our little boy. But during our meeting, the teachers said something that has stuck with me and ricocheted around my brain, all day.
"It's obvious that Henry really enjoys school and he does very well. Except for when it is time for him to sit down and pay attention and then he doesn't want to sit with the class. We don't want to tell Henry NO and very soon, we'll have to tell him NO and then he won't like school anymore and the last thing we want is for him to CRY."
I'm somewhat intelligent and have a relatively level-head.
I definitely do not want to be one of those stuck in denial parents who cannot see their nose past their face. But, newsflash: HENRY IS THREE. I've raised a few three-year-olds and what I recall is that I said NO a lot.
It was a mantra that I would repeat through out the day, "GOOD MORNING NO NO NO NO SPIT THAT OUT SNAIL NO NO NO NO NO NO EAT YOUR LUNCH NO NO NO NO GOD HELP ME IS THAT TOILET WATER NO NO NO NO PLEASE TAKE A NAP NO NO NO NO NO BEDTIME HALLELUJAH AMEN NO NO NO GO TO SLEEP NO NO NO!"
Who exactly are the Stepford children attending preschool these days that do not require the word NO? Since when did it become a bad thing to say the word NO?
Hello. Is this thing on?
Henry does not like the dentist, hair dresser, pediatrician. Henry was "excused" from the nursery at our church in California and now he has been "excused" from his preschool in Virginia. I'm holding hope that these are things that he'll outgrow. RIGHT?
Over the past few hours, I've done a tremendous amount of research on SI disorder and while Henry does throw fits and act up at times, I cannot see ANY parallel to the "symptoms" that Henry is displaying right now. If I did see any similarity, I would be the first to say, "AHA! I SEE A CONNECTION!"
But honest to God, there is none.
My mother tells me, and rightly so, if more than one person is saying there might be an issue, I need to listen. AND I AM LISTENING. But. But. I have no way of tidily wrapping this post up.
Tonight, all I can think is that my son was excused from preschool a week after he started, my husband and I are obviously blind to the significant issues that are plaguing him, and had things gone according to MY plan, I'd be 38 weeks pregnant.
On the upside, beer!
Through a straw!