what's in you wednesday (what is your purpose?)

I started to write this post two months ago and was then side-tracked by life.

(Quick interjection ... I'm so bummed with the full-time work gig for a number of reasons but one of the big ones is that it totally digs in to my blogging time.  If anyone out there is wondering why I don't write as often as I used to - or share more interesting nuggets from our lives - the answer lies in responsibility.  Wah! It's so tough being a grown-up!)

Rewind three months ago ... going in to the Corporate Athlete course, Corporate Athlete veterans told me that I was going to write my "old story" and my "new story." And in the span of three days, I would discover my Ultimate Mission in life.  I was so excited because more than just about anything, I need an Ultimate Mission. Or at least some clarity around that which I'm striving towards, everyday.



On the first day of class, our instructor told us the story of a professional tennis player who came to the institute several years ago. She was struggling both on and off the courts and was displaying a temper that was not conducive to successfully marketing the game.  They sat this professional tennis player down and asked her the simple question, "Why do you play tennis?"

Is it for the awesome outfits?

She thought for just a moment before responding, "To win! I want to be the #1 tennis player in the world."  So the instructor got up and drew a picture of a headstone on the blackboard and she wrote the woman's name and beneath it, added, "SHE WAS #1."  Then she stood back and said, "Once you're gone, is this how you want to be remembered?"

The tennis player shook her head and said, "No, no, no! That's not it at all!  I play tennis because I want to win and buy things for my family who have always been so good to me. I want for them to have the best of everything - because they've always given ME the best of everything!"



So the instructor got up and erased her previous drawing and sketched another headstone. In the center she wrote, "SHE HAD NICE THINGS."  Then she stood back, again, and said, "Is that better?"  The tennis player became indignant. "That's not what I mean at all! You don't understand me!" and she stormed out of the room.



Two days later, she came back. When she did, our instructor said it was as though she had been transformed in to someone else. She was positively confident and radiant as she walked up to the blackboard and drawing a headstone, wrote in the middle, "SHE WAS SUNSHINE."

She then went on to explain that she took some time to think about what her purpose in life was. And after much soul-searching, she determined that her purpose was to be a light for others. She wanted to motivate people and inspire others that if they apply themselves - they, too, can do great things.



According to our instructor, once this tennis player was "aligned" with what became the foundation of her Ultimate Mission, she went on to do amazing things. She became the #1 tennis player in the world, and an advocate for young women.



Immediately after the instructor told us this story, she posed the question to all of us (and which I now pose to you):  "What is your Purpose in life?" 

In order to answer that larger question, we first had to ask ourselves questions like:

1. What legacy do you want to leave behind?

2. How do you want people to describe you?

3. Who do you want to be?

4. Who/what matters the most to you?

5. What are your deepest values?

6. How would you define success in your life?

7. What makes your life really worth living?

After writing my "old story" those justifications for why I'm not on the right track - namely, I'm too busy! I have too much responsibility! I can't add one more thing to my plate or the whole thing will collapse! I came to realize that I am not fully committed to my core values because I feel so divided with what I'm supposed to be doing. As a result, I put out fires constantly and feel overwhelmed and my mind is scattered and I lack the ability to make decisions.

As I wrote my "new story", the person that I want to be, I came to realize a few things about myself. The most important thing is that IF I CONTINUE ON THIS PATH AND DON'T CHANGE... my health will fail. My auto-immune issue will flare up to the point that I require constant medication. My self esteem will slip as my body deteriorates and I'll lose confidence in myself and will become increasingly frustrated, angry and resentful at work and at home. Worst of all - my children's health (physical, emotional, mental, spiritual) will be less than optimum because they won't have a strong role model. So after much hemming and hawing and what felt like a lightening bolt moment of inspiration, I wrote my Ultimate Mission....

To be the most loving, supportive, compassionately engaged mother, wife and person that I can be. To possess a strong mind, body and spirit and through a kind and deliberately focused existence, inspire those whose lives I touch with wisdom, courage and humor. 

Then I came home and quit my job.

(Just kidding ... I haven't quit my job yet.)

But I got back in to the work routine and chuga-chuga-chuga life keeps passing by and Ultimate Mission? To be blunt: I'm not doing too much with it at the moment. Funny how things so quickly revert back to status-quo with out constant attention and refinement.



This past week, our family took a vacation to Spruce Pine, North Carolina where we went horseback riding through the Appalachian Mountains every day.  It was amazing and invigorating and I could literally feel my severely depleted spiritual cup filling back up to the brink.

Our trail guide was a wonderful, wonderful woman.  And because I'm nothing if not my mother's daughter and therefore, extremely chatty with strangers .... I asked this woman how she was so fortunate as to work smack dab in the middle of God's Paradise.



Her answer totally surprised and deeply inspired me.

It turns out, she is an investment banker, taking a hiatus to care for her ailing father who lives in a nearby town.  Although her first priority is to care for her dad, she felt like she needed to do something for her spirit. So when her grown son told her that a local ranch was looking for trail guides, she landed the job. Horses were her therapy. She'd grown up in North Carolina around them and could actually ride before she could walk.  When she was young, she fell in love, married, and had two beautiful boys. But her husband, it would later turn out, was abusive.

Emotionally at first, and then physically.

It didn't begin that way, she told me.  He dazzled her and swept her right off her boot-clad feet. What started out as minor criticisms began to escalate until he verbally cut her down and made her feel worthless. And that's when the physical abuse started.  When her best friend asked WHY she'd ever fall in love with a man who beat her, she replied, "I didn't. No one would ever fall in love with some one who beats them up .... they know they have to earn your trust first."



She stayed in that horrible situation until she could see that her husband was influencing her little boys who were then only five and seven-years-old.  And when she realized that if she didn't summon the courage to GET OUT, she would be allowing her young and impressionable boys to be influenced by their abusive father.  She shook her head at the memory. "I couldn't get away to save myself, but I absolutely HAD to get away to save my boys because there was no way I wanted them to grow up thinking it was acceptable to treat a woman that way."



In order to give her boys the best life she could, she felt like she had to move away. She didn't want to settle for working minimum wage jobs and sending her children to a low-ranking school, so she packed up her boys and left for Pennsylvania. She worked up to three jobs at a time, in order to keep food on the table and a roof over their heads. Eventually, she found her way in to investment banking and really hit her stride. She met another man, a good man, and she fell in love. She remarried.  Her little boys grew in to kind men,  graduated from high school, attended college and one is recently married and currently serving in the Air Force.



When her dad became sick, she moved back to North Carolina to care for him.  And when this job on the ranch came up, she thought she'd try it out for a little while. She says she feels like she needs to pinch herself because she's no longer stuck in the drudgery and bureaucracy of paper pushing.  While she's not pulling in the big pay check anymore, she says, "It's not as important to me as it was and life is way too short to not do the things that I really love." Then she added with a wink, "Of course it certainly helps that my husband is still working and allowing me to pursue this crazy dream...."

On day three of our riding, she told me that she'd been written up in magazines and one newspaper followed her story for several months. Although she said that she doesn't like being in the lime light and would prefer not to have the public attention, she feels like her mission in life is to inspire women who are in abusive relationships.  She said that once the newspaper article came out, so many of her friends, colleagues and even family, were shocked. They'd had NO idea the situation she had been in and she says that was because she did such a good job of covering it up.  Now she feels that if speaking about her own personal experiences helps to change just one person's life - her suffering will not have been in vain. 

OK then! Three things!

1. I really love this woman.  She and I exchanged addresses and I have every intention of staying in touch and if I can ever convince a group of my girlfriends / cousins / sisters  to join me ... I'd love to take her up on the offer of a girls-only weekend camping / horseback riding adventure.

2. This example highlights why I so strongly believe that every experience we have in life, especially the difficult ones, shape and lead us to who it is we are supposed to become. Those difficult life experiences generally spark the passion for pursuing an Ultimate Mission.

3. I still feel like my Ultimate Mission is accurate, but like the cowardly lion in the Wizard of Oz, I need a big dose of courage to bring some of my dreams to fruition.

What makes a king out of a slave? COURAGE!

What makes the flag on the mast to wave? COURAGE!

What makes the elephant charge his tusk in the misty mist or the dusky dusk?

What makes the sphinx the seventh wonder?

What makes the dawn come up like thunder?

What makes the Hottentot so hot?

What puts the "ape" in apricot?

What have they got that I ain't got?

COURAGE!



(But, I do have an awesome blue fishing hat!!) 

what's in you wednesday: get off your butt

A few weeks ago, I wrote about the propensity that we, as humans, have to dream. I also wrote about channeling our energy in to the people and things that we love.  The common denominator to focusing on our life priorities and fulfilling our dreams, is having the necessary energy to accomplish those tasks.

Now I've already admitted that for the past couple of years, my physical health has taken a major backseat to the rest of my life. While I know that exercise is important and it is something that I've always tried to keep at the front of my radar, life is just so busy for me.  I feel like I never have time and when I do have time, I'd much rather rest and recharge my batteries.

Consider ... I'm out of the house for more than 50 hours per week. When I'm in the house, I'm consumed with children, chores and errands. Although there are little things I do to try and stay somewhat active - like park my car at the back of the lot, play kickball and bike ride with the kids, write a check instead of online bill pay, my feeble attempts haven't been nearly enough. As I've steadily packed on weight the past two years, and have visibly noticed my muscle mass diminish, I've tried to convince myself that very soon, I'll get back on track. Soon.

But not today. 

With great gusto, Charlie and I started P90X last year with every intention of finishing the 90-day program. But we only made it through seven days and the DVDs have been collecting dust ever since. We determined that it was easier and more enjoyable for us to lay in bed after a long day and stare at the ceiling fan than it was for us to do chin-ups and sweat profusely.  But when I attended the Corporate Athlete course a few weeks ago, I had a few "AH-HA!" moments that have made me seriously rethink my sloth-like existence.

For example, over the past 30 years, people walk FOUR MILES less per week. The reason is that technology is at our fingertips. We don't need to get up and change the television when we have a remote. We don't need to walk out to the mailbox and send a letter when we can type one on our computer and deliver it, electronically. We don't need to get up and answer the phone when we have a cordless sitting next to us at our desk. Even when you fill up at the gas station, you don't need to walk inside when you can pay at the pump. Drive through banks. Drive through coffee bars. Drive through restaurants, dry cleaners and pharmacies.


Such convenience! 

Although the volume of daily movement has significantly decreased, the volume of people who are actively engaged in staying fit [visa vie a gym] has remained constant.  That is, the same percentage of our population is using a gym now as they were in 1980.  As a result of this significant decrease in physical activity, the medical community has dubbed something called "The Sitting Disease" and it's the new "Smoking".  People who spend the majority of the day on their posteriors, are more likely to suffer from decreased circulation, an increase of cardiovascular disease, cancer and early death.  (Also, decreased muscle tone and flabby thighs. Oy.)



OK. Get this ... 

When you sit, you are resting on the largest muscle within your body, the gluteus maximus. Alternatively known as the behind, bottom, butt, bum, buttocks, derriere, fanny, posterior, rear, rump, seat, tail or tushy.  Have you ever sat for an extended period of time and you feel the urge to shift and maybe cross one leg over another? The reason is because we store oxygen in our muscles and when you sit on your booty for a long while, your body essentially goes in to hibernation mode and your blood flow slows, impeding the flux of oxygen to your brain. That feeling of needing to move your legs and stretch is your brain's way of signaling to your body that it needs some O2. Stat!

Brains ... they're so SMART!



So here's a question for you to consider. There are 24 hours in a day. How many hours a day, are you either sitting, resting or sleeping?  Or rather, how many hours a day are you NOT on your feet?

When I did a quick calculation for a typical workweek, I was startled to realize that I'm OFF my feet for approximately 21 hours a day.  Here are my estimates:

6 hours per day = sleeping
2 hours per day = eating/snacking/reading with kids
2 hours per day = commuting
9 hours per day = office (I spend ~1/2 hour taking bio-breaks, moving between meetings)
2 hours per day = at home in the evening; check e-mail, update blog, wind down for bed



When I looked at the numbers on paper, I was a little scared and began to think about what I can do to up my "standing" hours.  And when our instructor went on to tell our class that people who are more physically fit can create more energy because they have more muscle mass and therefore, more capacity for oxygen storage and flow, it dawned on me that one of the the REASONS I'm so tired all the time, is because I have no energy. And one of the reasons I have no energy is because I'm not moving nearly enough. (Also, my diet has been sub-par but I'll get to that next time. As a teaser, it turns out eating once every six hours isn't very good for your metabolism nor energy output.)

The more energy you need, the more large muscular body movements you need for oxygen release. As an example, if you can do 5-minutes of small movements (i.e., stretching exercises), you can release enough oxygen to your system for 30-45 minutes.  However, if you're preparing to walk in to an important meeting where you need optimal energy, you may opt to take 5-minutes and run up a flight of stairs to get the oxygen from your glutes (refer to synonyms, above) in to your body. Taking a flight of stairs would also require deep breathing (increased oxygen to bloodstream) because it is aerobic.

(Does any of this make sense?? Because I totally get it.  It's like the light going off in my head, sophomore year of physics. I FINALLY UNDERSTAND!!)

From this point forth, I've decided that for all of the big meetings that I'll be hosting throughout the rest of the year, I plan to bring in a karaoke machine so we can stand up and dance during all the breaks.

That photo, above, is Henry demonstrating one of his awesome dance moves.

My boy's got rhythm.

what's in you wednesday: where does your energy go?

My whole life I've been a writer. You can tell me something, but it doesn't correctly process in my brain unless I write it down.  It's for that reason I would listen to my college professors speak, but I had to record their lectures so I could craft on paper all of their words.

During my 2.5-day Corporate Athlete Course last week, I almost completely filled a composition notebook from the various sessions.  It helped me to digest the message during the course, but it will me help reinforce the concepts if I write them again, here.

So with that ... I present my Corporate Athlete scribble.

*****************

In western civilization, busyness is worn as a badge of honor.

But the reality is, busyness undermines productivity.

For every decade beyond the age of 30, humans lose 10% of their muscle structure and neurological capacity. And for every decade beyond the age of 30, humans tend to become more busy.  That's typically when the career kicks in to higher gear and the family scene begins to develop.  If our external demands are increasing, we need to increase our capacity to mange those demands. Because when the demands of life exceed our capacity - we crash and fail.

(I'm proof that can REALLY happen!!)

What we all want is less stress and more time. But we can't exactly add extra time to our schedules because that's not feasible. And since the stress in our lives will continue and will most likely grow - we need to nurture and harbor the critical energy that will allow us to function.

Successfully managing our energy not our time is the key to extraordinary results.

Our teacher shared with us the story of a former student, a young father, who was married with two small children. Every night, he would come home from work in time for dinner at 6:00 PM.  However, one week, he was entertaining out of town business guests and would not be home until 11:00 PM, several hours after his children were asleep. On the third day, he asked his manager if it would be possible to cut out a little early so he could swing by and see his children for 15 minutes, en route to the restaurant, that evening.

His manager agreed.

So the man left his office and drove home. On his way home, he mentally prepared himself for how he would spend those 15 precious minutes with his children, whom he hadn't seen for several days. He had a mission and he would not fail. When he arrived home, he walked in the front door and kissed his wife. He then took his phone off his belt and deliberately turned it off and placed it on the counter.


He could afford no distractions. 

Walking in to his children's room, he had a laser beam focus on his little people. He wrestled with them. He helped them to get in to their pajamas and brush their teeth. He could have read them a story, but he opted to wrestle some more instead. (He must've had two sons!!)  He then tucked them in to bed and said a goodnight prayer.  When his 15 minutes were over and he stood up to leave, his young child lifted his head from his pillow and said, "Daddy, do you think you could come home at 8:00, every night?" It was like a knife in his heart ... but it made him realize something profound:  He wasn't just there with them, he was completely focused on them and his young children could tell the difference.

They preferred the Dad who could spend 15 minutes of QUALITY time with them, over the Dad that could come home several hours earlier and not have nearly the same level of engagement.

So my question is this: who in your life deserves your best and most deliberate energy?

And more importantly .... are they getting it?



Totally unrelated: I colored my own hair and the result is not quite the color that was on the box. For that matter, it's not quite a color I've seen anywhere in nature. Thus I conclude: I don't think coloring my own hair is the best use of my energy.

calling all dream rangers

We all have something called an "inner voice" and we all have something called an "outer voice." Our inner voice is, not surprisingly, our innermost deepest thoughts.  Our outer voice is what we project to the world.  During my Corporate Athlete Course last week, one of the objectives was to align our inner and outer voices. For me, that was easy. The hardest part was to ensure that those voices were "speaking" the truth. 

For the past few years, there has been a lot of confusion and pressure on my spirit. Confusion over what am I supposed to be doing - and pressure because time is moving by so fast and I only have one shot at life and I don't want to wake up one day and feel like I've missed critical opportunities. As a result, the best of my energy that has been diverted in to a million (and one) different scenarios and the "truth" of my stories have been effectively covered up by excuses. For example, there are very good reasons why...

I don't take very good care of myself. 

I don't volunteer and do things for my spirit. 

I'm not a better correspondent with extended family and friends. 

I lose my patience with my husband, my children, and dog.

I'm not the best wife, mother, sister, daughter and friend I think (and know) I can be. 

What has come as a startling shock to me, is that my story is not at all unusual. In fact, my story is virtually identical to everyone else's story that I heard and read and watched.  OK, so not everyone has four small children and an over-zealous puppy, but everyone has pressures on their lives that make them feel overwhelmed.  Everyone has a history that has led them to the embrace the good (and bad) habits that they now embrace. And everyone, every single person in that room, felt like they could do better. More powerful than that - everyone knew that so long as their heart was beating and their lungs were pumping ... they could do better. 

What do people live for?  Think about yourself. Think about where you are right now and what you want to be doing with your life. Are you doing it?  What's stopping you?   Please watch this video (based upon a true story) and let it open up your heart and mind to the endless possibilities... 

While our skin, gender, religion, age, health, geography, education, familial and financial circumstances may all be different ... we're all born to dream. 

what's in you wednesday

It was almost one year ago, that I wrote about the Human Performance Institute's Corporate Athlete course on my blog. This week, I had the incredible privilege of attending the event in Orlando, Florida.  

Over the next few weeks, I will write what I learned from this experience and how some of the most profound physical, emotional, mental and spiritual transformations have occurred in me over the span of 2.5-days.  But since it's late and I'm now on my "Ultimate Mission" I need to get plenty of rest. So in closing, I'll share a poem that was shared with the 21 students in my class ... 21 students who I'll forever feel bonded to, because of this mutual experience. 

What Will Matter

by Michael Josephson

Ready or not, some day it will all come to an end. 

There will be no more sunrises, no minutes, hours or days. 

All the things you collected, whether treasured or forgotten, will pass to someone else. 

Your wealth, fame and temporal power will shrivel to irrelevance. 

It will not matter what you owned or what you owed. 

Your grudges, resentments, frustrations and jealousies will finally disappear. 

So too, your hopes, ambitions, plans and to-do lists will expire. 

The wins and losses that once seemed so important will fade away. 

It won't matter where you came from or what side of the tracks you lived on at the end. 

It won't matter whether you were beautiful or brilliant. 

Even your gender and skin color will be irrelevant. 

So what will matter? 

How will the value of your days be measured?

What will matter is not what you bought but what you built, 

not what you got but what you gave. 

What will matter is not your success but your significance. 

What will matter is not what you learned but what you taught. 

What will matter is every act of integrity, compassion, courage or sacrifice that enriched, 

empowered or encouraged others to emulate your example. 

What will matter is not your competence but your character. 

What will matter is not how many people you knew, 

but how many will feel a lasting loss when you're gone. 

What will matter is not your memories but the memories of those who loved you. 

What will matter is how long you will be remembered, by whom and for what. 

Living a life that matters doesn't happen by accident. 

It's not a matter of circumstances but of choice.

Choose to live a life that matters.