tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24756113.post6470597243387074211..comments2024-03-27T19:04:31.290-05:00Comments on The Amazing Trips: tonight, i drink beer through a strawThe Amazing Tripshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13761348688069779544noreply@blogger.comBlogger73125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24756113.post-85805031521099594762010-12-16T21:59:06.514-06:002010-12-16T21:59:06.514-06:00I read your post and two days later got to a chapt...I read your post and two days later got to a chapter in the book "Sway: The Irresistable Pull of Irrational Behavior" that addresses medical diagnosis and labeling and all sorts of interesting things...I recommend it to you as another resource to help keep an objective mindset as you work through this newest challenge in your life. I won't say more because I don't want to "sway" you!!Careyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02767143271269046531noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24756113.post-60028513731762333562010-12-16T08:55:23.039-06:002010-12-16T08:55:23.039-06:00Bottoms up! Oh wait, don't do the bottoms up t...Bottoms up! Oh wait, don't do the bottoms up thing if you are really using a straw. That would ruin an already long day.Aliciahttp://sunriserants.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24756113.post-28748414264428984562010-12-15T07:03:22.107-06:002010-12-15T07:03:22.107-06:00I second TS' suggestion of Nuture Shock. Ch 8...I second TS' suggestion of Nuture Shock. Ch 8 discusses the Tools of the Mind curriculum that I mentioned earlier. It really is amazing stuff.Sarahnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24756113.post-48607324614150120122010-12-15T06:14:48.517-06:002010-12-15T06:14:48.517-06:00The first step I would take is to call Child Find ...The first step I would take is to call Child Find in your area. It is for children 3 and up that may be delayed in areas of speech development or other type of "milestones". They evaluate your child and refer for the appropriate resources which are often one on one or small group activities in a local elementary school. Sometimes there are home interventionists. Good luck!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24756113.post-64632585106624248562010-12-15T06:02:51.098-06:002010-12-15T06:02:51.098-06:00You may want to check into Joy School. It is a coo...You may want to check into Joy School. It is a cooperative program for 3,4 and 5 year olds that promotes the social and emotional well-being of the child while learning. In areas where parents can't take turns teaching the lesson, sometimes one parent will be the teacher and you can pay for Henry. Google it and if you like it, twitter and see if someone local to you knows more about it and if there is space somewhere. Good luck! I think Henry is just a highly active child who has been challenged to keep up with older triplet siblings!<br />Nonna2tripsAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24756113.post-29410783413771871892010-12-14T12:04:59.741-06:002010-12-14T12:04:59.741-06:00I haven't commented in awhile, however I'v...I haven't commented in awhile, however I've been keeping up!<br /><br />Gosh I felt that I was reading a post I wrote. Miss P, coming up to 5 yrs old in Feb, tries every inch of my patience every day and I use the word NO! in every sentence.. and have been for the past 4 years. Everyone keeps telling me its "being 4" or that it is a phase.. but is it? Is the tantrum because we can't watch Max & Ruby (because it isn't on any channel anywhere!) simply being 4 or is there more to it, especially when it is the third tantrum in nearly as many minutes? Or the obsession with touching everything simply being 4 or does she need the sensory input from everything she is touching? Does picking at the Christmas tree, the cat, her sister's things, flinging open the doors on the tv armoire and slamming them shut repetitively, opening and closing the fridge, cutting up every inch of paper in 30 seconds flat... all in a space of 15 minutes ..all 4 yr old behaviour or does she need all that input? <br /><br />I have spent the past year discussing it with various professionals, her teacher, her daycare provider... all keep telling me she will grow out of it.. but I keep reminding them that they don't have to deal with the other children doing the same behaviour, how can this be normal? She was 10 weeks early and had a high high reaction to any stimulus in the NICU/SCN and I can't help but think there's more to this.. but is there? <br /><br />Such conundrums our children provide. <br /><br />I feel for you Jenn.. I hope that you get some answers and I know all of us that have commented with similar dilemmas would love to hear what happens. <br /><br />On another note.. I will be moving to Virginia probably in the next 8-10 months.. and we'd love to have all 4 over for a playdate once we get settled. :-)<br /><br />Happy Holidays to all of you!<br /><br />KristinKristinhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09499823088655188550noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24756113.post-25589428852723275042010-12-13T22:49:26.738-06:002010-12-13T22:49:26.738-06:00I know others have already suggested a heavy readi...I know others have already suggested a heavy reading load, but I would also suggest looking at chapter 8 of the book "Nurture Shock" - the whole book is brilliant but ch 8 talks about the effectiveness of using pretend play (and how best to structure pretend play), in order to increase self-control. This seems like it would be helpful for this situation, regardless of whether there is a bigger issue or not. (The chapter is only about 20 pages and I'm sure you can get a copy from your library if you don't want to buy it).TShttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04302422042860204378noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24756113.post-51841169088275314972010-12-13T22:01:50.460-06:002010-12-13T22:01:50.460-06:00I don't know anything about SI, but I agree wi...I don't know anything about SI, but I agree with the other commenters who said that the preschool did you a favor. That is absolutely ridiculous that they "excused" him after one week when he wasn't doing anything bad like hitting/biting/kicking, etc...How about an adjustment period for goodness sake? I don't even know you, but I am glad, for his sake, that he isn't there anymore. <br /><br />And this is just a thought, but how would he do with the triplets if you did "circle time" and the other activities he didn't want to participate in at home to let him practice? <br /><br />Hope you guys get some answers and you find a better preschool for him eventually.<br /><br />Kelly(Houston)Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24756113.post-19335356704688542912010-12-13T20:33:59.519-06:002010-12-13T20:33:59.519-06:00Jen, you can't change what happened in the pas...Jen, you can't change what happened in the past you did what you thought was right for Henry. So don't beat yourself up.<br /><br />Just look to his future and all the amazing things you'll find there.winecathttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07033530470009978632noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24756113.post-39599333665782945152010-12-13T18:53:28.294-06:002010-12-13T18:53:28.294-06:00Obviously, I don't know you guys well enough t...Obviously, I don't know you guys well enough to give any opinion on Henry and whether or not he has any "disorder". That's up to you and your family and the professionals. But I found it absurd that the teachers didn't want to set limits or discipline him at all because they didn't want him to dislike school? Honestly, kids are not as stupid as the world today seems to think they are. I'm pretty sure that the teachers setting some limits won't ruin a child on school for life. Didn't for me, anyway (back in the days when there was still a threat of a paddling from the principal if you misbehaved). As you said, he's only three, and a boy, and one cannot immediately decide that he has issues that need professional attention if he'd rather play than sit down. Anyway, best of luck with all of it.devotchkanoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24756113.post-83953700839027320052010-12-13T18:17:08.600-06:002010-12-13T18:17:08.600-06:00We are a military family raising 4 boys. After wor...We are a military family raising 4 boys. After working in daycare/preschool for many years I can say this is normal behavior for a 3 year old that has had his world turned upside down by the move and his mother being away during the day. Also being the baby of the family and a bit spoiled as all last borns are, he's behavior is very typical. Our new generation of child rearing is to get them evaluated and on medication if they do not conform to some teacher's idea of normal behavior. This is such bull. They need to come and work with military children that relocate every 2-3 years, then they would have a better understanding a child's reaction to new environments. From your writings he seems very normal. Get the evaluations, but realize that if he does not conform to the model tests during the brief snapshot the evaluator sees him, the reports may not be favorable. Also, before you engage the county service, find out what strings are attached. Once evaluated if you do not agree with their recommendations, they can engage Childrens Services to force you to comply. Once in the system, this evaluation will follow him all through schools.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24756113.post-55147382283854966422010-12-13T12:52:32.418-06:002010-12-13T12:52:32.418-06:00I know nothing about SI or whether Henry has any i...I know nothing about SI or whether Henry has any issue, but wanted you to know that everything is going to be all right.<br />:)Karenhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12130346985631115376noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24756113.post-85586353103705262522010-12-13T11:03:46.036-06:002010-12-13T11:03:46.036-06:00Seriously? That's awful! Is there another pr...Seriously? That's awful! Is there another preschool that Henry could go to? Surely there must be!!<br /><br />My DD (4) has attachment issues, sensory issues, OCD tendencies, and a host of other differences, and both of her daycares (we moved this year) have worked with us. No, it hasn't always been easy, but it's worked so far.<br /><br />My DS (2.5) has hit and kicked and bit and has only been sent home once. For the rest of the day.<br /><br />That's just awful and NO reason for Henry to be kicked out of preschool. Find another preschool that is SANE and realizes that children are children. Ugh.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24756113.post-67115491615953731512010-12-13T01:19:51.423-06:002010-12-13T01:19:51.423-06:00I would suggest looking into a Montessori school i...I would suggest looking into a Montessori school in your area. Before I had my son, who's now almost three, I knew nothing about Montessori. When he was 18 months, we enrolled him in our local highly-rated Montessori school and I just cannot say enough about how wonderful that learning and teaching method is. Prior to that, we had one bad "daycare" experience and I was despairing of finding a good fit. Don't be afraid to keep looking until you find the right fit for your child and family!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24756113.post-47919395390932390732010-12-13T00:11:32.956-06:002010-12-13T00:11:32.956-06:00Hi Jen,
I'm really sorry to hear about this. ...Hi Jen,<br />I'm really sorry to hear about this. But I do think that the sooner you get him fully assessed, the better. If you are uncomfortable with having that assessment done through the local school district, then find a reputable pediatric psychologist (either through a pediatrician's referral or through a university) to do it.<br /><br />In my case, the catalyst for finally getting my 5 year old assessed was my daughter's elementary school principal - who also happens to be the mother of a teenage Down's syndrome son, a former special ed teacher, and my husband's cousin. (Long story.) She had never spent any time with my son, but within two minutes of meeting him, she looked me dead in the eye and said, "I think he has Asperger's or is on the spectrum. GET HIM TESTED."<br /><br />I had been dragging my feet, because I knew that he was already in special ed preschool for his speech delay and getting the appropriate help in a high-intervention class. And all the research I had done on the internet about autism just didn't add up for him. He was so social, and loving, and friendly. He just couldn't talk well enough!<br /><br />But because I respected the principal's/my cousin-in-law's opinion, I finally went ahead and got the assessment. And I learned that there is MUCH more to autism and all the other disorders than you can find on the internet. And sometimes, when a child is not "severe" in any type of behavior, and could well be behaving within the range of their age and gender, it takes a person who does not know the child at all, who is trained to look for those red flags, to do a proper assessment.<br /><br />In retrospect, I can see dozens of red flags when it came to my son. But in the moment, they were within the parameters of a two-year-old, or a three-year-old, or a four-year-old... it was so hard to determine what was my active boy burning through his energy and what was the autism. I couldn't have told you at the time which was which. I can now. But the only reason I know the difference is because someone who didn't know him at all was able to connect all the dots through interviews with me and my husband, having us fill out standardized emotional tests for him, and doing some play-testing one-on-one with him. I wish I'd gotten him help sooner. But I can't change anything now. We can only go forward.<br /><br />I wish you luck, and offer up my prayers for some answers.Deannahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06264388274486422686noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24756113.post-25764393183136084732010-12-12T23:11:27.423-06:002010-12-12T23:11:27.423-06:00Barry McDonald Jen. He talks about many things in...Barry McDonald Jen. He talks about many things including the wide range of traits in children. I think that a week with children who had been in the preschool for a longer period, would emphasize potential issues with Henry. Those issues could and in all pobability will resolve with age. My little guy can't do circle time but then with structure and routine and two amazing teachers he now does (3 months later). <br />He's three. you can test hearing, for autism and physical issues. Not adhd. Read Barry's website, send questions. He is amazing.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24756113.post-66452680793429647382010-12-12T21:02:40.594-06:002010-12-12T21:02:40.594-06:00I know a little boy with sensory issues that is re...I know a little boy with sensory issues that is reading at a third grade level and he is only seven. He is also incredibly intelligent and way more advanced than most kids his age. Even with all that his problems are not because he is bored. He can not control his impulses and creates havoc in the classroom setting. He also does not socialize well with the other kids and is often the outcast of the group. Like one of the commentator said, therapy can help the parents more than the kids. <br />Get him tested and go from there. <br /><br />Lots of kids have problems and chances are there will be even more problems as they age. I think as parents we think it gets easier as they age, but in my opinion it only gets harder.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24756113.post-88305029557466672972010-12-12T20:39:14.168-06:002010-12-12T20:39:14.168-06:00Was that an honest to goodness quote from his teac...Was that an honest to goodness quote from his teacher? I am appalled at this school. What 3 year old does NOT have issues sitting in circle time. Honestly it sounds laughable. If this would be on his "permanent record" in any way ie anything connected with the school system etc, I would skip all that and if you feel he needs to be checked go the private route.<br /><br />Sorry!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24756113.post-11890439385237886742010-12-12T12:22:46.089-06:002010-12-12T12:22:46.089-06:00Jen,
I can really relate to this. I have a 2 and a...Jen,<br />I can really relate to this. I have a 2 and a half year old who is slightly behind in talking and uses conduct to express his frustration. Especially for little ones who are intelligent but lack the language to express themselves, the tantrums can be worse than "normal." We went to a developmental pediatrician, who was on the fence about whether we just had a very independent kid with a speech delay or whether he had some other issue. He gave us a diagnosis of a pervasive development disorder so that we could get speech and occupational therapy for him. It has worked wonders. He is learning how to sit and wait patiently, how to follow rules, and his communication is just growing by leaps and bounds - all things that I think will help him when he becomes school age. Also, they have given us some great techniques for helping him develop speech, to be successful in different environments and to help us in dealing with the tantrums. Plus, he usually has fun at the therapy sessions and loves the therapists. So, I guess I would just say, try not to be too discouraged. All kids have different needs, but frankly, I think a lot more kids could use the kind of "therapy" my son is getting. Even if my child does have some issues in the long run, I do not accept that it means that he cannot have a wonderful and fulfilling life, where his parents do everything in their power to help him meet his potential. I suspect the same will be true for Henry, whatever the "experts" say. Best of luck.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24756113.post-53555280334465659662010-12-12T10:22:16.957-06:002010-12-12T10:22:16.957-06:00Jen -
I'm with Debbie - call JM. If it is S...Jen - <br /><br />I'm with Debbie - call JM. If it is SI - she's got to be a great resource. <br /><br />Also - "Out of Sync Child" book - which I'm sure you've found already - is your SI bible. <br /><br />And if its SI - big deal? Seems like every other kid I know has this? So keep in perspective. And there is lots of info on SI so should be no prob to manage.<br /><br />However - here is my .02 on the preschool -- WHAT PRESCHOOL 1) diagnoses a kid in 1 week, 2) dismisses the kid in 1 week, and 3) isn't set up to deal with SI??? I think this preschool did you a favor by letting you go!<br /><br />Love - <br /><br />Mom to Eraser-ear boy, JessicaAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24756113.post-62313703468791891592010-12-12T09:02:01.352-06:002010-12-12T09:02:01.352-06:00ARgh, Blogger just lost my long post. Succinctly p...ARgh, Blogger just lost my long post. Succinctly put - change preschool. I have a son who sounds remarkably similar to Henry, and he's now a smart cookie in Yr 1, 2 yrs ahead in both math and language. Sounds like the preschool has utterly unrealistic expectations, and Henry needs somewhere small and nurturing. Have the assessments done to make you feel better, but also look for somewhere that will better suit a boy who sounds just like any normal 3yr old! Good luck xxxjenhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12408935691535028803noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24756113.post-61350005943579941542010-12-12T08:59:16.578-06:002010-12-12T08:59:16.578-06:00Oh, Jenn.. you poor thing. NOT what you need.
My...Oh, Jenn.. you poor thing. NOT what you need. <br /><br />My son (now 5.5) sounds a lot like Henry, I have suspected he has some sensory issues, but I had the opposite problem (here in the UK), in that they just told me it was a 'boy thing', and his behaviour was just bad parenting (Yes, really!). <br /><br />I rejected the place at our nearest preschool (where all his friends went) and sent him instead to the nearest Montessori preschool, which only had 6-8 kids in a session, with a 1:3 teacher/child ratio. Pricy, yes. Worth it, YES. It was a very tactile place, very boy-orientated (most of those 8 kids were boys), very hands-on, NO sitting down (REALLY?! Sitting down at 3?! Ha!). After 2 years of this preschool, he is a totally different child. It has been the making of him. <br /><br />He is now in Year 1 of school. He is 2 years ahead in Math, and Literacy (he has the reading age of an 8yr old, though he couldn't even read 6 months ago). BUT. He STILL can't sit still. He had his hearing evaluated recently, and they said that it isn't a physical issue, more of an 'integration' issue. He can hear the instructions physically, it's just that all the information going into his head at the same time cannot be processed, there is too much 'white noise' (read: classroom environment) competing with what he NEEDS to hear, for him to behave. <br /><br />YET - he is by far and away the best behaved child in the class. No, he doesn't sit still, no he sometimes doesn't follow instructions; BUT he has never hit, punched, kicked, retaliated, disobeyed or been rude, and his teacher loves having him in the class, as she know what boys are like (there are 7 boys & 1 girl in his class). Unlike some of his classmates, who couldn't behave if their lives depended on it, and actually behave worse than the one Autistic child in the class.<br /><br />Sounds like even IF Henry has issues (which TBH I don't think so from your comments), the PRESCHOOL is the issue. They obviously have unrealistic expectations of a 3yr old boy. <br /><br />So... I would get him checked out, for your piece of mind. Sounds like the USA has a much better intervention/screening program than here (read: we don't have anything like what we need in this country!). Once you have had him screened and you feel vindicated, search for a preschool that will 'let boys be boys', and not have utterly unrealistic expectations for a small individual, but work WITH Him to develop his potential. <br /><br />Anyway, just my 20c worth. Good luck xxxjenhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12408935691535028803noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24756113.post-51718201376792240092010-12-12T06:09:50.356-06:002010-12-12T06:09:50.356-06:00I haven't read through all the comments, so fo...I haven't read through all the comments, so forgive me if I'm repeating something someone's already said.<br /><br />My son is now 7, and though never dismissed from a care facility or preschool, definitely has some sensory issues. He also had issues settling down and did more so when he was younger.<br /><br />May I suggest the following book, "The Way of Boys" which is written by a Boston area therapist who was finding a lot of parents bringing their boys in for evaluation because of suggestions that the schools were making regarding issues of behavior. http://www.amazon.com/Way-Boys-Promoting-Emotional-Development/dp/006170783X/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1292155358&sr=1-1<br /><br />I found it tremendously helpful in keeping my boy's behavior in perspective, as well as explaining to me what it is that may actually be going on in my son's brain.Pearlhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00486094049471884086noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24756113.post-35387002101742530982010-12-12T05:36:38.291-06:002010-12-12T05:36:38.291-06:00Jen, I'll echo the chorus of "Wow, after...Jen, I'll echo the chorus of "Wow, after just one week?".<br /><br />But, I also want you to quit beating yourself up. If there ARE issues with Henry, then breastfeeding till 2.5 and not letting him CIO will have been a great benefit for him. If he does not have issues, then you have built an amazing bond upon which you can start working some limit and boundary setting activities. Any "discipline" (oh how I hate that word) you do will work much better coming from an attached, trusting, close relationship with a mother who knows him through to his bones.<br /><br />If there is one thing we do know about you for sure Jen, is that yo know how to fight for your kids.<br /><br />(Usual caveats about breastfeeding not being the only way, yada, yada, yada, which we all know and respect but which somehow on the internet turns into a flame war which no-one intended!)Rosemarynoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24756113.post-17242823370848359882010-12-12T00:32:48.278-06:002010-12-12T00:32:48.278-06:00Whether or not there is an issue here, this brough...Whether or not there is an issue here, this brought something to mind that I read recently. The author stated that schools are made for girls. He goes on to explain that most boys cannot learn best by sitting still all day. They need to be up and stimulated by physical activity. He said (and did talk about it more) that the best way for boys to get to school is to conform to it. He does not think this is the way we should be educating our boys. Jen, I know you're not alone.Mommy Daisyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02272248293460562006noreply@blogger.com