ties that bind (knitting part 5)

All four of our children have the stomach flu.

Charlie has the stomach flu. And in the past 48 hours, I've determined that the only thing worse than croup is croup with the stomach flu.

Currently, I am the only one standing and I am barely standing at that. Because several days ago, I twisted my ankle pretty badly when I ran outside to stop the kids who were trying to knock tomorrow out of each other with a broom. At the moment, I can hardly put any weight on my right foot.

This afternoon, I finally decided to go in for an x-ray. Since it was the end of the day and I needed to rush back home to my ailing family, I didn't stick around for the results. But I should know something tomorrow. And so help me if I broke my foot and am put in a cast because I was literally chasing after kids, I... I ...

I don't know what I'll do.

Laugh? Cry? Consume large quantities of chocolate?

Probably all of the above.

But earlier today, before the x-ray and during a reprieve from the vomit fest, when I was sitting on the couch buried under four children that all insisted I hold them, I was feeling particularly insightful and decided that in the off chance I had an opportunity to update my blog tonight, I wanted to jot down some thoughts from a church service we had attended two weeks ago.

Before I launch in to the message that I heard (and that I want to record for posterity because I know it's just a matter of time before the Target receipt that I had written these thoughts down on will be tossed in the trash and the very next day, when I'm ready to hobble away on crutches and never look back, I'll need to reflect on this wisdom), I feel it is important to add that Charlie and I are on a spiritual journey.

We don't know yet what it is that we believe.

But we attend a Christian church that we enjoy. And perhaps with time, we will discover that following will lead to believing. And believing will lead to obeying. Yet what we both appreciate about this particular church is that they don't try to pound us with the OBEY hammer.

Instead, they accept us in to their circle and encourage us to continue following, reaching, searching and exploring how to improve our own personal relationship with God. Never once have they called us "weak", or judged us for not being where they are in their walk with Christ.

It's a great church and the band is awesome. And if either of those two things weren't enough, they also have a gourmet coffee bar.

Anyway, the service two weeks ago was about improving relationships. Although this was geared towards the relationship that you have with your spouse, I took it to be the relationship(s) that I have with my spouse and my children. And instead of just forgetting about the service (as I often do), I have tried to completely absorb the message.

Love is a matter of choice.

Love is a matter of conduct.

Love is alive when it remembers, dying when it forgets and dead when it ignores.

Love is alive when it has time, dying when it is hurried and dead when it cannot wait.

Love is alive when it is giving, dying when it is exchanging and dead when it is taking.

Love is alive when it is secure, dying when it starts doubting and dead when it stops trusting.

Love is alive when it acts it's way in to feeling and dead when it feels it's way in to action.

One of the most profound things that our minister told us, and that I had never considered before, is that love is not about my happiness. So many people believe that if they are not happy in a relationship it is time to get out and move on. But when you base a relationship on your happiness, you base the relationship on yourself.

Relationships take work and too often they go from exciting to exhausted to expired.

The goal of any successful relationship should never be based solely on happiness. The goal of a successful relationship should be based on growth. If you can grow together and find common ground, you will have happiness. But you'll also have a whole lot of other things that ultimately, will contribute to making the relationship stronger and more beautiful.

The blanket that I am knitting for Kim is not one color or stitch-style alone. Instead, I am incorporating other colors and stitches, that will hopefully, give the finished product a warm and comfortable feel. And hopefully, it will be durable and last for many, many years.

Before I began this blanket, I had in mind what colors I wanted to use. But I didn't know what kind of pattern or design I wanted, until after I started knitting. And although I could have planned this out in advance, I'm not very good at following directions. Which is probably why the first and only sweater I ever attempted had two neck holes.

After knitting approximately 50 rows of white, I cut the white yarn at the end of the row, leaving approximately six-inches of white yarn...


... and I tied on some purple yarn.


Then, after knitting approximately eight rows of purple, I cut off the purple and tied on some white. After eight rows of white, I cut off the white and tied on some pink.


I am about half way through Kim's blanket. But once I finish it, I plan to weave the six-inch ends that I cut in to the knitted rows so that it appears that my alternating rows of color are seamless. And then, I plan to use my crochet hook to create a border around the entire blanket using the various colors that were knit. (But I'll get to that last part in a later post.)

It probably goes without saying that these past few days have been difficult. Almost everyone has been retching throughout the day and night and it hurts for me to walk, nonetheless sprint from one room to the next with buckets and pails. I am carrying children in my arms and on my back and just today, I changed my shirt no less than three times. But despite the chaos, I have found a lot of joy knowing that I am taking care of the most important thing in my life.

My family.

None of this sickness was planned. But it seems that those things that are unplanned often turn out a whole lot more beautiful than expected. As for the well orchestrated plans, often they don't quite come together and only after a large amount of time has been invested, do I realize that I've made a mistake and need to pull out 20 rows. Or more.

This week I have missed work. I have canceled calls. I have turned off our home telephone because the ringing would wake up people who were trying to sleep. And despite my husband's weak plea, I contacted his boss and told him that he shouldn't expect to see or hear from my husband for at least the next 48-hours.

The relationships that I have with both my husband and children are far from perfect. If someone were to look closely enough, they might see knots or frayed ends, or notice that every so often, I drop a stitch or two. But hopefully, my husband and children feel the warmth of my love that is very much alive, for each one of them.

Tonight I told all of this to my husband. I actually made the comparison of my love for our family to a blanket that I am knitting. I told him that I was so happy to see how far we have grown in our relationship. It is stronger and more beautiful, every day. And like the blanket that I am knitting, despite it's small imperfections, our family unit is strong and bright, warm and durable.

In response to my deep thoughts and knitting analogy, my husband told me that he loves me completely and he would love me even if I was just a head on a bed.

That's what he said.

A head. On a bed.

I suppose it's a good thing that Charlie would still love me if my body from the neck down were to suddenly vanish. But I really hope it never comes to that because that would undoubtedly put an end to my knitting.

*****

Now, here are some close up shots for the folks that are having a tough time seeing where exactly the needle is supposed to go to make a stitch...


You will stick your needle in to the bottom of that loop, as shown below.

The needle is pushed through to form a cross, with the right needle on the bottom...


Using your right hand, you will wrap your yarn up and over the right (bottom) needle...

You will then pull your right needle beneath the left needle, while the yarn that you just wrapped across stays on the right needle. Then, you will "push" that stitch on to your right needle. Repeat that process until all of your stitches from your left needle are transferred to the right. Then flip the needles so that your right needle becomes your left (full of yarn) and begin the stitching and transfer process to the right (empty) needle.

Is anyone following this? Or, should I take a break from the knitting tutorials and post directions for making O'Henry bars?

taking the next step (knitting part 4)

Tonight, Charlie and I attended our very first Team-in-Training event, where we both took a big step and signed up to run the San Diego Rock-N-Roll Marathon on May 31.

The meeting was at 6 PM and because this was a rather last minute event for us and we don't have many sitters available that we can call on in a pinch, we opted to bring all of the children with us. For 45 minutes, we talked to a lot of people.

We signed a lot of forms.

We paid the $50.00 registration fee.

And we committed to raising $3,500.00 over the next 16 weeks.

(That doesn't include the $4,100.00 that I told my cousin, Margaret, we'd help her raise for participating in the same event.)

And moments before we left, we realized that Charlie, who had been distracted by children when he was completing his paperwork, inadvertently signed up to run a back-to-back marathon in Washington and Alaska. (Oops.) (That would have been another $5,500.00.) (Good catch by the dude with the long ponytail.)

Honestly, I'm in a bit of disbelief that I'm doing this, because just last weekend, a mere nine days ago, I told someone that I would never, ever be interested in running a marathon.

Never, ever. Infact, no where on my list of 100 things I want to accomplish before I leave this life, do I have "Run A Marathon!"

I mean, why?

Why would I carve precious hours out of my busy day to train for something like a marathon?

Why would I intentionally put myself through such a grueling event?

Why would I spend the better part of a day outside running when I could be doing something like ... oh, I don't know ... not running for the better part of a day?

I guess what it comes down to for us, is that we really want to do something to lift the spirits of our friend, Deana. We want her to know that with each step we take, we're thinking of her. And, we're going to do our best to raise awareness and funds for the research that will eventually lead to the cure of a disease that effects so many people.

With each step I take, I'll also be thinking of my 14-year old cousin, Raymond, who lost his battle with Leukemia more than 30 years ago. And my cousin, Andrea, who lost her battle with ovarian cancer more than 10 years ago. And my mother-in-law who lost her battle to an inoperable brain tumor. And my Aunt Carolyn and dear friend, Julie, both of whom lost their battles to breast cancer. And my sister and my Uncle - who like Deana - are currently battling various forms of cancer and determined to win.

So, me and Charlie, we're in.

Of course there are the logistical issues of what we'll do with the kids when we both have to meet with our team for the Saturday morning training sessions. And currently, we're planning to bring them with us - loaded up with cups of Cheerios - and securely strapped in to our BOB jogging strollers. I figure it will be good resistance training to push 70 pounds worth of children while we stagger along. Or, if we get really tired, we'll just sit in the strollers and have them push us. Because I know that they'd love to do that.

Let's see ... what else to discuss... oh yes.

Have you mastered the art of casting?

Great! Because here's the next step in knitting.

The number of stitches that you cast on to a needle will dictate the width of the item you are making. The needle gauge and bulk of the yarn I typically use for baby blankets, will yield looser and yet "fuller" creations, so I don't need to cast on as many stitches as I would if I were using smaller needles and a less bulky yarn.

For the baby blanket that I am knitting for Kim, I have cast on 100 stitches. This blanket, when finished, will be approximately 40-inches wide. When I have knit scarfs, I generally cast on 15 stitches, because anything more than that, will result in something that resembles a shawl.

(Which is totally cool if you want a shawl. But not so cool if you are trying to make a scarf. For a man. Who is your boss. That rides a Harley. In my defense, I was just learning. That scarf was one of my first creations and I wasn't sure what I was doing, so I made it almost two-feet wide and seven-feet long. He had to wrap it around his neck three times so it wouldn't drag on the ground.)

Shown on the needle below is a scarf that I started a few years ago and have yet to finish. Note, there are 15 stitches, or loops, on the needle. This scarf is approximately 7-inches wide.


For demonstration purposes only, I cast 15 stitches on to a needle with the same bulk yarn I am using for Kim's baby blanket. Count 'em. Fifteen stitches.


If you are just starting out, I highly recommend that you start small. Fifteen stitches are a great number to begin practicing with until you master the knitting technique and line tension. Fifteen stitches are how many I have shown, below. (I think I already said that.)

Now once the stitches are cast on to the needle, you will take your right needle and stick it in to the bottom of the first stitch, on the left needle.

(In case you were wondering: I don't bite my nails. But whenever I get caught in deep thought, I pick at them.)


Here's a different angle of the same needle position.

(From the look of my poor nails, I clearly have a lot of deep thoughts.)


In your right hand, you will take yarn from your ball o' yarn, up and over the right needle.

(I've been picking at my nails for as long as I can remember. At least since I stopped sucking my left thumb at 14 years of age.)


Using the index finger of your left hand, you will push the tip of your right needle beneath your left needle, while making sure that the yarn that is on top of your right needle, stays on the needle, while it comes up and over the left needle.

(I was put in braces when I was 11 years old. And when I was 13, I fell asleep in the Orthodontist's chair while waiting for my braces to be inspected. When I was gently awoken by my Orthodontist, my thumb had found it's way to my mouth and he said, "Oh - so now I understand why it is taking so long for your teeth to straighten!")


Then, using your left thumb, you will gently push the stitch off the left needle and on to the right needle. Now, you have one stitch on your right needle, and fourteen (14) remaining on your left.

(It's really no mystery why I was in braces for five years.)


Now, you will place your right needle in to the base of the second stitch on the left needle.

(These days my teeth are great. But my brittle and soft nails need work. With the exception of an occasional manicure or buff, I've all but given up on them.)


And pushing the right needle beneath the left needle, you will wrap your yarn up and over the right needle, again.

(For a very short while in my life, I had acrylic tips. Or silk tips. Or who knows what. But they drove me nuts. They made typing extremely difficult and they were terribly uncomfortable.)


Then, using your index finger on your left hand, you will push the tip of your right needle beneath your left needle, while making sure that the yarn that is on top of your right needle, stays on the needle, while it comes up and over the left needle.

(Although my fingernails are soft and peel easily, my toenails are quite strong and generally contribute to an overall pretty foot that I am proud to stand upon.)


Then, using your left thumb, you will gently push the stitch off the left needle and on to the right needle. Now, you have two stitches on your right needle, and thirteen (13) remaining on your left.

(Although, a few years ago when I was wearing sandals, I was stunned when a friend of mine pointed out that my toes were very hairy.)

You will continue to repeat this process of transferring stitches from one needle to the next, until all 15 stitches from your left needle are moved to your right needle. And then, you will flip your needle over so that your right needle is your left needle (full of stitches) and your right needle is devoid of any stitches. Keeping the tail from your yarn to the right, you will begin the process, again > moving all of your stitches to the right needle.

("HAIRY TOES?! Doesn't everyone have hairy toes?!" I exclaimed.)

Needle goes in.

(My friend slipped off her shoes and revealed perfectly hairless toes. When I asked her how it was that she had hairless feet when I had beastly feet, she told me that she shaved them.)


Yarn comes up and around.

(I'd never heard of someone shaving their feet before.)


Right needle gets pulled under left needle.

(But this was just one more of those well guarded secrets from the vault of beauty hood I'd never been privy to.)


Third stitch is gently pushed with thumb from left needle on to right. Now there are three stitches on the right and twelve on the left.

(I suppose shaving your feet is better than waxing your feet.)


Here is a video depiction.

Now I really need to know if this is clear to anyone.

(And how do you combat hairy feet when it's sandal season?)

protecting that which is important (knitting part 3)

Before our families start calling and telling us that we need to leave the children and go away on an extended vacation, I want to mention that I'm not really hanging on by a thread.

I'm just trying to come up with catchy titles that tie in to knitting.

We're actually doing quite well despite the fact Charlie and I would both love to have another three hours of sleep at night. Or, at least seven hours, undisturbed.

The decision to take the children out of Montessori and keep them at home has probably been one of the best decisions we've ever made. Although we both definitely need breaks, we like having the kids with us during the day. In fact, I didn't realize just how much I was missing from their young lives, until I've had them home with me.

I can see that they have matured a lot in the past six months. And since the bulk of their waking hours were spent at school, I didn't really notice the changes. When they would come home from school, they were busy wrestling with their siblings and rallying for my attention. They were anxious to see what Henry had gotten in to while they were gone, and they were trying to find all of the toys that I had put away, in their absence. Which inevitably, would send me in to a tailspin because the house that I had cleaned while they were away, would be flipped upside down almost immediately.

Yet, when they are home all day, the house is in a constant state of disarray so it's not like I can see my progress thwarted. And although they still vie for my attention, they get along and play so much better than they ever did while they were in school. The love between these kids is tangible.

Now that they are home, some days we are really active.

Other days, we don't do much of anything.

But, it feels like a huge weight has been lifted off our shoulders not having to get the kids up and dressed and fed and lunches packed and out of the house by 8:30 every morning. Why, most mornings we're still in our pajamas and figuring out what we want to eat at 8:30.

We're not hyper efficient.

We're just taking it easy and having fun.

Now that I've had the past month to reflect on our situation, it seems to me that we live in a society that is so driven. People have schedules to be here and do this and this. And if you don't do all of those things on your to-do list, you're a slacker. If your children can't write their names and read by the time they enter kindergarten, your child is deficient. Maybe you are failing them as a parent.

I am optimistic that our children will be able to read soon. But I'm trying to go at their pace. We place some fairly grand expectations on little people. And even greater expectations on ourselves for what we should be as parents.

Now, I don't want to fall in to a coma of unproductivity, but I think there's a lot to be said for doing simple things and letting our kids be kids. For a while, I felt like I was robbing our children by not giving them a school experience.

Since then, I've decided that the hours I spend every day reading to them and baking with them and pointing out various trees and insects and teaching them how to clean up after themselves, will not hinder their acceptance to college one day. Nor will it prevent them from landing a job. Or going on to win the Nobel. Or Pulitzer.

For our family, this is what works.

But because kids will be kids, if you have kids in the house and you have invested time in to a particular knitting project, make sure that you place it somewhere it will be safe. Otherwise, you might follow a trail of yarn through your house and discover that a blanket you started over the weekend...

... has been reduced to a make-believe spiderweb.

hanging on by a thread (knitting part 2)

For at least the past two months, I've been sick.

Two months.

Eight weeks.

Fifty six days.

It started out with a scratchy throat. Turned in to a runny nose. Within days, I had a hacking bronchitis cough. A few weeks later, just when it seemed like I was starting to feel better, I would feel the scratchy throat coming on again. Then the runny nose. The hacking cough. A few weeks later. Repeat. And a few weeks later, repeat again.

My mother is forever telling me that I need to get more sleep. She even sent me the link to an article that scientifically shows people who sleep less than seven hours a night are three times more likely to contract a cold.

I can't even remember the last time I've had more than seven hours of sleep at one shot. And it isn't just because I go to bed late, some nights I am in bed by 9 PM. It's because I have a baby that wakes up at all hours and screams until he is picked up and brought in to bed with us. And if I don't pick him up, he will wake up the entire house and I'll have four children (and a husband) hysterically crying in the middle of the night.

Last night, I was in bed by 10:30.

Henry started crying at midnight.

He started again at 4 AM.

I didn't go to him at midnight or at 4 AM because I was frustrated and needed to sleep, dammit. At midnight he cried for thirty minutes before silence. At 4 AM, he cried for an hour and a half. For ninety minutes, I listened to the screams bouncing off the walls and rattling around in my head. At one point, I considered locking him in the car. But no, no, that would be wrong.

At 5:30 AM, I pulled him in to bed with me.

He nursed for five minutes and fell to sleep.

But then the floor boards creaked and it sounded like there was an intruder in the house and since Charlie had left on a business trip at 5:00 AM, I was the only adult capable of protecting our small children. With my heart racing, I tried to think what I could use to defend my family.

When I woke up two and a half hours later from a sound sleep to the sound of children running through the house, I was still trying to think what I could use as a weapon within arms reach. And then I realized that an intruder wasn't in the house and wow, it's a darn good thing, because my fight or flight reflex is clearly trumped by exhaustion.

That's how my day started.

Although I strive to have breakfast served by 8 AM, today we were eating "brunch" at 10. Then, when I tried to have a five-minute conversation with my mother and the children combusted before my very eyes, I had to abruptly end my conversation and put MYSELF in time out because I truly thought I was going to lose my head.

Standing in the laundry room, I was thinking that if I put the kids in time out for one minute per year of life, then I should have a nice 37-minute reprieve. But after a mere three minutes of seclusion, the kids came looking for me. "Mommy? Mommy? You OK? You angwy? You acting cwazy, Mommy! Do you need to tawk?"

At noon, just when I *should* be feeding the kids lunch and getting Henry ready for a nap, we rolled out the door to Costco. Because we had no bread. Or milk. Or cereal. And with four more items left on our list and a shopping cart full of food, Carolyn informs me that she needs to go potty. But we can't just abandon our cart - or push it past the checkout to the restroom - so I command my four-year-old that she needs to wait for a few minutes.

Because they are relatively new to the potty training scene, it's a cardinal rule in my book that I never make them wait for more than a few minutes. But I still had to pick up milk. And cereal. And chocolate covered macadamia nuts for without them I might not survive.

So all I could think was, "She is going to soak herself in the middle of the store and I have no change of clothes and this day is totally out of control and mirror mirror on the wall, who is the crappiest mother of all?!"

Faster kids!!

WALK FASTER!!

We come home from Costco. I put Henry down for a nap and serve up lunch at 2 PM. The kids eat, Henry wakes up and we are out the door to gymnastics at 3 PM. While I'm watching the girls in their class, I notice that while every other child in the class appears to be following directions, mine are not.

Why? WHY? Why won't they pay attention? Why does it seem that our kids have the most energy? The shortest attention span? Why don't they settle down and listen, EVER? Why can't just once, they be the kids that hold my hand and walk in to a room, quietly, as opposed to pulling away from me, rolling across the floor and defying every word?

I look around at all the other parents and they seem relaxed. Even the toddlers waiting with their mothers while their siblings are in class, are relaxed. They are calmly sitting on laps and eating Cheerios. While my Henry is running around with his arms over his head and bouncing off the walls.

THUNK!!

He stands up and laughs and does it again.

THUNK!!

Then he staggers over to me and tries to shove his hand down the front of my shirt while crying, "Appwle. APPWLE!"

I hate to complain, but I'm tired. Infact, I'd insert a choice adjective to express just how tired I am if I wasn't opposed to using profanity on my blog.

Tomorrow, I'm heading off to a business meeting at a five-star resort in San Diego. I was planning to have the whole family come with me. While I worked, they could play at the beach and swim in the luxurious pool. But instead, Charlie and I are discussing that perhaps I should go by myself. Just me and my manual breast pump. Because there is no way I could survive for three days without nursing.

It's a tough situation.

Although I'm not entirely ready to give up nursing just yet, I am ready to get some sleep. I am ready to feel well again. I am ready to have my baby look at solid food as a viable and somewhat tolerable fuel alternative. As opposed to looking at me as something that exists for his nutritional and pacification needs, only.

So what was the purpose of this post?

Oh yes!

Casting on.

But wait.

Before I dive in to this, I want to add that knitting didn't come very easily to me. It took me a while to really understand and get a feel for how it works. It took me even longer to understand that if you pull your yarn too tightly or leave it too loose, it can adversely effect your creation. You need to try and stay consistent with the tension that you have on your yarn, and the more you practice, the more you will figure out what tension is right for you and the piece that you are creating.

I also want to add that although I have every confidence in you, if this is the first time you have ever attempted knitting, don't be fooled in to believing that the first item you knit will be perfect. Start small, cut yourself some slack, have patience, and don't give up. If you are anything like me, it might seem like you will never get it, but then something will click, you'll find your groove and before you know it, you'll be knitting at every spare opportunity you can find.

(Unless you are left handed. According to my left-handed friend Michelle, she cannot grasp knitting to save her life because the only people that she knows who knit are all right-handed and the technique is different. So if you are a southpaw, my apologies in advance.)

For now, just practice casting on. Cast on as many stitches as you can without worrying if it's the correct number for a scarf or blanket or pot holder (or coaster). I'll provide more details on how many stitches you will need (if you are using the same materials as me) for a blanket (or scarf) when I write about knitting. By that point, casting on should be easier for you and go rather quickly.

Lastly. I started out knitting using bamboo needles. They are small and very light-weight. If you find that you are having a difficult time with the large aluminum needles, you might want to try picking up some bamboo and having a shot with those, until you get the hang of it.

Lastly. (Lastly.) Sarah L left a comment on my post last week that if people are just learning to knit and want to do a blanket, they might find it easier to use circular needles instead of straight needles. Instead of two completely separate needles, there is a nylon cord running between the two ends that holds them together. When you are doing a big project, like a blanket, it gives a lot more room for your stitches. This makes it less likely that your stitches are going to slide off of your needles while you are still figuring out knitting.

(Good point, Sarah. Thanks for mentioning it.)

So I started out with Charlie taking photographs as I tried to illustrate how a person would cast stitches "on" to a knitting needle. And I quickly realized that people would soon be discouraged if they were to only rely upon our photographic instruction. So, I made a short video that is included at the bottom of this post.

Here you have your yarn, from your ball o' yarn.


You will tie a small loop with a knot.

Now, there are at least two ways to cast stitches on to a knitting needle. I am going to show you the way that I was taught, with two needles. But at the bottom of this post is a video that I found on YouTube where the one-needle technique is shown.

First, my two needled approach.

Place your two needles inside the loop.

Form a cross with your needles. Or X. Whatever you call it. (You'll quickly see that I make up nomenclature as I go.)

Take the yarn from your ball o' yarn (shown in my right hand) and bring it under and up over your bottom (right) needle.

Now, pull your bottom (right) needle so that it forms a "T" with your top (left) needle. The yarn will be on the bottom (right) needle, and slightly inclining your bottom (right) needle up (so the yarn doesn't slip off), pull your bottom (right) needle up and slightly over the left (top) needle, so that the yarn comes with it and forms a loop and the right needle is now on top.

Rotate the loop and place the bottom (or left side of the loop) on the bottom (left) needle.

Pull the loop so that it is taut, but not too taut, on your bottom (left) needle and pull the right (top) needle out. Now, you will have a stitch on the left needle and no yarn on the right.

Insert your needle in to the middle of the stitch and making an "X", begin again.


Here's a video depicting my two-needle technique. It looks like I have a camera mounted on my head, but it's Charlie, standing directly over me.



And here's a video depicting the one-needle technique.



The beer is optional, but with either cast-on technique, you might find it helps.

how to have a ball (knitting part 1)

Some days, I feel like I am floating along on a cloud of bliss and nothing bothers me. Other days I feel so annoyed and so intolerable of little people, it takes only the slightest bit to set me off. Usually and quite thankfully, whenever I'm off, Charlie is on. And vice versa. On a very, very rare occasion, Charlie and I are in complete mood synchronicity.

Alas, today was one of those days where the kids were driving us both batty and it took everything in our power to not completely snap at them - or each other - or grab a bottle of scotch and start chugging.

This morning we ran out to buy a birthday present for a surprise party we were scheduled to attend today. Once we completed our 10 minute shopping errand, we walked to a local sandwich shop where we planned to have lunch. We walked in the door and while I quickly scanned the menu on the wall to figure out what to order, Charlie jumped in line.

My plan was to tell my husband what to order and then, I would take all four children to a table where we would wait for the patriarch of our family to rejoin us before enjoying our lunch, together.

But in that forty-second span of time where I looked over the menu and was relaying our order to Charlie, William started flailing his arms around and knocked over his sister. Henry started screaming and thrashing about in his stroller. And despite the line of customers that was forming around us, one of the girls who really wanted a bag of potato chips at that very precise moment, collapsed on the floor - with her dress jacked up to her arm pits - and was crying, "PuhWEEZE!!! PuhWEEZE!!! PUHWEEZE!!!"

Of course I could have just made an immediate exit and informed our children that partial nudity and temper tantrums in public will not be tolerated. But when you are a slave to convenience and you have little to no food at home because you haven't been shopping in a few days and you are suddenly fixated on a bowl of broccoli cheese soup in a sourdough bowl, the best solution might be to kneel down and between clenched teeth tell your child that if they don't knock it off immediately, they will be lunch.

We come home from our outing and although both Charlie and I would LOVE to lay down and rest, no one will take a nap or have quiet time. Except Henry who sleeps for his requisite 45 minutes and wakes up fussy and tired and demanding to be held. I've just finished wrapping the present for the birthday party and while the sound level in the house nears a dull roar, Charlie and I take turns smacking ourselves in the head with the empty roll of wrapping paper.

Usually we are packed full of solutions for keeping the children happily occupied. But today we just couldn't get our game on.

Just then we receive a phone call from our neighbor and she asks if Charlie can please find some way to distract her husband for an hour so she can put the finishing touches on her house for the party. She suspects that her husband knows something is up, but she wants him out while she welcomes guests.

Charlie wracks his brain.

Maybe they can go to the store. But that's weird, because why would two guys go shopping together? Maybe Charlie can have him come over and help him move something heavy. But, nothing needs to be moved. So, maybe he can come over and watch a game. But there are no games on today. Maybe they can organize tools. Or, I know!! Maybe he can come over and Charlie and he can watch the kids so I can go meditate at Target.

After several minutes of trying to figure out how to distract him, I suggested that Charlie take him out for a beer at an upscale brewery that recently opened near our house. My husband looked at me in stunned disbelief. Here we have a house full of crazy kids and in the MIDDLE of the day his wife suggests that he go out for beer in a new brewery?! Almost as quickly as the words left my mouth, my husband was in the car and peeling out of the driveway.

But shortly after Charlie leaves, I need to get the kids ready for the party.

A party for which we absolutely cannot be late.

I help get the kids dressed in clean clothes and tell them that while I'm changing Henry's diaper, they need to put their shoes on. Ten minutes later, once there is a new diaper in place, and I've gone to the bathroom and brushed my teeth and packed a small bag, they are all running around in their underwear with one shoe on one foot.

Freak out session occurs wherein I act like a crazy lady.

A crazy lady that knows better than to act like a four-year-old in front of her four-year-olds because good heavens, they are only four-years-old after all which is why she can do twenty things in the amount of time it takes them to do one. But that doesn't stop me.

We make our way to the party. Despite my best intentions, we are 10 minutes late. Still, we are among the first to arrive. While my husband is in a nice brewery drinking a nice beer, I'm in I'm in a house that is the least child-proof house of any house I have ever been in, in my entire life, with all four children, by myself.

In every room, there are glass tables and delicate ceramics. Antique figurines. An ivory chess set and bowls of glass marbles. There are plates of carefully arranged food with various dips at child-eye-level, and on the ground, bowls of cat food and an automatic watering apparatus that Henry thinks is a potty and tries to sit in. Within minutes of arriving, the children discover that this is a two-story house with hard wooden stairs and an open banister that lead out to perches 15-feet above the room, below.

Almost immediately, I realize that THIS IS NOT THE PLACE TO BE WITH KIDS, so I herd everyone in to the backyard. The kids bee line to a dog that is poking it's head through the fence and stomping over the delicately manicured plants, jut their hands through the fence to pat it.

Henry wades in to a rose bush, dense with thorns and quickly falls down. I pick him up and he toddles over to a rusty hacksaw on the ground. Elizabeth and William clamor on top of a hammock - and Carolyn in an attempt to rock them - instead, flips them both over and they land with a CRASH on the ground.

Wailing ensues.

After thirty minutes of pure madness, I'm on the phone with my husband telling him that it is time to PUT DOWN THE BEER and come to the party. By this point, the guests that have arrived are looking at our children and saying, "Oh, aren't they adorable!" and I can't tell if they are being sincere, or blowing smoke to make me feel less conspicuous.

Regardless, I feel like I'm part of a show. A show where I need to put on a smile and pretend like I am having a GREAT time, when in reality, I'm miserable and would rather get my hair caught in a fan than chase children for another 10 minutes.

Charlie finally arrives, we shout SURPRISE! and although the party would be going for several more hours, moments later, with Henry secured under one arm, I'm making my way to the door. As if it wasn't rude enough to let my children roll glass marbles all through the host and hostess's house, I didn't even say good bye. I tucked my toddler and ran. My husband followed me home a few minutes later, with three children that I could hear screaming from a block away.

What are the lessons learned?

Until the kids are at an age where their etiquette skills have evolved to the point that they don't show absolute strangers their boogies, or ... dip their fingers in hummus and then rub them across glass tables, or .... crawl on the ground and notify a room full of party goers that the woman in the pink dress is wearing red undahwear... it's best that Charlie and I attend social functions WITHOUT our small children.

Although, it is still possible for parents with small children to have a ball.

Necessary, in fact, if one plans to knit.

(How'd you like that segue?)

Now, I've knitted before without wrapping my skein in to a ball, but it always happens that at some point, the skein will turn in to a knotted mess and I am hard pressed to get it untangled without relying on scissors. Transferring your skein only takes a few minutes and in my opinion, is well worth the minor effort.

When you take the paper off your skein, take the leading end of yarn and begin wrapping it around your fingers.


And wrapping...


And wrapping, up and over, and side to side...


Until your yarn begins to form a small ball.


Just keep wrapping, up and over ...


Side to side...


Until, you have a large ball o' yarn.

Hopefully, tomorrow I'll have some time to write about casting on and stitches.

Stitches for knitting, that is.

Not the kind that are used to close a wound.

cast away

A few months ago, I was contacted by a woman named Kim who reads this blog and she asked if I would be interested in knitting a blanket for her, that she would pay me for. Kim was due to deliver her first baby in January and she really wanted to have something handmade for her little girl, and seeing as she didn't know anyone that could make anything, she was hoping I could help.

It took me a few days to realize that she was serious.

Since I am always amazed at the number of people that I meet who would really love to know how to knit, I was struck with the idea of posting a tutorial. My mother is a great knitter and she has taught me a thing or two about how to cast on and off. And even though my knitting skills are very basic, I love being able to create something with my hands.

Because I have a hard time sitting still and not doing something, whenever Charlie and I sit down to watch television or a movie, I enjoy knitting simple things. Hats. Blankets. Scarves. Knit. Purl. Knit. Purl. I can typically churn out a scarf in about two hours, a hat in about four and a baby blanket in about eight.

(My secret for making things fast is using fat needles and fat yarn.)

A few years ago, I was inspired by a blogger who was crocheting blankets for babies in South Africa. So, I decided to use my rudimentary knitting skills and contribute to what I thought was a very good cause. All told, I put together four care packages that consisted of a hand made blanket and miscellaneous supplies for baby and mom.

Then, I went to the post office and mailed the packages.

Almost three months later, my packages were received.

And that's when I realized that maybe it would be better to support a local charity.

Since then, I've found a cause that really appeals to me.

Project Linus is a group that makes handmade blankets for children between the ages of 0 and 18 who are seriously ill, traumatized, or otherwise in need. The group has chapters in all 50 states and every month, they collect and donate an average of 350 blankets to children in shelters, hospitals or social service agencies. Seeing how much our children adore their blankets, I would love to give that type of gift to a needy child.

So here and there for the next few weeks, I am going to post a tutorial on how to knit. Sure, you could go buy a book on the subject, but this will be so much more fun. (Or not.)

The first blanket that I make will be a gift for Kim because she was nice enough to actually write me a note and ask if she could pay me for a blanket. And then because her compliment went straight to my head, I hope to knit at least one blanket a month for Project Linus.

Before you start, you'll need supplies. Shown below are 14" (35 cm) US: 15 needles (10 mm) and Red Heart Baby Clouds acrylic yarn. Both of these items can be purchased online or at a local craft store (or Walmart) for around $5.00/each.

Of course if you don't want to make a blanket, you could always make a nice scarf. Like this one I am wearing on a San Diego beach, New Year's Eve 2003.

When it was a bitter 50 degrees.