Hail Mary, Full of Grace

When I think of the people who I admire and love the most in this world, my mother, Mary, and her sister, Grace (Auntie), are among those at the top of my list.  Both my mother and my aunt attended and graduated from parochial schools, and have stories - upon stories - of encounters with nuns when they were growing up. Because of their devout Catholic background, my mother, whenever she introduces herself, or my aunt, will tell them with a wink, "Just remember Hail Mary ... Full of Grace." 

I adore them both, and am so grateful for the privilege of being related to them, and for the relationship that I have with these two incredible women.  In my book, they're both Saints. 

While they don't typically like to discuss age, I think it is inspirational how healthy and mentally awake they both are; my Aunt Grace turned 92 in May, and my mom, will be 90 on July 7th.  My Aunt Grace just returned from a trip to Europe.  And my mother, although she has had her share of health challenges over the past year, has told me she is making plans to visit us in Vermont this coming fall. (I so hope she does!) 

As I grow older, the thing that has struck me the most about our relationship, is how often they have told me how wonderful I am and how proud of me they are; they constantly build me up and are so positive. Everyone should be so lucky to have such incredible cheerleaders. 

While the three of us know very well that I certainly have my flaws, it's not something that they bring up.  They don't try to fix or refine me, or try and help me see things from a different angle; they just welcome me with open arms and huge smiles, listen, and astound me with their generosity of time and resources. Whenever the subject of parenthood comes up, the only advice they will offer is to ENJOY these kids while we have them at home: the years are precious and so quickly fleeting. 

As I grow older, I aspire so much to be more like them. With four teenagers, I will certainly confess it isn't always easy to just accept people as they are.  Make no mistake: WE CHERISH THESE KIDS and their frequent moments of amazing, knock our socks off.  But it sometimes takes a lot of discipline and constraint to look beyond the mountains of never-ending dirty laundry, dishes, piles of who knows what; sleeping in, faces glued to cell phones, and doses of teen attitude that have nearly sent me in to AFib.  

A few weeks ago, I was diagnosed with a torn rotator cuff. The culprit was when I attempted to flip a teenager's cell phone in to the far back seat of our Yukon.  The pain was so intense, I had to pull over to the side of the road, climb out of the car, and immediately kneel on the ground.  The teenager didn't know I had hurt myself, and thought I was just taking this extremely unusual moment and location to pray.  Which I did, while I was waiting for the black out stars and searing pain to pass. 

I've been trying so hard to just embrace this period of growth and change.  Celebrating these rapidly evolving humans as they are; not attempting try to fix or refine them, or try and help them see things from a different angle. They are who they are; navigating their own paths and figuring things out in their own time and space.  They are so, so good and we are so proud of them.  We just need to be keep being kind role models that welcome them with open arms and huge smiles, listen, and astound them with our generosity of time and resources. As Charlie says, we cannot let them make us batty - they are the batty ones.  Just got to keep an even keel, navigating the ups and downs of teenage angst. 

Hail Mary, Full of Grace. 

******

Wait a minute!!!  Just before I hit "publish" I remembered when I was a teenager and my Aunt Grace almost drove me over with her Cadillac when I was talking back and jumped out of the car to run away.  I made the mistake of dashing in front of the car and looked in to her eyes as she clutched that big steering wheel. For a moment, I don't think either of us was entirely sure if she was going to hit the brake or the gas.  For fun, I googled 1980's Cadillac, and behold, this is the exact car.  Color and everything! 

Perhaps this post is simply a good reminder that all of us parents of teenagers should have a little more grace with ourselves?  Remember: our children's brains are still connecting and growing until they reach 25.  In contrast, ours are fully formed and probably starting to shrink. 

Hopefully, within the next 40 years, our children will have elevated us to sainthood, too. 

we're here, we're there, we're every ..... where

This morning I made a concerted effort to get on the floor and stretch. As I attempted touching my toes, with outstretched legs, and felt all the muscles in my legs and back seize up ... I pondered how long it has been since I've really devoted myself to being limber and flexible.  I'd guess 1985? 

It doesn't seem that long ago that I could contort myself in to a pretzel with zero pain.  It also doesn't seem like that long ago that I met the love of my life during what was supposed to be a brief exchange from South Carolina to California (1991); we brought home three babies from the hospital (2004) and a little surprise a few years later (2007). Nor does it seem so long ago that we moved with four preschoolers from California to Virginia (2010); then packed up four pre-teens and moved from Virginia to Texas (2015).  

In all honesty, it seems like just last month we took what was supposed to be a six-week road trip to check out colleges.  Alas, time goes by at a dizzying clip, and a week ago today, the triplets graduated from high school.   The transformation in these three kids over the past 20 months has been nothing short of a miracle.  Remember, a pivotal decision in our move surrounded the struggles Carolyn in particular was facing at her school in Texas.  In Vermont, she wound up graduating with multiple honors and unbeknownst to anyone until the commencement ceremony, received a Memorial Scholarship to boot.  

(Albeit gut-wrench fear inducing, did we make the correct decision to move?  HECK YES.) 

Charlie's three siblings - and their spouses - flew in from California for the festivities.  My sisters Eileen and Beth traveled in from Michigan and Massachusetts, respectively.  My dad's youngest sister, Peggy, also drove up from Boston. My great-nephew, Ryan, who is the same age as the triplets (and is slated to join the Marines in September), was here from Massachusetts, too.  A good friend that we met through my mother when she lived in Florida, but who resides in Connecticut, Flavia, made the trip north. And then there were so many wonderful friends that we've made since we've moved to Vermont, less than two years ago, that descended on our beloved "Butternut House" for a graduation party that lasted late in to the evening and over the next few days. 

The Butternut House, that within the past three months has endured more construction than I can fathom. Not sure that it's more improbable that we got it all done in time ... or, that we successful in wrangling qualified contractors in a severely depleted market to:  

Construct a new bedroom and bathroom in our basement along with new floors, doors and windows, paint and heating.  Ceilings replaced in the main level due to water damage - recessed lights installed - interior repainted.  Exterior has been painted once (25% of the house before we determined the color was wrong) - twice (50% of the house before we determined this color was also wrong) - three times (was the charm!)... 

A new roof installed - exterior lighting added - new gutters installed - epoxy garage floor - more doors and windows - and a massive landscaping project that is still going on to this day.  

What better time to rip your house and yard COMPLETELY apart than a few months before a big party?  

What better time to undertake SUBSTANTIAL home improvement than before triplets start college? 

Hahahahahaha!! We've always been a little insane. It gives life ZEST!! 

On the upside: the house looks fantastic and it was all done in time. (Not perfect, but well enough.) 

The day after graduation, Carolyn packed up and moved to summer camp in the northeast kingdom, where she will be a rowing instructor for the next nine weeks.  

William and Elizabeth are working together at an outdoor camping store for the next six weeks - before William ships off to Germany for a year on a US Congressional Scholarship.  Elizabeth and Carolyn will be moving out of the house and on to the campus at the University of Vermont in less than 10 weeks.  Next year, when William returns from Germany, the plan is that he will join his sisters as a Catamount at UVM.  

It really seems like the past couple of decades have been dizzying times indeed. 

In the months ahead, Charlie and I are very excited to turn more attention to Henry. And, increase our flexibility.  Maybe I can sign the three of us up for a gymnastics class? 

I bet Henry would really love that!