It has been six months, today, that our family was on the camping trip in Burlington, Vermont when I had what I thought would be a non-eventful call with my prior manager, Kurt, and new manager, Jeff. The title of the meeting that they had set up the prior week, was benignly dubbed "Assessment Results." I had no idea what exactly that meant ... but after 20 years with the company, I had participated in and led many assessments, so naively figured this Monday morning call would be no different.
When I logged on to the 10:00 Zoom call from Quarantinny, everyone was outside - with the exception of Carolyn, who was sitting across the table from me, working on her math. In my typical self, I was happy and shared news about the beautiful place we were visiting - how we were taking the kids to tour UVM later that day - how we would be leaving and driving back to Texas, by way of Niagara Falls, either that afternoon or tomorrow morning, because the kids started school in less than two weeks.
It immediately struck me how solemn they were on the the call. These are people I talk to every single week and have known for years. And yet, in extremely atypical fashion, there was no friendly banter, not even a smile. Kurt took a deep breath and launched in to a message that within a matter of seconds, would alter our course in life, forever. Despite what had been my best technical performance year, and with no prior notice or any warning signs that things were amiss, for the first time ever, I had been placed in the bottom rank group because I purportedly put too much "pressure" on others, and my career with the company was suddenly in jeopardy.
Just like that it happened.
I've written before about what transpired next, following the most intense professional gut punch I've ever received in my life. Turning my camera and microphone off until I could find my breath again, while the managers asked if I was still there or had been disconnected from the call. The feeling of disbelief, shame, and extreme fury that settled over me in one moment; was followed by extreme clarity that washed over me next, when I instantly recognized that the path forward, albeit a tough one, was crystal clear. Carolyn stared at me with a look of concern as I absolutely lambasted management for tolerating proverbially can-kicking. I put pressure on others because I am a doer ... I actually get things done and push others to deliver.
How else does one function with four children born in 2.5 years?
Despite the option to remain and attempt to "redeem" myself, before the call ended, I had silently concluded to myself that I would take the severance and resign from the company. So many thoughts flooded my brain ... first and foremost, our family - and the children who were starting their critical junior year of high school. In not too far of a second spot, the realization that all of my efforts and extremely hard work were not valued.
No. None of this would work for my family.
No. None of this would work for me; I deserve so much better.
By the time I got off the phone and alerted the family, I was feeling resolute and hoped that they would agree with my decision. But the wave of transparency and clarity about making the decision, was quickly replaced by the most intense anxiety and anguish that I've ever experienced for the next SEVERAL months. One moment you're surfing the wave of life and feeling like you're on top of the world, safely protected in God's hands ... and the next minute, you're thrown to the bottom of the ocean and relentlessly pounded by the surf. Intense currents whip you about, sand and shells blast your face and body, you can't breathe - you can't see - you fear for your life and those that you love, as your surf board knocks you in the head, and a jelly fish stings you for good measure. You arise to the surface, tangled in kelp, only to realize that your bathing suit is gone. Snagged on coral that ripped your flesh, made you bleed, and Great White sharks are now on their way to eat you whole.
We'd have to find a place to settle down. Vermont? South Carolina? California? Colorado? Wisconsin? WHERE TO WE WANT TO BE?? While this sounds like a dreamy thought to consider - when you have but a moment to make the decision that will impact where your children go to school, graduate, potentially start college and launch their adult lives... it is paralyzing.
We looked around - liked what we saw - did some quick calculations - and decided we'd stay right there in Burlington. I'm outwardly smiling in this photo, but crippled inside.
For the sake of brevity and to not regurgitate everything I've written about over the past six months, here's a punch list of what has actually transpired the past 184 days:
- We found a rental house and signed a lease within three days.
- We hired our dear friend, Claire, to list our house within four days.
- We found an orthodontist, church, and the first of what would be three scout troops within five days.
- We registered the children in a new school in Vermont within a week; the same week - Elizabeth went to a XC running camp with her new team.
- I posted on Facebook that we'd moved to Burlington and several of my ExxonMobil colleagues, including many who expected to see me back in Texas, commented "WHAT?"
- We celebrated our 27 year wedding anniversary and I gave ABUNDANT thanks for the man I'd married who never wavered in his commitment (okay, only twice) to see this thing through.
- I resigned from a job that I had treasured and thought was the pinnacle of my professional career.
- I updated my resume for the first time in 25 years. (It was really hard!)
- Charlie took the first of what would be three trips to Texas to coordinate our move to Vermont.
- The children started their school year from a campground / tent the third week of August.
- Carolyn decided that this new environment was the perfect place for her introverted self to bloom, so she ran for student council ... and won; two weeks after school started.
- William and Henry started rock climbing.
- Elizabeth excelled in cross country and would have gone to the state championships, if not for a broken foot.
- Carolyn found a rowing club and got out on the water with a group of elite coaches.
- After camping for more than 13 weeks, we moved in to a rental house in the middle of September, and slept on the floor in sleeping bags for another eight weeks until our belongings arrived.
- William and Elizabeth earned their Eagle Scouts.
- We recognized who our true friends are in life - those that showed up and consistently supported us with their phone calls and prayers; and we met so many wonderful new friends along the way.
- William and Elizabeth applied for, interviewed, and got their first (totally awesome) jobs.
- We opened Roth's for the kids because the importance of saving early, cannot be overstated.
- We sold our Texas house.
- Despite an insane real estate market with virtually zero inventory, we found what would turn out to be the absolutely perfect home with gorgeous gardens for our family; made an offer and moved in the week before Thanksgiving; unpacking the box with the turkey baster in the nick of time.
- We thankfully were able to get out of our one-year lease on the rental after only 2.5 months.
- William gave a presentation to his school on how we arrived in Vermont, how he knows something big is about to happen when he finds me with my Bible first thing in the morning, and why I'm his role model about working hard and living life to the fullest.
- I was recruited by a few companies that I'd worked with during my time at ExxonMobil, and gratefully accepted an offer to work 30 hours a week (just enough to secure benefits!) from a cozy home office in Vermont, with a brilliant group of industry-leading scientists that are located out of Boston.
- We go skiing at least 2-3 times a week at local mountains: William and Carolyn are on the high school alpine ski team; Elizabeth and Henry are snowboarding.
- Elizabeth and Carolyn are actively participating in indoor track and field events, and both girls are currently ranked in the top ten for several state events.
- William and Henry are both taking French and will be our guides on an upcoming trip to Montreal; William is also in his third year of German and is excitedly planning to be an exchange student to Berlin in the spring of 2023.
- We are working with the local rotary club to start a new girls BSA troop in the area.
- Carolyn additionally joined the school choir and landed a part in a school production.
- We are looking at multiple universities throughout the northeast and Canada.
- Despite some academic struggles in Texas, all four kids are thriving in their new school - have made wonderful friends - are receiving great grades - and are happier than I imagined possible seeing as they all have to share a bathroom. (Beats a tent, they say!)
- Because of the relatively close proximity, my sister, Beth, drove up from Massachusetts for a visit; and we have friends from Texas lined up to come visit us and go skiing for the next several months.
- Henry and Carolyn are working with a nearby horticulture group to complete their Eagle Scout projects, so we may have four Court of Honors this year.
- We were introduced to a State Senator and she has asked if we would like to visit the capital in Montpelier to have our Eagle Scouts recognized by the Vermont Congress.
- Charlie's business has expanded from clients in California, to clients also in Nevada. Yay!
- Ollie frolics in the snow, never wants to come inside, and I think might be part polar bear.
When this course was set in motion, I couldn't help but think "What a
great teaching moment this will be for the kids!" Specifically, the
importance of having a good education and work experience so
that you are employable,
the savings / financial security to launch this kind of life change; and
the ability to walk away from anything ... at any time ... if
you feel that by staying it will cause you or those you love, harm.
This transition has been extremely transformative for our family to
experience, first hand.
But it was EXTREMELY challenging. In September, I wrote a blog post wherein I begged that God please do us a solid. In that post, I wrote,
"[This] will hopefully be something I look back on one day soon and say, "Yep, that was a really rough time, but wow - this grind was worth it, thank you GOD."This has been a really tough grind, there have been so many obstacles and moments that in normal times, would be a disturbance, but in my raw state - were debilitating. When the first contract on the house in Texas fell through, I couldn't eat for three days. When there was a gun scare at the children's school, I couldn't sleep for a week. I worried incessantly about money and benefits, and would find myself in a doo-loop second guessing our decision - unable to keep my eyes fixed on the horizon; worried instead about the terrifying black diamond in front of me.
Life is so beautiful and so good, if you have the clarity to know what you want; the courage to listen to your heart; the endurance to work hard; the patience to take it one step at a time; and the support of your tribe. Also, don't forget to keep faith, count your blessings, and smile.
And if you live in northern Vermont, a good hat also really helps.
