our holiday greeting mashup

Every year, we send out ~120 Christmas cards.  The format consists of a family photo, usually a couple shots of the kids - and then some action shots of experiences we've enjoyed over the past year.  It also contains a poem that the family will pitch in to write, usually encompassing the entire year in 12 sentences or less.  The annual poem is one of our most notable traditions, dating back to 1994: our first year of marriage.  

Because we didn't take any grand family vacations over the summer - in mid November, we donned our plaid shirts and went to the field across the street from our house, with sweeping views of the mountains and Lake Champlain, and started snapping off some photos we could use 1) for senior photos for the triplets and 2) our annual Christmas card.  

Unlike previous years, where I'm scrambling to write and order our cards the second week of December, this year, I was totally ahead of the game and wrote the poem the day after Thanksgiving. Hoping to capitalize on the Black Friday savings, I ordered our 120 cards and applied every discount that I could find including 50% off, free shipping, no tax, and expedited delivery.  One discount, a new one to me, because I'd never been on the ball to order Christmas cards so early as Black Friday, was "Buy 100 Cards, Get 20 Free!" Yippee!!! 

In my logic, if I purchased 100 cards - we'd receive another 20 for free, so I'd have the 120 we needed.  Alas, when I received the bright orange Shutterfly package less than a week later, and started to write all of our cards week after that, we only noticed that we were 20 cards short after we'd written out 99 of them.  

Charlie was assigned a pile, I was assigned a pile, and we didn't fully comprehend how many were in the respective piles until we were down to the last card.  It turns out, when I bought 100 cards, they only charged me for 80 - and sent the 20 for free.  AND SO IT IS, WE WERE 20 CARDS SHORT.  

Was it me not reading the promo properly, or a very poorly worded promo? 

The consensus at our house, is that Shutterfly was at fault. 

Regardless, there is no feeling quite like the feeling of realizing you don't have enough Christmas cards for some really important people on your list. Perhaps a few of our old friends - who we haven't heard from in a couple years - could have been skipped this year to make room for a beloved aunt who never writes a card, but you know looks forward to receiving ours.  

Unfortunately, all those cards to people that we might have skipped this year, had already been written out and we found ourselves in a serious pinch.  

So that same evening, I logged on to Shutterfly and ordered 20 additional cards.  Taking stock of the date, I realized that although the cards would just be here in time for Christmas, by the time we wrote them and mailed them ... and they are delivered far and wide across the nation ... it'll likely be after Christmas.  So I tweaked the card from "MERRIEST CHRISTMAS!" to "HAPPIEST NEW YEAR!"

EXHIBIT 1. 

That was the ONLY change.  Everything else, all photos, the poem, etc. etc. etc. were identical.  I quickly hit "ORDER" and lamented that without all the discounts I'd received on Black Friday (including free shipping) - this batch of 20 cards cost me nearly half as much as the 100 (er, 80) cards I'd purchased earlier in the month.  Dagnabbit!

Because we didn't have expedited shipping with the second batch, we didn't receive them until nearly three weeks later.  So when I arrived them just this past week, I felt tremendous satisfaction that we had made that change from "Merry Christmas" to "Happy New Years" since there was no way they'd be there in time for Christmas.  At first glance, the cards looked great and I was excited to get them to the remaining people on our list. 

Imagine my surprise - and then shock and horror - when the kids started laughing hysterically and pointed out that the boys heads were missing.  

EXHIBIT 2. 

At this point, I was finished with cards, and just needed these to go in the mail. I was not in the slightest way interested in reordering any more - nor filing a complaint and asking for a refund. 

However, I was convinced that Shutterfly was now 0/2, I logged on to the website and reviewed my order.  Although I'd only changed the words "MERRIEST" to "HAPPIEST", it would seem that this tiniest edit shifted the images on the card and lopped off the top of my boys heads.  Had I taken a hot minute to proofread the entire card, I would have noticed this and made the necessary correction.  Oops.  

The consensus at our house, is that this one's on me.  BUT, had Shutterfly not flubbed up the marketing campaign with 20 free cards, we wouldn't be in this predicament at all, now would we?  Hahahaha!!!!  

Ah well. I'm over it. And it certainly seems like the boys have grown out of the frame since these photos were taken.  Henry has cleared 6'0, and William is 6'3".  At his brother's age, William was *only* 5'9" so I wouldn't be surprised if my littlest firecracker winds up being the tallest of the group. I've never seen a child eat as much as he does.  He received an Air Fryer for Christmas (his #1 request!) and has cooked and consumed at least 15 pounds of chicken in the past three days.  I'm not even kidding. 

All I know is that every single day it looks like they're taller than they were the day before. 

Either they're getting taller, or I'm shrinking.  

Probably a little of both.  But it's so incredibly wonderful having all these people around that can reach things on the top shelf for me!  

do you sprechen sie deutsch?

We recently sent out our annual Christmas cards, and for the first time in a few years, I added our blog address as a means of communication.  I haven't been great about updating the blog, but as I was writing our annual card, I thought that maybe by sharing the address, I'd feel inspired to log on and provide more frequent updates (at least for the next couple of weeks, ha!).  With more updates, we'll generate more archives of memories - and Charlie is better able to turn those memories in to volumes of books that he likes to give me each year at Christmas as a present. (Although, he has warned me that the past few years of blog posts only equate to a few pages - so he can't publish another one until I write more!!) 

It worked! With that bout of inspiration, here I am - updating the blog! 

There are so many exciting things happening in our lives at the moment, but one of the biggest is that William, who is in his fourth year of German, is involved in The International Experience (TIE) through his high school.   

This past October, we hosted a German student from Hameln, at our home for two weeks.  In February 2023, William will be exchanging to Hameln to stay with that same student's family for two weeks.  When William applied to the TIE program last year, he was thoughtfully filling out his application, when his head popped up and he asked, "Mom? Can I ask you a question?  Should I request a girl or a boy exchange student?" Without hesitation I replied, "A BOY, without question or discussion." 

Because...  William is a teenage boy. The absolute last thing that we (or I, his mother) want at this stage in life is for an adorable German girl to come to our home and sweep our American boy off his fuß and the next thing you know, he wants to move to Germany or something crazy.   

I just have a way of seeing in to the future, you know?  

A few months after William had submitted his application, he came home one day and walked in to my office where I was busy working.  "Mom, we received our TIE student placement today," he declared with a solemn face.  He shook his head and with a deep sigh added, "I have bad news, and I have good news." 

My response was something like, "Uh-huh." Glasses dropped to the brim of my nose and I peered over my spectacles, waiting.  I knew what was coming. 

He continued, "Well, for the bad news, it seems that there were a lot more girls from Germany that applied to the program than there were boys. And well, it seems that there are a lot more boys that applied for the program in Vermont than there are girls. As a result ... I'm so, so sorry Mom, but our exchange student is a girl. Her name is Carlotta." 

Yep. Just as expected.  "Uh-huh. So what's the good news?"  (No spoiler alert for me: I already knew the answer to this.) 

He then broke in to a huge smile and said, "Here's her picture!"  

When I had imagined what the adorable German girl might possibly look like, that might be the one to sweep our American boy off his feet, wouldn't you know, she looked EXACTLY like Carlotta.  

So from my perspective, the best possible news is that when we finally met Carlotta, within the first five minutes of our introduction - I had discerned that she has a SERIOUS BOYFRIEND WHO IS HER BEST FRIEND AND THAT SHE LOVES VERY MUCH.  Can I get a Hallelujah, Amen?! 

Ah, but wait.  

Carlotta is extremely sweet and kind, and she and William had an absolute blast spending two weeks together, traveling all around the state with the other exchange students and playing cards - at every free moment. 

Our kids have since said that the two weeks Carlotta and the German students were here, were the most fun of the entire year.  Even with Charlie - Henry - and Liz all falling ill with Covid three days before she arrived.  

Thankfully, and miraculously, the virus dodged William, Carolyn and I ... and Carlotta ... and once the three had been quarantined in the basement for the requisite time, all was well. 

Because the exchange occurred over the triplet's birthday, which also coincided with homecoming, we hosted a huge party at our house the entire weekend of October 14-16.  

On Friday night, we had at least 60 kids.  They rolled in at 10 PM after the football game (where our kids were so amazed that the entire student body sang them happy birthday while they were in the stands ... just one more thing that they have told me would likely never to have happened at their mega school in Texas!) and a good portion of the SBHS student population took over our basement.  We served up tons of pizza ... 

While the kids played foosball, laser tag, darts, and had an intense "Just Dance" off between the Americans vs. Germans. 

On Saturday, we took a gaggle of kids to tour the Ben & Jerry factory down the road ... and had another 30 kids descend on our house. We served up chili and cornbread and the kids bundled up warmly and watched Maverick on our inflatable 20' outdoor screen (which, should I ever resurrect "Favorite Thing Friday" would be on the list!) 

On Sunday, we picked bags and bags of apples. So many bags, we still have at least four dozen apples left over, two months later.  More kids were back at our house that evening for dancing, and card playing. We also ate two huge Costco cakes which we'd been too full to consume on the prior two nights what with all the pizza and chili. 

On Monday, we bid the German students a teary farewell ... and within hours, William had connected with Carlotta's soon to be brother-in-law (who it turns out, was Carlotta's sister's American host family a few years ago; you read that right) and learned all about the Congress-Bundestag Youth Exchange.  

Within the month, he had applied. 

Suffice to say, beyond his exchange to Germany this coming February, William is now hoping to be accepted in to the CBYX program for the Fall of 2023.  Although he is applying to a handful of schools including the University of Vermont, and US Coast Guard Academy ... my instinct tells me that this program in Germany is his first choice.  He also tells me, it has nothing to do with Carlotta. She has a boyfriend after all, Mom.  I believe him - I know he is extremely interested in the language, history, culture and geography of Germany.  And yes, whatever, the girls are also *kind* of cute.  

And so it is, if he is accepted, I suspect we'll be saying "Auf wiedersehen, William!" next August. 

Can't say I didn't see this one coming. 

life is sweeter in Vermont

Today, I got a phone call from an old colleague of mine from ExxonMobil.  Bruce and I worked together for several years, and I always enjoyed bantering with him, and the business trips we took together.  He was a Project Manager, and I was his Technical Advisor - providing support by reviewing various reports and consultant recommendations, and formulating strategies to negotiate with the regulatory agencies.  Bruce is an absolute hoot.  He retired in December of 2020 and I wrote him a poem in honor of the occasion, which I delivered over a farewell Zoom party that our entire group had dialed in to. 

All of Bruce's contact information was on my ExxonMobil computer and when I abruptly resigned last year - my mind just wasn't in the "space" of moving contact information to my personal computer.  Bruce lives in Tampa, Florida - so he was in my thoughts all last week as Hurricane Ian was bearing down on the west side of the state.  I reached out to another old colleague - who provided me his information - and I shot him an email over the weekend, just to let him know that I was thinking of him and his family and praying they were all safe.  Within a day he replied to let me know that YES thankfully, they were all safe, and he was so happy to hear from me. He asked how my family was doing - how my mom was doing (he had met my mom, Mary, on one of our trips!) and how life was treating me these days at ExxonMobil. I shot back a quick note that read, 

"In an absolutely crazy twist of fate, while we were on another of our awesome road trips last summer, we were visiting the idyllic town of Burlington Vermont, checking out colleges for the triplets and we decided to stay. We never went back to Texas ... I resigned after 20 years with ExxonMobil and all four kids started school from the Airstream. After nearly 8 weeks, we moved in to a rental house, and slept in sleeping bags for an additional two months until our furniture was moved north. True story. There's a little more to it, I'll fill you in on the details when you have a chance to give me a call!" 

Within 24 hours, Bruce called and said that he read my note over and over again - and finally just had to call to make sure he read what I had written correctly. When I told him the details of what had happened, how I had been put it in the lowest rank group, he was shocked. (It always makes me feel so good to hear the indignation from others at what I consider my mistreatment.)  I told him,  "You know I have triplets right? It was a shock to hear that we would be having three babies. BUT NOTHING, and I MEAN NOTHING, could have shocked me more than to hear that I was in the NSI bucket at ExxonMobil!  Within a couple days, we signed a lease on a rental house in Vermont and hired my good friend to sell our house in Texas."  Bruce was in disbelief, and awe, at our fearlessness.  I told him, it wasn't *exactly* fearless ... I had some pretty rough times where I second guessed everything. But, I held strong and had faith in me, and Charlie ... and our kids who have thrived beyond what I could have imagined.     

Two weeks ago, I actually flew down to Texas for the first time - since I left on vacation in June of 2021, to attend a conference at the ExxonMobil headquarters in Houston.  (aka: my old office.) It was the first time my feet had been on Texas soil since we rolled out of town with the Airstream and a rack full of bicycles, on that fateful day, June 17, 2021.  

I told Bruce that before my business trip, I went to a local farm, and brought nearly 20 pounds of maple syrup in little tiny 1.5-oz "nip" bottles so that I could tote them in my carry-on luggage.  During my two days there, I had my day bag stuffed each day with the maple syrup nips, and I handed them out to various old friends that I saw.   As it turned out, I had handed out all the nips - with only one remaining - and I as I was walking out the door to catch my Uber to the airport, I bumped in to the Global Manager.  The Manager I had spoken to who told me to please pivot and come back to Texas.  The one who had told me I was a valued employee and they needed me.  The one that I told that if I was so valued, why did they allow me to be put in that bottom rank group?  

That manager got my last bottle of maple syrup, and as I handed it to him, I said, "While I do miss everyone, this was the best decision I could have ever made for my family... life really is sweeter in Vermont!"  

Upon hearing this, Bruce howled with laughter and said, "Damn. You have got to write a book. I'm not even kidding, I'd buy it and read the whole thing!" 

Sounds fun.  But I wouldn't even know where to begin. 

first - last - and a year ago at this time

Today it's the first day of school in Vermont.  

This was intended to simply be a photo post, but while I'm here, I may as well give an update!

The summer here was epic and for the first time in a very, very long time - we didn't feel the desire to go ANYWHERE.  Between the lake, the mountains, the gardens, the bike path, the incredible weather - we just wanted to soak it all up, so we stayed right where we are and it was divine.

The girls, however, took a three week trip in late June through the middle of July. Their destination was Texas - where they rendezvoused with our old BSA Scout Troop, and headed to the high adventure camp at Philmont.  They took a 12-day backpacking trek and had a great time while covering nearly 70 miles of terrain in the Sangre de Cristo mountains.  Photos of that experience will be posted here at some later date... I hope. 

Henry took off for two weeks of Scout camp -  one week at NYLT (National Youth Leadership Training) in the local Vermont mountains - and another week in New Hampshire.  He had a great time and is really coming in to his own, this summer.  In addition to procuring a job at the local grocery store - he landed a spot on the high school football team; has eclipsed Gracie at 6'1" and is rapidly closing the height gap with his brother who as of yesterday, is 6'3".  

William was accepted in to the US Coast Guard Academy AIM Program and spent a week at "boot camp" which is intended to give rising seniors a flavor of what life would be like at the Academy. It is heralded as the "most accurate" of all the service academies boot camps and was extremely challenging.  When he came home, he was still squaring his meals - despite spiking a 103.5 degree temperature thanks to Influenza A that he picked up while he was there. 

In addition to the Coast Guard flu, that ticked each off us off, and leveled the entire family for three weeks, the triplets had their wisdom teeth out.  In between bouts of sickness and surgeries, we toured several schools in the area: Dartmouth, Middlebury, University of Vermont (again) ... and took a drive an hour north to checkout McGill.  We also entertained my mom, Aunt Grace, little cousin Mary Elizabeth, who flew from South Carolina to Vermont, for the triplets Eagle Scout Court of Honor, which we celebrated a few weeks ago.  So many milestones and big life happenings...

It's hard to contemplate that in less than a year the triplets will be graduating from high school and starting the next chapter of their lives. 

Which brings us back to this post.   Today was the last first day of school for the triplets as they begin their senior year. The first day of high school for Henry as he starts as a freshman. The first time that the four of them have all been together at school in eight years, since we were in Virginia; and the last time the four of them will be together before the triplets graduate. 

There are SO MANY REASONS I'm grateful that we left Texas; having them all together in school is just one of those reasons.  In the area of Texas where we lived, students are in one school for K-4; another school for 5-6 grade; another school for 7-8 grade; a separate school for 9th grade; and another school for 10-12 grade.  Had we still been in Texas, Henry would be at the 9th grade campus this year - and would miss the opportunity to drive, eat lunch, and hang out with his senior siblings.  

Another great thing is that school here doesn't start until 9:00!  Gone are the days we'd have to get sleep-deprived teenagers up before the sun; loading the bus at 6:20.  Now they can wake up well rested by 8:00, have breakfast - and drive themselves to school by 8:50!

OK! Photos! 

First day of school - kindergarten - for the triplets in 2010!

First day of school - kindergarten (Henry); third grade (triplets) in 2013!

First day of school - 8th grade (Henry); 11th grade (triplets) in 2021 from the camp ground in the midst of our "life transition" (aka: mom's nervous breakdown and family relocation to Vermont; best decision EVER!!!)

 

 

First day of school - 9th grade (Henry); 12th grade (triplets) today ... from the front yard of our wonderful new home. Carolyn will laugh seeing that she is wearing the same shirt; and I'm sure she would like the record to reflect that Elizabeth is on a hill AND her tippy toes. Alas, at 5'7.5" the only person in the family Liz is taller than is me.  (But, she is faster than all of us!!)  

 

 

Loading in to the Big Green Machine ... Charlie's 2002 Toyota Tundra truck.  So glad that we decided to keep this truck - it has been the perfect 'learn to drive' vehicle for the kids and with 4-wheel drive, is a great asset for winters in northern Vermont.  

 

 

We had to scoop crab apples from the back so the kids could put in their backpacks and not get them mushy. Ahhhh, this is the stuff of the sweetest memories! 

pruning expectations and appreciating the blooms

Everyday, so many amazing things happen in life and I'm always taking a mental inventory, "I must blog about that!" But life just continues to go at such a warp speed, I feel like all I can do is just hang on and enjoy the ride ... while trying not to fall off the ride altogether.   (Have I written that before? Probably. Not much has changed!!) 

Just a few minutes ago, I found myself outside, as I do at nearly every waking moment, working in the massive, hugely overgrown (albeit gorgeous) gardens at our new house and it struck me.  

"It's just a mirage, this idea that we can ever tame nature to do as we want ... it's not permanent. Work as we might, toil as we do to pull the weeds, edge the grass, hedge the shrubs, and prune the trees - the result is only temporary.  It's fighting against the tide and NATURE WILL ULTIMATELY WIN."  

Then I had this thought, immediately on the heels of that brilliance. 

"Tending a garden is a lot like raising children. You sow the seeds and water them and nurture them and pour a small fortune in to their growth and development, and work your body to exhaustion to maintain them, and you think that as they mature, you have a very good idea of what and who they will be. But then they bloom and what you THOUGHT would be an orange flower, is yellow; and the green is blue, and the pink is white. The vine that you thought would go up, goes across, and in the middle of an area you thought was full of weeds - sprouts sunflowers." 

Life is just one huge, beautiful surprise.  

It feels like we're even more aware of that phenomenon, now that we're living in a totally new environment in northern Vermont, with four kids who are on the brink of adulthood.  I've told my mom that spring in this part of the country is violently natural and unlike anything I've ever experienced (so, too, are 17-year olds!).  We moved in to this house in the latter part of fall when everything was dormant.  Winter was magical - everything coated in snow, so we had no idea what was in store.  On April 18th we had a huge snowstorm with nearly two-feet of snow.  I cannot recall having snow on my birthday - until this year.  It was wonderful.  

By early May, the yard started to wake up.  By early June, it was a literal jungle out there. For the past six weeks, we've had landscaping crews AND a gardener coming by several times a week and even the professionals were drowning in this yard. They clear out one area, and two weeks later, it's grown over again.  We have a team of arborists coming in next month to take down several huge trees and do some of the cleanup work that we lack the yellow iron to tackle. 

During this time, I've realized that you can tell a lot about a person's personality by the way they are in the garden.  Charlie skips outside every morning with his watering can, to give a drink to all the vegetables he has grown from seeds. He focuses on one thing at a time - in this moment, he's dealing with his cucumbers; when that is done, he'll shift focus to pruning the hundreds of peonies.  His energy isn't deterred by the flowering sumac that has summited a fence and is now growing across our lawn faster than tidewaters during a full moon in the Bay of Fundy.   

Likewise, he does not appear distracted by the sometimes crazy teenagers and their wild mood and attitude fluctuations.  He just smiles and keeps doing whatever it is that needs doing: Cooking dinner, washing dishes, folding laundry.  I cannot comprehend how he maintains his focus, it's like he has on blinders to the natural insanity around us.  

Meanwhile, I go outside to weed the Lily of the Valleys on the north side of the house, and go to the tool shed to grab a spade.  On my way, I am distracted by the hydrangeas on the east side of the house that needs pruning. When I get to the shed, instead of a spade, I grab the saw, but as I'm walking back - I stop to cut the lilacs blocking the path. Here I remain for a whole 15 minutes, before I realize I need heavier machinery to remove some of the dead limbs. With a sigh of resignation, I survey the yard, and spot the maple seedlings sprouting up in the violets; soon I'm knee deep in the violet beds yanking maples by the handful.   And so it goes, everyday.   Surely progress is being made, no one has really touched these grounds for several years; but it's just hard to see it - when you're in it.   

Likewise, as I was helping our girls this week pack for a three week trip, including two-weeks backpacking in New Mexico ... I was completely derailed when I opened their sock drawer and found the home to nearly all the single socks that have been accumulating in our laundry room.  Down the rabbit hole I went, and started opening all the other drawers, closets, not just in the girls rooms but in the boys rooms, too.  Over the next three hours, I generated no less than four bags of donations for Goodwill and rematched nearly every one of our socks.  How did this happen?! 

If you give a mouse a cookie?  If you give me any task it would seem. 

For someone like me who craves a degree of control in my life, and obviously has a serious case of ADD, I'm pretty tired. It's taken me 51 years, but I'm finally appreciating that I could work all day and never get everything done so there's no point in working to exhaustion.  

You've got to just enjoy what you CAN DO, and try to find the beauty in what might seem like NATURE GONE WILD.   Otherwise, you will end up drained, perpetually dehydrated, sunburned, cranky, and achy.   Our gardener, Ann, told me earlier this season that some of the weeds, including Blue Wood Aster, and even dandelions, are especially beautiful.  

Just look for and enjoy the colors; they're everywhere. 

Funny enough, it was today, when I was finally back again, weeding the Lily of the Valleys, I had these revelations and after a whole 10 minutes, decided to come inside, have a drink of water, and take a break.  Now I'm enjoying a Haagen Daz bar and updating my blog for the first time in four months. Charlie saw I was in the house eating an ice cream and has come to join me.  This is true romance. 

ADD for the win.  

24" on 2-4

Charlie set up a simple system to capture the snowfall total with the most recent winter storm, Landon. 

Unlike other areas where we've lived and would always feel like we have been ROBBED by snow, Vermont has thus far, happily failed to disappoint with the amount of beautiful, glorious snow we actually receive.   Forecast will project 1-3" and we'll have 6". Forecast will project 6" and we'll have 12". With this storm, we were expecting 12" ... but we've received 21" already, and expect that we'll receive several inches more before this storm passes through, later tonight.    I'm banking on at least 24 on 2-4!  

The joy of going to sleep while it's snowing and knowing that it isn't going to taper off overnight and the kids will all be home the next day because school was canceled?  Few things evoke such unbridled JOY in my heart! 

Throughout today, the kids have been responding to calls from a few of our neighbors - and are trying to help them shovel out paths for them to take their dogs for a walk.  They just headed out, again, to help an elderly neighbor down the street with a bad back, clear around his car.  I don't know what's better - living in an area where we are surrounded by so much natural beauty, or being in a situation where we are able to lend tangible and necessary support to those who really need it.   

It's just so awesome and at the risk of sounding like a broken record, we couldn't be happier. Elizabeth @ 10:00 this morning. We've had at least another 8" since then! 

Charlie and I recently filled up all the bird feeders around our house, and were shocked to see so many birds descend on the yard.  On average, for the past couple of weeks, I've been filling up the bird feeders at least 3X a week; although with this snowstorm, I think they're especially famished and have cleared out one of the feeders completely today.  They must be teenagers!  

Here I was thinking they were all in Florida for the winter? 

Weather forecast from just a few minutes ago ... we're still in the storm: let it snow, let it snow, let it snow! 

Two kids are now back home; lighting a fire with flint and steel; we've got hot chocolate on the stove; cookies in the oven ... homemade pizza tonight. I keep beating Charlie in backgammon and Connect Four.  My wish to live in a snow globe has finally come true.  AND THE WINTER OLYMPICS START TONIGHT!  

What an absolutely perfect day! 

6 months = 184 days

It has been six months, today, that our family was on the camping trip in Burlington, Vermont when I had what I thought would be a non-eventful call with my prior manager, Kurt, and new manager, Jeff.   The title of the meeting that they had set up the prior week, was benignly dubbed "Assessment Results."  I had no idea what exactly that meant ... but after 20 years with the company, I had participated in and led many assessments, so naively figured this Monday morning call would be no different.   

When I logged on to the 10:00 Zoom call from Quarantinny, everyone was outside - with the exception of Carolyn, who was sitting across the table from me, working on her math.  In my typical self, I was happy and shared news about the beautiful place we were visiting - how we were taking the kids to tour UVM later that day - how we would be leaving and driving back to Texas, by way of Niagara Falls, either that afternoon or tomorrow morning, because the kids started school in less than two weeks.   

It immediately struck me how solemn they were on the the call.  These are people I talk to every single week and have known for years.  And yet, in extremely atypical fashion, there was no friendly banter, not even a smile.  Kurt took a deep breath and launched in to a message that within a matter of seconds, would alter our course in life, forever.  Despite what had been my best technical performance year, and with no prior notice or any warning signs that things were amiss, for the first time ever, I had been placed in the bottom rank group because I purportedly put too much "pressure" on others, and my career with the company was suddenly in jeopardy.   

Just like that it happened.  

I've written before about what transpired next, following the most intense professional gut punch I've ever received in my life.  Turning my camera and microphone off until I could find my breath again, while the managers asked if I was still there or had been disconnected from the call.   The feeling of disbelief, shame, and extreme fury that settled over me in one moment; was followed by extreme clarity that washed over me next, when I instantly recognized that the path forward, albeit a tough one, was crystal clear. Carolyn stared at me with a look of concern as I absolutely lambasted management for tolerating proverbially can-kicking.  I put pressure on others because I am a doer ... I actually get things done and push others to deliver.  

How else does one function with four children born in 2.5 years?

Despite the option to remain and attempt to "redeem" myself, before the call ended, I had silently concluded to myself that I would take the severance and resign from the company.  So many thoughts flooded my brain ... first and foremost, our family - and the children who were starting their critical junior year of high school.  In not too far of a second spot, the realization that all of my efforts and extremely hard work were not valued.  

No. None of this would work for my family. 

No. None of this would work for me; I deserve so much better. 

By the time I got off the phone and alerted the family, I was feeling resolute and hoped that they would agree with my decision.  But the wave of transparency and clarity about making the decision, was quickly replaced by the most intense anxiety and anguish that I've ever experienced for the next SEVERAL months.  One moment you're surfing the wave of life and feeling like you're on top of the world, safely protected in God's hands ... and the next minute, you're thrown to the bottom of the ocean and relentlessly pounded by the surf.  Intense currents whip you about, sand and shells blast your face and body, you can't breathe - you can't see - you fear for your life and those that you love, as your surf board knocks you in the head, and a jelly fish stings you for good measure. You arise to the surface, tangled in kelp, only to realize that your bathing suit is gone. Snagged on coral that ripped your flesh, made you bleed, and Great White sharks are now on their way to eat you whole. 

We'd have to find a place to settle down. Vermont? South Carolina? California? Colorado?  Wisconsin?  WHERE TO WE WANT TO BE??  While this sounds like a dreamy thought to consider - when you have but a moment to make the decision that will impact where your children go to school, graduate, potentially start college and launch their adult lives...  it is paralyzing. 

We looked around - liked what we saw - did some quick calculations - and decided we'd stay right there in Burlington. I'm outwardly smiling in this photo, but crippled inside. 

For the sake of brevity and to not regurgitate everything I've written about over the past six months, here's a punch list of what has actually transpired the past 184 days: 

• We found a rental house and signed a lease within three days.
  
• We hired our dear friend, Claire, to list our house within four days. 
  
• We found an orthodontist, church, and the first of what would be three scout troops within five days.
• We registered the children in a new school in Vermont within a week; the same week - Elizabeth went to a XC running camp with her new team.  
• I posted on Facebook that we'd moved to Burlington and several of my ExxonMobil colleagues, including many who expected to see me back in Texas, commented "WHAT?" 
• We celebrated our 27 year wedding anniversary and I gave ABUNDANT thanks for the man I'd married who never wavered in his commitment (okay, only twice) to see this thing through. 

• I resigned from a job that I had treasured and thought was the pinnacle of my professional career.
• I updated my resume for the first time in 25 years. (It was really hard!)  
  
• Charlie took the first of what would be three trips to Texas to coordinate our move to Vermont. 
• The children started their school year from a campground / tent the third week of August.
  
• Carolyn decided that this new environment was the perfect place for her introverted self to bloom, so she ran for student council ... and won; two weeks after school started.  
  
• William and Henry started rock climbing. 
• Elizabeth excelled in cross country and would have gone to the state championships, if not for a broken foot.   

• Carolyn found a rowing club and got out on the water with a group of elite coaches.
  
• After camping for more than 13 weeks, we moved in to a rental house in the middle of September, and slept on the floor in sleeping bags for another eight weeks until our belongings arrived. 
• William and Elizabeth earned their Eagle Scouts.  
• We recognized who our true friends are in life - those that showed up and consistently supported us with their phone calls and prayers; and we met so many wonderful new friends along the way. 
  
• William and Elizabeth applied for, interviewed, and got their first (totally awesome) jobs.
• We opened Roth's for the kids because the importance of saving early, cannot be overstated.  
  
• We sold our Texas house. 
  
• Despite an insane real estate market with virtually zero inventory, we found what would turn out to be the absolutely perfect home with gorgeous gardens for our family; made an offer and moved in the week before Thanksgiving; unpacking the box with the turkey baster in the nick of time. 

• We thankfully were able to get out of our one-year lease on the rental after only 2.5 months.
• William gave a presentation to his school on how we arrived in Vermont, how he knows something big is about to happen when he finds me with my Bible first thing in the morning, and why I'm his role model about working hard and living life to the fullest.  

• I was recruited by a few companies that I'd worked with during my time at ExxonMobil, and gratefully accepted an offer to work 30 hours a week (just enough to secure benefits!) from a cozy home office in Vermont, with a brilliant group of industry-leading scientists that are located out of Boston.  
• We go skiing at least 2-3 times a week at local mountains: William and Carolyn are on the high school alpine ski team;  Elizabeth and Henry are snowboarding.  
• Elizabeth and Carolyn are actively participating in indoor track and field events, and both girls are currently ranked in the top ten for several state events.
• William and Henry are both taking French and will be our guides on an upcoming trip to Montreal; William is also in his third year of German and is excitedly planning to be an exchange student to Berlin in the spring of 2023. 
  
• We are working with the local rotary club to start a new girls BSA troop in the area. 
• Carolyn additionally joined the school choir and landed a part in a school production.
  
• We are looking at multiple universities throughout the northeast and Canada. 
  
• Despite some academic struggles in Texas, all four kids are thriving in their new school - have made wonderful friends - are receiving great grades - and are happier than I imagined possible seeing as they all have to share a bathroom.  (Beats a tent, they say!)   
• Because of the relatively close proximity, my sister, Beth, drove up from Massachusetts for a visit; and we have friends from Texas lined up to come visit us and go skiing for the next several months. 

• Henry and Carolyn are working with a nearby horticulture group to complete their Eagle Scout projects, so we may have four Court of Honors this year.  
• We were introduced to a State Senator and she has asked if we would like to visit the capital in Montpelier to have our Eagle Scouts recognized by the Vermont Congress. 
  
• Charlie's business has expanded from clients in California, to clients also in Nevada. Yay!
  
• Ollie frolics in the snow, never wants to come inside, and I think might be part polar bear. 

When this course was set in motion, I couldn't help but think "What a great teaching moment this will be for the kids!"  Specifically, the importance of having a good education and work experience so that you are employable, the savings / financial security to launch this kind of life change; and the ability to walk away from anything ... at any time ... if you feel that by staying it will cause you or those you love, harm.  This transition has been extremely transformative for our family to experience, first hand. 

But it was EXTREMELY challenging.   In September, I wrote a blog post wherein I begged that God please do us a solid.  In that post, I wrote, 

"[This] will hopefully be something I look back on one day soon and say, "Yep, that was a really rough time, but wow - this grind was worth it, thank you GOD."  

This has been a really tough grind, there have been so many obstacles and moments that in normal times, would be a disturbance, but in my raw state - were debilitating.  When the first contract on the house in Texas fell through, I couldn't eat for three days. When there was a gun scare at the children's school, I couldn't sleep for a week.  I worried incessantly about money and benefits, and would find myself in a doo-loop second guessing our decision - unable to keep my eyes fixed on the horizon; worried instead about the terrifying black diamond in front of me.

It has made me keenly aware of what is important: Charlie and the kids are my rock and inspiration.  So, too, is my faith that would propel me forward every day believing that indeed, the universe is unfolding as it should and God's fingerprints have been all over this move ... especially when I take the time to reflect and give thanks.  It's safe to say, from this vantage point, our prayers have innumerably been answered and I can look back and say, YES, the grind was most definitely worth it ... Thank you, GOD.   

Life is so beautiful and so good, if you have the clarity to know what you want; the courage to listen to your heart; the endurance to work hard; the patience to take it one step at a time; and the support of your tribe.  Also, don't forget to keep faith, count your blessings, and smile.  

And if you live in northern Vermont, a good hat also really helps.