... and so I clean

You know what's funny? 

Whenever we go out of town for an extended period of time, I always insist on cleaning the house from top to bottom before we leave. Not just a little clean, but a deep clean - the kind that typically involves dumping out cabinets Marie-Kondo style and scrubbing toilets like the Pope is coming to dinner.  Once everyone is packed, they are always the first out the door and in the car, while I'm always last out, dragging a mop / broom / vacuum behind me.  My pattern of cleaning before we take off on a trip, is as predictable as the sun that rises in the east and sets in the west each day.   

Charlie has tried more than once to psycho-analyze this behavior and the only plausible explanation we can derive is that I really like coming back to a clean house.  But also, somewhere in the back of my mind, I've thought, "What if we never come back?"  While it's definitely a dark notion that the entire family would perish while we were away on vacation ... it could happen.  And once I stifle the horror of that scenario and suppress the tears of this imagined event, my mind reverts to our extended family and neighbors that would need to come in to our house and help sort out our affairs.  

The absolute last thing I'd want them to think after, the requisite "Oh my gosh! How terribly sad that they're all gone!" is "WOW, who knew that they were total slobs?!"  

The one scenario that had certainly never crossed my mind is that while we would be traveling in an area where we have always wanted to live, we would receive news that would take me to my knees so hard and so fast, that I would immediately look to the heavens and ask if God had a hand in this? And then after seeking counsel with my husband and children, we would make the unanimous decision that we would stay right where we are, and never return.   These are the kinds of things that happen in fantasies .. or movies.  Most certainly never in real life.

Alas, that exact scenario played out for us on week five of what was supposed to be a six week road trip, touring the eastern seaboard with the kids. The goal of our summer trip was two-fold: 1. To continue our quest of visiting the top National Parks, and 2. Since the triplets were entering their junior year of high school, tour colleges in areas that we might not otherwise have a chance to visit. 

We'd just wrapped up a tour of the most northeastern national park in the United States, Acadia, and were starting to make our way back west - through Vermont - before dropping south to Texas. We'd also visited almost a dozen schools, the last on the list was the University of Vermont in Burlington.  We were only supposed to be in town for three days, beginning our drive back to Texas on Monday, July 26th so that the kids could have a few days at home before school began on August 11th.   

Now, before I get to that... for years Charlie and I have wanted to live in Vermont.  

 

It's very curious how our souls have always been pulled to this beautiful little New England state.  In 1996, just after we'd wrapped up graduate school and before we bought our first home in San Diego, Charlie interviewed with a company in Burlington, and I interviewed with a company in Montpelier.  Charlie's interview last 15 minutes and he felt incredibly discouraged.  My interview lasted four hours and included lunch. I felt incredibly optimistic.  He was offered a job, I wasn't.  It still cracks me up to this day.   We turned down his opportunity and stayed in San Diego, where we'd welcome our triplets eight years later and Henry 33 months after that. 

Three years ago, we brought the kids to Vermont for the triplet's 14th birthday in October. 

I'd found a quaint bed and breakfast in Chester and over a cup of coffee in the kitchen, Charlie told the owners that he loved to entertain and cook, and could really see himself owning a B&B at some point in his life. The owners exchanged a look and then told us that they had just made the decision to sell their place.  Charlie and I exchanged a look and said, "It's a sign!" The Henry Farm Inn near the William River. 

 

It seemed like it was meant to be and my husband's dream of channeling Bob Newhart might actually come to fruition.   My organization was going through a restructure, and there was a chance that our family would be relocated to the northeast.  Perhaps this might actually work out?  But over the next few months, we discussed the specifics with the owners, before ultimately deciding that the timing just wasn't right for our family.  My job would still remain in Texas for at least the foreseeable future.

So here we were, once again, in Vermont - sitting on the banks of the spectacular Lake Champlain that Sunday evening, toying with the idea of what it would be like if we actually lived here?  

What if...? 

What if ... I just resigned and we did something completely different?    

How often have we said, "Live your life with NO regrets!"?  Are we really living our best lives with no regrets? Will we ever leave the Lone Star state?  The chance of our family getting out, intact, was growing more and more slim as the kids graduate from high school, and likely attend college "in-state." 

And oh, Burlington is just so beautiful.  We loved the lake and the town and all the awesome shops along Church Street that had "Help Wanted" signs in the windows; perfect for 16-year olds who are excited for part-time work.  The kids liked the university, the outdoorsy vibe of the area, and the prospect of four seasons - which we've all desperately missed since we've lived in Texas.  Extra points for the proximity to UVM Medical Center, the Burlington International airport, the awe-inspiring mountains every where we looked, the epic bike trails that zig-zagged all the way to Canada, the environmentally conscious community, the arts - the crafts - the breweries - the Ben & Jerry's.   

So when the course-altering news came on Monday morning at 10:05 that my 20-year career with ExxonMobil could possibly be over by the end of the year, with a probable move to New Jersey within 2022, it certainly felt like it was a miracle that we were here.  The universe was forcing our hand. 

If it was just me and Charlie, the answer would probably have been easy - we'd go back to Texas and do what needed to be done, despite the fact the oil and gas industry is anything but dependable these days and is expected to continue contracting 10% a year for the next three to five years.  Charlie and I, alone, could weather that uncertainty.  But, as I've done every moment since they've been on the earth - I looked at our children and I prayed for guidance.  

Do we drive all the way back to Texas and put the kids in to a school that they'd never have attended if not for my job in the area, and take a chance that I'd be employed in four months, or make the move to a place that's been on our hearts for 25 years?  The COVID case numbers are ramping up yet again in Texas, and the triplets are entering their critical junior year of high school.  After 18 long months of remote learning, more than anything, they need stability and in-person instruction.  What they definitely don't need is the prospect of quarantine, more remote learning, and a possible move in the middle of their junior or senior year, if and when my tenure at ExxonMobil comes to a grinding halt.

Although the answer was rather immediate for all six of us, it has not been an easy decision. To be blunt, it's been one of the hardest and most soul shaping decisions of my life.  I was at a significant crossroad, and ultimately, decided to cross the bridge and resign from the company so we could fulfill our dream of living in this beautiful little state. 

 

On the downside, the anxiety, worry, and second-guessing has been intense.  But on the upside, the excitement and anticipation of this new chapter is absolutely thrilling; as is the exhilaration and incredible validation of removing myself from a situation where I was significantly under-valued.  Another upside is that the house was spotless, and ready to be listed for sale within the month.

And that, children, is why it's always a good idea to clean your house before you leave on vacation.