We'd long held firm to the belief that our kids didn't need cell phones because we certainly didn't have them when we were teenagers, and we survived Just Fine. Also, the sight of kids (or people for that matter) with their faces buried in cell phones genuinely hurts my soul. The definition of cell, as a building block to life - and also a small room in which prisoners are locked is so ironic. That's how I feel about technology and 'screens' in general - it can expand and connect us, and/or trap and hold us captive.
So, we cut the cord to our house.
At some point, we stopped watching television. On the rare occasion we'd turn it on, we were dismayed that it was predominantly commercials, or what can only be categorized as junk TV on 396 of the 400 channels we received. We had cable boxes all through our big Texas house, and in our outside kitchen, and one day I lifted my head up from the daily grind and yelled, "WHOA. We don't even watch TV. Why are we paying $13.00/month per box for something we don't use?"
And in the very next moment, I also realized that we never answered our house phone because the predominant callers on that line were telemarketers. At some point, I've become so resistant to using the house phone, I just ignored it and never figured out how to retrieve our voicemail messages from the automated system.
In fact, as my sister Beth can testify, when she visited last year, she lamented that I never returned her phone calls. To which I replied, "What calls??" So we spent the better part of a morning figuring out how to listen to messages, and then the two of us listened to 87 messages from friends and family that had been received over the past 14 months (including at least twelve calls from my sister, Beth). Upon those realizations, we promptly cut the cord to everything except internet, and our monthly cable bill plummeted. I was filled with joy and applauded our fiscal accountability and prowess.
Until.
An evening last year, when Charlie and I went to a Christmas party, and we left the children at home by themselves. It was the first time they'd ever been left alone, and I alerted several neighbors that they would be home alone and to please be available, if the kids needed to call. Then it dawned on me, they have no way to call. So I told the kids that if they need me, they can text me on their iPads.
In my mind, I'm running through scenarios …
The house is burning down!
Text 911!
But wait. That means I'd need to give the kids the pass codes to their iPads, which is some big secret in our house that only Charlie and I know, because when the kids have unfettered access to their iPads, something happens to them. They retreat and play games on their iPads all day - and their personalities change from happy, nice and cooperative to moody, cranky and highly unpleasant.
Like prisoners, trapped in a cell.
So iPads are reserved for homework - and occasionally a game or two. And Instagram for the girls. Which I never OK'd so not even sure how they got that started…? Ditto for Musical.ly which I deleted because: 1) I don't understand it; 2) Makes me nervous; 3) Could see it being a cyber predator playground if you're not current on your parental "internet safety" competence. Those feelings above pretty succinctly sums up my feelings on children and the internet and cell phones and... period.
This whole internet / phone / cell issue has been quite the slippery slippery slope dilemma for Charlie and I. Maybe get just a house line for emergencies? Stop going out? Say the heck with it, kids will be fine and open the flood gates? Sell everything and move to the mountains, completely off the grid from civilization visa vie Captain Fantastic?
(That's seriously the best movie I've ever seen and my preference for how I'd totally like to live life, but Charlie thinks I'm coo-coo for Cocoa Puffs.)
The straw that broke the camel's back happened when school started up and Elizabeth had cross-country every day after school - and meets peppered all over southeastern Texas. Carolyn was in theatre rehearsal at various times, and sometimes finished earlier - sometimes later than expected. The boys are off to Tae Kwon Do on their bicycles, or having Nerf Wars with friends, and the only way to reach them is to call the parents of the kids. Or, text their friends.
It really is true that ALL of their friends have cell phones. We learned about this last year, when the children's school bus was in a slight accident, having been sideswiped by a mail truck. The school called to tell us that the children were OK and needed to be picked up. We drove to get the kids - who were the last ones there - because the other kids had cell phones and had promptly contacted their parents. The kids tell us, "See Mom and Dad?! THIS is why we need cell phones! So we can call you when our bus gets in to an accident!"
And I laughed because, "Pfft! Silly children! The chances of your school bus getting in to another accident are slim to none!"
Well. Wouldn't you know that less than six months later, there was another mishap with the bus and the children who had cell phones were able to reach out to their parents and be immediately extracted from the scene. (Which begs the question what kind of friends don't let you use their phone?!)
Once Charlie and I decided that for a host of legitimate reasons our children really needed a phone for safety purposes (and hopefully, never to call us if their bus is in an accident again), the question became - what kind of phone to get them? Of course they all want smartphones. And we actually have several old iPhones in our inventory that we could easily activate and give to them. Elizabeth had her eye on one of my older phones, and was leaving me inconspicuous notes with the hopes I'd give it to her….
Alas, we weren't going to give the kids smartphones because they would not use them as a phone, they'd use them for games and social networking; and most experts, including our children's school principal has cautioned that social networking amongst 13-year olds is highly overrated. As for myself, I wouldn't even have a smartphone, if it wasn't for the GPS that I use every time I get in the car because I have no sense of direction and tend to get lost. (A lot.)
So we decided to get the kids flip phones, because it is a TOOL not a TOY. This isn't (just) about the cost of the phones and the data packages, it's a question of necessity. I'm not the parent who gives and gives anything and everything because there is no end to the madness. While they don't have an XBOX or PlayStation, and our 13-year-old Wii just died … our kids are not totally neglected on the technology front, because they do have iPads at home that they use for various things - including school work (IXL!), texting friends and family, and playing games on those rare occasions I let them play on their iPads. But if it isn't obvious, I'm really not a big fan of kids having technology, at all.
Some people have tried to tell me that I better get use to it, and stay one step ahead of them because *this* is a different age. To which I say, "My kids are considerably smarter than me. I cannot stay one step ahead of them, particularly when it comes to technology. If I can't figure out how to retrieve voicemails on an antiquated house phone, I can guarantee they'll be shaking me off their internet trail faster than I can type in "password reset."
So instead, I tell them, "Go out and play. Read a book. Draw a picture. Play a game. Make slime. Pick some berries. Gut and filet a fish. Build a hut. Use your imagination!"
Anyway, we went to pick out their cell phones for their birthday, and I asked the sales representative to show me all the flip phones they have available. She showed me two models and as she did, she whispered, likely to spare me any kind of embarrassment, that that the only people who buy flip phones are senior citizens and disabled people who need the big numbers to call the police, ambulance, and fire department. She might have been trying to convince me that if I loved my children I'd buy them a phone that kids THEIR OWN AGE have, but I love that these are old people phones.
"Perfect," I said. "I'll take three!" Then I smiled and added, "Our kids are going to be SO STOKED when I tell them that they are likely the only kids in their Junior High School that have this kind of rad technology!"
I'm so hip!
Next, we had to sign up to activate the phones. There were all kinds of service charges and fees for various plans, such that the total bill would be close to $100/month for the three phones. Hearing that craziness, I waved my hands and said, "No, No, NO. I'm not paying $100 a month for three flip phones for my kids. They won't be using them that much! When I was a kid it cost TEN CENTS to call!" And Charlie, being the supportive husband that he is, added in a crotchety old voice, "I kept dimes in my penny loafers in case I needed to use the pay phone. Sonny, those were the days when I'd buy a paper for a quarter and get two nickels back!"
We wound up with three prepaid plans. I put $100 on each phone, but since each minute of talking is $0.25 and each text is $0.50, the children need to steward their time, very closely. When they run low on minutes, they can purchase their own, with money that they EARN around the house. Doing important chores like emptying the trash and picking up dog poop in the back yard.
As I was making our purchase, Charlie asked if there are a lot of people who come in to the store and buy the latest, greatest, iPhone for their 13-year old kids, and give them an unlimited data package. The sales rep nodded yes, and then added, "We've had people come in here with children that are just starting PRESCHOOL, and buy them the latest and greatest iPhone with full data package."
I don't remember anything after that, because my mind exploded.
