Thursday, February 10, 2011

back from the BRINK of death


Oh my gosh ... I AM GREAT.


What I haven't mentioned, is that I've been having some significant sinus issues for the past couple of months. In the morning when I wake up, I've got the most severe bags under my eyes and my nose has been stuffed almost constantly since November. Now that I look back, these sinus issues were probably contributing to my overall incessant fatigue. I didn't go see a doctor because my stuffy nose and baggy eyes were bothersome, but manageable.

Until this past week when I felt like I'd been hit, repeatedly, by a truck.

So this morning, when I woke up for the ... um, let's see ... Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday ... FOURTH DAY in a row, feeling like I was going to die, Charlie made an appointment for me to go see a doctor. I suspect that he did this for one of two reasons:

1) He was fed up with me laying in bed all day and reminding him where my Will was ... and/or

2) The house was to the point where he absolutely needed my woman strength to get it clean. This would require me to get out of bed and actually contribute something other than just whining noise to our family.

When I protested about the doctor appointment because surely this is viral and it needs to run it's course and maybe if I just slept for a little longer and ate another bowl of Jell-O I'd finally feel better, he ignored me - picked up the phone - made an appointment, and then dragged me off to see the doctor, anyway.


The doctor, who was actually a Physician's Assistant and WOW lemme just say I love Physician's Assistants because they are so kind and so compassionate and they just seem to have an all-around better bedside manner than any doctor I've ever met in my entire life, told me that it looked like I had some seriously inflamed (and infected) sinuses which was probably contributing to the dizziness and fatigue and I forget what else she said, but then she wrote me a prescription for Zithromax and she told me to hustle right over to the pharmacy and buy some Sudafed. And I said, "But I've been taking Sudafed and it hasn't helped!" and she said, "Oh yeah? What kind of Sudafed?" and I said, "Sudafed PE" and she said, "That isn't going to touch this. What you need is the kind that you have to show your driver's license for ... you need the kind with pseudoephedrine."

And I said, "Oh, you mean the little red pills?" and she said, "YES, those are the ones that people use to make methamphetamine and you have to show your driver's license to buy them, but I really think that they're going to help clear you right up."

Then she gave me some nasal spray and found a lymph node on my neck that made her gasp and she really doesn't like the feel of it, but I'll be going back in a month to have her check it out again and ensure it's nothing problematic and if it is, she's already told me she is going to have me referred to an ENT for an exam and ultrasound and they may have to do a biopsy and a cloud of worry kind of came over for me for a minute but then I remembered I've been through something like that before and I hope that maybe it's the same kind of situation that will resolve itself, and then I left.

I was so tired and feeling so miserable, I almost feel asleep in the lobby waiting for Charlie to come back and pick me up. But while I was waiting, I picked up a magazine and there was an article about depression and I read it and I started to cry because I was absolutely convinced that I AM DEPRESSED because HOLY SMOKES look at all the things that I've been through in the past 10 months and WHY, I'LL BET that the reason I haven't wanted to get out of bed for the past few months and my mind is overwhelmed with what songs they'll play at my funeral and the vision of my children growing up without a mother, has nothing to do with a VIRUS and has everything to do with DEPRESSION. Surely, these "aches and pains" that I've been having are a manifestation of what is going on in my brain and my emotional health is destroying my physical health.

Charlie arrived and we went to the pharmacy and we bought some of the little red pills and we had my prescription filled and I wept because I felt so bad and I must be DEPRESSED and I just wanted to go home and climb back in bed and sleep for the rest of my life. Alas, I took two of the little red pills - in the car on the drive home - and within TWENTY MINUTES, I could feel the cloud of despair lift off of me. And within an HOUR I was feeling so much better, I started to DANCE AND SING.


But oh good Lord, the man lacks cleaning skills. He is an animal when it comes to laundry and cooking and even changing the linens. But the rest of the cleaning? He needs me around so badly it's unreal.

Earlier this week, the children were laying in bed with me watching a movie and one of the boys wandered in to the master bath. I could see them from my position on the bed, and they were so distracted with the television and trying to see it, via a reflection in the mirror, that they dropped their drawers and started to go potty with the LID down.


They didn't even LOOK to see where they were going and it wasn't until a solid FIVE SECONDS had passed, with me yelling, "LIFT THE LID! LIFT THE LID! LIFT THE LID!!!!" and finally JUMPING out of bed, that I conquered their attention and directed their eyes to the little stream that was ricocheting off the lid and all over the floor and walls.

You know you're sick when you can't lift a pinky finger to clean up after your children. As awful as it sounds, I couldn't summon the strength to do anything about the toilet lid incident. The whole act of me screaming and jumping out of bed like a loon zapped me of my strength and made me so dizzy I almost passed out. So I climbed back in to bed and slept for two hours. I said something to Charlie when I woke up, but by the time he investigated, the evidence has evaporated. I think he thought I was hallucinating.

Also? I noticed at some point, earlier in the week, someone had spilled milk on the table that had dried in the form of a martian. Instead of clearing it up, like a normal, fully functional mother might do, whenever I would sit at the table, I'd stare at the little dried martian head and arms and comment that it was CUTE.

Who knows what kind of bacteria were growing all over our table.

Thank GOODNESS I'm on the mend. With every passing hour, I feel better and better and I actually have a will to live again. Tonight, after I bathed all four kids by myself and got them ready for bed, I organized paperwork and cleared off my desk. I surveyed various summer camps for the children and specked out health clubs for Charlie and I to join. And while I normally wouldn't feel like ripping the entire house apart and cleaning it at 10 PM at night, I have so much energy, I don't know what else to do with myself.

First, I'm going to tackle the dried milk martian on the table.

Then, I'll tackle the toilet seat lid, floor and walls.

Then, I'll vacuum the rugs that haven't been touched in at least two weeks.

Then, maybe, I'll take down the Christmas lights that are still on our house in February.

And then, maybe when I'm painting the ceiling in the garage, I'll ponder if the reason that I have so much energy is because I've slumbered for the better part of a week ... or if it's because the little red pills that I took a few hours ago contain a drug that purportedly causes "excitability."

Whatever the case, this is truly the best I've felt in months.


  1. Yay, Charlie. Yay, PA. (We love ours, too.) Yay, little red pills!! We go out of our way to only buy real pseudoephedrine. Frankly, the other fakey pills are a bit of a joke for my poor, chronically inflamed, allergy-prone husband.

    If you are taking Zithromax, make sure you also take a good probiotic. Zithromax is some powerfull stuff, and it plays havoc with your system. I still remember the two z-packs I had to take when I had pneumonia, and I shudder!

    I'm glad you're feeling better. Be sure you let yourself get some sleep so your body can heal. Don't worry; there will still be lots of mess to go around when you are fully recovered. ;)

  2. Is it bad that I know really want to go buy some of those magic little red pills?

  3. So glad you are feeling better! I am on my way to the doctor as well.

    Do yourself a big favor and outsource the cleaning! Get some cleaning people to come every 2 weeks and will just have to spot clean. That way you and Charlie are not battling over the cleaning.

    on the depression, you made a lot of changes plus the miscarriage - a little prozac goes a long way, my friend! And it does not change your personality or who you are.

  4. I do not even need to make meth with my Sudafed. It does the same thing to me! I get all hyper. Yeah for hyper. I wonder if you could crush it up and snort it?

    Glad to hear you on the mend. Dude. Go to the doctor.

  5. Jen,

    I'm glad you're feeling better. We don't waste our time with regular Sudafed anymore. Only the "good stuff" for us, that apparently the druggies like too!

    Welcome back to the east coast. I wouldn't be surprised if you're re-acclimating to the east coast seasons and allergens. Beware that hay fever season isn't too far away. You've also been stirring up a lot of dust, etc.

    That being said, you may want to invest in saline nose spray. My daughter usually gets multiple sinus infections this time of the year. The Dr. suggested saline nasal spray at the first sign of congestion. It has made a world of difference!!!

    Hope you're 100% soon!


  6. Glad you are starting to feel better. Take your medicine and get back on your feet again. Don't worry about the cleaning - your health is more important plus the cleaning will wait until you are able again.

  7. LOL! Sudafed rocks, but I can't take it after about 4pm. Hope you were able to sleep after your burst of energy..

  8. Hello! I'm glad the drugs are working. I let a sinus infection go on a bit long last year and then had, what we termed as "Power Down" episodes. I'd be sick but functional and then all of a sudden I would have ZERO energy and have to be horizontal IMMEDIATELY! The ENT (that I finally went to after my physician sent me to the ER for fluids because my lymph nodes were so swollen in my neck it was scary and my face, around my eyes was so puffy, I couldn't ignore it any longer) said I had a sever sinus infection and that I had what looked like MONO, if adults got mono. It took me about 4 months before I started feeling energetic again. This sounds very much like what you have, dearest.

  9. Ahaha uuuh you might want to be careful with those little red pills, take too many and you won't sleep for days!

  10. LOL! Milk Martian. So glad that you are feeling better and you are not the only one that feels like doctors are only needed for children.. Hooray for husbands!

  11. aren't husbands the BEST???? Mine made me go to the ER after I had our last child. He saved my LIFE. I was really dying! Glad you are on the mend!

  12. Hi, random aussie reader here

    I just wanted to let you know that with the martian milk and pee thing, you are very much not alone! Everyone has those days/weeks etc but no one ever admits it. So thank you for showing me I'M not alone!

    Anyway, I hope your little red pills do the trick and keep you excitable for a while longer :P

  13. I love P.A.'s, too. They seem to go a little slower, listen a little more carefully, and look at the whole picture. I'm a huge fan.

    Glad you're feeling well, but I think you passed it on to me haha.

  14. This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

  15. This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.