One of the most challenging things in going through an ectopic pregnancy, other than the feeling of terrible loss and sadness, is the fact that it isn't "over" for quite a while. In my case, it's been a smidge over three weeks since this has all started and I'm still having to go in to the doctor's office at least once a week for blood work. As of today, my HCG levels are still in the hundreds. Three hundreds, to be exact ... which means that it's likely I'll still have a few more weeks of 'testing' before me.
Last Friday morning, after I received my lab results from Thursday - and told to write down all of my HCG levels over the past two weeks (in the event I wound up in an emergency room), I was given the green light to drive up to Sonoma County for our niece, Angela's, high school graduation. Not only did we want to help Angela celebrate this monumental event, we wanted to seize the opportunity to visit with Charlie's family one last time before we pack up and head east in four short weeks.
The trip north was wonderful.
We loved every minute of it.
I'll write more about that, later.
For now, I want to write that over the past couple weeks, a lot of people have asked me how I am doing? They seem to be concerned because there have been so many things that have happened in our lives over the past month, that it doesn't seem fair that we should have to deal with "so much" at once.
Yes, it really stinks losing a pregnancy and bloating up like a balloon. And then there's the whole moving, not moving, moving, not moving - roller coaster that can wreak havoc on one's digestion. (Hence triggering even more bloating.)
But more often than not, I can't stop thinking how much worse it could be and how truly blessed I am. Not that I'd in any way want to challenge the powers of the Universe to test my survival and coping skills, but my heart goes out to those who are challenged to their very core. Those who lose family and friends to disease or accidents or senseless violence. Those who are tested and tried and entirely drained of their will to live, but yet - still find the strength to go on.
It seems to me, regardless of what you are going through ... it could always be worse.
And the fact that it's not ... makes me thankful.
This past weekend, while we were in San Francisco, I was afraid that we would not only be leaving our hearts in that beautiful city, but also the contents of our stomachs, when Henry woke up vomiting early Sunday morning. For a brief moment I grimly thought, "Surely this will sweep through the entire family while we are 600 miles away from our washing machine - dryer - and all vomit mitigating supplies."
But as I filled up the hotel bath tub with clean water and put a pale Henry in to soak, my grim thoughts were replaced with overwhelming feelings of gratitude when I stood looking at my little boy and thought of the earthquake victims in Haiti, and the children we sponsor in Peru, India, Uganda and Bangladesh. When those children are sick with a stomach bug, are their parents able to just stick them in a clean tub filled with fresh potable water?
Are the components of the BRAT diet ... bananas - rice - apple sauce - toast, at the touch of their finger tips when they call for room service?
And if a woman in one of those countries is one of the 2% who has an ectopic pregnancy, would she be successfully diagnosed and treated - before it's too late?
I'll go out on a limb here and guess no, no ... and no.
I went to a business meeting today and one of my coworkers brought in a bag of Dove chocolate. While preparing to
"Blessings only come to those who notice."
What's incredible is that you can pick how you want to live your life.
(Get it? PICK? I love this picture. These children steal my heart.)
As for me, I most definitely notice.
And that alone makes me feel even more blessed.