That's me, today. And no, I'm not "hormonal." Although I wish I was because I love blaming this kind of stuff on that.
Today, I woke up with a sore throat. Didn't I just get over the worst case of bronchitis I've had in who-knows-how long less than two weeks ago? Yep. I did. And now, I'm sick again. Probably because it's a new month and I'm on track to be sick at least once every single month for the second half of last year, and now apparently, at least the first half of this year, too.
Today, I looked around and noticed that although we've got a house cleaner coming in once a week, it really doesn't matter. There are piles of stuff everywhere. Including piles of laundry because our drier broke yesterday. Not to be confused with our invaluable appliance, the dishwasher, which broke last month. And our invaluable vehicle, the van which will probably break tomorrow because the steering column is starting to make a funny noise. When that breaks, that will inevitably make me break our piggy bank because the only thing that costs more than fixing a vehicle is a month's worth of groceries. It is unbelievable how much food these little people can put away.
"Mommy! I'm starving hungry!"
"But ... didn't you just eat yesterday?!"
So just because we have a house cleaner and a gardner, that doesn't mean that we can stop doing things. And that's too bad because I really want to cease and desist doing anything for a while. I don't want to bear the tremendous responsibility of picking up my shoes or flushing the toilet or even throwing dirty tissues away.
(The kids must be rubbing off on me.)
Today, I sat at my
dining room table desk and I actually cried when Charlie pulled the van out of the driveway. It was a beautiful blue sky day and he was taking the kids to the museum so I could have a quiet house to work. I cried because I had over 60 high priority and very engaged e-mails to review. I cried because I had conference calls lined up throughout the afternoon. I cried because I was so stressed out that I wasn't going to get everything done that I needed to get done before Charlie came home again and who knows what we are going to have for dinner? And damn it. I cried because I wanted Charlie to go to work and let ME take the kids to the museum.
Today, I talked to my doctor and the blood panel that they ran on me a few weeks ago for a suite of various things, came back positive for the antinuclear antibody test. Which means that it is likely I have an autoimmune disorder. Which makes sense because my sister has an autoimmune disease and these things tend to be genetic and lately, I've been having a lot of the same symptoms she's described to me over the years. Doctor Google tells me that people suffering from autoimmune disorders need to improve their exercise and sleep habits, eat nutritious foods and decrease their stress levels. I'm not really sure how a herd of guinea pigs fits in to all of this?
Perhaps most difficult of all today, Charlie was out of the house at 5:00 AM to register our children for kindergarten. His goal was to get there early because our kindergarten is half day and he was hoping to sign the children up for the highly desired morning session. Which I could kind of swallow because they'd only be gone for a few hours each day and that's not so bad (I convinced myself). But when he called at 7:45 to tell me that kindergarten is now FULL DAY, it felt like a blow to my gut. And a blow to his gut because he could have slept in at least two hours longer. "WAIT. You mean I didn't have to get up when it was still pitch black and sit outside the school for two hours in the bitter cold?"
It's hard enough for me sending the kids to school. And now they'll be gone ALL DAY. I know that people are going to try and reassure me that kindergarten is great! And the kids will love it! And I will love it! And it's wonderful to see their blooming independence!! And yada yada yada and all I want to say is zip it. My babies are growing up so darn fast and I'm so darn busy working I don't even feel like I have time to play with them anymore. Will I have time to volunteer in their class? WHO KNOWS. I certainly hope so, but I just picked up more projects at work and suddenly, I don't feel like I even have time to shave my legs.
When my broken record mantra started playing (again, again, again) tonight to Charlie about how they are growing up so fast and the next time I blink they are going to be going off to college, and ohhhh woe is me i'm missing it all! My husband scoffed and said, "Jen, Come on! Don't you think you're over reacting a bit? The kids aren't going to be heading off to college for 18 more years!!" And he had me convinced for a millisecond before I responded, "They'll be heading off to college in 13 years. They're five!! Do the math!!"
And then I cried really hard because 13 years isn't very long at all.
Except if you're a guinea pig. And then it's like three lifetimes.
But oh my gosh, if I think of my children's growth in the terms of guinea pig lifespans, in only TWO MORE GUINEA PIGS, they'll be going to the PROM.
All this to say, tonight I was planning to bump my spirits up by registering for two 3-Day breast cancer walks this year. One in Washington, D.C. and one in San Diego. But after looking at the schedules and talking with my husband, I've decided (at least for now) that I'm only going to commit to the walk in San Diego. I'm so sorry I won't be making it back to D.C. in October. I really wanted to. I really wanted to take another cross country road trip and bring the whole family with me, but Charlie insists that they can't miss two weeks of school and I can't just fly everyone back for the weekend, because that costs more than repairing a car AND paying for a month's worth of groceries and you guys understand, right?
(This whole school thing is going to really mess me up. It's already chewing me up and spitting me out! Can't you see?! I knew this would happen!!)
I'll still do whatever I can to support you in your walk and if something crazy unusual happens between now and then, I'll be there. I just don't want to commit to something I can't guarantee.
But because I registered tonight, I am guaranteed for the walk in San Diego November 19-21 and I'd love to have you join the team. If you register before March 9 and use the promotional code RESOLVE, you'll save $25.00 on the processing fee in ANY city. Here's a list of all the cities and the dates for the walks. And I think that even if you walk in a different city, we could still have a virtual 3-Day team. Wouldn't that be cool??
Who's not in?
Who thinks that some people are prone to stress regardless of what they do?
Who thinks the author of this blog might be one of those people?
Who thinks that time goes way too fast?
Who thinks it's possible to survive a full year with small children WITHOUT getting sick?
Who likes American Idol?
Who likes the new television show Undercover Boss? (Jeanmarie, I watched the 7-Eleven episode last night and it was AWESOME!)
Who thinks I'm a crazy windbag that needs to be institutionalized?
Wait. Don't answer that.