Thursday, March 04, 2010

it's like living with a ray of sunshine


"Jen? Are you crying?"

Sniff. Sniff.


"Why are you crying? What happened?!"

"I'm just SO sad."

"Why are you SO sad?"

"Because I'm thinking about our babies growing up and going to elementary school this summer and they'll be gone all day. What are we supposed to do when they're gone ALL DAY?"

"I dunno. Take a nap? Get stuff done? Enjoy the peace and quiet?"

"You don't get it, do you?!"

"Get what? The kids are going to school! They'll be happy! We'll be happy! How could things be any better?! Life is great!"

"But they're starting elementary school! This is just the beginning! Because then it's middle school and high school and then they'll be moving away! You and I won't be with them every minute of every day anymore. And what if someone tries to take them? There are predators everywhere trying to steal children. They're looking for someone right now that's been trying to lure school children in San Diego. What if someone grabs them? What if they're teased? What if they're feeling left out? What if they're cold, hungry, or need to use the bathroom? What if they get in with the wrong crowd? What if they fall down and get hurt? What if......"

"Jen, WHAT IF you took a deep breath and let go of that anxiety because this is the natural progression of life and instead of trying to control the future - which you cannot control - why don't you take that energy and focus it on enjoying the moment?"

"Because I... I... I ... I'm worried about my children! Clearly more than you!"

"Look, it's a beautiful day and I'm taking the kids on a bike ride. What are you going to do?"


"Okay then. I'll make cookies when I get back and give you a foot rub. Maybe that'll help cheer you up?"

Weak smile.

"How did I get so lucky?"

"I don't know. But you sure did. Because I'm pretty frickin' frackin' awesome."


  1. Juliana E.3/4/10, 2:14 PM

    It is so hard having babies grow up so fast. I cried every night the whole month of August before my triplets started school. I think by December, I could put them on the bus and not feel like my heart was being ripped out of my chest. That was just half day kindergarten. When they started 1st grade I was a mess - all day - ugh. I still have many days that I feel lost without them. They love school and learning and their teacher and friends... but I hate not having them here. I guess this isn't much help, except to say - You aren't the only Mom who feels like this. They grow - it's what they are supposed to do - but it stinks sometimes... Good Luck!

  2. I think it's official. You need hormonal therapy.


  3. I heart Charlie. He is a good balance for you. Listen to what he is saying because I totally think he gets it. And he gets you. Which is pretty darn special in a husband :)

  4. A keeper, certainly. :)

    Honestly, I'm kind of excited to meet grownup Jessica and Melody. I suspect that they're going to be really cool people to spend time with.

  5. My triplets are only 9 months old and I'm already having those thoughts! So glad I'm not alone.

    BTW, when do you find time to publish so much??? I'm lucky if I get to it twice a month! Recently found your blog & love it.

  6. That IS pretty frickin' frackin' awesome! I had the same anxiety last year (although most of my freaking out had to happen in monologues in my head) and I'm happy to announce that by the third week of school, most of it goes away. At least until the next stepping stone. :) Chin up!

  7. uh, yeah. Take the kids for a bike ride, come home, make cookies and rub your feet???

    Seriously? Do you rent him out? LOL!

  8. Jen~

    As you know my babes are 5, 4, and twin 6 mth olds. I'm in the trenches of four 5 and under, but I still really "get" this post.

    I bet it's very hard to have 3/4 of your babies leaving your full time care ALL AT ONCE. Remember though, your kids are going to need you every bit as much in the future, even when they don't think they do.

    Be good to yourself, this is hard work.


  9. Our local elementary school still does all day/every other day for kindergarten. However, just recently someone told me that by the time my little girl gets there (the year after next), it will be all day/every day. GULP! I got an instant pit in my stomach. I feel your pain. I don't know what to tell you other than, Charlie is probably right. But, I still feel your pain.
    May I ask where you are sending them? Is it your local public school or a private school? Just curious.

    Laura (Ohio)

  10. hahaha ... I can only laugh because I'm the same exact way with my children and I don't have THREE of them leaving me at once. And I also don't have a husband who is willing to bake me cookies and give me a foot rub to make me feel better ;) I think my husband is great - but then I get on here and read about Charlie ... these stories are fiction, right? Because my dear hubby just rolls his eyes and laughs at me. You'll get used to them being away, but enjoy every little minute with them that you can now!

  11. Jen- I love reading your blog but, have never commented. You may be surprised but, you may like whole day kindergarten! My grandaughters loved it. Yes, grandaughters....Your right, time goes by so fast, they grow so quick! But you never ever stop worrying about them and then you have grandchildren to worry about too! You do the best you can for your family and enjoy every minute. You are fantastic - don't be so hard on yourself sometimes! We all have to do whatever we have to do to make a living and survive. We mom's always put our families first - always have but, listen to your body and take time for you when it is telling you that. Sometimes you have to say okay I give, I am going to do nothing! It took me about 12 years to do that but, it's what I do now. When I feel good, I spend every minute with my grandaughters and when my body is hurting, I don't push it. My children are 28 and 30 and I still can't believe it - It was their first day of school just yesterday!! You rock and it sounds like you have a wonderful little family and hubby!!
    Your right....time passes quickly so, enjoy it! Your feelings and thoughts are like all other moms!
    Men just don't get that - we are not the same - it's a fact!
    Take care!

  12. First: Thank you for taking a second to leave a comment the other day. I have a huge family and they will CALL me with comments. They don't get it.

    Second: My Baby starts Kindergarten in the fall too.. I'm scared to send him. He's funny and silly. I'm afraid of other people shaping him. I have a hard time moderating the influence of his oldest sister, nevermind an entire class of children.

    Third: He will be fine. They will be fine. Letting go does not get easier.

  13. Wow, Charlie sounds like an amazing guy! You should buy him a tri-bike!

  14. Yeah, I agree with the previous comment (even though it hasn't been published yet.....)

  15. make me happy when skies are blue. My little sunshine, my ray of sunshine. Oh! Please don't take my sunshine away...He's turning 21 this week - March 11th.

    As you know Jen, he's turned out to be one of the most amazing young men I've met.

    However, I talked to your husband about it recently... he told me about his own 21st birthday celebration -- mentioned something about getting drunk w/his buddies and jumping off a pier in Australia!! (or something like that). Now I'm a wreck and haven't slept since!! ;-)

    Can you send a cookie or two this way? Reiner will rub my feet.

    (Thanks Charlie.) ;-) Love, Marg

  16. oops. It's gray skies - not blue. Oh well.

  17. Paging Charlie! Can you please write a blog for husband 101?

  18. I can't relate to sending three children off at one time. I'm sure that will be terrible.

    I'm going to go at this from a different angle.

    Wasn't there a time, during the first few months of the triplets' lives when you spent every day unsure of their health? Unsure of their futures?

    And now look where you are! They are five years old and going to kindergarten. They are three little miracles that happened all at once. Were there moments you thought you'd not make it to this point?

    I encourage you to start thinking of each of these milestones as just another miracle in the string of miracles that started when they were born.

    Enjoy where they are - don't lament it. They truly are entering a magical time and you will be thrilled with how the world opens up to them in kindergarten.

  19. I felt the exact same way this past August when my oldest (who had just turned five) went to full day kindergarten. And I'm already not looking forward to this August when my youngest will start. My exact words to my husband were, "It's going too fast. Today it's kindergarten, tomorrow they'll be leaving home for college."

    Here's a video I ran across today. Won't help with the melancholy, but might help you live in the moment more. Although, your problem may not be that you're not living in the moment. It's that you can't find a spare moment. Again, I feel your pain!