Today I had the worst conference call of my entire life.
Charlie was at a meeting two hours away and left at 6 AM. Henry was awake two minutes after he walked out the door so my plans of getting anything done this morning were shot.
The triplets were up by 6:30. I was running around like crazy trying to get kids fed, kids dressed, diapers changed, CAROLYN FOR THE LOVE ALL THAT IS HOLY WHY WON'T YOU POOP IN THE POTTY?! dishes put away, a load of laundry put in to the wash. Because if I don't do a load of laundry every now and again, laundry will never be done and sometimes I just wonder why bother at all.
Who cares if we wear dirty clothes?
Is it really THAT important??
I reminded myself as I was nursing Henry at 9:45 to sleep that we had a conference call at 10 AM. But in that span of time, those 15 short minutes, all hell broke loose.
Elizabeth got a hold of a Sharpie. Carolyn hijacked my wallet and took out all of my credit cards and was slipping them under the fridge. William was trying to "fish" in the toilet.
When I heard my cell phone ringing, I remembered and called in. And I immediately thanked the cell phone God's for equipping those things with mute because the noise level in our house was deafening.
Eventually, I pushed the triplets outside in the backyard and locked the door. They were SCREAMING because I locked them outside. Henry woke up SCREAMING. I had four kids SCREAMING and that's when my boss asked how things were going with the team meeting that I'm supposed to be hosting next month.
In the time I tried to click off the mute, I received a call that went to voicemail and damn my new phone if I didn't disconnect from the call and go straight to my mail box.
Before I called back in to the conference call, I noticed that even with the kids outside, they were screaming so loudly I couldn't even think straight. Instead of tossing them ice cream cones - which now that I think of it would have been a splendid idea - I brought them back in the house, stripped them down and put all four of them in the tub.
Now that I've returned to work, I suspect that our children will be taking at least one bath a day. But on those days I have multiple conference calls, it might be as many as two or three.