Friday, July 28, 2006

God's Fingerprints

Everynight before bedtime ... we say our evening prayers. They go something like this:

"Now I lay me down to sleep ... I pray the Lord my soul to keep ... healthy and happy in every way ... with love and laughter filling each day. Please fill our hearts with compassion, tolerance and patience - especially for our Mom & Dad (they need LOTS of patience). Please look over all of our friends and family and ALL the children of the world, tonight. Amen."

I've been saying an evening prayer with the babies for as long as I can remember. Our prayers follow the same script, almost every time. It's only been recently that they too, will fold their little hands in prayer as soon as I start and they will babble along with me.

My day never feels entirely "done" until I say an evening prayer with the children. Even when I'm out of town on business, I ask that Charlie recite a prayer with the babies before bedtime.

Evening Prayer is that important to me.

I'll dive in to my thoughts on God and spirituality in another post ... but for now ... the important thing is that I most definitely believe in God. Infact, one of my favorite quotes - of all times - is "Everything has God's fingerprints on it."

Everything has God's Fingerprints on it.

That's pretty powerful.

When I think back on our years and years of infertility - I couldn't see the "holiness" in our struggles ... but now, I do.

When I think back on the serious health scares that both Charlie and I faced early in our marriage - I couldn't see the "holiness" in those struggles ... but now, I do.

When I think back on the ups and downs of life - including family feuds and Wars abroad - I couldn't see the "holiness'" in those struggles ... but now, I do.

The majority of the time - even in the most dire of situations - I am somewhat able to wrap my mind around the "holiness" and find comfort in God's presence. I'm not sure if this mentality makes me an optimist, or a believer. I'd like to think I'm a little of both.

But try as I might, I absolutely cannot wrap my mind around the horror that has rocked Utah the past few weeks. Lured away from her own back yard ... a beautiful little 5-year old girl ... was taken from her family. Forever. A monster that lived a few houses away ... a 20-year old beast from hell ... stole this little girl. He strangled her and then sexually assaulted her body, and stuck her in a trunk in his basement. Destiny was nothing to him. Nothing.

Because I don't watch the news or television, I didn't know about this kidnapping. But when I was 'blog-hopping' today over lunch, I learned of this event - and the tragic outcome. So if any of my co-workers might be wondering, this is why I burst in to tears while sitting at my desk - and started yelling profanity at my computer monitor.

Destiny was five. Five. Years. Old.

She was quite possibly, not yet in Kindergarten.

She was quite possibly, at an age where she still needed her Mommy and Daddy to help her take a bath at night and get dressed in her pajamas.

She was most definitely, at an age where she still slept with a lovey.

She was five years old.

I broke down in tears. I couldn't stop crying. Not at work - and not during the entire drive home. I had flashbacks to Polly Klaas in 1993. That horrible event unfolded only miles from our house while Charlie and I were at college in Northern California. Yet, I felt more grief than imaginable thinking of Destiny. Maybe because I'm a Mom now, and I think of my own children. The horror, pain and nausea that wracked my body today - it was real.

I talked with Charlie about my "reaction" tonight over dinner. I started my sentence with "I just can't imagine what her family is going through ...." and then I stopped myself. I can imagine what they are going though. They are living every parent's worst possible nightmare.

When our babies first came home from the hospital - I happened to have some "down time" (i.e. I was vegging out in front of the TV while pumping) and I caught a segment on Oprah. This was the one Oprah show, I wish I had missed because I've never been the same, since. The story was about sexual predators. Oprah had an individual on her show that had set a trap and busted a man, beast, monster, scum bag who had paid $10,000.00 to have sex with a 5-month old baby.

That's right. Five. Months. Old.

Yay that they caught THAT malicious, piece of evil crap. But the fact that these creton exist who would commit such heinous crimes - literally keeps me awake at night.

The mere existence of these monsters is what makes me triple check every night before bed that all the doors and windows to our home are locked.

The mere existence of these monsters is what makes me check the internet to find out where convicted sexual predators live in our neighborhood.

The mere existence of these monsters makes me realize that not all of them have been caught ... and as such ... I must exercise diligence ALL THE TIME.

Even with all the precautions I have in place ... most nights ... I will get up, at least once, to check on our children, as they sleep.

How any one could possibly harm one of God's most perfect creations - an innocent child - is completely beyond me.

Even though I pray for patience, tolerance and compassion every single night ... when it comes to these monsters ... I have nothing of the sort. "Throw them to the dogs" ... that's what I say. "Public executions" ... that's what Charlie says. As much as I try to have love and compassion in my heart - no where, in any shape or form, do I see God's Fingerprints on these horrific situations.

Never will I stop my prayers for all the children of the world. But tonight, I am praying especially hard for beautiful little Destiny and her family. May they find peace and comfort ...and somewhere in the ugliness of this situation ... may they also find God's Fingerprints.

I desperately wish I could.


  1. Bless you, bless you, bless you. My husband Andy and I feel the SAME way...... it breaks our hearts to hear about situations like Destiny. I think of Elizabeth Smart often and pray for her..... Bless ALL OF THE CHILDREN OF THE WORLD.

  2. I love the prayer ritual---you are always teaching as a Mom and the little ones are always watching.

  3. What a thought provoking post! My volunteer work is with a home for kids in DFCS custody because they have been abused or neglected in their homes--and unfortunately there is MUCH depravity in this world. I think it is the actions of these monsters that most vividly express humanity's dire need for God.

  4. Thanks for making me cry...again! BTW, how many posts do you have? I have read some other blogs that write a post for reaching a milestone--like writing 50 or 100 entries. You need to post some random facts (the amount depends on how many entries you have - 50 entries, 50 facts; 100 entries, 100 facts, etc.) about you that some may not already know.

  5. What a coincidence - We just recently had an incident in our neighborhood that led me to look up registered sex offenders in our neighborhood. I have always meant to do it, and when I finally did I found two ON MY STREET. It terrifies me to know that these are only the ones who HAVE BEEN CAUGHT. It is so important, no matter how difficult, to educate our children on appropriate touching. And how sad it is that most children who are molested are done so by people they know.

  6. I feel the same way...the world is a scary place. I don't like to watch the news anymore either. It's hard to imagine sending our kids out into such a crazy world. We can only hope they latch on to good values and morals that we're teaching them now. You seem to be doing a great job with your little ones. It makes me wish I had a little stronger religious influence on my kids. We haven't been to church in quite sometime but have been meaning to do so. It shouldn't stop us from a nightly prayer though. Thanks for the thought provoking post as jenmom said too.

  7. Oh hon. *hugs*. Once you become a parent, watching the evening news is never the same.
    I recently found out there is a sexual predator who lives a ways down from here ... I alerted the head of the HOA. Fortunately this animal is very ill and frequently in the hospital and I wish him pain and suffering for the rest of his miserable life. I have no sympathy or compassion for people who maliciously hurt children.

  8. It is amazing how being a parent changes things from news stories to very personal heartache. Bless your heart!

  9. Jen,

    I do watch television, but NEVER the news, so I didn't know of the recent tragedy. I HATE those stories.

    Needless to say, this is your only post I wish I wouldn't have read. I had to go and look up the registered sex offenders in our area. There are SEVERAL in our surrounding area. Not only are these "only the ones who have been caught" like My Full Hands said, but these are only the ones who are registered. Yikes...

    My husband and I are not very religious, but we have been thinking about incorporating spirituality and prayer rituals into our lives with Mattea. Your post got me thinking more and more about it. I love the pics of your little ones!


  10. This makes me cry... I agree with you I do not see the fingerprints of God in these horrible events. I think that they should be publically excuted because they should pay for taking away the life on an inoccent child. She was five years old.
    BTW I love reading your blog.

  11. Thank you for posting this. It has shaken every community in Utah. I have a neighbor that never watched her children...she is watching now.

    I firmly believe that these monsters will burn. How dare they play God. It is my belief that it is only on God's terms when a life is taken. When people choose to play God and take a life or the innocence of a child, he will see them punished to the fullest extent.

    It kills a part of me to hear about this type of monster out there. I am saddened by the fact that I have to warn my babies about people touching them in places that they have no right to touch. My five year old was watching the news because I left the t.v. on after Oprah, and she cried about it and worries that it could happen to her. I hate that. I am angry that their childhoods are being ripped away because of pedophiles and pornographers and perverts. How dare they!!!

    I know this is going to sound terrible, but I am almost grateful that her spirit was removed from her body before she was defiled. I can't imagine the terror that she would have gone through living through that. No five-year old would understand that. I am grateful THAT wasn't her last memory in this life. Maybe that was God's fingerprint for her.