Friday, April 23, 2010

the price for peace? $200.00 plus tax

I've been away at a meeting all week and have had absolutely no time to sit down and update my blog. Although, I have been giving my thumbs an excellent workout each day by updating Twitter with the new iPhone Charlie gave me for my birthday.


When Charlie's Blackberry broke in February and he replaced it with an iPhone, I immediately began to notice that my husband was spending an exorbitant amount of time playing with his new toy. At night, before he'd go to sleep, he'd be fiddling with various applications. During lunch when the kids were eating, he'd be figuring out something new and I'd hear gasps punctuated with, "Oh man. This thing is SO cool!"

While waiting for bread to toast or clothes to dry, he'd be improving his score on the Imbecile Test, he'd search for restaurants, flower shops and golf stores using the map feature. Then, just for fun, he'd check out the traffic conditions in his old neighborhoods. It seemed that he always had that thing in his grasp. He'd even take it on runs using some Nike application that would track his total distance, calories burned, average speed and elevation covered all the while - providing an assortment of music for his motivational enjoyment.

After a few weeks of this, I very casually made a "comment" that maybe if I had a silver apple adhered to my forehead, he'd notice me as much as his precious phone.


Then I commented that people who carry their phones around and are texting all the time are totally obnoxious. I mean, what is so critically important that they always have to have those things out? Whenever I see people with children who are constantly on their phone (i.e., people at Legoland that went on to roller coasters and came off roller coasters, all the while talking and texting), it takes great restraint for me to not yell out, "Put that electronic leash down!! Why not ENJOY YOUR LIFE, even if just for an afternoon, WITHOUT technological interference!"

Right about that same time, Charlie decided that I needed to have my own iPhone. And now that I have one, I can't put it down either because ...


It's a GPS!

It's the internet!

It's a massive music repository!

It's a computer!

It's a phone!

You can play games, check the stock market, the weather, the news headlines, retrieve and send e-mail, watch full length feature movies, pay bills, order plane tickets, pinpoint your exact geographic location, decipher how fast you are moving, latitude and longitude, where you are - where you are going - and order dinner so it's ready by the time you get there.

At night, I've been checking out various applications. And for the past several days, during every break at our meeting, I'm taking pictures, video, and trying to improve my score on the Imbecile Test. My new iPhone makes my old cell phone look about as advanced as a rock.


Because with my old cell phone, I could do nothing except place and receive phone calls. I very rarely sent text messages that were longer than one word, because to do so, I'd have to type using the numerical key pad.

For instance, Charlie would send me a text message from his iPhone that would read, "Hi Love! I hope you are having a spectacular day! We had wonderful time at the park, the zoo, and now - we're heading home to start getting ready for dinner. When will you be here?"

And for me to respond, "I'll be home soon," I'd need to type, "4, 4, 4 (I); 9 (W), 4, 4, 4 (I), 5, 5, 5 (L), 5, 5, 5 (L); 2, 2 (B), 3, 3, (E); 4, 4 (H), 6, 6, 6 (O), 6 (M), 3, 3 (E); 7, 7, 7, 7 (S), 6, 6, 6 (O), 6, 6, 6 (O), 6, 6 (N)."

Yes, I know there is an easier way to do this - I just don't know how. So I'd stew when Charlie would send me another text message that would read, "I've been thinking, what do you think you'd like for dinner tonight? We have fresh salmon I could throw on the barbecue, or we could have tacos or fajitas. What sounds good to you my precious buttercup?"

If I didn't abhor talking on the phone so much (even to my beloved), I'd just call him back. But instead, I'd shoot over a one word answer that always bothered my husband. Instead of typing, "The salmon sounds divine, thanks love!" I'd write back "fish" which was really "3, 3, 3, 4, 4, 4, 7, 7, 7, 7, 4, 4." My one word response would inevitably prompt yet another text message from my husband that would inquire, "Are you having a tough day? Why so grumpy? Does someone need a vacation? WINK!"

Alas, now that I have my very own iPhone, I haven't stopped texting my husband complex messages about topics ranging from the impetus for the Boston Tea Party, to the statistical correlation of earthquakes around the world relative to dense population centers, to our five-year-olds who are trying to rid society of cigarettes, one smoker at a time and much to our horrible embarrassment.

Have you ever witnessed a five-year-old admonishing an absolute (smoking) stranger by saying, "You need to stop using those yucky things or you will get THE cancer!"?

(Yep. That is one experience you'd be alright to skip.)

Charlie is thrilled beyond belief to have an iPhone buddy because for the past three days, there have been no less than 100 text messages and photos exchanged between my husband and I. Including one that I really want to share but Charlie is forbidding. (At least for now.)

But keep your eye on Twitter.


I'll be posting it soon enough.


  1. Okay. I'm getting one this week. My friend Misti can run a small corporation with hers. I've had my caveman phone for TOO LONG.

    And, yes, I have had my kids tell people they are GOING TO DIE from smoking. Good times. Good times.

  2. I have missed your posts this week, thanks so much for the chuckle this morning! GREAT post!

  3. Fingers in ears. Lalalalalala. I'm a Luddite. I'm disturbed by the fact that I have a cell phone at all. (What? I work in software? Um, yes, true. I just don't like hardware.)

    I HAVE had one of my three-year-olds say to a stranger, "You're putting smoke in your body and that's guh-woss." I was proud.

  4. That's so funny! Shayna also comments about the smoking thing. Whenever she sees someone smoking she asks, "why does that person wants to kill themself?" I usually just reply, "I don't know... I don't know..."

  5. get the ping app. it's like instant messaging for your iphone rather than texting charges. Then you can see the whole thread.

  6. My husband & I absolutely LOVE our Iphones too!!! We got them last summer & can't even imagine how we got along so well without them before, lol.

  7. OMG - iphone envy here.

    And the trips are being responsible citizens of the world trying to get people to stop smoking. I can remember the lengths my sisters and I went to to get our Dad to stop.

    Although I do allow that it might be a tad bit embarrassing to have one of them march up to a stranger and declare "you're going to get the CANCER" : )

  8. Coupla things...

    1. My kids tell their aunts, cousins, etc the following, "My mom won't write your obituary, and I am NOT going to your funeral when you DIE!!!." And, "Cough, COUGH, YOU'RE TRYING TO KILL ME WITH YOUR SECOND HAND SMOKE!!!" It is awesome. Because it is true... :)

    2. Even waaaaay up in the far, far north of Alaska, where you "can see Russia from my backyard," we have iPhones...they are the BOMB diggity! My husband and I even text each other from upstairs/downstairs!!! HAhaha. My friends will text me, "wut R U dng l8r?" and I'm like, "WHat? What am I doing later? What do you mean, is that what you're trying to say? I don't understand, can you just spell it out>!??"

    I heart my iPhone. :)

    P.S. we do NOT have 3G coverage, but since Kotzebue is only like 1 mile by 3/4 of a mile big, EVERYONE has free wireless, so we just roam all over town!!!

  9. Wish I had the guts to tell complete (smoking) strangers that they should "stop using those yuky things or they'll get THE cancer".

    Onya kids!!!

    Cheers Em

  10. My techi husband got his iphone first, I wondered what all the hype was about, Until he surprised me with one of my own. I LOVE my iphone I've not gone anywhere without it since I've gotten it. It's now a part of me.

    I use it as a flashlight in the middle of the night and before bed we both lay in bed playing with our apps.

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