Saturday, February 27, 2010

a few things i've noticed lately

I've got callouses on the bottom of my feet. I've never had calloused feet. My feet have always been as soft and as supple as a baby's bum.


A year before we had children, I had Lasik surgery on my eyes and my vision was corrected from 20/blind-as-a-bat to 20/20. But within the past few months, I've noticed that when I floss the children's teeth at night, I have to lean way back in order to see them clearly. And if the light isn't turned up brightly enough, it feels like I'm trying to focus on a tiny pine needle in a wavy pool.


My hair is turning gray. Or is it grey? Or is it just white? Whatever it is, the whole crown of my head and temples are turning a color that isn't the blond it was 30 years ago. Or the brown it was 10 years ago.


There are these odd brown and white spots on my hands, arms and face. Whenever I look really closely in a magnified mirror, my skin reminds me of salami and I get an inexplicable craving for an Italian submarine sandwich.

My chest once looked like it was comprised of two firm sandcastles. Now, it looks like a big wave came in and the sand that was once perfectly formed has heaved and is collapsing.


There are clearly visible veins on my legs and on my feet. I've got wrinkles around my eyes and across my forehead. My earlobes are getting flabby (!) and I found a two-inch hair sprouting out of my cheek the other day.

Hello fella! How long have YOU been there?


I'm not even 39 yet, but I can see that this body of mine is cha- cha- cha- changing. Still, I'm trying to embrace the philosophy of "growing old gracefully" not just because I think that plastic surgery comes with considerable risk, but because I'd pick new kitchen cabinets over a $10K boob job any day of the week.

Nah. It's not my aging body that's got me worried. It's my mind. Because for the life of me, I cannot remember the simplest things anymore. It's like my brain has turned in to one giant sieve and various details of things that are truly important have been lost.


Perhaps I'm much too reliant on computers. Because what I'd really like is to back up my memory (the real one) on an external hard drive that I carry around and can access by pushing "Ctrl O" and typing "search" in to some field.

Search: "What are the last four digits of my social security number? Is it possible to recite just those last four digits without rattling the WHOLE thing off?"

Thinking. Thinking. THINKING HARD.

Yeah. No.

It's embarrassing when people ask me questions about things that I should easily know the answer to. Although I'm not at the point of total panic regarding the onset of dementia, because my memory almost always returns in vivid color. Usually when I'm on the commode for the 10th time in a morning. Funny. I'm not drinking THAT much water.

Or am I?

I totally forget.

(Let me go to the bathroom and think about it.)

Sometimes at night, after working a full day - when I sit down to update my blog - I just stare at the computer and wonder what the heck I'm doing here? Did I have something that I wanted to write, or is it just gibberish? Maybe I should just turn the computer off and go play BINGO?


It's already happening. I'm starting to turn in to one of those characters that tells the same story over and over again. I'll start to tell someone a story and then stop myself. Did I tell them this already? Did I write this story on my blog? Whoa. Wait a second. Who IS this person that I'm talking to? Should I even be telling them this?

Most days at around 10 AM when I'm most apt to be firing on all mental cylinders, I think of something important that I want to write about. Sometimes, I'll even jot myself a note. But when I sit down a few hours later, I cannot recall what I had in mind. The thoughts and feelings that I had surrounding a particular subject have completely vanished. POOF!

My hard drive is full.

One of my consultants told me the other day that Albert Einstein purportedly carried his address around on a small piece of paper in his wallet, because he didn't want to waste precious brain space with something so trivial. I think my consultant was just trying to make me feel better when I couldn't remember his name.

Tonight, I'm uploading some photos I took a few weeks ago and I had a really great story to share about this particular picture:


But now I'm just scratching my head. I think it had something to do with my daughter wanting to be a clothes designer when she grows up. Or maybe I just had an afternoon of rip roaring fun with clothes pins and string?


  1. So is that the desert - do you live near there. Those plants are amazing - like something out of an old wild west movie.

    Funniest thing today - I've been going grey for 10 years. Today, I plucked a grey hair out of my husbands chest - he's turning 40 next month - his face was - hilarious.

  2. Yes. I know. I'm nearly 37. I understand.

  3. Can you imagine how I feel?
    I'll give you a hint... Beyond Antique!

    Anyway, I know you're not real good at checking your e-mail so I thought I'd just jot you a note here ;o)

    We've been thinking about you guys too! We have to get together soon! Plus we miss your adorable children!

    Tomorrow is a pick up day at the warehouse. We will be filling orders for some of the Orphanages we support. Then... we have a field trip planned. We're off to an Orphanage which is having a grand opening celebration for the new infant wing that is being opened. So we'll be packing up Big Red with food and surprising them with a unexpected food delivery. How "KEWL" is that? Wanna go? We'd love to have you join us... Don't worry about food, we can always get greasy cold Churros at the border. Just bring your warm heart, lots of smiles and your camera!

    Debra ((*.*))

  4. Jen, If it makes you feel better, I've got some good news for gets worse. But for right now, you've got years of sanity left, so enjoy it. LOL Just remember one thing though, as you slowly inch closer to that "stage" of a woman's life. Estrogen is the devil. It controls all things. My memory has gotten so bad that sometimes I'm in the middle of a story and I completely forg.....


  5. OK. So I read the part about you going to the bathroom 10 times in the morning and thought, "She can't be pregnant again?

    Can she??"

    I was afraid that might be where you were headed with this post. Haha.

  6. I know exactly how you feel - about all of it! Ahhh the joys of aging.

  7. Welcome to the wonderful world of 40s. I've been 40 for nearly one year, and I can tell you that you will be blind, fat, flabby, gray, and stupid in this decade. Somehow in your 40s, you go from how you've looked since your 20s, to how you are going to look until you die. I don't plan to age gracefully. I've got my sister to give me all sorts of stuff to STOP THE CLOCK.

    I love the cactus garden. That place is awesome!

  8. same here... I sometimes wish I have a USB port at the back of my ears so I can back up and erase my brain from time to time...

  9. preachin to the choir, I am just a couple of years behind you but what the hell happend I am just falling apart. We are about out of carrots, go to write it on the dry erase board, erase whats on there since I just went shopping and then CANNOT remember what I was going to write on it, CANNOT I opened the fridge to look around fro clues, now I just tell my 3 year old things because she has a great memory. For a second I thougth it was funny that yet again I couldnt' rmember something but then you panick a bit.
    I have been grey for a long time, must color every 4 weeks now or look like I should work at walmart.

  10. I had a surprise major surgery late last year for uterine/endometrial cancer, with subsequent radiation and eventually chemotherapy. The year prior to the actual surgery I was making mistakes at work and attributing it to menopause and "mush" brain - these things happen at this stage of life.

    Because of the memory problems, I had a complete neuropsychological evaluation only to discover no physical problems to which I could attribute the memory loss. Thus - pure STRESS was the culprit.

    Who knew?

    I have since retired from a tension-filled workplace and found that I am not quite the "ditz" I envisioned myself to be.

    YOU have a lot on your plate! And - you are so right - your hard drive is full. Perhaps once you guys make your decision about your next "life" move, things will change.

    The effects of stress - we just have no idea how much it can affect us.

    Give yourself a break - you're doing great!

    ~Mad(elyn) in Alabama

    I was (am) amazed

  11. Heck, I'm only 25 and I can't remember the last four digits of my SSN either! And three of the numbers are the same number! Or is it...2 of them......I dunno. *shrugs*

    Btw- "Let me go in the bathroom and think about it." I cracked up so hard over this my hubby came running in from the other room. LOL

  12. I have the gray hair, the memory loss, the weight gain...My husband just called me from town and asked me what year one of our kids was born--we are both sadly noticing the decline starting. It sucks!! We are going to fight it!!

  13. I could have written that post I'll be 41 in September. Since I have turned 40 the eyes are so much worse, good think you can adjust the font size on the computer and my kindle.


  14. Your use of photos in your post today was pure genius. If you can do that you don't have nuttin' to worry about! [Yesterday's post has set some positive things in motion in this house too.]

  15. THE KIDS and the scenery look fabulous. Where is that place? I told you Elizabeth is taking after her Grandmother Jean===what talent.
    As for your observations, turn out the bathroom light and fake it until you reach 80. Yes, aging is wonderful and the older you get the wiser you get.

  16. oh my - you are truly not alone. Well maybe I can't join you with the 2 inch cheek hair, but I can relate.

    Just you wait, I got 10 years on you with 11 yr old triplets, plus 2 older that should have killed me a long time ago except I must be bullet proof.

    But we're not getting older, we're getting better.


  17. Thank you SO VERY MUCH for your comment on my twin gift post! Your advice was so very much appreciated. Your family is absolutely gorgeous and I am so thrilled to be a new follower to your adventures. Hope you're having a lovely weekend!

  18. I think I could have written this post!

  19. I haven't laughed as hard as I did reading this post in a LONG time. We were heading home on a road trip and my husband thought I had lost my marbles...that the sleep deprivation of the weekend had gotten to me. So thank you!

  20. I had the EXACT conversation with myself in my head today about how I felt like I was losing my memory. I started pondering after I realized I had just gotten on to the freeway as if I was driving myself to work, instead of going to pick up my daughter at a play date in the opposite direction.
    So glad you posted this today!

  21. yup, it started about then, I am now 43, and it gets worse sorry to say!