Monday, November 16, 2009

where do we go from here?

One day last week, I drove out to a job site to inspect some work that was being completed on one of my projects. As is often the case, the foreman on the job was actually a woman. But what caught me off guard was that she was fluently calling out orders in Spanish to the laborers who were lugging bags of concrete and materials from one end of the site to the other.

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I couldn't help but smile.

Here was this petite little woman, no taller than 5 feet and weighing no more than 100 pounds, directing men who were at least a foot taller and 100 pounds heavier around a busy construction site. She had complete confidence in all aspects of the job and I loved seeing her at work.

After I introduced myself and went through a brief health and safety overview, I asked her a little bit about herself. What was her academic background? What is her title? How much experience does she have? Could she teach me to speak Spanish - or at least understand it?

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Over the next few hours, we would talk whenever we had a spare moment.

I learned that she is a civil engineer. She worked as a facilities maintenance engineer for a major oil company for 14 years. She was responsible for building gas stations across the country and she traveled extensively. She is happily married and has a four-year-old daughter. Her husband started his own construction business a few years ago and in early 2007, he convinced her to give up her busy career and stay home to raise their little girl. Soon after she resigned her position, they bought four-acres of land in Escondido and set about building their dream home.

As they got closer to finishing the construction, they moved all of their belongings in to a modular home that was situated on the four-acre parcel. The plan was that they would slowly begin transitioning their furniture in to the new house. But the new house wasn't finished quite yet. And because it wasn't finished, it wasn't insured.

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And then, there was a fire.

A big fire.

A fire that wiped out their entire neighborhood and burned their new home and their modular home (with all of their possessions inside) to the ground. They lost everything. They literally ran away with their lives, the clothes on their backs and their dog. All of their furniture, pictures, electronics, you name it, were gone. For a few weeks they slept in guestrooms. They borrowed friends' clothing. And then, she began looking for a new job.

Two years later, she is extremely thankful that she had her education and experience to fall back on. Because her husband lost all of his tools in the fire, and the economy took a nose dive, his newly formed business dissolved. So she secured a position working for a consulting firm.

These days she is working full-time (again) and her husband is home raising their daughter. They don't know what they are going to do. They've tried to sell their charred property but nobody wants it. They've tried to rebuild but there have been financial restrictions. They're currently living in another smaller modular home and saddled with a mortgage payment for four-acres of land with no permanent structure.

She says that despite the turmoil her family has endured over the past two years, and even though she gave up her big career with a major oil company - with her pension and outstanding benefits and potential for incredible growth - she is genuinely happy.

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A few weeks ago, I was surfing around on the internet and found a job opening, in South Carolina, that I thought would be right up Charlie's alley. With my husband's knowledge, I tailored his resume to fit the position and I crafted a cover letter that I thought would call out his strengths for this particular role. And then, once he read it over and gave it the nod, I submitted it. This past week, Charlie got a call from the company that is hiring.

They want him. Badly.

But the new job would come with a lot of travel. Or at least 25% of the time, Charlie would be on the road. The new job would mean a pay cut, at least temporarily. And the new job will most likely not be able to relocate us, so all of our moving expenses would be out of pocket. But, the new job would quite possibly be something that my husband would truly love. It would call upon his academic training and it would tap in to his experience as a consultant and college professor.

(And, it would still allow him the opportunity to continue working on his business that he started earlier this year. You know, between the quiet hours of 2 and 4 AM.)

There's absolutely no correlation between these two stories. I'm just completely unsure what we should be doing right now. My job is secure at the moment and there is no reason to leave. Of course the possibility exists that I could be relocated to the east coast at some point in the future. But do I want to continue working (and stressing about working) as much as I have been?

For the past month, I've been largely without a work computer and I am becoming more and more frustrated with the feeling that I am so far behind I will never get caught up. Maybe this is a sign to turn in the defunct laptop and say, "Thanks for the laughs. Bye bye!"?

It just feels like we're wandering around with no clear direction. And yet, it seems that we're getting closer to the end and very soon, we'll be able to see where we're supposed to go, next.

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Change can be wonderfully exciting and terribly scary. I just hope that whatever happens, happens well and that we never lose everything and have to live in a tiny trailer, indefinitely.

But if by some chance that does happen, I hope that I can find within me, the same kind of good attitude and grace like the woman I met the other day.

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(It ain't crap. It's the best fertilizer known to man!)


Or at least ... have the ability to lie well enough so that everyone believes me.

11 comments:

  1. Right after our second son was born, I got laid off. I was the breadwinner, making twice as much as my husband so it was a hard hit. Luckily, we had been paying off debt and have a house that we could easily afford.

    We have decided to make it work with my staying home with our boys and I love every minute of it. I have a part time job working at our church and I will probably have to pick up another part time job since my husband works all hours that he can get.

    I love the freedom of staying home. I put my job skills to work keeping us on budget, being frugal, couponing, and finding great deals. I think it's worth giving up a lot to be able to stay home with the kids. Just my 2 cents.

    Plus if you move to SC we would visit when we go down to GA to visit my family.

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  2. Jen,

    I for one am adding my 2 cents and say go for it! You have been in CA for a while near Charlie's family and now it is your turn to have family closer. SC has a lower cost of living and you both get what you want; a job for Charlie and you get to be a SAHM for a little longer. Life is an adventure and you need to see where it takes you. Rent your house out until the market recovers. Rent in SC until you check out the lay of the land and see where you want to plant your roots. It is such perfect timing for your family since your children aren't in school yet.

    Nonna2trips

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  3. Jen, I've been reading your blog for 2 years now. And for the last 2 years you have written numerous posts about wanting to relocate to the east coast to be closer to family. if you'd ask me for my advice, i'd tell you in a heartbeat to just do it! do it!!! do it, before it'll be too late and your kids become settled and there's 101 other reasons not do it! do it now, while you have the chance :)

    Growing up, I saw my grandparents, cousins and uncles and aunts EVERY SINGLE weekend. Since my family now lives in numerous countries across the world, those memories are my favorite childhood memories and I feel awful that I can't give those same kind of memories to my child!

    so that's why I am saying DO IT while you have the chance! :)

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  4. I would say him being offered the job is a sign too! It may be tough to start with, but any move is going to require an adjustment phase, even if you *think* you're getting everything you wanted... because let's face it, none of us ever gets EXACTLY what we planned for, but it's the having faith that it will all work out that helps us through. I think that whatever decision you make as long as you keep that faith, that life will eventually fall into place.

    BTW- I loved how the pictures of the kids in the corn maze went so well with the emotions expressed in your post. I love that even though it was confusing, they found their way through to the pumpkins at the end! Go find your pumpkins!

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  5. I vote for change! Do it while they're young, before they're in school, while you have this chance. You've been wanting to do it for a long time. Seems like now's your chance.

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  6. You have wanted to move - get a fresh start near family for a LONG time now. I think this job is the answer you have been asking for. You won't be working - but you want to stay home with the kids. He will travel some, but not a huge amount. You will be near family which you cannot put a price on...it is worth it. I think you should go for it...the door is opened for a reason.

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  7. I will have to come back to read ~ We are in School and taking a lunch break.

    Just wanted to say:

    I should have said..........I remember Atlanta 2 thousand something..........I don't remember Washington 2010

    Never heard of Washington 2010

    NEVER!!!!!!!!

    BUT!!! ~ Washington 2010 does sound fun.......Something to look forward too! Maybe I will drag Kathryn along with us...that's a maybe....Yes, I do look good in Pink........Yes, I'll plan on doing it.....Yes, I do want to..........

    YES!!!!!!!! You make me laugh!!!

    Much Love


    Hope your all well...

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  8. Wow, what an amazing woman - talking to her must have been such an encouragement to you! Having your husband travel would be so difficult - but, would you be able to stay home? Because that just might be worth it then.

    And also, I stay home and my husband works (in ministry) - we make hardly any money, and are preparing to welcome our 2nd child into our tiny single-wide trailer in about a month, and I love it (staying home, not the trailer necessarily). :) I would never ever trade the ability to stay home and to be involved in ministry for any size of beautiful house (though I do have moments of envy, for sure). So you never know what change God will work in your heart, though I do understand where you're coming from. :)

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  9. The Economy and Construction ~ Yicks! I feel her pain...ALL TO WELL!!!

    I think it is GREAT that these people knew it was important someone stayed home with their daughter. Even though it is not the mom...and I know it is the mom that wants to...and I know it is the dad that wants to provide for his family ~ That is not always the way it works.

    Tough stuff ~ Good post

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  10. oNE MINUTE WHEN i READ YOUR BLOG i THINK, YES OF COURSE COME HOME TO BE WITH US. wE ARE HAVING OVER 50 PEOPLE FOR THANKSGIVING THIS YEAR, ALL OF US WILL GIVE THANKS AND MISS MY HUSBAND SO MUCH, BUT WE WILL GO ON. THE OTHER PART OF ME SAYS NO... STAY WHERE YOU ARE, YOU HAVE A GREAT LIFE, A WONDERFUL HUSBAND A GREAT KIDS, DON'T LET ANY ONE INFLUENCE THAT STYLE YOU HAVE. YOUR HUSBAND AND YOUR CHILDREN ARE ALL YOU HAVE, CHERISH THEM AND BE YOURSELF. DON'T EXPECT MORE THAN YOU HAVE. YOUR DOING GREAT, THINK OF ROCKING THE BOAT, LIFE IS TOO SHORT TO TAKE CHANCES. THINK!!!!

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  11. Well??? Aren't you packed yet?? What are you waiting for??? S.C. is waiting for you. O.K., O.K., I'll make you fudge.

    XOXO AM

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