There's a big part of me that thinks we ought to stay right where we are.
There's a big part of me that thinks we ought to move.
For the same reasons we love our one-story tiny casa ... I am climbing off the walls because we need more space. Last night, Charlie and I were up late cleaning the house and putting things away. Because today, for the first time ever, we showed off our home to prospective buyers. This morning, we had breakfast at IHOP since the last thing we wanted to do was have the kids make a mess in our clean house before we opened it up.
This whole "potential move" has really taken on a mind of it's own and is just happening. Here I am, 5-months pregnant, with two year old triplets running everywhere - and just a few days ago - I was prepared to pack up the family and move 3,000-miles cross-country. Now, we're entertaining potential home buyers - without consulting a realtor - and eating Rooty Tooty Fresh N' Fruity breakfasts on the fly.
I honestly don't know if this is just part of the forward momentum that happens when things are meant to be ... or if we should stop, drop and roll.
This morning, while I stayed in the backyard playing with the kids - who wanted nothing more than to come in to the house and rip everything apart - Charlie proudly showed off our home. I could hear him pointing out the imported granite countertops ... the matching Kitchen Aid stainless steel appliances ... the upgraded cabinets ... the spanish tile floor ... the newly installed roll-out drawers in every single cabinet in the kitchen ... the newly installed pantry ... the outdoor solar lighting that is hardwired in to our home ... the central air conditioning unit ... the water softener ... the surround sound speakers ... the professional landscaping ... the beautiful view.
I don't know what I expected ... but when I overheard the people say that they loved it and wanted to talk "numbers" I got all freaky. I ran in to the house and started pointing them to similar houses in our neighborhood that were for sale. The one-story just two doors down from ours went on the market last week - maybe they should take a look at that one?! Or, maybe the one-story two neigborhoods over that's been on the market for 6 months. I bet they could get a great deal on that bungaloo!!
While Charlie beamed and was ready to pull out a calculator - I felt an overwhelming urge to run around and pee on all four corners of our property. For the first time in a long time, I was convinced that this is where we should stay. It's incredible how much I love our house when it's clean. But - when we went to look at the house across the street for the fourth time, tonight - Charlie was deadset that we should move. I think I'm deadset, too.
Kinda sorta. Not really. My mind changes every five minutes ... give or take four. And a half.
We could make it work where we are for another few years and maybe we should - considering we've got a new baby coming. Then in a few years - maybe - we'll have a better idea of where we're suppose to be. Provided I don't go absolutely insane from constantly trying to maximize our space. If we buy the house across the street - I feel that we have a longer term commitment to stay in the area.
Yeah, because everyone knows San Diego is such a dump.
For the love of all that is holy, I want to be decided and calm.
And I want to stop sounding like a broken record. I'm tired of thinking about it ... I can only imagine the people around me are tired of hearing me try to sort through these issues of "where" we're suppose to be.
The other night, I was trying to express this to Charlie and I couldn't hold back the tears. When I told him that I didn't want to be buried in San Diego, he agreed that I need to live more in the "present" and I am either struggling with latent issues that are surfacing from my parents divorce ... or ... this is the worst case of nesting imaginable. I guess if I'm still feeling neurotic after the baby is born, I'll know that these are suppressed feelings from when I was 8.
But speaking of Charlie ... is this a guy thing? We've been together for 16 years and I've never really noticed this idiosyncrasy before. Now, I notice it all the time. Seriously, I'm ready to TP my husband.