tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24756113.post6493154753746141305..comments2024-03-27T19:04:31.290-05:00Comments on The Amazing Trips: mental chatter and conflictsThe Amazing Tripshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13761348688069779544noreply@blogger.comBlogger32125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24756113.post-30840495136830500972010-04-09T11:51:01.114-05:002010-04-09T11:51:01.114-05:00I have a very self-interested vote . . . it is STA...I have a very self-interested vote . . . it is STAY. But even if I wasn't self-interested at all. Even if I didn't know you from a hole in the wall . . . my vote would be stay for these reasons:<br /><br />1. QOL is #1. Weather, attitude, flexibility, community, non-stressy . . . everything that Debra said . . .<br /><br />2. #2 is the following axim by which I live my life: Moving to be close to family is never a good idea . . . move only because YOU WANT to move and it is objectively the RIGHT DECISION . . .<br /><br />More to come at ED - can you make it?<br /><br />Yours in the insanity - Jessicajessicahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16316464685609805737noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24756113.post-48550622187400206222010-04-09T09:17:15.652-05:002010-04-09T09:17:15.652-05:00I am going through an eerily similar crossroads, a...I am going through an eerily similar crossroads, and I only say that to help you understand that you are not alone, and that I personally think its a very common debate in general for families in this generation, with moms who have the ability to bring home a huge chunk of the bacon. That aside, in terms of your specific crossroads:<br />You mention that if you take the job, you'd be eligible for a lifelong pension/medical benefits in a few short years. How many years specifically? And will you NOT be eligible for those benefits if you stay at your current job (my sense was that it was an internal transfer, in which case benefits would be the same)?<br />I ask about the benefits b/c I really think those are the primary benefits of moving. The increase in pay, in my opinion, is not worth it to sacrifice you will be forced to make in terms of your kids, b/c I just believe that between you and your husband, you can find opptys to make good money in a more comfortable way. But the benefits are truly hard to ignore. And in terms of their value/worth, I think it hinges on how many years you would need to commit to the job, in order to get them.<br />I don't mean to be pessimistic about the situation you would be moving to, but there truly is a world of difference between commuting (in NOVA no less!) and working in an office, and being at home- even if you are working fulltime. You will really feel it! I think, given what I've learned of your personality in this blog, you will push yourself to do everything you humanly can for both sides (kids plus job) and something will definitely pay the price- I feel it will be YOU. So if you choose to move, go in with eyes open on that front, and reset your own expectations in terms of how much you really will be able to.<br />So anyway, I don't have the magic answer, but I do think you need to think through some of the reality of what you'll face in NOVA (I'm SURE you have a lot of course- don't mean to imply otherwise). But I guess I think it'll be a bigger sacrifice to you than you are articulating online. Having said that, I FIRMLY believe that in terms of impact on your kids- they will be FINE! They know you love them deeply and they can rely on you for anything- that will never change. And what you are doing if you choose to go for the job is frankly for their sakes, and is a very loving act of sacrifice. <br />Anyway, my two cents. I wish you could stay in SD, personally! But I totally get the attraction of what is being offered...Trevor & Shilpahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01795367395080503181noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24756113.post-38813860964902426802010-04-09T02:25:52.529-05:002010-04-09T02:25:52.529-05:00I went back to work full-time in an office job whe...I went back to work full-time in an office job when my son was 14 mos because it appeared that my dh was imminently going to lose his job in a field that was very hard hit by the recession and we had depleted our savings due to IF. I am now looking for a part-time job because it is way too hard to be away as much as I am. Wherever you live, if you are away from your children five full days a week you will miss them terribly. They are only young once. When the time comes, they can get loans or scholarships for college or work to put themselves through. <br /><br />I would focus your decision on the next 2 years. Don't get too ahead of yourself.<br /><br />CaliAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24756113.post-75084220007905227672010-04-08T10:46:31.030-05:002010-04-08T10:46:31.030-05:00Debra: you are making me think TOO hard. I'll ...Debra: you are making me think TOO hard. I'll come by later this week, promise. We've got presents for you guys!! <br /><br />Margaret: you better believe *IF* we move you'll be doing the walk with me. Are you KIDDING? <br /><br />Everyone else: your words are the very thoughts that echo through my mind every day. Extended family - considered that, how great to be closer. Even if it only means seeing them once or twice a year, it's more than I'm doing recently. Considering I haven't seen my father in TWO years. But, is seeing my extended family worth the effort of packing up and moving x-country and working in an office?? I'm not sure. The jury is still out. <br /><br />Honestly, every day I wake up with a new idea of what the right thing is to do for our family. Tuesday, we were going. Wednesday we were in flux. Today, we are staying. In fact, I'm heading out the door to go meet our children's kindergarten teacher because I have NO idea where we'll come July and I want to make sure I have all our options covered. Which is why I'm also scouring the relocation handbook. <br /><br />It sounds like a swarming beehive in my head.The Amazing Tripshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13761348688069779544noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24756113.post-59293810576641520722010-04-08T10:12:05.483-05:002010-04-08T10:12:05.483-05:00Mmm. Quick question: If you move to Virgina - do &...Mmm. Quick question: If you move to Virgina - do "I" have to do "the walk" with you????<br /><br />(Just wondering) ;-) Love, Marg.<br /><br />PS Love Anne Marie's comment!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24756113.post-76068585728253364452010-04-08T04:32:11.001-05:002010-04-08T04:32:11.001-05:00Ok...How close will you be to your family if you m...Ok...How close will you be to your family if you make this (silly) move? Remember, you'll be working full time in an office, commuting on those terrible highways, well depending on where you live and how far you have to travel, the hour, etc... Leaving you tired at the end of the day, needing to do homework with your kids, baths, and bedtime stories. Then MAYBE have a glass of wine with your Darling before passing out. Then guess what, you wake up the next morning and the rat race begins again. <br /> <br />Ok, so now you've made it thru a 5-day workweek. With four children you'll be running in four different directions one the weekends. One will have a Birthday party to attend, (oh yeah, did you pick up that gift last week for the Birthday party, no... because between work and commuting you were spent) then the other one has baseball practice, one has dance and one has gymnastics. Oh and don't forget all that laundry that you couldn't get to during the week, the vacuuming and the deep cleaning that has to be done on weekends...got my point yet, when will you really have time to see your family? You can’t even find time to visit a neighbor with your flexible schedule now!<br /><br />For the average working family, the reality of quality time with extended family is when you plan vacations to visit your family, making it even more special! Of course, if you plan to move into your family’s neighborhood where the kids can walk over to a cousin’s house, then that changes the dynamics a little. If one of your reasons/decision/concerns is for your kids have more (visual) communication with your extended family get SKYPE. <br /><br />The following is a quote of yours:<br /><br />" I will NEVER get these years back again.<br /><br />My company can replace me.<br /><br />My children can't. "<br /><br />I remember that struggle in life. Should I work, should I stay home? My heart told me I needed to be home with my babies, my mind said I needed a career. So, for years I vacillated between Motherhood and career. I first decided to be home with my kids, but after a year, I would find myself looking at the want ads and returning to work. <br />After six months back in the field I would feel so guilty that I would quit my job to be home with my kids, and then I'd feel like...Just a MOM and the desire to work would return. Those were probably the hardest years of my life and the loneliest years as well. No one really understood that internally struggle I was going thru. I loved my babies so much and if I had the chance to do it all again, I'd pick my kids and be “Just a Mom.” Being a Mom is one of life’s greatest honors. Nothing is worse or pulls at your heart when your little one needs you and you can’t be there for them. If you can, seize this moment in time with them. <br /><br />Now, as far as college education for four, if you were stay here, when the time is right, get a job at a University for example; Point Loma Nazarene and your kids get their education free!<br /><br />Lastly, if you do move renting can be a daunting experience unless you rent to the right people. As you know, we live in a nice part of town with a heavy military influence. You will never go wrong if you were to rent to someone in the military, (officer preferred.) <br /><br />I know I already said lastly BUT… I think I will add this to my blog so my Children can read what a struggle I had when they were young.<br /><br />The ramblings of a sleep deprived insomniac! <br />DebraAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24756113.post-3807973446523225992010-04-07T23:07:35.312-05:002010-04-07T23:07:35.312-05:00Whatever you do, it will work out. There is no ri...Whatever you do, it will work out. There is no right or wrong answer. Will your life look different if you decide to stay than if you left? Sure it will, but with your spirit, you will no doubt succeed at whatever you do and find a way to make it work-that's part of the beauty in life. My favorite way to decide is to flip a coin. Heads-going to VA, Tails-staying. Now flip!<br /><br />Ok, what was your knee jerk reaction to whatever showed up on the coin? I think on some level you know what you want to do...it's just a matter of accepting that within yourself and going for it with no regrets.Schuylernoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24756113.post-60663911567388673512010-04-07T22:40:48.438-05:002010-04-07T22:40:48.438-05:00I think you should stay. I don't mean to sound...I think you should stay. I don't mean to sound cold when it comes to seeing family, but unless you are living within a couple of hours of them, you are not likely going to see them but occasionally anyway. I'm just saying this because my husband and I have been through the decision about where to live more than once, and we are not done moving yet. Obviously only you know whats right for your family. BUT, I think one of the biggest factors to weigh is what your day to day life will be like. Traffic stinks. Period. Will your kids need to get financial aid for college anyway? I'm not sure killing yourself (which is what sitting in traffic does to me-speaking for myself) for the next 20 years is worth it. I say do your best to make a reasonably solid financial future but live for today. And I used to think you should leave. If you pretended this was happening to a friend, what would you advise them to do?Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24756113.post-7590570788905084552010-04-07T21:43:36.592-05:002010-04-07T21:43:36.592-05:00STAY THERE! STAY THERE!! STAY THERE!!! :D
Your...STAY THERE! STAY THERE!! STAY THERE!!! :D<br /><br />Your kids are only little once. Also, CA offers FAR MORE than an east coast city or town. CA is where it's AT! :D Your children will have far more opportunities in CA for fun and jobs when they are older. The culture is much different and laid back there, tooh. <br /><br />You would hate the commuting in VA. I guarantee you you would tire of snow VERY quickly. It is really hard to drive in. Road Rage and ANGER is so PREVLENT in the east coast. I live here, I know! :O<br /><br />Renting out your house isn't as easy as it looks. Once people get in there, it is VERY hard to get them out. And when they DO get out, they destroy the property. I have been there and done that (RENTED the house, I mean, not destroyed one! :O I life a life of peace and humble servitude.) It's true there are nice renters, but you're still taking a BIG chance.<br /><br />You would have to be totally crazy to leave such a paradise! You're settled there, stay there! :D<br /><br />~Cindy! :)<br />..~Cindy! :Dhttp://myspace.com/cindybradytoohnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24756113.post-86325150179216800492010-04-07T21:43:36.593-05:002010-04-07T21:43:36.593-05:00Jen, I read you every day and seldom ever comment....Jen, I read you every day and seldom ever comment. Maybe once. Now twice.<br /><br />I am speaking as a way-older-than-you mom who agrees you are SO right about the limited time with your children. You need to take advantage of that time whether in an office, or at home. <br /><br />After reading this blog entry, the thing that occurred to me is this: when you and Charlie made your list, did you consider there is also a limited time to be with your extended family as well? You know that your children's experiences with their grandparents and older relatives are priceless. I just thought you should consider, if you haven’t already, the window of opportunity for those relationships as well. Like, “if something happens to those [older folks] we love on the east coast, will we regret that we did not live there so the kids could know them?”<br /><br />By the way, I voted STAY in CA. I personally loathe winter and would move somewhere warm and sunny in a heartbeat - but only if the warm and sunny place did not include the risk of earthquakes. All I wanted to do here was to ask if you’d considered the ‘other window of time’.<br /><br />I know that you and Charlie are grounded in love, faith, and common sense. I know you will choose well for your family.Beckyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08729413003498471781noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24756113.post-37155794148967268852010-04-07T19:36:12.712-05:002010-04-07T19:36:12.712-05:00I think that the reason you're conflicted, is ...I think that the reason you're conflicted, is because in your heart, you know the choice to spend as much time with your kids, is the right one.In 10 years, what will they remember, the extra money, or the extra time with they're mom?Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24756113.post-4484332548307241522010-04-07T18:16:47.395-05:002010-04-07T18:16:47.395-05:00Whether you stay or go, your lives are about to be...Whether you stay or go, your lives are about to be very different simply because of school. I never had relatives that lived close, and it was hard. I wish I could have been closer. In my mind, family is very important. To me, this would be a no brainer, because the opportunity to be closer to extended family (that you seem to adore!) is wonderful. No matter where you end up, your children will have wonderful opportunities. Your children will have an amazing family support unit, because you and Charlie find a way to make it work, no matter what. I have no doubt in my mind that even with the triplets in school full time, and an office job, you will still find time to cherish and love your babies and make memories with them. You are already so good at it. We don't always get these opportunities to pick up and go, especially in this time and with this economy. San Diego is lovely. LOVELY. I used to live there. But good times, good memories are still to be had whether you have to bundle up or not. It doesn't matter where you are, it matters that you are together. That could be even sweeter with family somewhat closer. <br /><br />My father just unexpectedly passed away, so maybe I'm feeling more sentimental, but the fact is that life is short. We need to cherish the time we have with our loved ones. I know this is a very difficult choice to make, and that your life, either way, is about to be very different, but you will do it, and do it well.Amandanoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24756113.post-38375083774667618332010-04-07T14:17:39.912-05:002010-04-07T14:17:39.912-05:00Think carefully about renting out your house, too....Think carefully about renting out your house, too. Being a long-distance landlord isn't easy. Is there a management company you could use to handle the rental for you? We had friends/neighbors move away and rent out their house because they were unable to sell it. It turned into a nightmare that involved eviction, tearing out and replacing all the carpeting in the home, repainting, shoveling (literally - shoveling) dog sh*t out of the basement, etc.Lorihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14483285129051536244noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24756113.post-54794924304748748352010-04-07T14:15:12.357-05:002010-04-07T14:15:12.357-05:00Jen...you already know what to do...if you didn...Jen...you already know what to do...if you didn't, you wouldn't be in so much pain.<br /><br />If and when you realize that you made a mistake, you 1) accept that you have indeed made a mistake, and 2) have the courage to correct it. Don't let guilt or regrets fog your mind.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24756113.post-39595925574083037502010-04-07T13:56:42.120-05:002010-04-07T13:56:42.120-05:00P.S. we have sunshine 24 hours a day here. Right...P.S. we have sunshine 24 hours a day here. Right now, we're getting about 15-16 hours of daylight, and a few hours of twilight...and then an hour or so of dark.<br /><br />Its awesome.<br /><br />REI has some GREAT winter gear too! hahaha.Finnskimohttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15796494092961147276noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24756113.post-57824467389387066962010-04-07T13:55:06.785-05:002010-04-07T13:55:06.785-05:00Tough one. OK, let me tell you why I live where I...Tough one. OK, let me tell you why I live where I live. Which happens to be 30 miles above the Arctic Circle, where there are no trees, we have winter 8 months out of the year, and I pay about $2000 per month in stove oil in Dec, Jan, Feb. And really, there's not too much to do unless you're outdoorsey and can kill animals and then tan them, and then sew them.<br /><br />I live here because my children go to schools that have about 15-18 kids per class. We have "migrant education" so when I feel like taking a week to go to camp to snare rabbits with my kids and teaching them the biology they'll NEED growing up here, they're not counted as absent, only "alternative learning." I live here because even though there's not much to do, there's A LOT TO DO. (Again, only if you're outdoorsey) And if you want to do things, INSIDE, then do them, start a club, etc. I live here because I never, EVER worry about my kids being abducted, or killed, or run over by a rouge Virginian. When someone "picks up my 6 yr old daughter off the street" they're doing that cause its cold and she looked like she needed a ride home. I live here because if I don't like the education at school, I can do supplemental stuff at home. And I do. And if my children graduate in the top 10% of their class, which is like top 4 students, they get a FULL RIDE scholarship to school. Not only that, but the corporations and businesses here shell out dough for college like we're not in a recession. I got approximately $15 THOUSAND PER SEMESTER to go to college. :) <br /><br />Would I live somewhere else? SURE. I could make more money, I could be in a better job, I could be the owner of a grand elegant coffee shop. I could go to a movie in a MOVIE theater. I could eat OUT at a restaurant. But I'm not. I work here in Kotzebue, I play city league basketball, softball and I ski-jor with my Lab. I make dinner every night. We hunt, pick blueberries so tart you won't believe it. We make ptarmigan belly rattles and play with duck feet. <br /><br />It's your tough decision. But we DO have a LOT of positions open for environmental geologists up here, just FYI! You seem like a teachable person. You'd never notice the blood spatter after a while! ;)<br /><br />Good luck!Finnskimohttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15796494092961147276noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24756113.post-8780257096475279002010-04-07T13:47:59.528-05:002010-04-07T13:47:59.528-05:00I say drink some more wine, revisit your lists and...I say drink some more wine, revisit your lists and it will eventually become clear.<br /><br />Although I vote for the stay here option especially if you can do consulting. And the way things work you'll probably be consulting for your old company.<br /><br />Yes you will have 4 kids in college at once but that is way in the future. In the present you'll have the trips in kindergarden this year and Henry a couple of years down the line. Once Henry hits 1st grade you'll be able to dedicate more of your time to consulting.winecathttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07033530470009978632noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24756113.post-67025706470580106432010-04-07T11:53:23.673-05:002010-04-07T11:53:23.673-05:00LOL I don't think the winters will be all that...LOL I don't think the winters will be all that, this winter was such an aberration!<br /><br />And re: the field you're in - whether private or in the public sphere doesn't matter as much as, I was trying to say there is no "honeymoon period" with even a job transfer, nowadays. You will need to be on your toes.<br /><br />And the culture shift - well, I'm not trying to scare you. Just prepare you a little bit, since it seems the move is your decision. The "road rage" you see is just a symptom of the overall vibe.<br /><br />San Diego is heaven on earth. I can't honestly imagine leaving it, unless it were to a houseboat off the coast of Sausalito, or something out of a dream!BlackOrchidnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24756113.post-7157010418532465952010-04-07T11:53:23.674-05:002010-04-07T11:53:23.674-05:00If it helps at all, we're a one income family ...If it helps at all, we're a one income family and though things are really tight and sometimes stressful, I have never had to skin an animal! :)Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24756113.post-81645661629801512422010-04-07T11:00:42.723-05:002010-04-07T11:00:42.723-05:00Jen, I feel for you in having to make this difficu...Jen, I feel for you in having to make this difficult decision. I voted "stay" in the poll, but that was before the earthquake [I live in So.Cal. too]. You and Charlie are such a great team. I really wish you could make a living with your blog - it is so much better than many of the "famous" ones out there. I can see why you have such a good job because you have such a sharp mind!Janhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14956702385571303197noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24756113.post-28632939607902335762010-04-07T10:59:41.117-05:002010-04-07T10:59:41.117-05:00Black Orchid: I don't work in government. I wo...Black Orchid: I don't work in government. I work for a (very) large oil company. I don't think my job in VA would be quite as stressful as a government job, but the office thing every day will certainly be an adjustment. <br /><br />As will wearing snow boots, coat and hat in winter.The Amazing Tripshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13761348688069779544noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24756113.post-84700348804541964722010-04-07T10:49:46.651-05:002010-04-07T10:49:46.651-05:00It is a big deal and a huge change .. I don't ...It is a big deal and a huge change .. I don't envy your having to stress out over this. I am sure that you will do what is best for your family. <br /><br />the answer is yes. all working moms think of those things. However time is made ... and we are able to spend ample time with our kids. <br /><br />You would too!Bird's Eye View Photographyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08813489889625737678noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24756113.post-48717398086456433372010-04-07T10:47:39.356-05:002010-04-07T10:47:39.356-05:00Okay, here's the thing. You go to VA, take thi...Okay, here's the thing. You go to VA, take this transfer, yes you're with the same company (gov't?) but you're now "the new person."<br /><br />The flexibility you want will be a tough sell for at least the first year. You'll need to make a good impression.<br /><br />That said, if you stay in CA and go to consulting, you will be starting at square one with that also and will also have to "put your best foot forward" as it were. However, if Charlie has a FT gig that might take some of the pressure off.<br /><br />Unless you work in govt (my guess is you probably do), things are very stressy out here in the East Coast. You might be surprised how different the culture is -- I don't mean politically, I mean lifestyle-wise. There's a REASON I dream of moving West and away from here. Our lives are like -- like living with a giant boulder on your shoulders while running at full speed. The weight of history, or something. No room to breathe.<br /><br />I'm glad you can come back easily (via renting your place). I'm not telling you what to do, just that moving to VA will be a hella adjustment. It's good to have that failsafe in place there.<br /><br />Good luck!BlackOrchidnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24756113.post-27727872193368694382010-04-07T07:58:24.038-05:002010-04-07T07:58:24.038-05:00Sweet Maria Jen, I think I need an Advil. You need...Sweet Maria Jen, I think I need an Advil. You need to work to take care of your family, because without work, you'd be writing your blog while living in a refrigerator box under the freeway. There is no perfect situation for anyone...no one is a perfect parent...unless of course you're June and Ward Cleaver. What's most important is that everyone in your family is healthy. If you have this, trust me, you don't have any problems. Period. Now go make some O'Henry Bars.<br /><br />XOXO AMAnnehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00713799858334665501noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24756113.post-82438696882890092932010-04-07T07:53:43.304-05:002010-04-07T07:53:43.304-05:00Good luck with your new adventure!
FYI - the more...Good luck with your new adventure!<br /><br />FYI - the more kids you have in college at the same time, the more financial aid you'll get.<br /><br />And the word verification is "rentanin" - is that another sign?Bobbienoreply@blogger.com