tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24756113.post6741715988130898188..comments2024-03-27T19:04:31.290-05:00Comments on The Amazing Trips: come warm your toes and spill the beansThe Amazing Tripshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13761348688069779544noreply@blogger.comBlogger107125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24756113.post-19490643020805050502010-11-29T07:12:16.568-06:002010-11-29T07:12:16.568-06:00"Bonnie" thanks for taking the time to l..."Bonnie" thanks for taking the time to leave your comment. But, what about the child that doesn't listen, regardless of how much you try to reason with them? How do you get something to "stick"? <br /><br />Not all kids will listen to you tell them, "Don't run out in the street because cars go fast and you might get hit." When I had three toddlers that ran in three separate directions, I had them on leashes because THEY WOULDN'T LISTEN. They did not UNDERSTAND the words coming out of my mouth. <br /><br />As for where else can you harm a person and not get in trouble for it... there are several schools in the US that still implement corporal punishment and if people do something grossly wrong enough in 37 of the US States, the government could EXECUTE them for it. <br /><br />Then again, corporal punishment has been outlawed in 29 countries around the world (including domestic corporal punishment aka: parents spanking their children), so maybe a global shift is in the wind.The Amazing Tripshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13761348688069779544noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24756113.post-84436693137091784282010-11-29T01:05:44.628-06:002010-11-29T01:05:44.628-06:00Part 2] In what other situation (in this country) ...Part 2] In what other situation (in this country) can you physically harm another human and not get arrested or at least sued? A grown adult could throw the first punch and if you hit back and significantly hurt them, you could get sued or arrested. But when a child doesn't act the way you want them to, you can whip, paddle, smack or spank them and all is right with the world? How people can even defend hurting children because their own parenting skills/self control is lacking, is infuriating to me. If your spouse did something awful like have an affair, would you hit them? If you did, you would most certainly get arrested. Many people would go into a blind rage if they found something like that out. It's not right but I can understand why one would be brought to the point of uncontrollable violence. A child painting the walls, breaking the tv, etc. are not life changing events that should set off the same reaction as a spouse having an affair. Sure take away your kid's dessert for a year! Take away all of his favorite toys! But for the love of your child, do not cause them physical harm. The sad part? Even if you did hurt them, you wouldn't get arrested unless it's bad enough to get noticed. How is that just? Your spouse can do something so ghastly that a lot of people would think, "Yeah, I'd hit the creep too!" but you would still get arrested. Yet your child can do something as little as break a vase and you can hit your defenseless child for it and not get in any trouble at all. Society just accepts adults acting like monsters to their children. It's sick. <br /><br />Other than the size and strength difference between child and parent, the other reason spanking is absolutely wrong, is the fact that the part of the brain that deals with reason and consequence, isn't even fully developed until the mid-twenties. How can you expect a child to ALWAYS think ahead and realize all the outcomes of every decision they ever make?! You are hitting your child because their brain isn't developed enough. The impatient and/or un-educated parent will spank. The correct choice is to take the opportunity to talk to your child about consequence. Your child runs into the street. You hit him then say, "A car could have hit you!" Or you pull them aside and talk about cars and how they go fast and how it's hard for drivers to see children and what would happen if a car hit them. Which scenario will stick with them? Every child I have ever worked with, the scenario that doesn't involve hitting them has worked great for me. They're more likely to remember the lesson as well. It's an added bonus to not shaming a child.<br /><br />Also, I just read in your comments, and I've also seen it in other places over the years, that some parents put hot sauce or soap in their child's mouth when they say something the parent doesn't like. That is cruel and unusual punishment. These are belittling and malicious treatments of the very people parents care the most about. How one can voluntarily die to save their child, yet cause them physical and long term emotional pain because they did something the parent wasn't happy with, is so bewildering to me.Bonnienoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24756113.post-51229805024255967672010-11-29T00:53:40.031-06:002010-11-29T00:53:40.031-06:00(Sorry about missing Part 2. Blogger was acting fu...(Sorry about missing Part 2. Blogger was acting funny when I submitted my comments. I actually had submitted each one twice. Guess Pt2 didn't make it. -Bonnie)<br /><br />[Part 2] In what other situation (in this country) can you physically harm another human and not get arrested or at least sued? A grown adult could throw the first punch and if you hit back and significantly hurt them, you could get sued or arrested. But when a child doesn't act the way you want them to, you can whip, paddle, smack or spank them and all is right with the world? How people can even defend hurting children because their own parenting skills/self control is lacking, is infuriating to me. If your spouse did something awful like have an affair, would you hit them? If you did, you would most certainly get arrested. Many people would go into a blind rage if they found something like that out. It's not right but I can understand why one would be brought to the point of uncontrollable violence. A child painting the walls, breaking the tv, etc. are not life changing events that should set off the same reaction as a spouse having an affair. Sure take away your kid's dessert for a year! Take away all of his favorite toys! But for the love of your child, do not cause them physical harm. The sad part? Even if you did hurt them, you wouldn't get arrested unless it's bad enough to get noticed. How is that just? Your spouse can do something so ghastly that a lot of people would think, "Yeah, I'd hit the creep too!" but you would still get arrested. Yet your child can do something as little as break a vase and you can hit your defenseless child for it and not get in any trouble at all. Society just accepts adults acting like monsters to their children. It's sick. <br /><br />Other than the size and strength difference between child and parent, the other reason spanking is absolutely wrong, is the fact that the part of the brain that deals with reason and consequence, isn't even fully developed until the mid-twenties. How can you expect a child to ALWAYS think ahead and realize all the outcomes of every decision they ever make?! You are hitting your child because their brain isn't developed enough. The impatient and/or un-educated parent will spank. The correct choice is to take the opportunity to talk to your child about consequence. Your child runs into the street. You hit him then say, "A car could have hit you!" Or you pull them aside and talk about cars and how they go fast and how it's hard for drivers to see children and what would happen if a car hit them. Which scenario will stick with them? Every child I have ever worked with, the scenario that doesn't involve hitting them has worked great for me. They're more likely to remember the lesson as well. It's an added bonus to not shaming a child.<br /><br />Also, I just read in your comments, and I've also seen it in other places over the years, that some parents put hot sauce or soap in their child's mouth when they say something the parent doesn't like. That is cruel and unusual punishment. These are belittling and malicious treatments of the very people parents care the most about. How one can voluntarily die to save their child, yet cause them physical and long term emotional pain because they did something the parent wasn't happy with, is so bewildering to me.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24756113.post-41973722376218212842010-11-24T06:46:28.485-06:002010-11-24T06:46:28.485-06:00Jen,
There were so many comments here I am not su...Jen,<br /><br />There were so many comments here I am not sure if this was there or not.... after the punishment (spanking, grounding, etc.) I would definitely make them write a note of apology AND walk up to that person and explain what they did and they KNOW it was wrong and that they are sorry for disrespecting their mother and throwing her kids toys and ask for forgiveness. And then ask if they can try again to come over to that person's house and that they WILL behave the next time!<br /><br />I have done this with my 5 year old and while he could not write the entire note I wrote it for him, read it to him until he understood what it meant and made him sign it. Since mine misbehaved at church and disrespected an adult and hit and/or scared the living daylights out of three kids in his class I made him walk in the Sunday night choir ight and walk up to each person with several other kids and adults around. And ask that person if they could hug them. I had to give a nudge with each of the three kids and 2 adults (although only one adult was disrecpected I made him apologize to our Children't Director also. And told him if he did it again, he'd do this again and write a letter to our PASTOR!!! Knock on wood we have not had this problem again.<br /><br />My son "wrote" 5 notes and made 5 personal apologies. In your case since there is multiple offenders I would make them write a note and apologize individually (each child to each person, yep 2 kids + parents might means 4 apologies AND 4 notes for EACH of your children) and maybe even apologize to the husband too!<br /><br />AngieAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24756113.post-88965174519823703272010-11-23T21:24:19.462-06:002010-11-23T21:24:19.462-06:00I really feel you should have trusted your husband...I really feel you should have trusted your husbands judgment and gone home to put your foot up. Or at least taken the other mother up on her offer to bring them home in another hour or so. Sometimes, rowdy time in the basement is a very good thing. I hope I don't sound rude here because I don't mean it that way, but you came into a situation where the rules of the game were already in motion. I think you would have maintained more power by observing for a while before inserting yourself and trying to take control. I don't know what you did in the end but by the time you got in the car, you had already lost and were then having to work extra hard to regain control. That could have been avoided. I see the other side of this too. You are their mother and they should respect and listen to you all the time, no matter what. You are right to feel that way. In the end I think you gain a stronger sense of respect from children by also knowing when to "let it ride" for a bit.<br /><br />I'm a single dad of three wonderful kids. And by wonderful, I don't mean well-behaved all the time. In all honesty, I would have probably reacted much like you did when they started testing me, but I feel I would have suffered the same outcome and have been better off with a slower extraction. Kind of like using warm water to cool off a freshly boiled egg. You used cold water first and cracked the shell.Roberthttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01301790353542938660noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24756113.post-36409352924953584332010-11-23T13:53:29.640-06:002010-11-23T13:53:29.640-06:00I sort of dislike these can of worm topics, but in...I sort of dislike these can of worm topics, but in the interest of the outside chance that just one parent out there who's reading might spare their child the shame and humiliation, I'll add my two cents. <br /><br />I don't understand those who say, "I spank. But never in anger. Only after I've cooled down." Okaaayyy. A spank is a spank. Is the thought process that it's a calm, rationale, well thought-out hit? I'm sure the difference to the child is negligible.<br /><br />Nor do I understand those who see no shame in yelling. Been there, done that, hate it when I do. I remind myself how I would like it if someone tried to motivate me by yelling at me. Whether it be my parent, my spouse, my friend, my boss. Quite frankly it would make me want to do the opposite of what they want me to do. Fear is the only thing that would override the yelling or spanking (as a motivator to get me to behave). And who wants to parent that way? Not me. <br /><br />What do you have when you take away yelling and spanking? Still some difficult parenting moments, but that doesn't mean that either one of those is necessary or the answer. <br /><br />I'm certainly not a perfect parent; I know when I've made mistakes, and am not afraid to learn from them.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24756113.post-21298589597299263302010-11-23T13:51:15.038-06:002010-11-23T13:51:15.038-06:00I would have spanked them. sorry but that kind of...I would have spanked them. sorry but that kind of disrespect deserves a consequence that they can understand. you can't explain how you felt about it, that isnt a consequence to them! they arent going to understand the situation or "your side". thats absolutely silly to think that could ever work. real consequences. spank.*Tina*https://www.blogger.com/profile/11370497709858705287noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24756113.post-57004083851498775972010-11-23T12:39:19.201-06:002010-11-23T12:39:19.201-06:00Wow! I can't believe I'm back and that thi...Wow! I can't believe I'm back and that this thread is on my mind so much. I've tried to analyze why this whole thing hits me the way it does.<br />I think it's because there is such division among mothers. <br />When my kids were little, I absolutely hated being judged by other moms - I always thought "I'm not done; give me time to raise them and then look at the end result." Of course, I was judging them too and I so regret it. In talking to other moms with whom I've walked this parenting journey for all these years, one thing we all seem to agree on is that we regret judging each other; we should have just accepted each others' differences and known we all had our kids' best interest at heart (barring abuse, of course, but that was not something that we were faced with)<br />Parenting is so hard without the mommy wars. It's always something with us moms and every topic ignites such passion - breast feeding, working vs non-working, homeschooling, c-sections, spanking, playdates, food choices, the list goes on and on. I think what I see in this thread is so many blanket statements on both sides - and I certainly hope I'm not coming across that way because I don't want to be that way.<br />I've seen many kids who were raised in many different ways - kids who have gone from pre-school to high school graduation with my kids. The thing is there are good kids and "not so good kids" coming out of all different homes, regardless of the parents' choice of discipline.<br /><br />However you handled the situation that prompted this blog, don't live in regret. If you realized you should have done it differently, then do so next time. If you felt the result was what you wanted and the actions you took were right, stand by your decision.HWhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09260566913424446132noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24756113.post-80072932551246618492010-11-23T11:16:06.774-06:002010-11-23T11:16:06.774-06:00Jessica -
Thanks for the apology - it is accepted....Jessica -<br />Thanks for the apology - it is accepted. Although I doubt it was actually necessary as you said spanking is a charged subject.<br /><br />I certainly don't think spanking made my kids into good young adults, especially since each of them probably received about 6 in their lives. We are parents who disciplined quickly and firmly - usually with fervent talks and clear guidelines on our expectations. We were sure to always do our best to add mercy and quick forgivenss in with our punishment, whether they were four or 18. As they became older we tried to let them know that their mistakes do not make them the person that they are - they will not be defined by their mistakes. However, we made them be accountable.<br /><br />The interesting thing is, as spanking comes up on blogs such as this, I will actually ask my kids, "do you feel betrayed or resentful that you were spanked?" And they both kind of laugh and say "uh...no." Perhaps we've just been lucky that we didn't ruin them with those swats on the hind end. <br /><br />Bonnie -<br />I don't think all children who were spanked are going to end up resenting their parents; althought I do appreciate all the information you have to share. Perhaps our comeuppance is still to be had but our 19-year-old son is in the United States Marine Corps and has every excuse to remove himself from us - due to distance and duty. He, however, calls us frequently, shares his big and little news with us and absolutely ADORES his father - ends every call with "I love you mom and dad" I will confess, also, that I know without a doubt he loves and respects me. <br /><br />Bottom line, I think kids can turn out just fine whether they are spanked (in the 'right' way) or not. The priority is discipline of some kind to make them grow up to be pleasant members of society.HWhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09260566913424446132noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24756113.post-18860893653024878062010-11-23T11:10:08.775-06:002010-11-23T11:10:08.775-06:00My kids are living proof that spanking is not nece...My kids are living proof that spanking is not necessary. They are 2 of the most well behaved 5 year-olds I've ever known (pat self on back). (For the record, I made the mistake of spanking them when they were about 2 and HATED the feeling) and knew I would never do it again. Someone here mentioned that "you think they care in that moment when you try to reason with them?"...well maybe not, but I'm sure they'd rather you talk to them then hit them. I'm quite sure they don't care to be hit, even if they aren't following your "logic" every minute of the day. Bonnie is right on.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24756113.post-17650793070228666492010-11-23T07:48:48.293-06:002010-11-23T07:48:48.293-06:00Bonnie - I think we're missing Section 2. Plea...Bonnie - I think we're missing Section 2. Please let me know, I like to read what you had to say. <br /><br />Anon @ 8.24 - I totally agree about respect, but for the record, I only carried the triplets for 30 weeks. Not quite nine months, but I still gained 100 pounds. And I nursed them until I BLED. So, yes those are all important things to consider.The Amazing Tripshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13761348688069779544noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24756113.post-31999238524338548052010-11-23T07:24:44.457-06:002010-11-23T07:24:44.457-06:00How can anyone tell you what to do? Thankfully I o...How can anyone tell you what to do? Thankfully I only had one at a time. NOT THREE. who would misbehave.<br /><br />They make mistakes. You make mistakes. <br /><br />The sticks are definitely out!! AND William calling you names? Oh No! Does he know what you've done for him? YOU carried him and his sisters for 9 months! AND Labored for weeks! YOU were sick! Don't let them forget it! <br /><br />Everyone laughs because I tell my sons! It's all about <br />R-E-S-P-E-C-T. <br /><br />YOU are their Mother. (and Charlie needs to let them know as well) They are Never allowed to talk to you like that! Period.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24756113.post-6524345959462362492010-11-22T23:40:48.155-06:002010-11-22T23:40:48.155-06:00[Part 4] Here's an example of why an education...[Part 4] Here's an example of why an education on child development is imperative to parenting. I had issues with my son lying all the time when he around four years old. I took privileges away and did time outs. Nothing would make him stop lying. I talked with a friend about it who is also educated in early childhood development. She reminded me small children lie because they actually think the lies they tell are actually changing the event. I changed the my approach with my son and explained in detail how a lie is bad and if he did a bad thing, lying will only make everything worse. After a couple of reminders (Small children don't get things immediately so it's important to not hit them because of it.) he stopped lying all the time. Stop being lazy and just talk to your child. If you don't know what to say then research it. Your child acts out of a reason. Figure it out instead of hurting them for it.<br /><br />If one continues to spank their children, they need to prepare for the day their child educates themselves and realizes their parents were actually not as great of parents as they thought. Or maybe they'll never educate themselves and just mimic the parenting they experienced and start the cycle of pain and shame with their own children and defend the way they were brought up because they were brainwashed to think bringing pain to someone three times smaller and much weaker than you, is an acceptable act.<br /><br />-Bonnie (not my real name)Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24756113.post-16735461819152676842010-11-22T23:37:29.848-06:002010-11-22T23:37:29.848-06:00[Part 3] I've also heard, "I was spanked ...[Part 3] I've also heard, "I was spanked and my parents are great parents and I think I deserved all those spankings." Wow! What a coincidence! You just so happen to mimic and agree with the only parenting style you have ever experienced! Come on.<br /><br />Another defense of spanking is, "Well, I was spanked as a child and I turned out fine!" Yes, that could be true. There are many people that were raped as children and they turned out fine too. That is hardly a reason to make child rape legal and acceptable. <br /><br />I may have forgotten a couple of the pro-spanking excuses I've heard over the years. If so, I'll be glad to inform anyone why their excuse is factually wrong and why hitting a child is never a good thing. If you think it is, please in all seriousness, take a child development or parenting class and not one affiliated with a religious group. Religious holy texts are filled with barbaric parenting rules. A lot of parenting advisement on punishment that the Bible gives, would get you prison time these days. Getting a thorough education in child development prepared me for parenting like nothing else ever could. During those frustrating parenting moments, instead of wanting to hit my child, I have compassion for them. I know what they're thinking and why they have the logic they have. The important thing is that I know it's completely normal. The idea of causing them physical pain for doing something they were built to do, breaks my heart. Here's an example of why an education on child development is imperative to parenting. I had issues with my son lying all the time when he around four years old. I took privileges away and did time outs. Nothing would make him stop lying. I talked with a friend about it who is also educated in early childhood development. She reminded me small children lie because they actually think the lies they tell are actually changing the event. I changed the my approach with my son and explained in detail how a lie is bad and if he did a bad thing, lying will only make everything worse. After a couple of reminders (Small children don't get things immediately so it's important to not hit them because of it.) he stopped lying all the time. Stop being lazy and just talk to your child. If you don't know what to say then research it. Your child acts out of a reason. Figure it out instead of hurting them for it.<br /><br />If one continues to spank their children, they need to prepare for the day their child educates themselves and realizes their parents were actually not as great of parents as they thought. Or maybe they'll never educate themselves and just mimic the parenting they experienced and start the cycle of pain and shame with their own children and defend the way they were brought up because they were brainwashed to think bringing pain to someone three times smaller and much weaker than you, is an acceptable act.<br /><br />-Bonnie (not my real name)Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24756113.post-50029986362797852572010-11-22T23:33:28.247-06:002010-11-22T23:33:28.247-06:00[Part 1] Jen, I just want to say that I'm a lo...[Part 1] Jen, I just want to say that I'm a long time reader and have commented many times before but because I don't want pro-spanking people to harass me. (It's happened before which is actually fitting of the group's characteristics.) I'm leaving this comment without signing into any of my accounts. I just didn't want you to think that this comment was left anonymous because I didn't believe in it enough to leave my name. I absolutely do. I just don't like the negativity that follows me around because I disagree with someone. On to the comment: <br /><br />(Any "you"s used in this comment are not directed to anyone in particular.)<br /><br />I'm very anti-spanking. It's something I am extremely passionate about. I have an education in early childhood development and have worked with hundreds of children ranging from six weeks to 12 years old for over a decade. (Not to mention I have two children myself.) I have worked with children whose parent's spanked and those whose didn't. Almost always, the children who were spanked seemed to be a bit more stressed than the children who weren't. They, also, usually hit their peers more often and had all around more behavioral issues than the children who weren't spanked. Violence begets violence. Being violent to another human is disrespectful. Disrespect begets disrespect. So violence also begets disrespect.<br /><br />I've always thought that children hit to get their points across and parents should prove that they're better problem solvers and all around smarter than their children and punish in a way that doesn't involve physically harming a child who by the way, in case one forgets, is significantly weaker and smaller than the parent.<br /><br />It truly saddens me that there are so many who proudly admit to striking their children. I've had this debate before and I've heard all sorts of excuses from, the Bible says to hit your kids from "I have to show my children that I'm in charge!" Really the reason they spank, weather they realize it or not, is because they have no patience to take a moment and talk with their child and would rather get out their own frustrations and use their hands instead of their words. (The very thing we teach children NOT to do.) Parents can talk themselves into thinking it's for the child's benefit all they want, but the vast amount of evidence says it's not. If it's not the frustrations of the parent and they truly don't spank while angry, then what is stopping them from choosing a proven non-violent form of discipline? Laziness or are they really just hitting because they're angry? It's one or the other. Well actually, it could just be pure ignorance. As if they have never learned anything about basic child development. I'll tell you what spanking is not. It's in no way beneficial to a child and it teaches them nothing but to fear their parents. I prefer my children not to flinch when I'm angry with them.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24756113.post-58754940093188684112010-11-22T22:54:38.480-06:002010-11-22T22:54:38.480-06:00I already responded once, but I wanted to get back...I already responded once, but I wanted to get back to something that Jenn Mc said: "Um...reading some of the comments made me laugh. Especially talking/explaining to them about their behavior/how you feel. In that moment, they DONT CARE. Its a power struggle and bless you, yours was X3!!! We have taken things away and that doesn't seem to phase our little one." <br />I totally agree with that if you are talking about right at the moment where they are being the most naughty. However, I think most of us who advocated using guilt trips were talking about later once the kids were in the car or at home. Two of my three kids feel HORRIBLE when they realize that they've done something to make me sad and it's a powerful motivator for next time around. (The other one, not so much, but he's really easy to motivate with 'no video games' most of the time). <br />(and btw, I'm not a 'never-spanker' either, though I've found for me personally that once I allow spanking to be a part of the arsenal I had a hard time not doing it when I was angry. )Anitahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09310975094601741976noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24756113.post-24802442817709619742010-11-22T22:07:07.435-06:002010-11-22T22:07:07.435-06:00HW -
Sorry for the offense. Spanking is a very c...HW -<br /><br />Sorry for the offense. Spanking is a very charged topic (Jenna's seen me go a few rounds on it before so I am sure she is NOT surprised) - and I guess I was shocked to see the comments on this thread seemed to me to be shockingly predominately "spank 'em" comments? I did not feel the situation Jenna was writing about was that severe - so I was especially shocked to see the go-to spanking suggestions abound in such a scenario? I have 5 year old triplets myself (and an older child) and feel I have a pretty good understanding of the special kind of stress they can invoke . . . . and the situation was a bummer for sure. . .but not the worst either . . . IMHO<br /><br />Anyway, Dobson is a hot button for me. We will likely never change each others minds - but that book went right in the trash in my house - literally, it is probably the only book I have ever actually thrown away. And I will note that it was given to me by a beloved and wonderful sister-in-law who herself is a wonderful mother who I admire greatly . . . so there you go . . <br /><br />In any event, I note you said you spanked very rarely and that your kids have turned out great. I leave you with one thought - perhaps it was not the rare spankings your children received from you that turned them out so well - but perhaps it was everything else you are doing that yielded those results. You must just be a good mother . . . . <br /><br />JessicaAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24756113.post-34262108617324064692010-11-22T18:38:15.665-06:002010-11-22T18:38:15.665-06:00What really surprises me is how many here advocate...What really surprises me is how many here advocate spanking. I am all for it as well, I turned out well with just a few instances of spanking, but it seems like it's such a taboo thing anymore and everyone is afraid to admit they do it. It's interesting to see how many support it!<br /><br />I'm not even a mother, just a teacher, and I want to pull my hair out all the time! I think you've gotten some great advice and can't wait to see how you handled it.<br /><br />And I'm glad a follow up visit with the neighbor (and wine!) went well!scarfoot79https://www.blogger.com/profile/01291250114236372321noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24756113.post-67178126900754358172010-11-22T18:03:16.819-06:002010-11-22T18:03:16.819-06:00I sure hope all those ugly comments that some peop...I sure hope all those ugly comments that some people think they need to leave.......doesn't scare you off from continuing to blog.<br /><br />It is too bad that there are those that can't just answer the question: "what would you do" as opposed to attacking you.....Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24756113.post-712373537921301492010-11-22T16:56:39.577-06:002010-11-22T16:56:39.577-06:00I just have to say that I love that you are as &qu...I just have to say that I love that you are as "psychotic" as my husband and I are. And rightly so.<br /><br />As a former CPS worker in San Diego, you have no idea the number of cases that came across my desk - never published to the community as a whole - involving young children and neighbors or family friends. <br /><br />As a parent of four, all under five - you can bet that based on my experience - my children will never attend a playdate alone to a family that my husband and I don't know extensively. I don't want to be a statistic, and I NEVER want say, "if I had only...". <br /><br />It's great that some of your readers are perfectly comfortable sending their children to stranger's homes, simply because they appear to be perfectly capable parents. But appearances can be deceiving. If someone else is more comfortable with doing that - more power to them. However, I consider being called overprotective a compliment. <br /><br />In terms of this situation - you did what you could at the time. I would have most likely handled it the same way... seething the whole time and being incredibly embaressed by my children's behavior. I would have tried to be as rational as possible... but that's not always an option ;)Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24756113.post-58269935067897776412010-11-22T15:24:59.360-06:002010-11-22T15:24:59.360-06:00Jen!
Listen to Dr Ray Guarendi it will help you ...Jen! <br /><br />Listen to Dr Ray Guarendi it will help you so much! Here is the web site. http://www.drray.com He is on the radio and has books too. This man is a real father of 10 adopted children. <br /><br />Spanking...Yes! after a cool down. You hope! Hard to remember sometimes. You will not upset their self esteem. That is silly...I often wonder if the people that write these parenting books have children in the first place. <br /><br />Before I take parenting advice I want to know 4 things: 1.)Does this person have children 2.)How many children do they have? 3.) Do these children live with them or an X?...Did they raise the children? 4.) How old are the children? and what do the children do now.<br /><br />Your kids are not bad kids. In my opinion their smart. In this incident ~ They were very naughty. They looked at you and thought "What is she going to do? She is hurt and this lady is here...Just look at her. She can't move! We win!" <br /><br />Carolyn's Smirking ~ Ugggg not a fan of the smirking myself...She got ya. So what! It happens to us all. It's called parenting! It's not for weak! Sometimes you win, sometimes you have to step back and regroup... more often then you want too. Regrouping is okay, it's part of life. <br /><br />talk to you soon! <br /><br />Love meLisahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04395804927366343180noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24756113.post-39395761651471162462010-11-22T14:44:16.153-06:002010-11-22T14:44:16.153-06:00Jen, I probably would have done the same thing as ...Jen, I probably would have done the same thing as you. Not the ideal situation, but flat out defiance and tantrum throwings are just not acceptable behaviors in our home. I came from an abused childhood, so spanking was always on my NO list. Until I had a three year old. It's a necessary evil sometimes. :-( I hate it, but it's effective in the right circumstance.<br /><br />One thing I will mention though that is worth a bit of advice: get some rest. <br /><br />I have made the choice to stay home (and drain our savings - eeps) and quit my well-paying FT job three months ago. I'm shocked at how tiring it is to be a FT SAHM mommy. The nights I don't get rest, you can guarantee that the next day will be hard on me and the boys. My tolerance is lower and the boys thrive on pushing my buttons. They know my weaknesses so much more. Strange, but true.<br /><br />I know that you have a lot on your plate and it's hard to prioritize. But, even if you can't eliminate anything off your to-do list, just know until it's gone, these situations might be more regular. You're revamping an old home, raising children, working a high profile NEW job, attempting to make new friends, find new doctors, dentists, etc. Your lack of rest is probably killing you on all these fronts.<br /><br />Make a bedtime for yourself and stick to it. The house will still need paint next month and if you're in that neighborhood for a few years, you have plenty of time to make new friends and neighbors. I hate to say it, because I totally feel like your mother. But you aren't taking care of yourself. I don't even know you and it shows through your words. Get some rest. Eat better. Drinks lots of water. Get more rest.AWhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07976537861843058177noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24756113.post-2409364883137933522010-11-22T13:58:24.349-06:002010-11-22T13:58:24.349-06:00I realize I am late to this convo and I hope I am ...I realize I am late to this convo and I hope I am not deleted b/c I have nothing novel to add on how I would have dealt with this situation, other than to say, I would not spank.<br /><br />And this is why.<br /><br />My son is autistic. But I didn't know that when he was 18 months. Or two years old. Or even three years old (he just turned 5 years old). His autism was not so severe that he couldn't talk (although he has huge expressive language issue), but he definitely had (and continues to have) major issues with receptive language. Google it, "receptive language autism". <br /><br />I didn't understand it myself until he was diagnosed. And all of sudden, his "willful", "stubborn", "spoiled", "terrible" behavior made sense. I still suffer over my memories of spanking him so HARD when he would keep pouring water out of the tub onto the bathroom floor when he was only 2. Knowing what I know now, if only I could do it all over. I pray he doesn't remember.<br /><br />I know this advice doesn't apply to you, Jen, as your kids are now 6 and they are not autistic, but for anyone else who reads your blog whose child is younger, please, please think twice before spanking them. <br /><br />There are other ways to get the message across. If there ever was a way to confuse a child (autistic or not), it is to subject them to violence (which is what spanking is, sorry, no other way to define it)while insisting that they do otherwise (use your gentle hands).<br /><br />Thanks for reading; so sorry the kids are giving you a hard time about this! <br /><br />JDinTLHJD in TLHnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24756113.post-35738222711986060342010-11-22T13:52:10.471-06:002010-11-22T13:52:10.471-06:00i don't think anyone without triplets can cond...i don't think anyone without triplets can condem what you did at all, wrangling one child is a whole different ball game.i expect your children are very aware they have you outnumbered!Everyone loses their temper you wouldn't be human otherwise.we can only learn from experiences and you did all the right things by the sounds of it warnings etc, they would probably have been the same after a 5 hour playdate children don't want fun to end.sometimes we all have to do things we don't want to that's life! keep up the good work you sound a fun mum <br /><br />Donna (uk)Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24756113.post-58791077678369388402010-11-22T13:34:04.135-06:002010-11-22T13:34:04.135-06:00Instead of rushing there and demanding to take you...Instead of rushing there and demanding to take your children home you should have taken this opportunity to get to know this Mom. If your kids were too much for her she would have called Charlie. What's your issue with letting your child go??/ Did something happen to you as a kid?? Also, once you were there you needed to give them more time to prepare to leave. They were having a blast and you pulled them away from that. They were angry with you and acted that out. In my eyes, you were in the wrong and not your children.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com