tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24756113.post4016112342429159879..comments2024-03-18T18:00:25.042-05:00Comments on The Amazing Trips: my open letter to dear abbyThe Amazing Tripshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13761348688069779544noreply@blogger.comBlogger35125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24756113.post-13685516859734003602007-08-21T07:18:00.000-05:002007-08-21T07:18:00.000-05:00Yikes. It's almost a little weird that they're pu...Yikes. It's almost a little weird that they're pushing so hard. I think I would just say, "Oh, you are SO nice, but we really want our whole family around during this Special Time. But you're welcome to join us!"<BR/><BR/>I wouldn't really want anyone taking just one of my kids away. I'd feel funny about it. Not because of anything about the toddlers being twins--I'd feel the same way about any of my singletons.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24756113.post-73224405819696343922007-08-19T18:09:00.000-05:002007-08-19T18:09:00.000-05:00I didn't take the time to read other comments befo...I didn't take the time to read other comments before hand so I hope that I am not repeat upon repeat. But consistently you write my seniments on life so well. I battled with this topic from the moment my son was born and hurt many a feeling but still ask me if I care. Can't they even begin to imagin the STRESS that will cause. Anyhow I LOVE how you stick to your guns. I suggest you print this and hand it over to the family member, ( okay minus a few lines:) ALL family members. Ps now that he is a teenager, my phone is NOT ringing???? You two sure are a danga good parents!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24756113.post-48624479591952808272007-08-17T05:27:00.000-05:002007-08-17T05:27:00.000-05:00Jenn, I totally agree with you and your husband on...Jenn, I totally agree with you and your husband on this one. This would be me and my answer as well. My parents who I let come over here (they are from Italy originally) do everything for my two boys but the driving and taking my son(s) to their house or in the car is a different story. My mom can change diapers, cook for them, play with them, read to them but it's just the separation and them being in a different place. My boys are both in 5pt harness too. :) (ages 2 and 4) You know me as S~NJ on C's bb.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24756113.post-10456696960801189902007-08-15T21:13:00.000-05:002007-08-15T21:13:00.000-05:00You're the mom. You know best.Trust your gut.Stick...You're the mom. <BR/>You know best.<BR/>Trust your gut.<BR/>Stick to your guns.<BR/>They will get over it.Anniehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16086032464399891964noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24756113.post-8398464781744903002007-08-15T18:56:00.000-05:002007-08-15T18:56:00.000-05:00My daughter will be 17 next week. My sister has be...My daughter will be 17 next week. My sister has been wanting to take her to NJ where she lives for the last couple of summers to visit(we are in Ohio). A few weeks ago she finally went for a week and I cried the first 2 hours and then held the phone in my hand the next 7 days.....only dialing my daughters cell phone 2 or 3 times a day...most days.<BR/>Yesterday my 19 year old son came home from work so excited to let me know he had found an apartment in a town about 45 minutes from here. I didn't puke or cry (until later) because it is near where he works and the school he wants to transfer to) but I am miserable. My point is in doesn't get a whole lot easier.katyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17344546666806346254noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24756113.post-18006409608942224702007-08-15T09:39:00.000-05:002007-08-15T09:39:00.000-05:00dear uptight,I am with you, and i think your relat...dear uptight,<BR/>I am with you, and i think your relatives are being unreasonable. They had children (I assume) and got to raise them the way they wanted. Now it's your turn.<BR/><BR/>We do leave our children for the evening almost every week with trusted baby-sitters. <BR/>Never over night. And some of them are teenagers!<BR/><BR/>trust yourself.Lanahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09393672416950722780noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24756113.post-57095627986071498632007-08-15T09:26:00.000-05:002007-08-15T09:26:00.000-05:00I feel the same way. My husband and I have only g...I feel the same way. My husband and I have only gone out ONE TIME in the past 5 years. We don't leave our children-even with family. We're also 650 miles from family so luckily we don't have to say "no" very often. We've invited family to come here but it only happens about once a year.heather@it'stwinsanityhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04708748834406020093noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24756113.post-3011947163107779152007-08-15T00:33:00.000-05:002007-08-15T00:33:00.000-05:00If these two relatives truly respected you, they w...If these two relatives truly respected you, they would not continue to pressure you to let them take one of your children away. It sounds like they want to assert control over you and your children, but that is not their right.<BR/><BR/>Also, it is not their right to put a guilt trip on you. They can bond with the children in your home and your neighborhood, not their home and their neighborhood.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24756113.post-71013828102979810452007-08-14T23:10:00.000-05:002007-08-14T23:10:00.000-05:00I'm with the two commenters who are wondering why ...I'm with the two commenters who are wondering why the relatives are pushing so hard to "bond" with your son but not your daughters...? Kind of ouchy for the slighted girls, dontcha think?<BR/><BR/>As for the 6-Hours-Away thing, that's an easy NO FLIPPIN WAY---and you know I let my DH's mother drive my kids around town all the time.<BR/><BR/>-DebbieAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24756113.post-43256971315012408252007-08-14T20:21:00.000-05:002007-08-14T20:21:00.000-05:00I say go with your instincts. However, I have no p...I say go with your instincts. However, I have no problem with my children spending the night with either of their grandmas...but they both live within 20 minutes of my home. If it were me I would allow them to take the kid(s) for a half day or something similar while they are in town. Not overnight and certainly not out of state. I also thought it was very weird that they only wanted to take William. But, whatever you do decide...you are their parents and it is ultimately YOUR decision. You know what is best for your kids.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24756113.post-32517457870906792222007-08-14T19:30:00.000-05:002007-08-14T19:30:00.000-05:00You are right. They are too young. This is a no-br...You are right. They are too young. This is a no-brainer, in my book, and not even worth a letter to Abby. <BR/><BR/>It might be okay with some people, but if you're uncomfortable with it for your family (as I would be, too), then it's not worth wasting any more energy on. <BR/><BR/>Tell your relatives you love them dearly, and are thrilled they want to be close to your kids, but right now they're just too young for what they are suggesting. It's hard for me to understand why they continue to push the idea, even after knowing that it makes you uncomfortable. THAT makes ME uncomfortable.<BR/><BR/>Consider telling them, too, that you're afraid if they keep pushing for this, in spite of the fact that you are so uncomfortable with the idea, it might cause a rift in your relationship. And that you don't want that to happen because they are such special people to you.<BR/><BR/>LeslieAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24756113.post-28490798507193483382007-08-14T19:26:00.000-05:002007-08-14T19:26:00.000-05:00I would simply tell them that you have broached th...I would simply tell them that you have broached the subject with your darling son and he seemed upset by the idea of the separation. <BR/><BR/>IMHO this is an extremely bad idea and I am quite surprised that anyone would be willing to take this on. THere is about a 99% chance that William will (rightly) throw a screaming fit when he realizes that he is supposed to spend the night at these lovely peoples' homes, and while a 15 minutes trip across town to retrieve your toddler if this happens would not be that big a deal, a 6 hour differential is NOT ACCEPTABLE as there will be no way to undo this situation once it occurs.<BR/><BR/>Frankly I'm surprised that anyone would even make this request. <BR/><BR/>Still pressuting you? Simply say in your most pleasant voice "we know you think we are crazy, and maybe we are, but it's really not open for any further discussion".Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24756113.post-69810082887860558672007-08-14T18:59:00.000-05:002007-08-14T18:59:00.000-05:00Having spent 6 weeks with the amazing trips, I wou...Having spent 6 weeks with the amazing trips, I would not feel comfortable taking them in a automobile. It is too much responsibility and as you know, I never attempted to drive them anyplace. Yes, I loved walking to the Park and the Pool, but in a car---No-way. Even when we walked the dog, I had to put a harness on Elizabeth because she would run away from me. <BR/>With my children, (that is you) I never left you out of my sight until you were almost 18 Yrs.(It must have seemed like that to you.)<BR/> I just thought I would miss you and I did not want you to be away from me. <BR/>I understand your feeling and appreciate that others might love to share in the fun of the children, but I think it would be great in your backyard.<BR/>MOMAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24756113.post-73685166460926013542007-08-14T17:44:00.000-05:002007-08-14T17:44:00.000-05:00I also find it strange that they only want William...I also find it strange that they only want William AND that they specified they wanted him... Not we'd like to take one of the kids.. I allowed my in-laws to take my 3 year old and found that my mother in-law wanted him so that she could teach him all of the things that she thinks are lacking in his life. Imposing her religious views etc. Just wondering what their motivation is?Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24756113.post-74437890879845743722007-08-14T16:04:00.000-05:002007-08-14T16:04:00.000-05:00I have a friend that has two lovely little girls. ...I have a friend that has two lovely little girls. Last summer when her girls were 4 and 2 they decided to go to Vegas for the weekend. They left their children with me and my husband. It was the best weekend of my life. Prior to that she had a major surgery and had to be on bedrest for 3 months. I watched her girls everyday. I still had errands to run and things to do and so I drove them around town when they were 3 and 1. I know it's a scary thing to have to do. We've built a lot of trust with this family and it has always amazed me how she was able to let us do the things we do with them. Like I said, I know it's scary but we can experience growth by stepping outside our boundaries and doing things that are scary. With that said, your kids = your choice. The family should respect your choice even if they don't like it. Period.Emilyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16668765369326989354noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24756113.post-54466131210291856822007-08-14T15:20:00.000-05:002007-08-14T15:20:00.000-05:00Your kids, your choice. Period the end.When they g...Your kids, your choice. Period the end.<BR/><BR/>When they get older, it will be another choice and decision for you to make. As of now, you've made it and they need to respect it. Perhaps they can just take him out to dinner or something far shorter?Woman with Kidshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03097328663857446991noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24756113.post-51648666055942408042007-08-14T14:29:00.000-05:002007-08-14T14:29:00.000-05:00P.S. Why do they want William so badly too? Why n...P.S. Why do they want William so badly too? Why not one of the girls?Michele Shttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15061520456909635254noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24756113.post-58905651259785011982007-08-14T14:24:00.000-05:002007-08-14T14:24:00.000-05:00My triplets are nearly a year older than yours and...My triplets are nearly a year older than yours and I would never in a million years feel comfortable allowing one to go alone without Greg or I. It just wouldn't happen. Never. No way. Unless Greg and I were laying in a hospital and unable to move (God forbid), I can't see it happening. Nope. Now if someone wants to come to my house and watch all four kids for a few hours, they can have at it!!!!Michele Shttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15061520456909635254noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24756113.post-38403120090448544792007-08-14T14:07:00.000-05:002007-08-14T14:07:00.000-05:00Trust your instincts. *I* think William is too you...Trust your instincts. *I* think William is too young to go, and with all of the distance and health concerns of the folks taking him... no way. I also don't like that they are making you feel guilty for not letting William go. They should respect your decision, and not try to bully you into it.<BR/><BR/>hugsAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24756113.post-35816068482006169102007-08-14T13:27:00.000-05:002007-08-14T13:27:00.000-05:00You know, when my boys were 5 months old, my best ...You know, when my boys were 5 months old, my best bud and her husband took them for a day and night to their house. Mind you they were only 1 hour away but it did a world of good to me. I think that if someone closer to you (distance wise) and without the health problems had offered, you might agree. My best bud and her husband are very safe and I've learned everything about child safety from them so that made it so easy and natural to say yes. I agree with some of the other comments though, let him try one day at the hotel when they're in town. You know though, they probably want to show him off back home too. That's precious.<BR/><BR/>I think the 6 hour drive would scare me too but it's very touching that they are offering. <BR/><BR/>I'm torn....let us know what Abby says, I read her daily!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24756113.post-79923060399959629472007-08-14T13:07:00.000-05:002007-08-14T13:07:00.000-05:00let me preface my comments with, trust your instin...let me preface my comments with, trust your instincts. those mommy instincts are pretty good.<BR/><BR/>I'm pretty laid back and have had lots of help, even having grandparents or night nannies that I trust spend the night occasionally BUT i do not feel comfortable with other people driving my kids.<BR/><BR/>that said, I think it would be great for william to spend a half day or full day at a hotel with **trusted** relatives/friends. <BR/><BR/>i think it would be great for him to get individual time and you could spend more individual time with your other children. my trio are almost one year old and i try each week to take each on a one on one outing. to the grocery store, go get coffee, or a a birthday party. the other two stay with nanny or grandma. it really helps me bond with them and I think it is good for them too.<BR/><BR/>when they are older I want to start a daddy breakfast, where once a week (or more if schedule allows) he takes one child to breakfast before work for a special treat and individual time.<BR/><BR/>i work three days a week so my children are already in another's care for a significant amount of time. i've had to get over that. i can't afford a nanny with out working and i just don't feel like i could do it all on my own.<BR/><BR/>i do wish i could be more like you and some other triplet moms that i know that could spend 100% of my time with all three and not get worn out. i don't have it in me - yet. but maybe i will get better at this.<BR/><BR/>just my 2 cents.<BR/><BR/>jenniferHappy Homehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15709433682900249671noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24756113.post-17149217609797000112007-08-14T13:01:00.000-05:002007-08-14T13:01:00.000-05:00well, i guess i am in the opposite camp, altho i j...well, i guess i am in the opposite camp, altho i just have one. <BR/>a week after duncan's first birthday we dropped him of with my folks and went to Costa Rica for a week. it was fun but we were showing strangers his picture the whole time.Sarahhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04834515160054473107noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24756113.post-42203267253046827522007-08-14T12:52:00.000-05:002007-08-14T12:52:00.000-05:00I am the same way with my girls. My 5 year old ha...I am the same way with my girls. My 5 year old has only been away from us when we gave birth to her sister. I have such anxiety about leaving my kids with anyone, except my mother. You are not alone, and keep them close as long as they will let you! I am facing, right now, the sending off to preschool anxiety, and it's no fun! <BR/><BR/>I love reading your blog...Jennisa - Avery and Livvie's Mommy!https://www.blogger.com/profile/08085656610089135566noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24756113.post-32024805344887277062007-08-14T12:51:00.000-05:002007-08-14T12:51:00.000-05:00You're the mom, you know what's right for your chi...You're the mom, you know what's right for your children.<BR/><BR/>My son, who is 17 months, has only been away from me one time overnight (and only 1 night at that). He stayed with my parents. We go with him there a lot, so I make sure it is child-proofed. And my parents come here a lot, so they know him well. It was really hard leaving him with them, but it was good for us. And we were nearby should anything happen.<BR/><BR/>I would be reluctant to let out-of-town relatives take him that far. I totally agree with you. It sounds like your fears are completely warranted. Maybe when he's older it will be a differnt situation. Or if they just want to come take him to the park or zoo or something for a few hours...in your town. That's totally different than 6 hours away for 3 days. Yikes!Mommy Daisyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02272248293460562006noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24756113.post-88585487233503457112007-08-14T11:09:00.000-05:002007-08-14T11:09:00.000-05:00One of the great privileges of being the mom is......One of the great privileges of being the mom is... YOU get to do whatever you think is right. It doesn't matter what we think, or what anyone thinks -- they're your children. I know you don't want to hurt anyone's feelings, but just reiterate that this is "you, not them." <BR/><BR/>And for the record, I agree with you. <BR/><BR/>MichelleMhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04884718608716559228noreply@blogger.com